Hi everyone! So, I'll keep this short. I don't ever remember seeing a Self-Insert fic that's also a crossover, which I wanted to see very much so I decided to just write it. This fic is self-indulgent and I want to see the two worlds collide so world building will be important. The SI also has a few similarities to me, but it's mostly an OC. Story title is from dvoyd on tumblr [the link will be on my profile] I have gotten their permission to use the line for my fic. I don't like having author notes at the beginning of the story so all ANs will be at the bottom unless I need to address something. This fic is on ao3 if you prefer that platform. Now, I've babbled enough, so on to the story!

hey kid, do i have your attention?

i know the way you've been livin'

life so reckless, tragedy endless

welcome to the family

―welcome to the family, avenged sevenfold

Chapter 1: The Joys of Childbirth and Toddler-hood (I'm Lying)

I want to say it ended with a bang and it kind of did, but honestly? It ended with more of a whimper really.

I remember Him showing up. I remember asking him why? Why was he out of prison? Why was he trying to hurt me again? I already knew the answer, but I had to ask. I needed to know. It was revenge of course, for putting him in prison in the first place, for leaving him.

I remember Him bringing out a gun and shooting me without giving me a chance, then painandagony.

I remember jumping in front of a little boy to protect him from that piece of shit I called an ex-fiance when He aimed for him.

I remember the cops showing up and trying to get Him to stand down.

The last thing I remember before everything went dark is him putting the gun to his head and blowing his brains out.

Then darkness and weightlessness.

It was strange, just floating there. I couldn't see anything, I couldn't hear anything. I could barely move. I felt like I was going insane. The only thing I could do was think and mourn for what I lost. Rage too, of the unfairness of it all. I was free. I was safe. I was happy and He came back and ruined it. When I finally started to accept my situation, I tried to figure out where exactly I was. Anything to stave off the crushing boredom and loneliness.

It took an embarrassing amount of time to notice that I wasn't alone in that place. I took an immense amount of comfort in that, even if we couldn't communicate, I wasn't alone. Eventually, though I started hearing voices which scared the fuck out of me, was I finally losing my mind? I wasn't, but I didn't know that yet.

As time passed the space I was in kept getting smaller and smaller. The voices got clearer and clearer too. One day things started moving in that space and then that other person was just gone and I was terrified. I was alone again. I didn't know what was happening. Was that person finally moving on to the next life? Was I finally moving on too?

Then suddenly I was moving and I was being squeezed through a tube. There was light and it was blinding. I felt hands grab me and I screamed. I cried. I wailed as much as I could. I was so small and the hands were so big. I could only see blurs. I didn't know what to do. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. I heard people speaking, sounding a bit panicked. I felt relieved, I could understand them! I started calming down and so did the people around me.

The next thing I know I'm being checked over and cleaned. 'Why are they waving their arms around, though?'

I saw something pink enter my vision, then I was wrapped in some kind of cloth, a blanket probably; and handed over to an exhausted looking auburn-haired woman. There was a man with glasses and messy black hair hovering over her with a bundle wrapped in blue. They looked a little familiar but I couldn't figure out why.

That's when it finally hit me, I had just been born. That woman had just given birth to me. Not only that, the other person in that space was my brother, I had a sibling! I didn't know if I wanted to laugh or cry. I heard the couple speaking, but I was tuning them out.

Mostly because I was too busy internally screaming 'Please don't breastfeed me. Please for the love of God, PLEASE don't breastfeed me!'

Eventually, the doctor and nurses left; which seemed to be the queue for visitors. The first one in was a tall man with longish black hair and gray eyes, followed by another man with brown eyes and hair who had scars on his face, and the last person that slunk in was a short man with watery eyes and brown hair that made all my instincts suddenly start screaming at me. I started squirming and wiggling as much as possible, I needed to get away now. Make him go AWAY go away go away goawaygoawaygoawaygoawa–

"Where's my godson?!"

I flinched and whimpered.

Ow! Ears, Jackass!

You know they look kind of familiar too.

"Sirius! Don't yell!" I heard the woman reprimand. "We're in a hospital!"

I saw Jackass cringe then rub his head sheepishly, "Sorry Lils, I'm just excited that I finally get to meet my godson."

Waaaaiiiit a minute, Sirius? Lils as in Lily?

Scarface spoke then, "Calm down Sirius, they're not going anywhere. Congratulations guys"

"I know that Moony, I was jus– Wait, what do you mean they?!" Jackass sounded flabbergasted.

Nice of you to get with the program Jackass, it's not like there's two bundles o'babies in your friend's arms or anything.

Wait, please tell me I didn't just hear Moony.

"Exactly that Padfoot. It seems that this little one was a bit of a surprise." Glasses said, amused by Jackass's reaction. "Thanks, Moony. "

"Yes, thank you Remus" echoed Red.

Padfoot? Nononononono–

Shorty was the next one that spoke, "Wow Prongs! That's amazing. Twins huh? Congrats!"

I wasn't really listening.

I was too busy freaking out internally 'It's just a coincidence! Just because I've been reborn doesn't mean that I'll end up in a book series!'

"Right you are Wormtail! Thanks," I could hear the pride and love in his voice, "the first twins in the Potter family in at least a century."

Potter family? WORMTAIL?! Coincidence! Please!

I missed what was said next but Scarface seemed shocked and a little fearful.

"Are you sure James? What about–"

Red cut him off "Of course we do, Remus. We wouldn't have asked if we weren't sure about it."

"I'd be honored to be her godfather." Scarface accepted.

He still sounded a little shocked.

I yawned, my eyes starting to close 'Wait! No, I need to figure out if this is what I think it is!'

"Congrats Moony!" Jackass grinned, slapping Scarface on the back. "Congrats Prongs, Lils! So, what's their names?" he asked.

Yes, what is my name definitely not Actual James and Lily Potter?

Not!James and Not!Lily traded a look, smiling, "It's a good thing we picked out names for a boy and girl just in case, right Lily-Flower?"

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuc–

"That's right James. Well, we present to you Harry James Potter and Dahlia Anne Potter; our beautiful children." I could hear the pride and love in her voice too.

I was ignoring that though because my brain had stalled on Harry James Potter.

Because Harry Potter means War, it means Voldemort, it means Umbridge, it means Legilimency, it means losing my new parents in 15 months and going to the Dursleys.

It means I'm FUCKED.

It has been a little over three months since I was born and I can finally move my head some, along with trying to roll over. I've been unsuccessful so far, but one day! I've also decided to follow Harry's lead in this baby thing. I don't want to draw too much attention to myself nor do I know how babies normally develop. I'm just very thankful that I was born in a sort of normal universe, I don't think I could handle any other universe I could have ended up in.

Also, my tiny bit of hope that this wasn't the Potter Universe just died a painful death. Why do you ask? Because I just saw James and Sirius change into Prongs and Padfoot. Fuck a truckload of ducks.

I should be happy, what fan doesn't want to be in their favorite series? I'm not though. All I can think of is that there is a War happening right at this moment and that the traitor is in my house every other day and there is nothing I can do about it. Because I'm a tiny little vulnerable being with even tinier limbs.

Because everything wrong about the series is suddenly your new reality.

That's not even going into trying to getting used to my new identity or being a baby.

I'm no longer Clara Grace Fairchild, the only child of Alan and Cara Fairchild. Born June 4th, 1988 at 1:59 PM somewhere in the Southern United States.

I am now Dahlia Anne Potter, the thirty-five minutes younger twin sister to Harry James Potter. The daughter of James and Lily Potter and goddaughter of Remus Lupin. Born July 31st, 1980 at 11:59 PM somewhere in Britain.

Hopefully I'm not subject to the prophecy. Will it even stay the same?

Being a baby is so boring and annoying, even more so than waiting to be born. You have to rely on people for everything and your eyesight is shit. Not to mention diapers, which is embarrassing. When you go from being a fully independent adult to not being able to wipe your own ass, you get annoyed and frustrated real quick. Especially when your older brother decides to cry all. the fucking. time. Oh my god Harry, why? Calm down. I know being a baby sucks but please stop. Being born again has definitely reaffirmed my intentions of never giving birth though, I'm adopting if I ever want kids.

'Hm, I wonder if blood adoption actually exists? That'd be so cool. I could have blood children without giving birth!'

That's not to say I don't cry. Being subject to the whims of baby emotions sucks.

I do have good news though!

I get to be bottle fed! Amen, Hallelujah, and Peanut Butter! Take that other babies! Bottles For The Win, y'all! That's about the only thing good about being a baby so far, that and sleeping all day.

Even though sleep is awesome and I love I get to sleep as much as I want, I've been trying to stay awake as long as I can, there is a War going on and I want to learn as much as I can. Not only for the future but because I don't know how close this is to the canon verse. I mean, it's already non-canon because of me, I just don't know what else is different. Is it an Evil Dumbledore? A Good Voldemort? Super abusive Dursleys? Will the Potters live? There are so many different variations. I'm just thankful I read so much fanfiction, it'll help clue me into what kind of universe this is.

'Shit, I won't able to see how my favorite fanfictions end.' I paused as another thought hit me, 'Double shit, I won't know how One Piece ends for years. Or Naruto. Or Bleach. And I never got around to finishing Katekyo Hitman Reborn. Or finishing that motorcycle. I had just gotten the last part I needed to get it working.' I shook off the melancholy before it could consume me.

I am nervous about the twin thing, though, I love Wrong-Child-Who-Lived and Twin-Who-Lived stories, but I'm that twin. I don't know which way it will go or how Halloween will go truthfully. It'll decide the course of the rest of my life and it's nerve-wracking, the not knowing and the waiting. There's also nothing I can do to change it. I'm just a baby, how could I change it?

'Well, guess I'll just have to make the best of the time I have.'

I can finally roll over! Soon, soon I will walk and then no one can stop me!

It's been about six months since I've been reborn, I think. It's a little hard to tell time when you're a baby. Harry no longer cries constantly, thankfully. He now seems to find amusement in everything. Especially James and Sirius' antics. They like conjuring things for us to play with or colorful smoke or bubbles. They also like taking naps near us in their animagus forms. Which is weird.

I've noticed over the past few months that I can I always tell who is coming near me without having to look at them. Almost like I'm sensing them. My range isn't that large but it seems like it's growing with each passing day. Each person feels different to that sense and I can feel Harry, James, and Lily the clearest. Probably because I see them the most. It's a little strange to be honest. It's still awesome though.

Not everything is happy though. There was an incident not too long ago which resulted in us moving. Lily had taken Harry and me to Hogwarts to see Professors McGonagall and Flitwick while James was at work. When we came back to the house it was on fire with the Dark Mark hovering above it. We've been moving around since then. I've heard James and Lily talking about moving to Godric's Hollow where it's safer. Though I already know how that will go.

I can't stand it.

I can't fucking stand any of this!

I didn't ask for this shit.

I didn't want to die!

I didn't want to be reborn!

I hate that I know what's going to happen and I can't change it!

I HATE that I'm stuck in a baby's body!

Why me?

WHY?

We've moved to Godric's Hollow.

One step closer 'til Ma and Da die.

"Come on 'Lia, it's time to get up!" some evil, evil person said.

I opened my eyes, saw the blurry face of Da and immediately shut them.

'Not moving. It's way too early'

Of course Harry didn't think that, he always wakes up early. "Up!"

"Today's a special day!" Da announced.

'Special day?'

I opened my eyes again and stared.

There was Da and he was holding Harry. That wasn't unusual. What was unusual was that they both had bright red party hats on.

I blinked, then squinted.

'Wait a minute…'

Right when it was dawning on me what the "special day" was I heard Harry screech gleefully.

"One!"

I burst into giggles.

"One!" I cheered.

Today Harry and I are officially one! I am so happy. I'm growing up!

I sat up to reach for Da when he plopped a party hat on my head and I giggled again. He scooped me up while I was still giggling and started to head to the stairs. Harry started to chant 'One' again so I chanted with him making Da laugh.

I'm talking and walking now! Ish, but still! Talking! Walking! Fuck yes! My first word was 'Ma' and Harry's was 'Dada'. Ma and Da were very proud, though Sirius pouted for hours. He'd been trying to get us to say 'Padfoot' for weeks, I finally took pity on him and shouted 'Pa-foo' at him. He crowed about it for hours, especially when Harry copied me. Our first walking attempts were funny. Harry ended up stepping on Sirius' tail and I knocked over a chair when I fell over laughing at him. Babies aren't very coordinated.

"I see someone is happy today"

I jumped while Harry screamed out "Mama!"

Ma giggled and took Harry away from Da, "I made you two a very special breakfast today."

Harry and I cheered. I then noticed something.

"Da! Da!" I exclaimed while tugging on Da's shirt.

"Yes, my Little Flower?" Da asked with an indulgent smile.

"Ma no hat!" I said while pointing at Ma.

"Ah! Very true Flower, very true." Da acknowledged.

He drew out his wand and conjured one for her that was just like ours. Harry and I clapped at another display of magic and Ma put it on her head with a fond look before walking to the table. After Harry and I were seated Ma put a plate of cut up chocolate chip pancakes in front of us. 'Chocolate! Hell yes!' I squealed and attacked them with gusto and saw Harry doing the same. We didn't get chocolate often. I heard Ma and Da laughing at us.

"Slow down sweeties, it's not going anywhere" I heard Ma say.

I obligingly slowed down, I didn't want to choke. When we finally finished Ma gathered up our plates and put them in the sink. Da snatched up Harry and Ma picked up me and took us upstairs to take baths and to get dressed. Harry wanted to keep his party hat on for bathtime, but Ma wouldn't let him. Thankfully, he didn't throw a tantrum. I hated bathtime, 'I will be so happy when I can do this myself'. Ma dressed us up in matching shirts with little lions on them, they were cute. She also put our hats back on which made Harry happy.

They took us back downstairs and settled us down to play. Da handed us stuffed animals and I noticed that they were dragons. They were both black but Harry's had yellow eyes and mine had purple eyes.

"Happy Birthday, darlings" Ma said indulgently.

Harry cheered, hugged his dragon, and proclaimed it "Squeak!" I smiled and snuggled mine.

"And what are you gonna name yours, Flower?" Da asked me.

I brought my dragon up to my face and squinted at it. 'Hmm, well, Xanxus is a dragon, but they would think it was weird if I named it that, so…' I stared at it more in thought before I hit upon an idea.

"Roar!" I squeal. 'Squalo reminds me of Xanxus and he's never quiet'

Our parents laugh at us, when the laughter finally dies down Da tells us "I also I have a present for you two from Padfoot"

"Pa-foo!" Harry screeches.

I clap my hands and look up at Da expectantly. He grins and hands both of us long thin packages wrapped in red and gold wrapping paper. I finally notice Ma has set up a camera to float beside her. Harry and I tear into it our presents. Harry squeals and I stare at the toy broom in my hand. I grin and cheer. 'An actual broom, this is amazing!'

"Alright kids, I want you to pay attention to me," Da tells us before he proceeds to show us how to use our brooms. It's just like in the books, which is a relief. I wasn't sure if it was different for toy brooms or not. 'I shouldn't have assumed it would be different, these have to be like regular brooms.'

"Now, mount your brooms!" Da says to us with a giant smile on his face.

We mount our brooms and Harry is off like a shot, zipping around the room. I'm slower going than him and very thankful that they don't go too high off the ground. Harry decides to start chasing me and I start going faster. I swerve to avoid a table with a vase on it while Harry clips it. The vase falls and crashes to the ground. I slam on the brakes and turn around to see if Harry is alright. He is, so I whip back around and speed off Harry hot on my tail. I see Ma and Da laughing again and Da smiling in pride. He starts chasing us around the room. Harry and I start giggling and doing our best to avoid him. I duck out of the way of Da and almost plow straight into Bezoar the cat. I'm luckily able to avoid being scratched. I hear Da laughing harder, he doesn't like Bezoar much, he has a tendency to hack up hairballs in Da's shoes.

We fly around all morning and I'm happy to see that Ma and Da seem happier today than they have been lately.

"Alright!" Ma yells from the kitchen, "It's lunchtime!"

Harry and I cheer and run into the kitchen. By the time we're done eating Harry and I are falling asleep at the table.

"I see it's naptime for two little ones" I hear Da say.

Harry starts to protest before Ma cuts him off, "Bathilda is coming over after naptime, you want to tell her you were good don't you?"

We both perk up. Bathilda coming over is always fun, she has the best stories.

"Yeah, Mama!" Harry says sleepily.

I just nod my head, already on the way to sleep.

I feel Da pick me up and I'm already asleep before we even make it to the stairs.

I wake up hours later to a knock on the door. I sit up and look around groggily and notice that Harry is already standing up in his crib, hugging Squeak to his chest, reaching for Ma. I'm already getting up, holding Roar in one hand, when Ma gets to me. She picks me up and asks us, "Are you two ready to see Bathilda?"

"Yeah!" cheers Harry, while thrusting his dragon into the air.

I yawn and nod my head. Ma takes us back downstairs and makes it to the living room by the time that Da has gotten Bathilda settled in a comfortable chair. She looks at us and smiles.

"I see someone is still tired." she says in amusement.

I yawn again and wave at her.

Harry screeches, "Aun' Bah!"

She smiles at him indulgently and Ma puts us in Bathilda's lap. I snuggle up to her and Harry latches on to her in a hug.

"Did you two have fun today?" Aunt Bath asks.

We nod our heads, Harry snuggling up to her as well. She notices our dragons, "And what is this?" she asks.

Harry smiles at her waving Squeak around, "Dis Squeak!"

I smile at her too, "Mine Roar, Aun' Bah" I tell her.

Aunt Bath coos at us, then accepts a cup of tea from Ma. I yawn again, and start nodding off again, letting everyone's voice wash over me. I wake up at one point to Harry moving to the floor to color. I wake up at another point to Aunt Bath telling a story about Dumbledore, though I notice that Ma and Da don't really believe her. I fall back asleep and wake up to Aunt Bath shaking me.

"It's time for me to go, dear." she tells me sadly.

I pout and notice Harry is doing the same. She gathers us in a hug, "You be good for your parents, okay?" she tells us.

We nod and hug her tighter, "Luv you, Aun' Bah" we tell her.

"I love you two, as well" she says.

She hands us to Da before she gets up and she says her goodbyes, then Ma walks her to the door. Da sets us on the floor and sits down with us.

"James, I'm going to get started on supper" Ma calls out.

"Alright, Lily-flower" Da calls back, then he turns to me and asks, "Do you want to draw too, 'Lia?"

"Yeah" I say.

He hands me a coloring book and crayons and we color until dinner. Da just sat and watched us with a fond smile. We had roast, potatoes, and peas. Harry spent a lot of time throwing the peas at Da.

After dinner, Ma cleaned us up then put us in our pyjamas and Da came in to read us a story. It ended up being The Tale of Three Brothers. Harry was already asleep before Da finished but I lay there and listened to him, wanting to memorize all these little moments. After Da finished the story, he checked on Harry, then me.

"Still awake, 'Lia?" he asked quietly.

"Wanna know end." I answered him.

"Well, it's bedtime, Flower." he tells me.

"Mmkay, Luv you." I tell him.

"Love you too." he says.

He moves away and out of the room. I snuggle in my blankets and the last thought that runs through my head is 'The countdown begins...'

Most ANs will be here. You'll probably see author commentary or information about a character that I couldn't work into the fic. Though I might just make a separate story for that. We'll see. Thank you for reading! Constructive criticism is welcome. If you see any mistakes please let me know!

EDIT:

I forgot the chapter title like an idiot. [2 September 2017]

Added a section to make another one make a little more sense. Fixed typos/grammar mistakes/missing words. [3 September 2017]

Was re-reading when I realized that I accidentally put 18 months instead of 15 months in the first section. Also fixed a grammar mistake. I REALLY need to beta this better. [21 September 2017]