Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Summary: Sheridan POV walking back to his quarters after his argument with Delenn in "Z'Ha'Dum"
Review: Sure, if you can find anything to say about something so short J
A/N: Just felt the need to write some J/D and didn't have time for more.
Believe this
By
soavezefiretto
"If you never believe anything I ever say again... please, please believe that!"
Not "love me" or "come back" or "you have to understand me" - that was before, no more time for that. Only "believe this". So Delenn.
John, well of course he's disappointed, angry, confused. His life is crumbling fast. Darkness is closing in, he can't breathe.
But he knows how he feels when he's with Delenn: safe, in spite of it all, even now, back there in her quarters, while there were all but shouting at each other. His rational mind is saying "she lied, she's not to be trusted, she manipulated me". His heart is saying "I love her and I know that she loves me, beyond a shadow of a doubt I know it, and this is what will keep me alive".
The pad Stephen has given him is heavy and cold in his hand. He shivers, body, mind, and soul, and feels something cold creep through his bones that is more than foreboding.
He knows what he feels when he's with Anna, too: he shrinks before her, doesn't want to be touched by her, doesn't want to talk to her. That is not his wife.
Sometimes he thinks about what would have happened if Anna had still been alive, if she'd come to Babylon 5 with him. Delenn would have been there - would he and she still have become friends? Would he have felt... what he felt, from the first moment he say her, that feeling that in his moments of honesty he had never seriously tried to ignore or even belittle, because it was too powerful and overwhelming in its very simplicity? She, he knows it, is the other part of his soul. What if he found that out while still being married to another woman, a woman he loved deeply, tenderly, a woman he had pledged his life to? He almost feels like a coward for not having been in that situation, for not having been forced to make that choice.
It's relief he feels when he walks into his quarters again, where Anna is waiting. He can love Delenn, and that is all that matters. Now he can walk toward his death calmly.
Only one more thing to do, later. As he listens to Anna's lies, he speaks the words in his mind: "Hello, Delenn. By the time you get this message, I will be at Z'Ha'Dum, with Anna..."