This story is the seventh in a series of one-shot spin-offs/sequels to my longer fic called "The Forgotten," but I think it works as a standalone as well (and you don't have to have read the previous one-shots either). It takes place in an alternate universe; specifically, a boarding school for troubled children call Re Academy.
Much of the inspiration for this fic comes from headcanons exchanged with my friend trashyhumanespresso on tumblr! Thanks, friend.
Also, while in canon I know Yusa and Kishou Arima are more distantly related, as are Shio and Hairu Ihei, but in this universe, Yusa and Kishou are siblings, as are Hairu and Shio.
And thank you for reading!
That was freaking brutal.
Nishiki barges through the door to the apartment he shares with Kimi, shaking his head. He drops his keys onto the counter. That biology exam chewed him up and spat him out. But he's not giving up. I'll still pass. I think. He chews his lip. "Yo!"
"Hey," Kimi calls, sticking her head out from the kitchen. "Touka's here."
Nishiki rounds the corner. Touka sits at their small kitchen table, the one that's wooden and charming, made for two. A small vase with daisies sits in the center. He shoves the bag of a cheap greasy hamburger that smells like salt and oil and heaven at Kimi. "Here you go, though why you wanted this, I won't even ask. I could take you out for a nice burger, you know."
Kimi rolls her eyes.
"Hey, Touka," Nishiki says, rummaging through the cabinets. He's gonna make some coffee. At this point in exam season he's pretty sure his blood is mostly coffee anyways. "Want a cup?"
Touka bites her lip. Is it just him, or does she look pale? She slides her eyes to Kimi, who fiddles with the edges of her hair. "I'll pass."
"What, my coffee's not good enough for you?" Nishiki taunts, turning to wink at her. Touka lowers her gaze. Um, okay.
"Burger's for her," Kimi says, handing it over to Touka.
"For you?" Nishiki gapes at her. "Damn. Tsukiyama would be so disappointed. I know we're all students, but can Kaneki not afford to take you out or something?"
Touka rolls her eyes. Kimi scowls.
Uh-oh. I'm in trouble. And he doesn't know why. Nishiki focuses on measuring the coffee and presses the on button.
Touka pulls the burger out of the wrapper and examines it. She bites in and chews, swallowing. The coffee machine gurgles and bleeds coffee into the mug. Nishiki hands it to Kimi and makes himself one. "Bio was murder."
"Oh," Kimi says.
Why are you acting so strange? He turns to see Touka bolting up from the chair, straight into the bathroom. The sound of retching promptly turns Nishiki's stomach. The coffee suddenly smells less appealing. "Um, Touka? You all right?"
Vomiting answers him. Kimi pushes past to hold Touka's hair for her. Nishiki curses and fills a glass with water, bringing it into the bathroom.
"Thanks," Touka wheezes, sitting cross-legged on their striped bathmat. Tears steak down her face. Her voice sounds hoarse. "I thought—since I really craved a burger—"
"Craved?" Nishiki rubs his temples. "God, it almost sounds like you're—"
Kimi's gaze meets his, eyes sharp.
Oh holy shit. "What the—for real?" Nishiki gapes at Touka.
She leans forward, clutching the toilet bowl again and heaving.
"Breathe deep," Kimi encourages her, rubbing her back. "Nice and slow, Touka. In through your nose. Out through your mouth."
Touka moans.
"You're pregnant?" Nishiki asks. "My God."
Touka leans her head back. Kimi hands her a wad of toilet paper to wipe her mouth.
"Didn't you use fucking condoms?" Nishiki shouts at her. "I don't care that the two of you have probably never gotten down with anyone other than each other; you should still be smart enough to—"
"Nishiki!" shouts Kimi. "Way to rub salt on a—"
"It broke, okay?" Touka snaps. "I'm—only a few weeks. I think."
Only a few weeks? Nishiki crosses his arms. "Do you want to have it?"
Touka's eyes fill up, and shit, Nishiki doesn't remember the last time he saw her cry. Nice going, Nishio. "I'm sorry—I—"
"It's okay," Touka mumbles. She pulls herself to her feet. Kimi rises behind her, brow creased. Nishiki spots a used pregnancy test, pink, in the trash can.
"Are you going to come to the amusement park tomorrow?" Nishiki asks. Their group of friends—all graduates from Re Academy—had agreed to meet up once their college exams were over and celebrate by going to a local amusement park, on Tsukiyama's dime. He even invited the current kids and dorm parents from Dorm Blocks 11 and 20, the dorms they all are alumni of. None of us can let go of that place.
"If I'm not vomiting my intestines up," Touka manages.
"Get some sleep," Kimi urges. "And have some herbal tea. And toast. Don't try to overeat—you may have wanted the burger, but go for lighter things."
Touka nods. "Thanks, guys." She waves as she leaves.
"Damn," Nishiki breathes after the door clicks shut. "I can't believe—is this really happening?"
"Apparently," Kimi says, blowing her breath out. "Like damn."
Nishiki looks at his cup of coffee. His stomach churns, the memory of sour vomit filling his nostrils. He dumps it into the sink. My friends—are—having a baby?
Touka really shouldn't be coming tomorrow, then. She's not going to be able to go on rides and being out in the sun and standing might be a lot for her—she should rest. If he texts her, though, she'll bite his head off through his phone. Because that's what Nishiki's sister would have done, and Touka is so much like her, and he loves her for it. Nishiki types a text to Kaneki. Yo, Kaneki. Should Touka really be going tomorrow with the kid and all?
"She called me earlier," Kimi says. "And told me that she missed her period. I bought her a test." Kimi drops onto their couch, shaking her head. "It's just—I can't imagine."
Nishiki gulps. "We'd be okay."
Kimi turns her head to smile at him. "You'd stick with me even if we fucked up?"
"Technically you stuck with me when I wasn't a great person," Nishiki says, heart thumping. Yes. Yes, I love you.
Nishiki's phone buzzes. From Kaneki. What kid?
Oh. Oh, shit. Nishiki can barely hold his phone in his hands. Never mind, he texts. He wants to crawl under a rock and die.
"You okay?" Kimi asks, propping herself up on her elbow.
"Um," he manages. "I'm going to have to hold you to your word, because I think I just fucked up really badly."
"Touka!"
She pries her head off her pillow. Akira and Amon aren't home yet, but apparently her boyfriend is. Her door slams open. "Shit!"
Kaneki gapes at her.
Oh no.
Nishiki, it was you, wasn't it?
He gulps. His eyes travel towards the calendar dangling on her wall, the one with kittens that Akira insisted on buying for her as if Maris Stella's presence wasn't enough Cat for her. "Do you—have you been feeling all right?"
Can't you just say what you mean? Touka pushes herself up and looks at him. "I'm fine."
Kaneki's eyes bug. He's not buying it.
Touka swallows. "I'm pregnant."
Kaneki's face whitens.
Touka clutches the blue bedspread. "Kimi helped me buy a test," she continues. "I—it was positive. I think—I'm very early—things could still go wrong—I didn't want to worry you." I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant. Despite having something growing inside her, she feels so alone.
Kaneki reaches out, wrapping his arms around her. His chest shakes as he inhales. "Okay. Okay."
Can I tell him? Touka pulls back. "I don't want to terminate it." She searches his face. His eyes widen. He sucks in his breath.
And he nods. "Okay."
Okay? "You're—fine with that?"
Kaneki nods. Touka wipes her eyes. They sting. Stupid hormones. "I don't know what to do about school—I can finish this year and another semester, but when it's born—"
"How are we going to tell your father?" whispers Kaneki, his mouth pinching. "And—Yoshimura—"
"My father has no legs to stand on; he and my mom conceived me in freaking high school," Touka snaps. She grabs Kaneki's chin. "You don't need to worry about him."
"But Yoshimura."
School. Yoshimura's always encouraged Touka to finish school—she wants to be a teacher because of him. Tears blur her eyes. She presses her face into Kaneki's shoulder. He smells like the fancy cologne Tsukiyama bought him for his last birthday. "I'm not ashamed."
"Huh?"
"To be having your kid," Touka says. "We're not going to apologize, we're not going to—we're going to be okay." As she says it, fervor fills her voice, quivers in her chest. Maybe it's true.
Please be true.
"We should wait to tell people," Kaneki says. "Until—"
"I'm four weeks," Touka says. "Let's wait until the first trimester's over." Anxieties fill her mind—they'll have to find someplace else to live since there's no way Akira and Amon will live with a baby—Yoshimura will be so disappointed—what will Yomo say? "We're not delinquents." Even though they were sent to Re Academy, which is known for housing delinquents. This is the exact sort of roadblock that everyone would expect of a Re graduate. Touka can only imagine her professors' faces, the disgust. You failed after all.
I don't care.
We're not going to raise it like that—I'm going to raise my baby, we're going to give it a stable life. As much as we can. I won't fail. We won't.
She squeezes her eyes shut.
The next morning, Kaneki is not enthusiastic at the idea of her attending the amusement park, but Touka insists. She even managed to keep down dinner last night, and is able to eat an apple and some yogurt in the morning. Her stomach dances, but the food stays down. She wonders whether Akira's picked up on anything yet. Amon's oblivious, of course.
Tsukiyama greets them all with tight hugs. Touka winces. Surely hugging too tight can't hurt the baby. Her mind needs to calm down. Yomo's here, chaperoning the students.
"You're all heroes to them," chirps Shio Ihei, the younger brother of Hairu Ihei, Dorm Block 11's dorm parent. "How you guys took down Furuta—that's legendary."
How will they feel knowing their heroes are pregnant before finishing college? Touka squares her shoulders. They'll deal with it. They'll learn heroes still have problems.
Once inside the park, Karren pulls Tsukiyama in the direction of the flying swings, Hinami drags Ayato onto the teacups, and Rio manages to convince Hairu and her husband, Ui Koori, to go on the tilting pirate ship. Shirazu agrees to win his little sister a stuffed animal at a booth, promptly failing until Urie steps in, and fails as well. Hsiao finally wins the penguin for Haru, who's standing with her roommate, Seina Takizawa. Seidou and Kurona run off towards the Turkish Twist. Mutsuki pulls Urie towards a roller coaster, Saiko and Hsiao tagging along.
"Roller coasters?" Takeomi asks hopefully, pointing. Riders shriek overhead as the coaster roars.
"Hell yes," Hide says, pumping his fist.
"No way," says Yoriko. "Sorry."
"I'll go," Hide says, reaching to slap Kaneki on the back. "How about you? Touka, we know you're game."
Kaneki slides his eyes in Touka's direction. She hesitates. Dammit. "Actually, I'll stay back with Yoriko."
"You don't have to, Touka!" cries Yoriko. "You should do what you like—"
"I'm a little tired," Touka says. "Had a bug earlier this week."
Akira buys Amon a plate of fried dough, which they promptly tear into. "But you love roller-coasters," Amon protests.
Amon, I'm going to smother you in your sleep.
Kaneki, Takeomi, and Hide head off, and the smell of butter and oil and cinnamon is too much for Touka. She turns and races into the nearest public bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before she hurls. Her knees grind into the grimy floor.
"Touka?" comes Yoriko's voice. She appears in the stall behind her.
"Guess I'm not over it," Touka ekes out. She waits for her stomach to stop churning and gets to her feet.
Akira crosses her arms by the sinks.
"What?" Touka demands, pushing past her to wash her hands.
Akira arches her eyebrows.
"Don't do that," Touka snaps.
"I know what my intuition is telling me, but I'm waiting for you to say it," Akira says, tugging at her blonde bun.
"Huh?" Yoriko frowns.
Touka swallows.
"You're not!" Yoriko clamps her hand over her mouth.
"Don't tell anyone!" Touka snarls. She grabs Yoriko's shoulders. "Please. Please don't."
"I won't," Yoriko promises, searching her face. "But, Touka—are you—are—"
"What can we do?" Akira asks.
Touka shakes her head. A mother enters, pushing a toddler in a stroller. Touka's heart leaps to her throat. "Let's—get out of here."
They follow her outside. "Let's find a ride you can ride," declares Yoriko. Karren and Tsukiyama wave as they pass by. "Ferris wheel?"
"That works," Touka agrees. Akira smiles at her.
It's not until Touka meets up with everyone else after she, Akira, and Yoriko have gone on a whole string of kiddie rides that have terrified Touka more than a roller coaster because some of the children won't stop crying, that she realizes something's wrong.
"Ice cream!" calls Tsukiyama as Kaneki hands her a giant cake batter ice cream cone. She chomps into it.
"You're all soaked!" Akira cries out, gaping at them all. Kaneki's hair sticks to his face. He shrugs.
"Rapid river ride," Amon explains.
"Ui went under the waterfall," Hairu chirps, grasping her husband's arm and beaming up at him.
"Takeomi said you're pregnant!" Saiko shrieks. "Is it true?"
"What?" bellows Kaneki.
"Bujin, you didn't!" Yoriko yelps.
The ice cream drips onto Touka's hand. Dammit, she is not losing a drop of this. She eats it, glowering. Takeomi shrinks, looking, perhaps for the first time since Touka's met him, small. "I thought—"
"We weren't telling people," Kaneki snaps, his arm wrapping around Touka's shoulders.
"What?" rages Ayato. "It's not true! Hinami, you said you didn't think—"
"I'm so happy for you, Touka!" cries Hinami. "Congratulations!"
Her brother looks at Kaneki with murder in his eyes. Touka steps in front of her boyfriend. Ui gapes at them. Touka squares her shoulders. Tsukiyama can only shake his head. Karren, though—she nods at them.
"Congratulations," says a voice behind her. Touka spins to see Yomo starting at them, a small smile on his lips.
A smile.
Touka grabs him in her arms, and her uncle lets out a small gasp.
"We have to tell everyone now, don't we?" Touka asks as they arrive back at their apartment, pleasantly sunburned and with Kaneki's neck throbbing from whiplash thanks to the roller coaster.
"Everyone already knows," jokes Akira as she tries to brew some tea. Amon grabs four mugs. Touka drops onto the couch and Kaneki sits next to her. His hand rests on her abdomen.
We're having a baby. And Yomo—he smiled at them. He wasn't mad. Ayato—well, that's no surprise. But how will Arata react? And Yoshimura?
"Not two key people," Touka says grimly, echoing Kaneki's thoughts.
"Your dad will be far more understanding than mine would be," Akira observes.
"That's not a high bar," Touka points out, shifting. Kaneki grabs a throw pillow and wraps his arms around it.
Amon snorts. He hands Kaneki and Touka cups of tea. "Koma and Irimi will be on your side."
"True," says Kaneki. He hopes. Part of him wants to curse himself for breaking that condom, and then the other part of himself can't bring himself to do that, because he sees the look in Touka's eyes, the determination. She wants this baby.
The tea tastes bitter, despite the mountain of sugar Amon dumped in it. Kaneki swallows and it burns his tongue.
Kaneki wakes up the next morning. Touka rolls over, pulling the pillow over her mussed hair. It's a Sunday, and he texts Arima, the dean at Re Academy, his psychologist, his mentor. Are you free this afternoon?
Not today, Arima texts. But tomorrow after your classes would work.
Dammit. Now he actually has to go through with it. Kaneki gulps. Touka wakes up and manages to eat some toast and then pulls out her books to study with Akira, who just got back from a jog with Amon. Kaneki can't concentrate.
You okay? Hide's texted.
I'm on my way to go tell Arima and ask for advice, Kaneki responds.
So no, Hide concludes.
Kaneki pulls out his notebook and flips it open.
You know I think you're going to be a great dad, and I would love to baby-sit the prince or princess, Hide adds.
Kaneki squeezes his eyes shut. Thanks, Hide. His old friend always knows just what to say.
The next day, after his classes, he boards a bus and arrives at Re Academy, heading to Arima's office. Kaneki hopes he doesn't run into Yoshimura. He's sure the look on his face would give something away. Marude nods at him as he enters the familiar hallway, knocking on the door with Arima's nameplate.
"Kaneki!" Hirako says, opening the door and grinning. "Good to see you!"
You didn't say a word, did you? He knows Koori Ui, another assistant dean, wouldn't have dared.
"Go in," Ui says, jerking his thumb towards the door. His brow crunches together as he studies the screen in front of him, rubbing his face.
What fresh hell is breaking loose on campus now? Kaneki wonders. He pushes open the door to Arima's office. His mentor nods at him. "Are you busy?"
"You said you would be coming," Arima says. "So no."
Kaneki shuts the door, pulse beating in his throat. "I—really need to talk—it's—" His voice comes out strangled.
Arima shoves the stack of papers on his desk to the side and fiddles with his glasses. "What's going on, Ken?"
Kaneki staggers into one of the chairs and doubles over, clutching his face. "Something—I've let you down, I know, but I'm not perfect, so—"
"What are you talking about?" Arima asks again. "Ken?"
Kaneki doesn't know if he can say it. Please don't be disappointed in me. And please don't think we're fools, because Touka's excited and I—a rush of warmth spreads through him. I want our baby, too.
Footsteps crunch on the carpet.
I'm going to be a father.
Kaneki cranes his neck up, looking into the face of the only father figure he's ever really known. Prematurely white hair covers Arima's forehead, and his lips press together, taut, as he waits for Kaneki's words.
You haven't been perfect, Kaneki thinks, remembering Arima's disappearance during Furuta's shenanigans. But you've been there.
I thought that if worse came to worse and we couldn't prove my innocence, Arima told him once. You would turn on me, since I was gone, and save yourself. That's what I wanted, anyways.
Arima wanted him to turn on him, and Kaneki can't imagine why, other than that he too was raised in the Sunlit Garden, and love—love is something he feels he doesn't deserve, just like Kaneki feels he can't understand why Touka sinks her lips into his or why she whispered last night I'm happy and laced her fingers with his. He squeezes the ring she gave him, the one that dangles from the necklace around Kaneki's neck.
She thinks I deserve this child. And maybe—maybe she can be right. Kaneki lifts his head and meets Arima's eyes. "Touka's pregnant."
Arima's eyes bug in probably the most genuine shock Kaneki's ever seen from the man. He presses his fingers against his mouth and draws in a breath. "Pregnant?"
Kaneki nods. His heart thumps. "It was—" Not a mistake. "Not planned." He cracks his knuckles. "We're going to have it."
Arima nods. "Congratulations."
"You aren't disappointed in us?" Kaneki blurts out. "Since we—we're not done with college—we both will finish, but it'll take longer—it'll be—"
Arima frowns. "When—we were raised in the trafficking ring the Washuus ran—" He exhales. "Whenever a woman got pregnant, it was another victim. And a disruption. Nobody was happy." He stares out the window of his office, a small square pane of glass amidst the dark, rich wood. "I don't think it should be that way." He meets Kaneki's gaze. "I think if you're happy, we'll be happy, too."
Kaneki's eyes water. He nods.
A chortle erupts behind them. The door swings open, and Eto Yoshimura, the former literature teacher, saunters in.
"We tried to stop her," Ui insists.
"She had her ear against the door and she packs a good kick," groans Hirako.
"You kicked one of my colleagues?" cries Arima.
"So?" His girlfriend winks. "Congratulations, Ken Kaneki. Will Touka soon be Touka Kaneki?"
Have mercy. Kaneki cringes.
"Anyways, I came to drop this off for you, and I'll see you tonight," Eto says, handing Arima a manila envelope. She pecks him on the cheek and he gulps.
"Um, we have a situation!" Hirako yells. "I've got an email here from Tatara, and one from Houji—"
Eto spins around. "Did they get in another fight?"
"No, Chaos Queen," Arima says, rolling his eyes. "There's been a—rumor—going around."
Eto arches her eyebrows. "Are you going to tell me or do I have to harass Tatara?"
Huh? Kaneki frowns.
"The rumor is that they're dating," Ui says, scowling. "Or they were. And that's why they hate each other. Because they used to be lovers."
Kaneki's jaw drops. Eto doubles over, laughing. Arima can only shake his head. "I'm going to rub this in so hard, you have no idea," Eto gasps.
"It's obvious who spread it, isn't it?" asks Hirako with a sigh.
"Yeah," says Eto.
"Rio and Hajime strung up a bucket of paint above the door to Tatara's office a few months ago," Arima explains to Kaneki. "The point was, apparently, to make him remove his mask."
Oh. Kaneki tries not to picture Tatara covered in paint and flailing. He fights a smile. Is our kid going to be this mischievous?
He's related to Touka and Ayato. That pretty much answers that.
"Nope," Eto says. "Nice try, Kishou, but you're wrong. It wasn't them. At least it wasn't them who came up with the idea."
"How would you even know?" demands Ui.
"Because, Bowl Cut, I heard certain kids plotting, and no, I didn't see fit to warn my friend because frankly he needs to let his mask drop a little," says Eto.
"How could you have—" Arima starts, before his face drains. Because clearly there's only one kid she would routinely have access to. Who also happens to have a fairly good reason to have a grudge against Tatara.
His brother. Yusa.
"I'll get Yusa, Shio, and Rikai," Ui says grimly.
"You're welcome," Eto says.
"N-no!" Arima sputters. He throws his hands in the air. "Why would I thank you?"
"I know Kaneki's not a student anymore, but I don't think he wants to hear," Eto says, a smirk on her face. "See you later."
Hirako covers his ears.
"I'll get going," Kaneki says quickly. "Good luck, Arima."
Arima smiles again. "Congratulations, Kaneki."
"I'll walk you to the gate," chirps Eto.
Ugh. Kaneki says nothing as they step outside. Eto sent him a copy of her latest novel. He still hasn't opened it. But maybe he should. He wonders if her novels might be more hopeful now, since she and Yoshimura are working on their issues, and she and Arima are together. Or maybe not.
"Kaneki!" calls a voice.
Shit. Kaneki stiffens. Speak of the devil. Why, why, why? Yoshimura rounds the bend in the paths, smiling at him, and Kaneki—he doesn't know how to smile back, he doesn't know what to do, Touka should be here, but she's not, he's—
"Kuzen," Eto says to her father, stepping in front of Kaneki. "Kaneki was just here to tell Arima that Touka's pregnant, and honestly what would help him and Touka is encouragement, not a lecture, and you don't have a leg to stand on anyways considering where I came from."
Kaneki's jaw drops. Are you for real, Eto?
Eto pushes past, marching down the path. Her shoulders tremble.
Kaneki slowly lifts his head to see Yoshimura watching him. Blood floods Kaneki's cheeks. The sun blinds him.
Yoshimura regards Kaneki with a severe expression. He stares back, wanting to hide his gaze, but feeling as if he can't. The color of Yoshimura's eyes deepen, and Kaneki wonders if he's thinking of Ukina. Yoshimura looks down the path Eto disappeared down, and his Adam's apple bobs.
"You two," Yoshimura says. "Will be great parents."
Touka checks her phone again. Koma, Irimi, and Yoshimura all have nothing but kind things to say. Hell, she even gets a text from Rize, of all people. Rize's working as a waitress in a similar establishment, not going to school, but considering what she's been through, Touka's happy for her.
Congrats 2 u both.
The restaurant's crowded. Kaneki holds her hand. Silverware clanks and couples and families chatter and laugh. Touka's skirt matches her blouse, but her blouse feels tight over her breasts. Already?
"Hello!" Her father bursts into the restaurant, giving them both hugs. Since everyone else knows by now, Touka figured they needed to tell Dad as soon as possible. Still, butterflies flutter in her stomach. She wonders if her child can feel it. "How were your exams? How was the amusement park?"
"Not fun, and fun," Touka answers as they take their seats. They're at a burger place, since Touka hasn't vomited once today and her stomach still craves a burger. Salt. Give it to me.
"Good." Dad smiles. They order, and Touka drums her fingers on the checkered table. Kaneki cracks his knuckles.
"Are you okay?" Dad asks, concern filling his eyes, and God, he looks just like Ayato.
Touka glances at Kaneki. He opens his mouth.
I want to do it. She squeezes his thigh under the table. "We have something to tell you."
Dad nods, lips pressing together. He clutches his water glass.
"I'm pregnant."
Dad's jaw drops. Touka gulps. He shoves the water glass out of the way and reaches across the table, grasping the hand the rests on top of it. His eyes fill with tears.
You love me.
Even if I'm letting you down. Touka bites the insides of her cheeks. Salty blood fills her mouth.
"We're happy," Kaneki manages.
Dad nods. He blinks rapidly. "I am—happy for you both."
"We're not sure how it's gong to work with school, but we both will finish," Kaneki insists. "It just might take a little longer."
Dad manages a smile. "You two—are so—your mother's proud of you. I know it."
My mother? Kaneki clutches the ring tighter and Touka's own eyes fill up. If it's a girl, we'll name it after her. Hikari.
"If I can help by baby-sitting," Dad says. "I would love to." He sucks in his cheeks, as if he's suddenly slapped again with the reminder of how terribly he failed as a parent, how he was sent to prison—but Touka doesn't care. He's let her and Ayato set the terms for their relationship since he came back into their lives.
"We'd like that," she says.
"But what makes you think it was us?" Shio protests, blinking his green eyes. Rikai stares at the maroon carpet. Yusa chews on his lip.
"Kids," Ui says, crossing his arms. "You may be cute, but I'm not buying it."
Yusa's cheeks color as his brother glowers at him. Hirako puts his hand on Rikai's shoulder. Shio lowers his chin towards his chest.
"Why would you do this?" asks Arima with a sigh. A cloud covers the sun outside the window.
"Because he accused us of cheating last year," Shio says. "Tatara, I mean."
Ui could groan. "Why Houji?"
"It's not like we're the first people to wonder why they hate each other," Shio retorts.
"Because it's none of your business, that's why," Hirako retorts.
Shio narrows his eyes. Yusa glances up at his brother, biting his lip hard enough for it to bleed.
"Stop," Arima orders, grabbing a tissue and handing it to his brother. "You're all going to have to write letters of apology to both Houji and Tatara."
If it were his mentee, Hajime, Ui would have expected a fat chance in response. Rikai just nods, Yusa agrees, and Shio sighs.
"And you're all suspended for the rest of the day and for tomorrow," Arima adds, clicking a pen in his hand over and over again. Tatara burst into their office earlier, insisting on suspension. "You'd do it if it was anyone else, Kishou!"
"I'll do what I feel is appropriate," Arima retorted. Ui's stomach clenched in fury that Tatara dared impugn Arima.
Shio's jaw falls open in shock. Rikai starts to cry.
"It was my idea," Yusa whispers. "I should be suspended, not—"
"Great," Arima says sarcastically. Yusa flinches. Arima sighs and crouches in front of his brother. "Look at me. I'm not—angry with you, okay? Disappointed. I'm suspending you because you hurt a colleague of mine, and because if you weren't my brother I wouldn't have even hesitated. This does not mean I think you're a bad person, okay?"
How can you apply such gray understanding to everyone else—Yusa, Eto, Kaneki—but not to yourself? Ui wonders.
"Where's Hairu?" Shio whispers, looking up at his brother-in-law.
"Out grocery shopping," Ui answers. "I texted her."
Shio's brow pinches.
"You're not going to be allowed on your phone or the tablet tomorrow," Ui says. "Study. All day. Okay?"
Shio nods, and Ui reaches out to grasp his shoulder. Shio offers him a tentative smile. Ui gives in and smiles back. Rikai cries into Hirako's shoulder.
"You all have to do cleanup around campus for the rest of the day," Arima says. "With Mado."
"No!" wails Shio, clutching his face.
"Relax," says Arima. "He's no fan of Tatara's." A ghost of a smile appears on Arima's face. Yusa snorts. Rikai even smiles. "I'll walk you there."
"Is Hairu going to flip her shit when she reads those texts?" Hirako asks as they kids file out of the room.
"Probably," Ui says, checking his phone again. No response.
"I can't believe Kaneki and Touka are having a kid before you and Hairu," Hirako remarks, flipping through one of the middle schooler's files. Yuuki Something.
Ui gulps. "Or before you."
Hirako shrugs. "I mean." He swallows. "What do you think about—me adopting Rikai? I mean, the kid's got no parents—mom's dead and dad's unknown—and already lives with me."
Ui gapes at Hirako. Hirako's mouth twitches, and possibly for the first time since Ui's seen him, his friend looks vulnerable. "Are you sure you know what you'd be getting into?"
Hirako crosses his arms and leans back against the desk. "I love that kid." His gaze doesn't waver.
"Do it," Ui tells him, heart thumping. Give Rikai a permanent home, a permanent family. "God knows Rikai deserves a family, and Shio already has his sister and me, and Yusa has his brother and Eto."
Hirako smirks. "When he and Eto get married, that's gonna be strange. Since she was fired, but she'd live on campus, presumably. Unless they live off-campus like Mado."
Ui shakes his head. He picks up a pencil—the one he chews every time he wishes for a cigarette—and twists it in his hand again and again. "Have you asked Yomo what he'll do when Uta gets out of prison in a few months?"
"Uta will be banned from campus for his role in that trafficking ring," grunts Hirako.
Ui cocks his head.
"Yomo still loves him," says Hirako at last. "Yomo's a good man."
Ui nods. "He is." He doesn't know how he feels about Yomo getting together with Uta, though. Considering Uta's role, however minor, in an organization that hurt Hairu, that hurt Shio and the other kids… even if he turned on them in the end and saved some of the kids' lives.
Arima bursts back into the office, jaw set. Clearly punishing Yusa is hardly something he enjoys. "What's going on?"
"Nothing," Ui says quickly.
"We were just discussing Uta," says Hirako with a shrug.
Arima nods and pushes past, into his office. Ui frowns. Arima picks up the manila envelope Eto handed to him and studies it.
"Top secret?" Ui asks, something churning inside him.
Arima puts the envelope down on his desk. "It's a letter."
Hirako shrugs.
"From Furuta," Arima adds.
Ui's eyes pop. That bastard? His skin crawls. Not just because of Furuta. Because of how Ui was himself sucked into Furuta's schemes, thought he was helping Hairu…
"He writes me every month," Arima says. "And Eto, too. I've never written him back. Eto usually burns his letters, but she decided to turn this one over to me."
"Why?" demands Hirako.
Arima presses his lips together. He's not going to answer. "It's been quite a day. You two can leave when classes end."
"We kind of have to, to take care of our errant kids," Hirako jokes.
Hairu glares at her brother when Ui and Shio return to the dorm. Abashed, Shio hurries to help Hairu put groceries away. "Sorry."
"You should be." Hairu bangs the cabinets. Shio's eyes shine with tears. "It is funny, though."
Shio's jaw falls open. He springs at his sister and wraps her in a hug. Ui shakes his head, grabbing a bag of rice to store away.
Shio checks his phone and lets out a yelp. He claps his hands to his cheeks, looking far younger than his sixteen years. "Hirako's adopting Rikai!"
"Seriously?" Hairu turns to Ui, who nods. A smile blooms across her face as she chortles. "That's excellent news."
"I'm so happy!" Shio squeals, texting his friend back. Ui moves for the phone. "You said tomorrow!"
Ui hesitates. "Fine. First thing in the morning."
"Okay," Shio sings.
"Everyone's having kids," Ui jokes to Hairu after dinner that night, as they get ready for bed. Hairu brushes her hair, her nightgown barely covering her ass. "Even our old students."
Hairu peers up at him as she sets the brush down and crawls onto the bed. "I thought you wanted to wait a year or two."
"I do," Ui says quickly. "I mean—whatever you want." This is not a conversation they should be having so late at night when they have work in the morning. He pulls the covers back.
Hairu grasps him by the back of the neck and presses her mouth against his. His chest seizes. He can't breath. All he tastes is her, and her minty toothpaste. "Are you trying to get moving here?" he jokes.
Hairu pinches the ends of his hair. "No." She shrugs. "Being pregnant would mean—I'd have to take some time off as a dorm parent. I mean, I'd want to. You'd step in, I imagine, but—with all the changes to Re since the Washuus left and Marude took over as principal, and with all the overcrowding in the dorms—probably it's best to wait."
Ui nods.
Hairu pulls him down on top of her. Her eyes glimmer. "What if we—take a page from Hirako's book?"
"I think Shio already knows he's a part of the family," Ui says, blood pooling in his cheeks as she angles her hips up. "You're siblings—"
"Nope," says Hairu. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pulls him closer. Her breath tickles his chin. "I was thinking about—we have other lonely children at this school. Some of who get along quite swimmingly with Shio already. And some of whom may already look at you like a father figure."
Someone looks at me that way? Ui rolls off her and lies next to her, peering at her face. "Are you talking about Hajime?"
"All he wants is his parents back," says Hairu. "We can't be his parents, but we can be—parents." She swallows. "He loves you, you know."
Ui squeezes his eyes shut. "Rio sees you like a big sister," he says, naming Hajime's roommate.
"I would adopt both of them if I could," Hairu says.
Why can't we? It's all they want, after all. Rio wants his big brother back. Hajime wants his parents.
Hairu studies his face, her hand cupping his cheek. A smile spreads across her face.
"Go for it," Arima says.
"Are you serious?" asks Hirako, rubbing his head. "You aren't just, like, trying to catch up, are you?"
Ui scowls at him.
"Fuck no," Hairu snaps.
"Honestly," says Arima, adjusting his glasses. His fingers reach for the manila envelope again, but he doesn't pick it up. "You already love those kids. If you want to make it official, you should."
"We'd have to talk to Shio first," Ui says, picking up the chewed pencil. Sweat prickles against the back of his neck. What will his parents say when he adopts two kids with mental health issues?
I love them. Ui remembers being on the river rapids ride, floating through the bumpy water on a raft with Hairu, Takeomi, Mutsuki, Urie, Shirazu, Saiko, and Hsiao. The shrieks up ahead from a raft containing Kaneki, Amon, Takizawa, Kurona, Ayato, Hinami, Tsukiyama, and Karren warned Ui that the placid water wouldn't last.
"Too bad Touka isn't here," said Hsiao. "I would have thought she'd love this."
"You can't ride if you're pregnant," said Takeomi.
"What?" Shirazu shrieked as the raft spun directly under a waterfall, drenching Hairu and Ui.
"Our mom friend is going to be a dad?" yelped Saiko.
And all Ui could think of was that one of his former students was having a kid, and how he was—happy. Because a family is the thing so many of these kids crave, and it's the thing Ui didn't realize he wanted for himself so badly until he worked here.
And now I have one, Ui thinks.
He and Hairu discuss it with Shio first, and he's nothing but enthusiastic, and Ui's heart caves for this kid, his little brother.
They'll wait until the end of the school year before they tell them.
"You can't be serious," Eto says, sitting on his kitchen table.
Arima bites into an apple. Sour juice stings his tongue. "I am."
"He's a complete dick!" Eto glares at him, her lips curling back.
"He is," Arima agrees. The manila envelope sits on his countertop, seal broken. Eto glowers from her perch on the table. "But he's also my brother."
"Have you forgotten what he did to your other brother?" Eto shoots back. "To Rize? To Kaneki? To me?"
"Who are you talking about?" asks Yusa's voice. He emerges from his bedroom, rubbing his eyes. "You have—another brother?"
Shit. Arima swallows. Yusa turns to Eto, who chortles—a joyless, crackling sound.
"Stop it," snaps Arima.
"Tell him the truth, Kishou," Eto retorts. She picks up a green apple and tosses it from hand to hand.
Arima stares at his brother, the one he never stopped searching for, the one he always knew about, unlike the one who wrote the letters, unlike the one the manila envelope proves is actually his brother. He sets the red apple he was eating aside. Yusa's brow furrows. "Who did it sound like we were talking about?"
Eto groans.
"F-Furuta," Yusa whispers. "He's—he's your—he's my—"
"No," Arima insists, stepping forwards. "He—we share the same father, apparently. You and I share the same mother." Matsuri—Yoshitoki before him—did you know I was your brother? Did you care?
Yusa's jaw drops. He steps back from Arima. And then his jaw clamps shut and he turns and stalks back into his bedroom.
"Yusa?" Arima calls. What was that reaction? Are you mad? Are you angry with me?
"I'll talk to him," Eto says, hopping off the table, leaving the apple. "Since you wouldn't know an emotion or tact if it hit you in the face."
Shit.
He checks his phone. Kaneki's texted. A picture of a sonogram. That's right, Touka's eleven weeks today. He inhales. Furuta's been writing to him for months, and at first Arima ignored the letters, and then read them, and then he wrote back when Furuta claimed they had the same father.
He picks up the red apple. Brown already appears on the pale flesh.
Arima slams his phone down on the countertop and marches into Yusa's room. The door slams into the wall. Yusa's head snaps up. His laptop's open to a Skype feed with Shio on half the screen and Rikai on the other half.
Great. "So everyone knows?" Arima asks.
"Just us!" says Shio.
"Really, what do you expect?" asks Eto, folding her arms as she stands behind Yusa.
A little more support from my girlfriend! Unless maybe she doesn't want to be his girlfriend anymore, considering whose blood runs in his veins, polluting his body. Arima's jaw is so tight it throbs.
Yusa stares at him.
"He's been writing to me," Arima says.
"Are you wrote back?" cries Yusa.
Arima closes his eyes. "Not at first. Yes. Eventually, yes."
"And he's your brother," Yusa states.
"For fuck's sake," Eto says. Shio gasps. "Oh, don't pretend Hairu never curses, Ihei. We're not mad at you because of who your dickbag father happens to be, Kishou Arima. We're mad because you were not forthcoming—"
His chest tightens. "Because I thought your reactions would be exactly—"
"I think I know a thing or two about hating my father!"
"Mine probably doesn't even remember our mom," whispers Yusa. "She was probably just—a whore to him."
She was never just a whore. Arima's chest tightens. His lungs burn.
"And you want to go visit him in prison," Eto says. The sweet apple juice in his mouth sours.
"Why?" demands Yusa.
Arima doesn't know how to answer. Because that's precisely why. He has no answers.
"Are we related?" wonders Rikai.
"Nope," says Shio. "My mom told me about Hairu's dad, and mine—what they looked like, at least. Not a Washuu."
"What he did," Arima says. "To—all of us—is inexcusable." What else can I say?
Yusa studies him. He gets to his feet and wraps his arms around Arima. Arima's throat aches. Be more open with them, Eto had told him once. They have questions.
I have questions too.
He and Eto grew up differently, himself confined to the trafficking ring, Eto trying to survive among drug dealers and criminals, until they wound up at Re Academy.
I hate this fucking place, Eto said when his—father, the then principal, ordered him to catch whoever had just snuck off campus, and he cornered her. She was a freshman, he a senior and an RA. I want to take this fucking school, fuck it up even more, and give it a factory reset.
And her words resurrected everything he buried in that moment, and he smiled, and he let her go, told the principal he failed. She returned to teach at the school the same year he was hired as a dean, and she never mentioned that statement to him, but he knew she hadn't forgotten that vow she made. The glitter in her green eyes told him that.
She was fired for the things she did, but he never tried to stop her. He didn't ask many questions.
"Go ask," Eto says at last. "And let him know I hate him and call him a bitch for me, please."
Yusa snickers, and Arima shakes his head.
It's another few weeks before Arima makes the drive to Cochlea, where his brother rots. Furuta can't conceal his surprise when he enters the room, guarded by two men, and see Arima waiting there. "Re Academy fall apart?"
"I've been getting your letters," Arima says.
"You never write back," Furuta snaps, and there's something familiar in his tone—a child hiding what he truly means. Yusa does that sometimes.
"Is that what you want?" asks Arima.
"Do you care?"
"Why did you write me and tell me we were brothers?"
"I found out," Furuta says. "The Washuus were selecting kids whom they thought were gifted—and those who were theirs. You and me, really. Hairu and Hsiao were just gifted. You were both." His features scrunch in bitterness. "And I helped Rize escape."
Arima gulps.
"I heard Matsuri," says Furuta. "Our dear brother. Who never gave a shit about us. Our father—he gave you the position of dean because you were his son, and he thought he'd trained you so that you'd never disobey him, you know that, right?"
No. I thought—I was a prodigy—I graduated so early—
"He never gave me a second glance," Furuta says. "I was—nothing special. The whole reason they weren't going to sell me was just because his DNA was in me, and I—" He sucks in his breath. "Not matter how hard I worked, how successful I was, he didn't give a shit about me."
You just wanted him to acknowledge you.
And when he didn't, you wanted to destroy him. And you didn't care if you destroyed yourself in the process.
"You hate him," says Arima.
Furuta laughs. "You have your answers now." He spreads his fingers. "You're the chosen one, you know, but if I hadn't tried to—you never would have—"
"You have nothing to be proud of, Nimura," Arima cuts in.
Furuta stiffens. The guards look at them.
"Did you always know?" Arima asks, taking a deep breath. "Growing up?"
Furuta frowns, his hair hanging loose and stringy around his face. His cheeks look gaunt. "He used to visit my mother."
"And you?"
Furuta snickers. "I used to find the drawings I gave him crumpled in the trash cans. But he talked about you. He bragged about you."
"He never told me that," Arima interjects, heat rushing through him. "He never—acknowledged—I didn't even know until you—"
"You never bothered to question?" Furuta sneers. "That's exactly why I couldn't trust you to have any decent impact on—"
"You're just like him," Arima snaps. Furuta recoils. "You see people as objects. You use them. You—" No one gave you the option. No one gave either of us any options. He curls a fist.
Shadows fall throughout the room. "Doesn't it make you angry?" Furuta croons.
Arima meets his eyes. Yes. Furuta sucks in his breath.
"Time's up," the guard interjects, stepping towards Furuta. He twitches away from the guard, face screwing up like a child's.
"I'll see you next week," Arima says, getting to his feet.
"Next week?" Furuta demands, freezing, still caught in the guard's grip.
"You look like you need a brother," says Arima, looking over his shoulder.
Furuta's jaw drops. He lets the guards pull him out of the room.
"Goodbye," says Arima, and then he drives back to Re. Eto's going to kill me, he thinks as he walks up towards his apartment.
She's waiting for him. "I had to see my father to get onto campus. Yusa's at Hirako's." Her shirt is already off, and she unbuckles her bra as she approaches.
"Um," Arima says. "We should—talk—"
"When are you going back?" Eto asks as she slips her pants off, reaching out and untucking his shirt. Her fingers rove up to undo the buttons.
You know I'm going back?
Of course you do.
"You can make it up to me," Eto says as she pulls him towards the bedroom. She kicks the door shut. "And you have to do what's right for you." She removes his glasses.
"Eto, I can barely see," he protests as she shimmies him out of his pants.
"Think of it like being blindfolded," she teases, standing on tiptoe. He hitches her up, her legs around his hips. She presses her mouth into his, fingers digging through his hair, and he lets her pull him down, his body and hers syncing in rhythm and his eyes, even without glasses, taking in the way her face tightens and her lips part, listening to the sounds of her breaths, feeling the way her fingernails dig into his shoulders as she clutches him like he's all she has.
You know me, and I see you.
A few months later and Re Academy prepares to close its gates for the summer. Hairu and Ui's first wedding anniversary fast approaches, and when Ui checks the mail the day they're going to tell the kids, he finds an elaborate invitation for Touka Kirishima's baby shower.
"Wow," says Hairu, examining the invite, which was clearly made by either Shuu Tsukiyama or Karren von Rosewald. Most likely both of them. "Feels kind of real."
"I know," Ui says, shaking his head.
The students took their final finals today, and now Shio's a senior, and Ui can't believe it. But Shio seems more concerned with the announcement. "Can I tell them to come over?"
"As long as you don't spoil it," Ui says, straightening the books on the cream-colored bookshelves lining the living room walls.
"I won't." Shio grins. "Tatara can't even fail me. I know I aced that final, so I'll probably get like a C."
Ui rolls his eyes. Hairu snickers.
When Shio bursts back into the room, Rio popping in behind him and Hajime dragging his feet, beanie pulled low over his indigo hair.
"How were your exams?" Hairu asks, wrapping an arm around Ui's waist. And pressing her chin into his shoulder. Hairu, stop!
"They're over," Hajime grouses.
Rio shrugs. "Chemistry was hard."
"And now we have to pack to go and sit at one of those stupid houses for losers like us," says Hajime.
"I'm not a loser," says Rio, frowning.
"That's not what I meant," says Hajime, sourness bleeding onto his face. You don't want to leave here.
"You two could stay for the summer," Hairu says. "If you want to."
"Huh?" Hajime looks up at them. "Is there—I thought the rules were—"
"Sit down," Ui invites, gesturing towards the couch. Shio drops onto the loveseat, a grin on his face. "So—"
"We were going to invite you to stay," Hairu says, glancing at him. "For the summer. And also maybe forever."
Well, that's one way to put it, Ui thinks.
"Forever?" asks Hajime. "What does that mean?"
"Well," Ui says, gulping. What if they aren't happy? What if they say no?
I'd still love them.
"You know about how Hirako's adopting Rikai?" Ui continues. "We—were wondering—how the two of you would feel about being adopted. You could stay here. You'd have to share a room, but—"
"Huh?" Hajime gapes at them.
"We know you both already have parents," Ui adds. "And we couldn't replace them—we'd just—"
"Like to give you two a permanent place to come back to," Hairu says. Since I never had one. Ui hears it unspoken in her voice.
"You can say no," Ui says. "We wouldn't be offended." His heart pounds. Sweat pricks the back of his neck. Please don't.
Rio drops his head to his knees. Hajime just stares. "Is this because of overcrowding in the dorms?"
"No," Hairu says. "It's because we love both of you."
Hajime folds his arms and studies his shoes. He nods his head slightly. "Okay."
"Okay?"
Hajime lifts his head, looking at them with his eyes wide. His lips tremble.
"Why would you want me, though?" asks Rio, voice muffled as he rocks back and forth. "I'm fucking crazy, and you know that."
A dissociative disorder, and psychosis, Arima's told them. It's in Rio's files.
"Everyone's a little crazy," says Hairu.
Rio lets out a sob. Hairu puts her hand on his shoulder, and he looks up at her, tears and snot running down his face, pleading. She kneels and wraps her arms around him, and he crumples onto her, crying.
Hajime focuses on Ui, who comes over to sit next to him. Ui offers him a smile.
"I don't have to call you 'dad,' do I?" Hajime asks.
"No," Ui says. "'Hairu' and 'Koori' would be fine."
Hajime smiles. "Can I keep my tongue piercing?"
Ui wrinkles his nose. "Unless it gets infected."
Hajime lets out a small laugh. He grabs a throw pillow and tosses it up in the air, catching it. Ui catches sight of him blinking rapidly.
"But you do have to call me 'Uncle Shio,'" says Shio.
"Oh, hell no!" shouts Hajime.
"My nephew's disrespecting me!" yelps Shio. "Hairu, do something!"
This is what I have to look forward to, don't I? Ui thinks.
He doesn't mind a bit.
"You failed, didn't you," Shirazu says as Hsiao pulls up Saiko's results on her computer. Juuzou leans forward, curious. He's been visiting Mutsuki to try and encourage him, since Urie says Mucchan's been scared of dissociating even since he attacked Takizawa and Akira after the Kirishimas' surprise birthday party last year. The apartment Mutsuki shares with Urie, Shirazu, Saiko, Hsiao, Higemaru, and Aura has three bedrooms—one each for the couples, and one for the three other guys, and a small kitchen and living area, where Juuzou perches on the plump couch.
"Of course not!" Hsiao snaps, indignant.
Saiko cheers, jumping to her feet. "I got an A!"
"What?" Shirazu asks, dumbfounded. Juuzou snickers.
"For real?" cries Mutsuki, jumping to his feet. Urie's jaw hangs open.
"See!" Saiko points at the screen. Hsiao shoves the laptop into Shirazu's face.
"I'll be damned," Shirazu says. He holds out his hand to Saiko, who chortles and high-fives him. Mutsuki grabs Saiko in a hug.
"I knew you could do it!" Higemaru cries.
"Good to know waking you up all those mornings was worth it," grouses Aura.
"Shirazu literally carried her to class some days," Mutsuki admits to Juuzou.
"Good job," Urie tells her. Saiko laughs.
"We should celebrate!" Hsiao cries. "A party!"
"We can invite Kaneki and Touka!" Saiko says, eyes lighting up. "And play video games!"
Aura groans. Urie shakes his head. "Whatever you want."
"Hopefully I won't lose it again," Mutsuki says grimly, wringing his t-shirt in his hands.
Like you did last time you had a bunch of friends over. Juuzou frowns. "I don't think you will."
Mutsuki manages a smile. "I hope not."
What would Shinohara do? Juuzou wonders. He's studying art in university, considering going back and teaching art at Re, since the art teacher they hired to replace Uta is lacking. I want to be like Shinohara. I want to mentor students.
"Do you think Marude would hire me?" Juuzou asked. "Since I kinda sucked his earbone out."
"He better," grumbled Tamaki.
"You did suck out his cochlea," pointed out Nakarai. "I mean, I think he should hire you, but."
"You could always apologize," suggested Hanbee, his hand on Juuzou's elbow. "Even if—you're not entirely sorry. It's better late than never."
Maybe he will. Juuzou rubs his chin. Mutsuki rushes to the kitchen to make food for the party, as Saiko's already texting everyone.
Within a few hours everyone is there, and Saiko's dividing them all into teams to play video games. Touka rubs her swelling abdomen, and Saiko tries to talk to the baby.
"Want to feel him kick?" Touka asks Juuzou.
"I guess," Juuzou says, and she presses her hand against her stomach. Something presses into him—a foot? "Does it hurt?"
"Sometimes," Touka admits. She sighs. "It feels weird that I won't be at college next semester." Both she and Kaneki are taking the time off.
"But we'll go back later," Kaneki assures her.
They play video games well into the morning, and eventually Mutsuki falls asleep with his head on Urie's lap, and when Juuzou wakes up, the bright sunlight of late morning shines through the windows, and everyone's asleep on the couch or on the floor. Saiko's drooling onto Hsiao's shoulder. Juuzou cracks his neck as he sits up. Touka's flopped on the couch, Kaneki asleep on the floor beneath her. The sticky taste of candy lingers in Juuzou's mouth. His phone has about a dozen where are you? messages from Hanbee.
How are you going to take care of a kid when you're still a kid in so many ways? Juuzou wonders as he texts a profuse apology to his boyfriend. We all are.
Then again, none of them really got the chance to enjoy being kids.
Because of that, you know what a child needs. Juuzou thinks of Big Madam, rotting in prison, and what she did to him: she thought of him as a doll to be sculpted into her desires, an outlet for her to plug her anger and her wants into. And he thinks of Shinohara, and how he saw so many possibilities for Juuzou, but wanted him to choose them himself, handled him the scalpel to carve himself.
You can be like Shinohara, Kaneki, Touka, he decides. I know you can be.
And you too, Mutsuki, you can be who you want to be.
I'll come over and make you all pancakes, Hanbee texts, clearly just relieved Juuzou's okay. Juuzou smiles.
We all can be.
"Everything's ready," Karren announces, flopping down onto the bed at Mirumo Tsukiyama's home. They've spent the entire afternoon with Akira, Yoriko, and Kimi, helping prepare the living room to host a baby shower for Touka tomorrow.
"And it looks so great," Shuu declares. He climbs onto the bed and looks down at Karren. "Everyone's going to have a wonderful time, liebling."
"Good." Karren cranes her neck back. The aquamarine covers of Shuu's childhood king-sized bed are soft under her skin. The matching curtains sway in the breeze. She'll stay here tonight rather than in the room she used to occupy, because she has no attachment to it.
"I'm glad it's co-ed," Shuu adds. "That way I get to come."
"We figured it was important Touka have Arata there, plus Yomo and Yoshimura," Karren says sleepily. Exhaustion settles into her shoulders, sits heavy in her spine.
"And me, of course," Shuu teases, brushing strands of her lavender hair from her face.
"Of course," Karren echoes.
Shuu's fingertips still for a moment, and then rub her temples. Some of the tension bleeds away. "What's wrong?"
"Huh?" Karren opens her eyes. He peers at her, his face hovering over hers.
"What's bothering you, Karren?" He cups her chin between his hands. "Can I kiss it away?"
"Shuu." Karren snorts and rolls over, getting to her knees. "Nothing's bothering me, but we can give that a try." She leans in.
Shuu pulls away from her, taking her wrists in his hands. A strand of purple hair dangles over his cheekbones, the ones that landed him a part-time modeling gig last semester. "Don't do that, Karren."
"Do what?" she says, heart thumping, black blood boiling up inside her, threatening to burst out. And she doesn't know if she wants him to pull open the door, let it break free, because it's ugly, but if he doesn't, it might drown her.
"Pretend what you want doesn't matter," says Shuu. "You matter. I want to know what's bothering you, Karren."
Be yourself.
Don't be Kanae.
You don't have to be. Please, remember.
"I was just—" Her tongue's thick in her mouth. "Thinking—if you and I have—if we ever wind up like Touka and Kaneki—my parents won't be here. And your mother won't be. And of course Kaneki's parents aren't, and Touka's mom isn't, so—and we'd still have your dad, so it's not like—"
Shuu pulls her against him, arms wrapping around her back. "I'm sorry, liebling."
Tears sting her eyes. "I just—I miss them."
Shuu kisses her ear. Karren lets the tears overflow, spilling onto his designer shirt, and he just pulls her closer. "I wish I had—what Touka and Kaneki have."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean—Yoshimura, and Yomo—they've always been there, and Arima's kind of like a dad to Kaneki—not that your dad isn't wonderful, he is—"
"He is now," Shuu says, pulling back and resting his thumb on her chin. "He wasn't—the father figure you needed when you first got here, was he?"
Karren hesitates. Be Karren. She shakes her head. "I was—so afraid—he would send me away—but he was busy, it's completely—understandable—"
"I was lonely, too," Shuu says. "I mean—I don't mean to sound like it was the same thing, Karren, I knew he loved me, but you—he does love you, Karren. Like a daughter. Daughter-in-law, which you will be eventually, by the way,"
Karren snorts. "I know. I just—"
"You're still allowed to cry," Shuu says, his minty breath tickling her ears. "It's sad. I wonder what they'd have thought of me. Would your brothers be like Ayato, threatening me if I knocked you up?"
"They'd make sure no one would ever find the body," Karren says. A laugh escapes as she imagines Arunolt and Nathanael sitting Shuu down to threaten him.
Shuu gasps. A smirk crawls over his face. "I love the look in your eyes when you joke like that." He frowns. "Which I'm not sure is so good for me to have you keeping joking about killing me."
Karren snickers, pushing her hair back. She arches her eyebrows, striking a pinup pose.
"I really want to have sex with you right now," Shuu says.
"Good." Karren pushes him back onto the bed.
The next day, Touka's jaw falls open in surprise when they greet her. Everyone lavishes gifts on her, and Karren makes sure Touka feels loved. All of the people from Dorm Blocks 11 and 20 when they were students attend, even Asa, Hakatori and Ikuma, Itou and his new girlfriend Misato. Miza and Naki come too.
You won't feel lonely, and neither will your child, Karren thinks. We'll make sure he knows how loved he is.
"I wouldn't begrudge you for it," Ui tells Yomo, hands folded nervously.
Yomo blinks. He doesn't know what to say, so he just nods and scuttles past him. Hairu waves, Rio and Hajime arguing behind her.
He makes it to his apartment and flops down on his bed. Touka's almost nine months now, her stomach almost out to her knees and Kaneki an anxious wreck. He remembers Hikari when she was pregnant with Touka, even younger than his niece is now.
"You can do it," Arata said to Hikari, beaming. "You're going to be a great mother."
She barely had the chance. Yomo's chest aches.
His phone buzzes. Everything's all set, Arata's texted.
Even with Ui taking the step of telling Yomo he wouldn't blame him, he's not sure he can do it. He gets to his feet and looks at his blank walls, the carpet-less floor, the spartan furniture. It's all very empty.
But Hikari's family—they make it full.
I'm your sister, Hikari said once. I'll always be here for you.
You still are.
His phone vibrates again, and it lights up with a message from Touka. I hope you're going tomorrow. You've been alone long enough.
Yomo snorts. She's so like you, Hikari.
He gets up before dawn the next day, when a cool dark blue quilt still covers the sky. It rains lightly on his way over to the Cochlea Detention Center.
When Uta sees him, his brows swoop together in surprise. He snorts.
"Arata's gotten you an apartment in the complex he lived in when he got out of prison," Yomo says by way of greeting. "I'll take you there." You're banned from campus. That, Uta already knows.
"How is—everything?" Uta asks as he climbs into the car. He squints through the window, studying the rain splattering the glass. Thunder rumbles. Yomo switches off his music—the songs Uta would always call boring when they were growing up together.
"Good," Yomo says. "Touka's due in another couple weeks."
"Can't believe they're having a kid together," Uta remarks.
Yomo smiles.
"You're be a great great-uncle," Uta says.
They arrive at the apartment that Arata put together yesterday, and Yomo hands Uta the key. It's a tiny studio, and the bedding and kitchen supplies are all second-hand, but they made sure to stock the fridge with eggs and simple food, and Yomo put some clay, paints, and some of Uta's old art in the living room. Itori hung a photo of the three of them, plus Roma and Nico, on the wall.
"Itori says it's so that you constantly feel like we're 'creeping over your shoulder,'" Yomo says, making air quotes.
Uta laughs. His laugh still sounds the same.
"Touka told me to come pick you up," Yomo blurts out.
Uta raises his eyebrows.
"I mean—" Yomo swallows. How am I so bad at this? "I wanted to, but I was—you know—my family—also Ui told me he didn't mind—"
"Sir Stick-in-the-mud?" asks Uta. He scuffs his boot on the old, red-painted floor. "I get it."
"I—you're not—you said you always felt alone," Yomo says. "That day." When the police took you away.
Uta sucks in his breath. "I'm not your responsibility, Renji."
I can't figure you out. Yomo bites his lip. Heat fills his cheeks.
A small smile curves Uta's lips. Fuck it. Yomo takes a step forward. If Arima can date Eto still— His mouth descends onto Uta's. Uta opens his lips, lets Renji in. His fingers dig into Yomo's hair.
We haven't kissed since the night you were arrested. They haven't even talked about it. But the way Uta moves, the way his tongue explores Yomo's mouth—he feels known.
Yomo pulls back, his thumbs pressing against Uta's tattoo on his neck, the Latin one. I can neither live with you, nor without you.
I want to be with you.
Lightning flashes outside. Sweat drips down Yomo's spine. Uta looks up at him, lips swollen, eyes unreadable as ever—and then his gaze softens, and Yomo realizes what he's been about to ask.
"Yeah, okay," says Yomo. Knowing Itori, she probably stocked condoms in the small dresser.
Uta kisses him again. They make their way to the bed, where Yomo does indeed find condoms stored along with a creepy note from Itori. Have fun boys.
"Renji?" Uta rasps.
"I don't really know—I don't—this isn't something I do—habitually," Yomo manages. Anxiety creeps down his arms, burrows into his wrists. Rain patters the roof, streams down the windows.
"Well," Uta says. "I've got enough experience for the both of us."
Not helpful.
"Never with you, though," Uta adds quickly, pinching the gray coverlet. "It's always different."
Never with someone you care about like you care about me? Yomo's face grows red. "Do you want to be—"
"You be on top," Uta says.
Yomo nods and climbs onto the bed and sinks his mouth down against Uta's again. Uta presses against him, and they fumble to take each other's clothes off. Uta has to help him put the condom on, and he laughs, but it's not mocking. He moves, and Uta rocks his body, copying Yomo's lead, and his eyes don't stray from Yomo's face, and the mask's completely dissolved from Uta's face as he pants, gasps, arches his neck back. It's you.
Uta leans back against Yomo when they're done, eyes drifting shut. I hope you enjoy freedom, Yomo thinks.
His phone rings. Yomo ignores it, letting his eyes close. It's not bad, having Uta's head rest on his chest.
His phone rings again. Uta cracks his eyes open. "Aren't you going to get that?"
"Apparently." Yomo hobbles up and checks his phone.
Ayato.
TOUKA'S IN LABOR.
"Breathe, Touka," Ayato urges. "Just breathe. You're gonna be okay. Just breathe. Breathe—"
"I am breathing, you—idiot!" Touka pants. "Hinami, make him shut the fuck up!" They wheel her into the hospital. Kaneki clutches his hair, knuckles white.
Hinami grips Ayato's shoulder. Panic surges. But that's my sister—that's my sister—
And she's going to have a baby.
"Kimi's on her way, Touka," Hinami says, her voice soothing, quelling the knives of anxiety stabbing Ayato in the gut. "She'll be here in fifteen minutes. She and Nishiki got a cab." As a med student, Kimi will be Touka's labor coach.
Touka grits her teeth and moans, leaning forwards. Her lips pull back. Kaneki looks as if he's contemplating tearing apart the concept of pain itself.
"Think about something else," Kaneki encourages. "Like—"
"Ken—Ayato—" Touka wheezes. "I love you both, but if you give me one more fucking instruction on how to have this baby, I'm going to murder you both!"
A nurse clad in blue scrubs rushes Touka behind deep gray doors, Kaneki jogging after them, his face melting in panic.
You're going to have a baby. Ayato yanks his hair back, struggling to breathe.
"Wow," Hinami says.
"Isn't this the hospital where Kaneki and Touka had to hide out in?" Ayato manages. "When they were hunting for Rize?"
"The one where Karren, Tsukiyama, and Nishiki turned the ER into shambles?" Hinami chuckles. "Yep."
"What if—" Ayato starts.
"Don't worry about her, Ayato," Hinami says, catching his hand. "They're professionals. She'll be okay, Ayato."
Ayato nods. Hinami helps him to the waiting area, where, judging by what Hinami says from reading books about pregnancy, they have a long wait ahead of them. The chairs are hard plastic and uncomfortable. Ayato shifts. Kimi arrives, and vanishes into the ward with promises to text. Nishiki opts to wait not at the hospital.
Dad arrives next, face as terrified as Kaneki's. Ayato gets to his feet. "They took her back, and Kimi's with her," Hinami reports.
Dad nods, gulping air.
"You okay?" Hinami asks.
Dad nods. "My baby girl is about to have a baby." He shakes his head. "I can't believe it."
Are you disappointed in her? Ayato wonders. That they had an unplanned pregnancy?
Did we ruin your lives?
"Are you okay?" Hinami asks him.
Ayato shrugs.
"Did I let you down?" Ayato asks abruptly. "Being—you know, a screw-up in school, and Touka being pregnant now—" Did we ruin your life? Would it have been better if you hadn't had us? The words churn through him.
"What?" Dad gapes at him. "No! Ayato—"
Protect your sister.
I can't protect her from herself. He flicks his earring. "You told me to—protect her." Hinami takes his hand.
Dad's eyes widen. "Ayato—"
And then you left. I forgave him. Why am I—why is this still—Ayato curls his fist. Why now? He lowers is head, hair obscuring his face. A hand lands on his back. Hinami.
He remembers her tears over her parents. It's okay to cry.
"I shouldn't have asked you that," Dad says, flexing his fingers. His shoulders hunch.
"Why did you?" Ayato demands. His voice cracks, but he doesn't want to actually cry. His eyes burn. "Did you know you were going to leave us?"
Dad's face drains to the color of milk. "No."
Ayato's cheeks burn. He feels like a child again, screaming at Touka as they struggled to survive on the streets: he's a coward and he left us!
"But I knew something might happen," Dad admits, head hanging low—and then he lifts his head and meets Ayato's eyes. "It was—selfish of me. I just wanted you two to be okay—but I—I'm sorry, Ayato."
A little late, Ayato thinks. And you've already said that. Hinami's hand is warm against his spine. He swallows. His eyes meet his father's. We can't erase it. We can't go back and wipe it clean.
But you're here now.
The door opens, and Yomo rushes in, Uta trailing behind him. He stops short when he sees Ayato and Hinami.
Last time I saw you, Donato had just tried to choke the life out of me. Ayato glowers.
Uta lowers his head and takes a step back, but two more figures enter the room, bickering. Arima and Eto.
"Hi," Eto chirps, adjusting her skirt. "Good to see you again, Uta. Itori and I had bets going as to whether you and Yomo would finally hook up or not." She hooks her elbow through Arima's. Yomo turns scarlet. Arima winces.
"What are you doing here?" Uta asks.
"As Kaneki's father figure, he wants to await the birth of his grandchild," Eto announces. "Young for a grandfather, but then so are you, Arata."
The door opens again, and Ayato's eyes widen when he sees Yoshimura.
"Is he the great-grandfather, then?" Uta quips, leaning back against the wall and smirking at Eto.
"Touka texted me," Yoshimura says, rubbing the back of his head. "You ready for this, Arata?"
He snorts. Eto swallows, and her lips pinch together. Hinami leans against Ayato. He knows Eto and Yoshimura have been working on their relationship, but this—this is another sort of test. Because Ayato suspects Eto's revisiting the same question he just revisited: why did you leave me?
"Ui, Hairu, Hirako, and Shinohara made us promise to text with news," Arima says, breaking the awkward silence. "Yusa's with Hirako and Rikai."
"I take it you're all calling out sick tomorrow," Uta comments. "Marude will text you to say he knows y'all aren't sick."
"Hairu already brought that up, and she says Marude can deal," Arima replies.
Yoshimura takes a seat across from Eto and Arima. Eto wraps her arm around Arima, pressing her chin into his shoulder as if she thinks that will provoke her father. Arima frowns.
"Eto," says Yoshimura as the clock ticks and tocks above them.
"Hm?" She peers at him. Her palm rubs against Arima's pecs. His face looks like an apple.
"I'm so sorry," Yoshimura says, and Uta's eyebrows fly up. A soft look crosses Yomo's eyes.
How must it have felt, to know your father saved Yomo but never tried to save you when you were growing up? Ayato wonders. Hinami plays with the clover pin in her hair.
"You've said that before," Eto says, folding her arms across her chest. Arima studies his girlfriend.
That's exactly what I just thought, Ayato realizes. He glances at his father.
"And I'll say it again, because I'll never stop regretting it," Yoshimura says. He squeezes his eyes shut. Dad turns to look at Ayato.
"Well," Eto says. "If you want to. Apologizing won't change anything, though."
"What are you—" Arima starts.
"Just that I don't think we need to bring this up again," Eto says. "I want to move on." She plays with something on her finger.
"Hey!" Hinami yelps. "Is that—"
"Oops." Eto hides it.
Arima gulps. "We thought Touka still had a few more weeks to go—"
"Are you kidding?" Hinami cries. "He'll be happy for you both!"
Eto rolls her eyes and produces her left hand, waving the ring around. "Here you go."
"How long does it take to have a baby anyways?" Shirazu wonders, sipping some of the wine Tsukiyama brought over to Amon and Akira's apartment. Seidou and Kurona recently moved in, letting Touka and Kaneki have their own place.
"It can take days," Aura informs him, biting into a handful of chips. They're all gathered, all of the graduates worried about their friends.
Geez. Good luck, Touka.
"Days?" Tsukiyama gapes.
"More likely hours," Karren supplies, swirling the wine in her glass. "Lots of hours."
"I can't believe our mom friend is having a kid," Saiko says, tilting her head back. Blue hair droops around her face. "He's gonna be a dad."
"My best friend since childhood is having a kid," Hide echoes, rubbing his face. "Jesus."
Shirazu checks his phone. Haru and her roommate, Seina Takizawa, are in Shinohara's apartment, waiting for word. Hirako went over to Ui and Hairu's, and Yusa, Shio, Rikai, Rio, and Hajime are waiting up too.
"Looks like we all might have a sleepless night," Akira observes. She hands Amon a donut.
"Who will be next?" wonders Higemaru. "I mean, of all of us. To have a kid."
"Tsukiyama and Karren," says Saiko without hesitation.
"No way!" shrieks Karren. "Not yet!"
Chie snaps a picture.
"Ayato seems the type, but I have faith in Hinami," muses Tsukiyama, hand on his chin.
"Urie and Mutsuki," guesses Kurona. Mutsuki throws a pillow at her.
"You guys," says Hakatori, a smirk on her face as she looks at Seidou, who glowers at her. Ikuma tugs at Hakatori's sleeve.
"Nah, Seidou's too responsible," Juuzou says, bouncing his legs as he unwrap another chocolate, Hanbee's arm around his shoulders.
"Saiko would be an amazing mother," Mutsuki says, arms wrapped around Urie's waist as he snuggles. Hsiao chortles.
"She would be," Shirazu agrees, watching as Saiko laughs and claps her hands to her plump cheeks.
"Doubt she'd cook though," Urie mumbles. Shirazu swats him on the head. Urie yelps.
It wouldn't matter that Saiko wouldn't cook, Shirazu thinks. He watches her laugh and raise the wine to her mouth. Dammit.
"Kimi says Touka's only four centimeters dilated," Nishiki reports, holding his phone up in the air.
"What does that mean?" asks Nakarai.
"It mean she's not that close to delivery," Nishiki answers.
Aura groans, head leaning back. Mutsuki's almost asleep against Urie, and Urie's eyes drift shut. Rain patters against the window. Shirazu texts Haru the news.
He's stayed up all night a few times. Mostly for schoolwork. And also the night his father died, after his mother left. Shirazu found him swinging. He called the police, he kept Haru from seeing him, he told Haru Dad abandoned them too and the police took Haru to the hospital when her nose started bleeding. Shirazu sat in the police station and in the hospital waiting room all night and he just remembers clutching a magazine so tightly his knuckles ached because what if Haru died too, what if he was truly all alone, but if he lost her, what if he lost everyone because he wasn't worth it, not to his mother, not to his father, not to any God that might be listening, but dammit, Haru was worth it to him.
He didn't get to say goodbye. He left the arrangements up to the city. There was no funeral.
Saiko was his first friend at Re. She knew about his father and told him she didn't blame him for not telling Haru what happened.
Tonight, they're waiting up for life. Shirazu heads to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. Amon heads out for another donut run.
"Put cream in mine!" Saiko calls.
"You're getting it black," Shirazu retorts.
"No!" Saiko squeals, running into the kitchen after him. "Shiragin!"
"Do not let her make the coffee, Ginshi!" bellows Urie. "I'll wind up with three times my normal dose of caffeine and sugar in mine!"
Saiko winks at Shirazu. He rolls his eyes. "No way."
"Fine. Make me coffee that's so incredibly sweet and creamy it tastes like coffee ice cream." Saiko rests her hand on her chin, which rests on the counter. She's so short she barely stands above it. "Black with one spoonful of sugar for Hsiao."
"I thought it was just black."
"I've corrupted her," Saiko murmurs.
Shirazu shakes his head. Saiko peers up at him, and his heart lurches to his throat.
"You're good for each other," he says. And I love you.
"She makes me happy," Saiko says, her mischievous smile dwindling. Her eyes, as blue as her hair and as large as her appetite, latch onto his face. The coffee machine bubbles, and the rich aroma fills the air.
Saiko leaps forward and wraps her arms around him. "Thanks, Shiragin."
Shirazu sucks in his breath. You love me too.
But you also love Hsiao, and you're happy with her.
I'm happy for you both. He lets out his breath and pushes past her towards the fridge. "Here's your cream."
"Nope." Saiko sticks out her lower lip. "You do it."
"Fine." Shirazu smiles. Amon staggers back inside, drenched but bearing a donut box encased in a plastic bag.
"Guys!" yelps Hide.
"What?" asks Akira's groggy voice. The clock over the stove reads 5:28 in the morning.
"Kimi says Touka's nine centimeters now, and they're taking her to delivery!"
"Honestly—it's—stupid—this—hurts so much," Touka pants.
"Blame Adam and Eve," Kaneki offers.
"Are you seriously making a literature reference right now?" Touka screeches. Sweat slides down her spine. Pain ravages her from the inside, threatening to snap her spine, gnashing at her organs, burning her. Blood leaks warm and thick down her legs. The lights glow too bright above her, and she wishes this damn white room had a bit of color—no one wants to see glowing lights when they're afraid they might die you fuckers! Clearly a man designed the delivery room.
Kaneki shakes his head. He pulls her hair back as a groan seeps from her lips. Tears scrape at her eyes. I don't want to die.
"Breathe slowly," Kimi encourages. "In through your nose, Touka. Out through your mouth."
She nods. The taste of barf lingers in her mouth from when she went through transition and nausea rocked her.
"I think you're ready to push," the doctor tells her.
"You can do it, Touka," Kaneki says to her.
"Don't look," she requests. "Remember my body before it got all torn up." And Kimi warned her months ago that almost everyone shits during labor.
Kimi snorts. Kaneki rolls his eyes, but he listens. Because of course he does. He loves her. He fixes her with a smile, dark eyes glued to her face, fear in them—for her, for their baby—and hope, and faith, in her.
She remembers a boy heading off with Rize, the boy who Nishiki shoved to the ground crying, who almost threw up on her and who's now held her hair back from her face when she's thrown up, the boy who covered for her when she kicked Mado down those stairs, who decided to leave and she realized how much she loved him, how much he meant to her, because he repaid her anger with kindness, because he met her in the middle and they held each others hands and pulled each other along.
I love you.
"Push again," the doctor says, and Touka feels as if her body is splitting apart.
She remembers when she went after Ken when he ran away, when she met him in that hotel room, and they—talked. He drew her with wings.
Fuck, this hurts.
He squeezes her shoulder, face contorted in agony—agony for her. Touka sucks in her breath.
"Remember to breathe when you push!" Kimi snaps.
Touka wheezes, and the doctor's telling her one more, one more, and then the baby's screams split the air and the fire burning her fades lingers but she doesn't care because tears rain from her eyes and he's crying and it's music and Kaneki's bawling harder than the infant, and then he's in her arms, and he's covered in blood and goop and things Touka doesn't even want to think about, but he's here, pressed against her chest, and he's hers, and she gets to raise him with someone who loves her.
We won't be a tragedy.