Life changed

Baze thinks back on the things he hasn't done and the things he wished he would have. Based on the song by Toby Keith. During "Everything will get worse before it gets better"

Under an old brass paperweight is my list of things to do today
Go to the bank and the hardware store, put a new lock on the cellar door
I cross 'em off as I get 'em done but when the sun is set
There's still more than a few things left I haven't got to yet

I had been a spoiled brat my whole life, all doors had always been opened for whatever I wanted, I had been an only child so all attention had been on me, I had been quarterback at school, had been given a building for myself to turn it into something worthwhile, I had turned it into a bar and lived above it. The only thing I had done right was my kid, she had been 16 when I first met her, her mom had never told me about her, although I had denied we had been together, now as I sit in this wheelchair watching my kid play, I think of all the things I should have done better, I should have never left my father parade me and make me feel I was a flier, to tell you the truth I had always been way over my head until the day of the accident and I there was still things I hadn't got to do yet, even though during the time I spent at the hospital I thought I was going to die, but I couldn't do that, not yet, I still had some really important stuff I had to do, like marry the woman I loved once and for all

Go for a walk, say a little prayer
Take a deep breath of mountain air
Put on my glove and play some catch
It's time that I make time for that
Wade the shore and cast a line
Look up a long lost friend of mine
Sit on the porch and give my girl a kiss
Start livin', that's the next thing on my list
people say you only live once, I really can't agree with them, because I kind of led to lives, the first one was when I was little, during school, the friends I had made, the things I had learned and decided not to, I had never been brilliant, I hadn't been like Cate, who had an amazing brain and worked so fast, she had been valedictorian at school, I had been, well, just another selfish quarterback. Now as I look back of what my life was, I can say that wasn't really living, I was just passing the time, real life started the day the doctor told me I had been paralyzed, although he had said it might not be permanent, I felt like my life wasn't going to be the same again.

Since the first day I woke up and didn't feel my legs, I just cried, I wasn't much of a crier: I had cried while me and Lux watched "Christian the Lion" or that time I had argued with my dad and told him it had been his fault that I hadn't taken care of my family the way I should have, or maybe that time when I watched my kid graduate.

I sit here, Cate next to me, I kiss her forehead and she asks me if something is wrong, I just smile to myself and say, no I don't think so, I just thought kissing you would be nice, make me happy. I remembered that time I had made fun of Math because he was fat, I was just a kid, who didn't care about stuff much, now I thanked Matthew for not hating me that day, if he had, I would have never call him my kid's godparent.

Portland is a cold and rainy place, but right now, in April, sun if okay, I just close my eyes when the wind reaches my face, I have decided to try to enjoy every minute I have, because from my own experience, you could lose them without even knowing
Wouldn't change the course of fate but cuttin' the grass just had to wait
'Cause I've got more important things like pushin' my kid on the backyard swing
I won't break my back for a million bucks I can't take to my grave
So why put off for tomorrow what I could get done today

I had met Cate Cassidy at school, she wasn't really my type, I liked athletes and cheerleaders and Cate was nothing like that, she was the girl who sat in front of the class and answered every question right, she was the one who would do extra homework, she wasn't even asked to do. But there was this time, during the winter formal, when my date had been taken to the hospital, I was sitting alone on my mom's minivan when I saw her, she was by herself, I really didn't think anyone would invite her, she was just weird, but there was something about her that caused me to ask her if she wanted to sit, I was listening to Spin Doctors and had managed to sneak out a couple bottles of Zima, as she sat, she giggled nervously, I smiled and as drunk as I was I leaned to kiss her, at first she pulled back, but next thing we knew the song was over and we didn't have any clothes on, to tell you the truth we didn't even made it through two princes.

I had never been rich, my dad had made good money with his firm, but none of it wasn't really mine, I was just a temporary guest, the thing is I had never worried about money, until the day she had showed up on my doorstep, it was then that I really started to man up and make something of myself. Nowadays, I do worry a bit about money, but I just deal with stuff as it comes, because when it really comes down to it, money isn't that important, it is not something I can keep forever, because let's face it, when you have kids, it all goes to them and when you die, it doesn't matter anymore, what matters is the things you did when you were alive

Like go for a walk, say a little prayer
Take a deep breath of mountain air
Put on my glove and play some catch
It's time that I make time for that
Wade the shore and cast a line
Look up a long lost friend of mine
Sit on the porch and give my girl a kiss
Start livin', that's the next thing on my list
I had decided to enjoy my kids as much as I could, I had always thought that being a dad was to be there for your kid no matter what.

Lux and I had a little routine while she was in high school. I would drive her there every morning, she would get me something for breakfast and I would buy her some coffee. It was nice to know she only shared that with me and no one else. It was our bonding moment, the truth is. It was the best moment of my day.

Charlie was a little different because he was a baby and I couldn't really talk to him, he was a good listener but not much of a talker, I used to sit next to him on the living room floor and watched TV until one of us had fallen sleep. I would just open my eyes in the middle of the night and take him upstairs. It wasn't like talking to Lux, but it was just as good
Raise a little hell, laugh 'til it hurts
Put an extra five in the plate at church
Call up my folks just to chat
It's time that I make time for that
Stay up late, then oversleep
Show her what she means to me
Catch up on all the things I've always missed
Just start livin', that's the next thing on my list
I used to work at the bar until four AM some nights, today I just went to check on how things were doing. I would just sit there behind the bar and remember how I used to pick up girls almost every night when I was single. I would charm them with my mad skills and excellent taste in music, that had been back then, now I spent my time going from one therapy to another, been driven around the city by Cate, even though my car had been brought back to life and completely changed, there was something about cars that scared the shit out of me, maybe because I had almost died in once, but I had promised Lux that the next time she visited we would go and check it out. I figured that if I never got over that, I wouldn't be able to look at her in the face again
Under an old brass paperweight
Is my list of things to do today

So I tell you this: even though things have changed since I was a little kid, they have gotten better, and then worse and then better, but if there is one thing I learned about this whole thing is: don't leave for tomorrow what you can do today

A/n: Baze is kind of out of character, but I just think this is the way he would feel

This story reaches out to my heart because of my own life experience, I'm not in a wheelchair but having a disability allows you to see the world, differently

Cheers to all champions out there you can do whatever you want! Never give up!