This is a multi-chapter-story about a Sole Survivor who needs to learn to let go - again. It comes with a soundtrack; you can find a song dedicated to the chapter at the end of each.
The name of my Sole Survivor is Daron Cryzek; he's a bearded red-head with blue eyes. You can PM me for pictures of them if you want to; their looks will change through the story, so I will provide links if needed.
I don't want to spoil too much but this is mainly a Danse/Daron fiction with hints of MacCready/Daron. Also there will be sex eventually but the story doesn't revolve around this, so if you just want some porn-action, this isn't the right story for you :)
Last but not least: please note that english isn't my native language so please forgive me my mistakes - but feel free to show them to me! And now have fun reading!
The Ballad of Beelzebub
"You're talking in your sleep, do you know that?" It was Danses voice that woke him. Still Daron saw no reason in opening his eyes. He heard rumbling thunder from outside of the house and heavy rain hitting the metal roof of his shed. It was one of those stay-in-bed-mornings.
"What time is it?" he mumbled.
"According to your atomic alarm clock already 8 am. But with the RAD-storm outside there's no need to stay up now, I guess" Danse answered.
"But you still felt the need to wake me, hu?" Daron turned around in bed, eyes still closed, his hand was searching for Danses body. When he found him, he scooted closer, resting his head on the other mans chest.
"Yep. 'cause you woke me with your sleep-talking in the first place."
"What did I say?" Daron asked sleepy. Danse didn't answer immediately.
"You... were talking about Nora. I couldn't understand everything, but... uh... you kept mumbling her name." Suddenly Daron was full awoke and opened his eyes.
"You're still mourning her, aren't you?" Danse asked carefully, one hand resting on Darons head, stroking his hair softly. Suddenly Daron felt the need to sit up, winding out of Danses hug. He felt uncomfortable every time it came to Nora. He sat next to Danse, leaning on the back of the bed and starred pensively at his feet.
"I don't know. I keep dreaming of her, but... I don't know. The more I dream of Nora, of old times, our time together, the more I come to the conclusion... that I never really loved her." Daron peered at Danse. "That must sound stupid to you, since she was my wife and all but... well yeah, I guess I loved her like... family? But I never fell in love with her." Daron sighed.
"But you still married her? Got a child with her? Why that?" Danse asked curious.
Daron shrugged. "I knew her since preschool. We've always been good friends. She'd a crush on me ever since. Later all my friends asked me why I wouldn't date her, since she was clever, beautiful and obviously mad in love with me, so... I did. When War came and I returned home after that, I married her. I think I did it because it was the thing everyone expected me to do... get married, have children, celebrate that you're alive, survived. Also I didn't want to face the truth..."
"What truth?" Danse wanted to know. Daron faced him now, a small half-smile on his face.
"That I like men" he answered. "I think Nora always knew. She could read me like a book. Knew me better than I did. But well... 200 years ago being gay wasn't something you talked about in the open. Sooo I guess you could say I've been in the closet for a solid 200 years!" he tried to joke. Danse didn't understand the term 'being in the closet' – but he didn't ask and did Daron the favor to smile.
"I still think I miss her? I don't know. Maybe this world made me cold-hearted or something. But thinking of her doesn't hurt anymore. I'm not sure it ever hurt in the first place, I mostly felt anger and rage. But even that is gone now" Daron said slowly but then felt Danses hand on his shoulder.
"Don't say that. You're not cold-hearted. And the way you said her name in your sleep, well... I think you are missing her. And I also think that's okay."
Daron smiled on these words. "Thank you, Danse." He studied the face of the former Paladin for a few seconds, then listened carefully. "Hey. Sounds like the storm's over. Let's get up. Lots of things to do today."
Danse gave him a quick kiss. "Ready for every mission you got", he said determined before he started to dress himself. He's getting better at this, Daron thought, still being in bed and enjoying the view of Danses naked back. When they relationship started, Danse had basically no idea how intimacy worked. He spoke truth when he told Daron that he'd been alone for so long that he didn't know how to act around him. So usually it was Daron who initiated any closeness between them and damn he had to be very patient with the former Paladin. But slowly, week for week, month for month Danse felt comfortable with it. With hugs, kissing, cuddling and sex.
When Daron stepped outside the shed he was greeted by a familiar face. MacCready was sitting in one of the sofas on the selfmade porch, Dogmeat to his feed. "G'morning! Looks like your going out... care to take me with you? I'm bored." Daron got on his knees, scratching a happy Dogmeat between his ears. "There's something I need to do for the Brotherhood today. Nothing special, just checking on a few locals at one of those far-away-farms at ass-of-the-world" he explained.
MacCready knew where this was leading. "Okay, yeah, but that doesn't stop me from coming with you. Even a boring job is a job as long as it's paid, and the Brotherhood pays well."
"Someone like you does not represent the Brotherhood" he suddenly heard Danse who was just stepping out of the door. Daron closed his eyes for a second and sighed. It was no secret that Danse couldn't stand MacCready and the Merc on the other hand didn't gave a Fuck about the Paladin.
"Ohhh heeey Danse, I didn't hear ya, you're so silent without your Powerarmor. Even though I could've sworn you're sleeping in that thing! But hey, as far as I know you're not representing the Brotherhood either, not anymore..." MacCready said with a wide and devilish smile. Danse just twitched a bit but said nothing else to him. "You're not taking him with us, do you?" he asked Daron who simply wished these two would finally get along. But apparently that was far too much to hope for.
"I've had enough Raider-attacks this week. I trust Codsworth an Dogmeat but I need someone here at Red Rocket to watch over our stuff. And you're a fine Sniper, MacCready, probably the best so you get that protection job", Daron said.
The Merc sighed. "Yeah, yeah, don't butter me up like that. But don't blame me when your beer's empty when you return!"
It was a long way to that farm, a good 7-hour-journey through the Commonwealth.
"You're sure we shouldn't have traveled in Powerarmor?" Danse asked while they had a break in an empty ruin of a sole house. Daron waved aside. He was munching a grilled RAD-Stag-Steak.
"That's just a farm. The job's easy, plain boring. We just have to assure that the farmers contribute some of their goods to the Brotherhood. There's no need in wasting fusion cores, besides we might frighten them, showing up in full armor and heavy weapons. I don't want to threaten them unless necessary." Daron lifted his head, watching Danse in curiosity. "You're worried about something?"
Danse shifted a can of clean water between his fingers. He took a moment to answer.
"Yes.. no. I'm not sure. I have a strange feeling about this, that all." He sighed and then brought himself to a smile. "Maybe I'm just worried about you. I'm not sure what I would do if something happened to you."
Daron smirked. "Well duhhh. You would rescue me, avenge me and patch me up. Obviously." Of course Daron had to joke about this matter. It was his nature. Most of the times it raised a smile from a stern Danse. This time was no exception.
"But seriously spoken, Danse" Daron continued with a warm voice and put his hand on Danses knee, his thumb stroking softly over the heavy leather fabric. "I would like to tell you that you don't have to worry about me. But with all the stuff I'm doing, both in the Institute and the Brotherhood... it would be a lie." Danse kept his silence, so Daron continued, flourishing with the steak in his other hand. "But I feel safe when you're with me. Also I'm like the luckiest man in the Commonwealth and when I shoot, I usually hit on the first try. You know that", he said comforting and Danse nodded in agreement. "Yeah you're a pretty good shot... one of the best I've ever seen, to be honest. And I would do anything to protect you. But some nights, when I can't sleep... I lay awoke and fear the moments where I can't help you. I lost so many friends in the past but yet none of them was as close to me as you..." Danse closed his eyes and shook his head.
Daron watched him worried a few seconds. He remembered pretty well what he read about Danse in the Medic Terminal on the Prydwen... and maybe the Doc didn't know from what Danse suffered but Daron was a Veteran of an old war. And he knew exactly the signs of PTSD. But knowing about this didn't mean he knew how to deal with someone who suffered from it. Daron was just a simple soldier after all. To his surprise Danse opened his eyes again and smiled lightly.
"But even though. With you at my side... I feel like I can take on the world" he said with a deep voice and honest determination. It send a shiver through Darons spine; somehow he found it extremely hot when Danse talked like this. "And that", he said, poking Danses chest and leaning in with a wide smile, "is just one of the reasons I love you."
For a moment he was starring at the other mans face and Danse felt like he had to lean in and kiss him but before he could do so Daron remembered something: "Oh! My steak" and with these words he continued eating. Danse knew exactly that he was teasing. This man was ridiculous. And so lovely. And most important: he helped him to get lighter thoughts.
The journey continued through old swamps and dead forests. Daron started to like this kind of nature and he seriously wondered why. Unlike everyone else he knew the green fields, the wild flowers and sound of the wind hushing through the leaves of old trees. For a long time the view of this strange dead and mutated nature had made him sad - but not anymore. Maybe he got cold-hearted after all? Why else wouldn't it bother him anymore?
The humming of huge insects was the only voice in this swamp. No wind in leaves. No bird songs. No chattering of dozens of small animals. Only the strange buzzing, a far away howling of a far away storm and the ripple coming from their footsteps while they were wading through the mud.
Finally the farm came in sight. Even though it wasn't noon, the fog of the swamp dimmed the sunlight and created a strange twilight.
"Why would anyone have a farm out here?" Danse asked skeptical.
"Good soil?" Daron offered and shrugged. He found people living on stranger places.
"Let's stay cautious. I don't like it here", Danse said and checked his Laserrifle.
Daron nodded and silently agreed with Danse. Something seemed off.
The two of them came out of the open, wearing their weapons open but not in their hands and it didn't take long for the people of the farm to recognize them.
"Hey! Strangers! Stop right there!" an outpost shouted. Daron stopped and opened up his arms to show that he didn't mean harm. "We are not enemies! We come in the name of the Brotherhood of Steel!" he shouted back. Daron squinted his eyes. Even with the fog he could see that the outpost was talking with someone on the ground. "Okay, you can come near if you wanna trade" he said and both men continued walking.
Daron was surprised about how big this farm was. Apparently Tatos loved swampy soil because many of them grew between the house and the two barns. Somethings was strange, though; but Daron couldn't put a finger on it.
Many people seemed to live here – not the usually amount. He counted at least ten men and women.
"Name's Aron" a young man greeted him, "If you wanna trade, trade – otherwise you have no business here."
Daron smiled his most charming smile. "Trade sounds good. But you know what's even better? When you don't have to worry about trades anymore. Give a small amount of your crop to the soldiers of the Brotherhood – and I can guarantee you a flourishing relationship with the mightiest faction in the whole Commonwealth."
Aron examined the redhaired man in front of him with caution.
"And who are you to make promises like that? I didn't hear your name."
"Daron Cryzek. Paladin Daron Cryzek. But you can just call me Daron." He still smiled. Aron rubbed his dirty face – he seemed deep in thought.
"Paladin, eh?", he repeated and his look wandered to one of the guys who were standing next to him.
Something wasn't right, Daron thought. More and more people showed up and the way Aron tried to give them sneaky signs with his eyes was alarming.
Daron frowned and took a slow step backwards.
"Yeah. Just a bit of your crop. For the hard working men and women of the Brotherhood who keep your lands safe...", he said and touched Danse gently at his arm.
Then everything happened very fast. Danse pulled his Lasergun and shouted a "Don't move!" and in a blink of an eye Daron hold his .44 Revolver in his hands. The weapon was a souvenir from Kellogg...
He could see anger in Arons face.
"I swear we're gonna shoot everyone of you if you try to do something stupid" Daron snarled and for a moment it seemed like his words did their job in Arons brain because he hesitated a few seconds – but then he shouted a "Now!" and people showed up in the windows of the house, immediately opening fire on Daron and Danse.
"Okay this IS something stupid!" Daron cursed and while a bullet hit the earth right next to his right foot, he still took his time to shoot. Arons face kinda exploded in blood. Daron felt strangely satisfied.
"Duck!" he heard Danse in commanding tone, while he gave rear cover with Lasershots.
They found cover behind a few wooden crates but they also found themselves in deep shit. The enemies from the house kept shooting at them, holding them at bay while the rest of them slowly started to surround them.
"How many of them are there?" Danse asked, pressing his back at the crate.
"I counted ten when we arrived, pretty sure there are more of them!"
"We need to get rid of the guys in the windows – can you do that while I distract them?" Danse said with lowered yet hushed voice. Daron nodded. "Got it. Don't get yourself killed, Danse..." The former Paladin smirked and checked the fusion cell of his Lasergun.
"Not today, soldier." And with these words he ran out of cover, sending a heavy fire of Lasershots through the farmers. Only a few of them actually hit something but it gave Daron enough time to take aim. Three shots – two of them were lethal. "Fuck" he cursed silently when he saw that he just hit the shoulder of one of the guys. Danse was the one who paid for this mistake: Daron heard an outcry and saw that Danse found cover behind a tree. He pressed one hand at his arm, his eyes met Darons and he just waved aside like he wanted to say: nothing serious. Stay focused.
But in the end, these farmers were just that: farmers. Bloody rookies without proper military training - unlike Danse and Daron. And so the tww men slowly gained control over the fight and the pick change.
It was when Daron ducked behind cover to reload when he heard something very alarming: the characteristic sounds from the Laser had stopped. He and Danse were a well-rehearsed team and usually one always kept firing when the other one was reloading.
"Danse?" he shouted alarmed from cover. His heart started to beat heavier. A thing he realized just know – since the fight started, he has been calm as hell. Should he risk to take a look to see if Danse was still behind that tree?
"Danse!" Nothing. Okay. Daron was prepared. He had eight bullets. He had his Pip-Boy and the V.A.T.S. that helped him with his aim. He could also just throw in some Jet.
He took a deep breath and was just about to jump out of cover when he heard a familiar voice – and it send an ice-cold shiver through his bones:
"Paladin Danse won't hear you, Cryzek."
Ride to town, shoot em up and keep on going
Cause I got a job to do and I don't stop for no one
So get your gun, and kiss your wife, and lock up your daughter
Don't let her fall in love with the pale rider
Many men have quickly found I'm unforgiving
They say dying ain't no way to make a living
So get your gun and bet your life, if you're a gambler
You draw a dead man's hand against the pale rider
And I walked down into Mexico
What I came for I think you know
I take another life, it's all the same
It's one more killing to the man that has no name
So ride to town, shoot em up and keep on going
Cause I got a job to do and I'll be gone come morning
So get your gun, and kiss your wife and hug your daughter
Tell her you're off to meet the pale rider
Don't let her fall in love with the pale rider
The Heavy Horses – Pale Rider