To my first time readers: Welcome. To my Demena readers: I'm doing my best to get back into the swing of things. And to everyone, enjoy my first, and hopefully not my last, Jori fanfiction. If you don't know the pairing its basically Jade and Tori from Victorious as a couple. I'm starting to think all of my fanfictions are now femslash based. Its not my fault, honestly. Enjoy.
Just as Sikowits scanned the class for his last participants of the day, I warily sat with my legs crossed and eyes set forward. I knew what would happen after the bell rung. I knew what harsh yet blissfully painful feelings that were going to surge through me and take me over, but for now, I tried to stay calm. As words began to blend in together I slowly brought my attention over to Jade West. She was glaring at me, her eyes turned up in disgust, from something else besides me entirely, I was sure of it. She bit down on her bottom lip as if the pain wasn't there at all, and her eyes…well…her eyes stayed transfixed on me. I didn't like it. I never did.
What's that saying I always hear people say? Oh yeah, 'Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me.' There was a lot of shame going on, and I couldn't quite shake the feeling. Jade plucked at one of the purple streaks in her hair, examining it as if it mattered. She was dating Beck. She had always been dating him. Honestly, there was no one else besides Beck for Jade. At least in his eyes. Hers were elsewhere. I glanced at the clock, gripping the edge of my chair before taking deep breaths. The bell would ring soon, and I'd be forced into the janitor's closet, lost in total painful bliss.
I straightened my attention on Sikowits before I took a deep breath in. 'One Mississippi." I glanced over at Jade once more, her eyes turning vicious just by the reaction of me taking notice of her. 'Two Mississippi.' I shift in my seat, ignoring the now numbing pain that throbs through my hand as my fingers begin to pale, turning red at the tips. 'Three Mississippi.' I release the breath I once took, as a loud piercing screech breaks the silence of Sikowits' lesson. Cat stops licking herself and begins to clap on stage just as I let go of the death grip I was giving to my chair. The loud noise was the school bell, and class was over.
In a panic I searched the classroom for someone to walk with me to my locker. Jade was already taken by Beck, although she'd find a way to get away from him sooner or later. She'd always had. I thought about taking Cat with me to my locker but she'd cower in a corner if Jade grabs my wrist. There was no way I was going to pull Sinjin or Robbie to the side because like Cat, they too were fearful of Jade. And Beck…poor Beck. If only he knew of the things Jade wanted, of what she demanded of me, of what she believed he lacked for her.
"Andre!" I waved my hand in the air as if I was just seeing him for the first time in the day. "walk me to my locker?" I sort of state while asking at the same time. He nods, shrugs, and then follows me like the good friend that he is. He doesn't know that on the inside I'm hiding and using him as a shield of comfort. Just as I near my locker, Trina, my older sister, darts past me like a bat out of hell. Taking notice of my appearance, she turns on her heels and stares at me.
"You look kind of dressed up for school don't you think?" She stares at me as I raise a questionable eyebrow. We live together and ride to school in the same car and yet she asks me this now. Andre begins to nod, looking at me as if I was some prized choice meat. I nudge him in the arm just as Jade rounds the corner, Beck-less might I add. Her boyfriend is gone, perhaps in another class, perhaps not. She stares at me before walking over as I grab Andre's arm.
"Can you help me with a class project?" My desperate plea for some type of human contact strikes something up in the boy.
"What's in it for me?" He asks, smirking as I roll my eyes.
"Andre," I scowl before giving in and smiling, "two boxes of chocolate, but that's it." I point to his nose as he nods just as Jade stops in front of me.
"Tori!" She exclaims as I give her this half-smile which I wasn't shooting for at all. I couldn't be serious, I never learned how to be so cold. But unlike my parents, I had a heart for everyone, even if that meant I was getting hurt in the process.
"I'm kind of in the middle of something," I lie, just as Andre stares up at a wall clock on a far corner. I trace his eyes just before Jade quickly grabs my arm. Andre finally snaps out of it and faces me.
"Not now Jade," I roll my eyes before yanking away from her. That's a second strike, and I know the pain that comes will be harder and more forceful when I ignore Jade's cries for attention. My first strike was earlier when I didn't leave class with her and Beck, but I couldn't face it at the moment, the pain that was coming soon.
"Look Vega, did I give you an option?" The girl snaps, tapping her foot against the ground before crossing her arms. I try to look back at Andre who's now behind me but he speaks before I can even get a chance to ask him for help with my eyes.
"Are you her boss? I think not. Besides, what do you need Tori for anyway? I thought you guys weren't friends."
"We aren't!" Jade quickly answers before the fire in her eyes begin to burn and leap.
"Well then," Andre gently slid his fingers between mine in a friendly manner, walking me away from my unopened locker. I needed a few items for the next class, but I ignored the urge to grab them.
"I know where you sleep!" Jade said calmly, as her eyes shifted between me and the boy holding onto my hand. It was as if Jade was planning on what she could do to make things worse for me. She was the one causing so much pain to me. It would be bad, and I knew it, but still I'd welcome it. It would be blissful, whenever I let her get her hands on me. It would be painful, but it'd be our pain.
The school bell burst into loud rings as students leapt out of their seats and darted for the door. The day was done, at least here at Hollywood Arts. I gathered my last few music notes from the table, pulled my backpack over my shoulder, one strap, and made it for the door. Andre had left class five minutes ago and hadn't returned. I held my breath as I walked out into the hall, hopping he'd see me before Jade. You're probably wondering what she's doing to me to make things this crazy. It's complicated. God how complicated it is. I brush loose strands of hair behind my ear just as I round the corner. A few more steps against the bright tile of the school and I'd be home free. Andre was no where in sight, and I knew my sister would be a good second choice for a ride home. Once my hand landed on the cool steel bar to push the door open, another hand landed against mine. I quickly pulled back, spotting Jade staring at me with a stern and lifeless expression.
"Vega, follow me." She only stood where she was, not making any sudden movements as I sighed.
"But Andre…"
"Who cares," she didn't grab a hold of me. She didn't threaten me. She said nothing else. Her eyes did all the talking. I pondered in my head if I should follow her. On one hand my stupid heart was so curious and gullible that it wanted everything it could get out of Jade, even the pain. But my brain on the other hand, said run. I didn't. I stood there, cupping my papers just before Jade finally gave up and pulled my wrist. It didn't hurt that bad, as she tugged me to follow her outside. Just a few steps away I saw Beck turning in a circle. I was sure he was looking for his girlfriend, but she was long gone, in more ways then one. After a hasty pace to Jade's dark two door, she pushed me against the passenger side and stared down at me. She was just an inch above me, but from my location, made her seem so much taller.
"I'm sorry." I whimper, not really having a choice at the moment.
"We'll see just how sorry you are Vega. Get in!"
"Beck is looking for you," I shakily inform her as she studies my eyes confused. If only I could tell her how much I no longer wanted to be in her presence, no matter how much of a lie that'd be, then maybe she'd leave me alone. "Jade," I mumble as she watches me, "I need this to stop."
"You need what to stop?" She asks as I finally glare into her green eyes. Tracing them in my mind as if the way she was staring at me at this moment would soon change just as fast at it began. "All of this. I…," she had held onto my hand, lovingly. Yes, Jade West held onto me, as if it was in dire need for her to do so to live.
"Tori, you wouldn't abandon me would you?" Her eyes softened, her pout grew. I was going to fall for this again, and I didn't want to.
"Jade, whatever you want from me….you need to make sure that you're not going to hurt someone else in the process."
"Beck doesn't need to know."
"I didn't mean him."
"I'm totally fine." That was a lie she let roll from her tongue.
"But I'm not." I tell her, just as she pulls away.
"Get in Vega, its not an option." She quickly moves to the other side of the car, trusting me to follow her orders. I had feelings for Jade, I can admit that. But if being with her, unofficially, while being able to hurt a friend unwillingly, I knew, that this wouldn't work. It couldn't. I tallied up my options in my head before the door on my side came open and a hand gripped my wrist. I fell into the passenger seat harshly as Jade slammed the door next to me. She was already seated, one hand on the steering wheel while the other held my door. She focused on me, quiet and alert. I said nothing. Within the seconds it took for Jade to look me over, she finally decided to start the car and snap her seatbelt.
"Safety first," she dropped her right hand onto my knee, her eyes lighting up once more. I snap the belt, shifting towards the window in order to look out. I had a soft side for Jade, just like I knew she had one for me. She could hide her feelings well, me, not so much. "Why are you being like this?" Her voice filled the car as she began to drive off school property.
"Being like what?" I ask, imitating a high girly voice I didn't know.
"You act as if you don't want my attention."
"I don't," I scowl, taking a deep breath at my own words.
"Well that's not what you said a month ago."
"It was three months ago and you've been abusing that knowledge since then." I finally turned towards Jade. She was following the signs of the road very well, trying her best not to hear what I was saying. But I could see her biting the inside of her jaw, thinking, pondering. "Jade?"
"You should watch what you say to me Tori."
"It doesn't really matter now does it? What I say…" I bring my eyes over to the now shaded half of Jade's skin. She hasn't faced me since we left the school.
"You're pushing your luck."
"Really? Because the last time I checked, its you who wants something from me."
"Oh you can't tell me that you're not thrilled that I willingly give myself to you." Jade made a harsh left turn, making me jerk slightly towards her before I gripped the door handle.
"You're abusing your knowledge of my feelings for you…."
"Blah, blah, blah, put in a new record." With a few more twists and turns, we slowly rolled into a driveway. I dropped my backpack and papers onto the floor of the car as Jade parked.
"What about Beck?" I whisper, letting the boy's name echo through the vehicle. "He loves you Jade."
"Love has to work both ways," her eyes glazed over slightly, as if she was going to fall into a trans in order to view the past. Her eyes came to mine, just as she sighed and opened the driver's door. She was right, love indeed had to work both ways, but those words were never something Jade would say. She knew exactly who she had gotten that line from. It was me, three months ago exactly.
"Are you getting out or what?" She slammed her door, leaving me with the momentary silence. If I was brave enough to stand up to her, maybe she wouldn't use me. "VEGA!" I listen to the loud demanding yell that pierces the closed garage before I sigh. The warm air in the car soon disappeared once I stepped out and made it into the tanned building. Jade was awaiting me, staring at my outfit as I closed the door. The old styled Victorian house was bathed in white and bright yellowish gold. I could trace the carved frames forever, taking note of the exquisite detail only if given the time.
"Did you dress up for me?" Jade asks. I'm still glancing around the large foyer, ignoring her on purpose as if it mattered. My outfit choice of the day was knee boots with a dark purple fitting dress. My hair laid over my shoulders perfectly with just enough curls to give life to such an untamed mess. My feet carried me into the living room. A television stretched the far back wall from one end to the other, as a family couch carried the length of the piece as well. Behind it, a small square table, covered in photos and one lonely house plant. A fern possibly.
"Tori," Jade was using her quiet voice. The one that I fell for just months ago before everything began falling apart. "Tori," she repeated, following me like a lost puppy. I found myself carving images out in my head from the floor patterns. The rug in one of the corners was the only sign that Jade lived in such a place. A cabinet sat by the rug, with a closed and possibly locked box on top of it. The outline of the box sat decorated in purple and gold with the name Jade neatly written in some type of ink form.
"Tori, I'm tired of this," the shifting steps behind me didn't bother me any. I felt a hand rest against the small of my back, but I didn't stiffen. Jade walked into me, her chin digging gently into my left shoulder as her lips braised my cheek. Then, with a quick movement, she ran her fingers around my middle, cupping her hands together in front of my stomach. I felt everything for Jade and nothing at the same time. She used me so much that the part of me that loved her seemed to be sparking out.
"You smell of vanilla," she smiled against my cheek, her breath playing a melody against my skin. I nod. "Say something Tori."
"I…"
"Something that'll take away this confusion that I have."
"Well…"
"Anything," Jade was losing herself in me. She was making herself feel too relaxed, and when that happened, and I could see her at her worst, she'd make me regret it, as if it was my choice.
"Tell me that….," she caught her words in her throat. I felt her loosen her grip around my waist, but not completely. She sighed against my cheek before gently kissing the same spot where her breath warmed me. "Tell me that you love me Tori."
I was silent.
"Tell me that there's no one else like me."
I kept my lips sealed.
"Break me Tori." Her words hushed the air around us before she pulled away from me. She's taken on these words before, whispering them to me as if I was supposed to understand them. Break her? Break her how?
"I use to love you Jade." I nod, folding my hands in between one another. "But those same words were laughed at months ago. There's no reason for me to continue to say them now."
"I want to hear them," she stepped around finally facing me. The space between us was small, more then that, it was almost nonexistent. "Tell me to my face how much you love me."
"No." I mumble, biting my tongue just after letting those words slip. I've been neglecting to give Jade those words since I said them. I've only let such a bad taste be spread once, no matter how sweet the aftermath was.
"Tori I'm not in the mood for your games."
"And I'm not in the mood for any of this. Do whatever you want so I can go
home." I couldn't really give much thought into what I was saying. I was tired. Not
physically but mentally. I carried the weight of Jade's betrayal against Beck on my
mind everyday. I didn't like hurting friends, it was always in me to feel more for someone else then myself. I faced Jade as her eyes lowered onto the tile below. Typically she'd shove me against a hard object and let her hands explore my flesh. I could even feel the chills that every spot she touched brought me. But she did nothing.
"What's wrong?" I ask, her eyes flickering against the couch.
"Nothing's working," her words brought me into an even closer state of understanding. She was truly fighting with herself on the inside, between caring for me, and loving Beck.
"What do you want to work?"
"I don't know," she mumbled before she took notice of my concern. "Stop staring at me like that Vega."
"Is it Beck?"
"Tori," the house we stood in seemed to shrink as Jade came into me. She placed her hands onto my waist and focused on my eyes. "Do you love me?" I couldn't explain the pain that must of ran through her. She was use to demanding such things from Beck, but from me, it was a state of confusion.
"Do you love me?" I counter, as her hands squeeze my sides gently. As I stand and wait for a response, Jade finally closed the gap between us. She studies my brown eyes, waiting for some sign, but as she leans forward to kiss me I sigh and pull back. "You have to answer me this time. Do you love me?"
"Tori!" Jade began getting annoyed, as she finally kissed the base of my lips. I pulled back.
"Say that you love me or we have to stop."
"Would you shut up!" Jade dug her nails into my sides just before kissing me once more. I let her take comfort in the kiss for a few seconds before I pushed her back.
"If you don't say it, then…"
"You're not the one running things!"
"Let go," I squirmed out of the brunette's grip as she watched me. "This has to stop. Its going to stop. I can't do this any more."
"Oh, and you think this is easy for me?" She snapped, her eyes finally showing anger. She was getting annoyed with me, I could tell, but it wasn't up to her how I reacted. I was the one in control of myself. I was the one she wanted everything from, she would have to do things my way this time.
"Jade. For months now we've been going behind Beck's back, exploring every inch of each other and yet…every time I let you get that close to me… I feel as if I want more." I slowly sat on a nearby sofa, as Jade crossed her arms angrily. She didn't say a word, I doubt she was truly listening to me. "You're getting mad at me because I'm not doing things your way. Well what about me? Don't you at least care a little about how this are effecting me?" My words hummed in the air before she turned her back. I wasn't use to Jade ignoring me, or shutting down, so when she stayed silent, I didn't know how to react to it.
"You're annoying do you know that?" She faced me, her eyes still dull.
"I guess I can be at times, I smiled." Initially Jade and I would come to her house and head straight to her room. I'd struggle with the guilt that laid on my conscious while she had her way with me. But today, it was going slightly different. We were actually talking to one another instead of just having sex and then having me head home.
"Do you want me to care about your feelings or something?" She scoffed, taking a few steps towards me.
"That would be a start. But I also," I sighed, leaning back against the couch, "I want to stop lying to Beck. If you really care about him you'd tell him the truth."
"Tough luck," she grabbed my hand, yanking me up, almost causing me to fall into her hard enough to make her lose balance. But she leveled herself, before pulling me towards her steps.
"Jade, I told you, I'm not doing this."
"You're doing whatever I tell you you're doing!"
"Enough is enough Jade!" I pull away from her, my eyes searching hers. I could see how taken aback she was when I yanked my arm, but I couldn't do this everyday. I just couldn't. "If you love me…even if you won't say it," I rose my hand up to her lips, gently smoothing my finger across her skin before I closed my eyes. I took a deep breath, gazing at Jade once more. "If you love me," I repeated, "you'd start to be truthful with me, but most importantly, with yourself." I brought my hand back down, as Jade fought with herself on forcing me to follow her once more. But I turned to leave. I could hear her scream when I closed the front door, heading back to her car to grab my things. Up until that point I couldn't feel my chest beating so loudly, but I could hear it now. I could feel it. After gathering my things I faced the house one last time. Jade was already upstairs in her room, looking out of her dark curtain at me. When she caught me searching for her, and finally spotting her, she turned her back.
Beck blindly gazed at my room window, his hands stuffed into his pockets just before his eyes met mine. He was at my door's archway, taking notice of me on my bed and apparently the scenery outside he just left.
"I know you and Jade aren't best of friends," he began.
I nodded.
"But you've got to know if something's up with her. She's been avoiding me outside of school. No calls. No texts. The only time we talk is if she wants to have a quickie before or after school." Beck had no remorse for the words he was saying. He just let them fall from his lips as he thought of them. "There has to be someone else. Some guy," Beck revealed his hands from his pockets, staring at them as if they'd changed. I study the bed's fabrics. It's my own, and yet so foreign.
"What would you do if she'd been with someone else?" I ask.
"Do you know something?"
"No," I scoff, trying to play it off. Beck believes me, "its hypothetical."
"She doesn't say I love you anymore. She at least use to whisper it to me."
My stomach turned. If Jade wanted to force me to say the words in which she so desperately wanted to hear all the time. How come she couldn't say it back, even to Beck? I took in a breath of air.
"She loves you Beck, no doubt about it." I was carrying my lie deeper then it had to go. "You mean the world to her."
"If I meant so much to her then how come she's been shoving me aside, not even bossing me around anymore…," his eyes faded away as he turned towards the curtains.
"I'm sorry Beck." I whispered, giving so much feeling into those words even if he didn't know why. I was apologizing for taking Jade away from him. I was telling him I'd never hurt a friend while going behind his back and doing it anyway. I was a horrible person. "I'm so-so sorry," I mumbled just as he refaced me.
"Do you think its someone else?" He asked, repeating my question from earlier. I didn't want to lie. God, how much I didn't want to lie to his face.
"She…she seems fine. Normal. She doesn't tell me much of anything," which was true. Her deepest feelings were kept hidden from me.
"Andre and I have been following her a few times."
"What?" I question as he nods in shame.
"But the only person we see her with is you, so I question why she's so distant."
"You've been following us…I mean her around?" My voice was high as he nodded once more.
"Its been stupid really."
"Its not stupid," I admitted, "but…what if Jade found out."
"It doesn't matter, she wouldn't stick around to give me her thoughts on the matter anyway." As Beck slouched into my bed more, closing his eyes to breath, I wondered if he was depressed. I let my eyes climb his frame before I gave a smirk. He opened his eyes, reaching his hand over to thumb the flesh of my knee which sat exposed from the rim of my skirt. I followed his hand, his eyes blank and frozen.
"Beck," I place my fingers on top of his, shooting down whatever ideas he had emerging. "Maybe you should call Jade, talk to her. Tell her how you feel."
"No," he sat up, pulling his hand away from me before staring into my eyes. "You seem to be the perfect girlfriend. You care about others and you don't force people to do your bidding or fall and give in to your every whim." I could see the slight change in Beck that wasn't there before.
"She loves you." I was trying to figure out if he was depressed or losing his mind. Either way, the Beck I knew was lost at the moment.
"Kiss me Tori." He said to me, without mumbling. Without holding his breath and without shying away.
"W-what?" I stuttered.
"Kiss me, make all of this go away." He was serious. I shook my head before sliding away. His hand grabbed onto mine, his eyes pleading with mine as if I would be his salvation. He was almost as good as Jade when it came to this type of look. I lowered my eyes onto the bed, we were but inches apart.
"Beck…what would Jade think?" I ask, my voice trailing into the air just enough for him to hear.
"She doesn't care about me. So why should I care about her?"
"That's not true," I pulled my hand away from his. I didn't know why I felt it was my duty to make him believe in her and how she felt, but I wanted to do it. I wanted to show him she wasn't as bad as he thought. He was just upset that they were apart, that was all.
"Tori…"
"Beck, if you really love her, you wouldn't be doing this," I knew he understood what I meant. He placed his head into his hands, his face hidden from mine. I could hear footsteps in the hallway. I knew Trina would be home around this time so I stood from the bed to look out into the hall. I could see a shadow getting ready to turn the corner, which would reveal a person. Soon enough I spotted dark hair and green streaks brush the walls.
"Ja…," I closed my mouth, lifting my hand for the girl to stop where she was. She did so. I gazed back into the room at Beck, he was still sitting silently on my bed. I closed the door, walking down the hall confused as to why the girl was here. She only came into my house whenever my mom or Trina invited her in. Actually, there were times she let herself in, but she had her reasons I'm sure.
"I wanted to see you," she whispered. "After yesterday I just..," before Jade could finish, I grabbed her hand, leading her downstairs, though the kitchen, and out onto the back porch.
"Jade I'm done with this. I'm done with all of this. Unless you tell me one thing."
"And what's that?" Her green eyes expressed boredom. Her face turned up in knots as I sighed.
"Tell me how you feel about me. And don't you dare lie."
"What is this?" Jade scoffed at me, staring as if I had just broken down one of her barriers exposing pieces of her heart meant to be hidden. She must of came over for a different reason, but I had Beck in my room, possibly crying, and I had to just know how she felt about us.
"Jade," I took a step towards the girl as she hardened in her spot. "Tell me how you feel."
"Look Tori," she barley broke the air when she spoke.
"Do you love me or not?" I made the question quick and simple. There was no going around it and Jade had to tell me. I had a right to know. I also had a right to not hurt Beck anymore, but I had to be sure before I destroyed anyone.
"Tori…"
"Jade…tell me," My eyes stayed on hers no matter how many times she looked away. It was as if she wanted me to cower and stop questioning her. "Jade!" I brought my voice up a bit higher as she shrugged.
"What do you want me to say?"
"Beck says he doesn't hear that you love him. Is it because you've decided to push him away and give it to me."
"Its not like I pushed him away," she gave me an all knowing type of attitude. "I love Beck, I do, but not in the…he just wasn't what I needed. Nor what I wanted."
"Is it so hard for you to tell me that you love me?" While trying to fish things out about Beck and Jade, she began crumbling in front of me.
"Its not hard at all. But if I tell you I loved you. Would you expect me to break and stand weakly before you like a lost child? I just can't do that Tori."
"No one asked you to."
"Yeah well," Jade rolled her eyes, pacing away from me just before turning on her heels. "I do love you Tori. So much so that it scares me. But I can't let that effect who I am. Loving you….its the simplest thing to do in the world because it comes so naturally. But its also the hardest thing there is to do. I'm the type of girl that can't let anything change. I want to. But I just can't."
"Jade," I walk over to her, sliding my hand into hers. "If you still love Beck. Then you have to give him all you've got. You can't keep splitting it between him and I."
"But I just told you that I love you Tori. Why does he matter?"
"Because you said that you love him too. I came second in all of this. No matter how much this hurts me," I took a deep breath, scanning her eyes as they darkened, " If you love him still, then you should be with him."
She pulled away from me, her face distraught as she crossed her arms. I knew that letting Jade go was the reason my heart was aching so badly. But I wasn't going to take her away from Beck, not if she still loved him, and not after knowing he still loved her. Her eyes began to do something I never thought I'd truly see. Yes, maybe she came to my house before already in tears, soaked by the rain, but I never seen her cry in front of me like this. Her eyes searched me before she gazed at the floor and turned her back towards me. I could feel her pain, because my chest was burning and my throat was getting dry, but I was a good friend for doing this.
"So you're saying you'd rather me date Beck then you?" When she faced me, her face was red and soaked with tears. Her makeup barely holding together under her eyes.
"I want you to have…what you want to have," I whispered, trying my hardest to disguise my own tears.
"I want you!" she harshly breathed out, taking a breath before wiping her tears, but more seemed to grace her cheeks.
"Jade…."
"I want you! I may love Beck too, but I…you're the one that I want. This may sound stupid," she began pacing the room, "this may even sound crazy coming from me, but I…I'm not good with expressing my feelings as most people are. I'm not good at letting myself feel vulnerable around anyone," she faced me, her eyes tinting red from her tears, "but whenever I'm around you. I've never felt more like myself in my life."
This was Jade. Jade West was exposing her heart to me. I've wanted to hear her tell me she loved me for so long. I've fought with my own feelings because she always seemed to use me, and here she was, telling me that she loved me. That she wanted to be with me. She was telling me that although she had Beck, it wasn't what she wanted. I was what she wanted. But I couldn't just say, oh okay, lets get together. No. That would be stupid to let her off the hook so easily. And then there was still the matter of Beck. He loved Jade too. They've spent the better part of this past year trying to make things work between them. Maybe they've been on and off at times, but at least they tried something.
"I love you too." I whispered. "But the strongest form of love knows that…we…us…we'd have to take time to build our relationship. One that's more then just physical pleasure…and, we'd both have to hurt a friend in the end. This type of love Jade, its like a domino effect. It hurts more people then it does good."
"Are you telling me you don't want to be with me?" I could see her switch back into her typical passive attitude.
"I'm saying, if we don't do this right, we could hurt a lot of people. We should start by telling Beck the truth. Then, we should give you time to adjust. And then, we can work on us. I promise we can be together in the end Jade. But we have to do things right," I made it over to her, reaching for the hair that stuck to her soaked cheek. I brushed it behind her ear, studying her eyes lovingly as she lowered her shoulders, finally letting her hands fall to her side. "We can do this. It'll just take time."
As Jade searched my eyes I finally felt her jerk, pulling away slightly before she focused on me. Maybe she just realized that I just saw her cry, or maybe it was something else. She placed her hands against my waist as I took a deep breath. Her eyes were hazy as she glanced down at me. We were silent, the air outside cool and calm. Jade's stained face was brushed away with my thumbs as I gave her a sweet smile. I felt that she was ready to tell Beck about what we were doing. I knew it'd take him a long time to get over the betrayal, because it happened over two months, but he had to know. He had a right to know. As I lowered my hands, Jade was still gripping my waist. Her hands slowly moved up my sides before she brushed my shoulders and cupped my face between her hands. She leaned into me, her eyes closing as I pressed into her. It was different when we kissed this time.
I no longer felt a strong guilt surging through me. Her lips were soft and velvet like. Smooth to the touch. Normally I wouldn't shudder in her grip, but as the air finally picked up and brushed against my back, I slightly shook. As I opened my eyes I could finally feel Jade's lips cease to move. Her eyes were transfixed behind me. I slowly pulled away, her hands stiff on my face as I tugged. The moment was short lived when I met Beck's eyes staring straight into mine. If you wanted the definition of hurt, it was more then what I felt for the past few months. It was more in those few seconds of Beck seeing us, then what I ever showed. His eyes were blank, almost dark and infinite. His lips were pressed together, his fist tight and clenched. He turned his back, storming towards the front door, but not before slamming his hand into a vase, which shattered against the floor. I jumped when I heard the front door echo from the other end of the house. I didn't want to look back at Jade, because I knew she could feel the pain as well.
Robbie sat across from me with Rex in his lap, on one of the outside benches. Andre was grabbing some food from the truck on the side of the building, so as of right now, it was just the three of us.
"So, how did you and Cat do on the improv?" I ask, as Robbie shrugs, his eyes darting to the redheaded girl just steps away.
"I think he did awful," Rex chimed in, "you should of see Sikowits' face. The pure horror."
"Oh," I nodded, as Andre finally made it over, sitting next to me as Cat sat next to Robbie.
"Pretty lady," Rex nudged Cat as she giggled wildly.
"I wonder what Beck's up to," Andre faced me, as if I was supposed to know. Its been a little over four days since the incident in my backyard, and still he's nowhere to be seen.
"I haven't seen the evil Queen Jade either," Rex chuckled.
"Guys, I have something I want to tell you," my words were but a small voice among the chaos at the table. Everyone was reaching for Andre's food, as Cat played with her hair and laughed awkwardly at Robbie as he pushed food into his mouth. "Guys!"
"Hey, stop touching my fries!" Andre thumped the wooden frame in Robbie's hand.
"What did I do? I didn't eat yo' fries." The puppet exclaimed. "Even though I should get to taste at least one."
"GUYS!" I yelled, as everyone froze.
"Dang girl, don't go all G-I-Jane on us." Andre was happily pulling his food close to him as I sighed.
"I have something to say, and…its important that you guys listen," I took note of the faces staring at me, as Cat twirled her hair and smiled.
"Well?" She asked in a high pitched voice, normal of her.
"Beck is going through a lot, and…its mostly my fault. Or…mostly Jade's fault, but I kind of helped with the issue."
"You put fire in the belly of the beast?" Rex asked, I was sure associating towards Jade.
"I um.. for these past few months I was keeping things away from you guys and I guess its not really up to you to know about it but…I was lying to one of my best friends. Beck's been nothing but good to me since I came to Hollywood Arts and.. he finally found out why Jade was ignoring him most of the time."
"Good for him," Andre smiled, "its about time I stop helping him stalk the girl."
"You guys were stalking us," I pointed towards my friend as he shook his head.
"Well…yeah." He breathed out, "but we only wanted to know what was up with Jade. We kind of figured she was seeing someone else. I mean, she's evil…and she was being slightly less evil to Beck. Weird chiz."
"Jade and I…we kind of had a thing," I whispered as Cat chuckled.
"A-ha-ha-ha, she said a thing," everyone faced the girl before she closed her mouth.
"You mean, you and Jade?" Robbie asked me, his eyes now fully on mine.
"What else do you think she meant? Her and Jade had a thing. That means…oh..someone change me," Rex was moving around on Robbie's lap as Andre slid his hand over mine.
"I never meant to hurt Beck," I whispered.
"I knew what was going on. I couldn't tell him either," Andre pulled away, biting into one of his fries.
"You just said that you thought…" I began.
"I was helping Beck follow Jade. I knew she was kind of…fooling around with someone else. We were only following the two of you. Jade went to school, home, no other places really out of the ordinary then to your place all the time. Or you went to hers. I found out shortly after Beck decided to go home one day and just call Jade. I saw her kiss you in front of her house. I couldn't tell Beck…so I kind of helped him seek the truth. I would be there to stop whatever rage he would have but…" Andre sat up straight as everyone else just focused on the two of us. "I thought Jade was pulling you into a trap you know. I figured that much."
"It started off that way, but now…"
"You feel as if you hurt Beck?"
"I know that I did," finally the silence at the table begins to pick up into speech once more.
"It was Jade that held the truth from him. It was her obligation to tell him. Maybe I should talk to him," Andre was getting ready to move his trash onto his tray as I shook my head.
"I helped make this mess. I should fix it, or at least fix what I can of it."
I hadn't spoken to Jade within the past four days, just as I hadn't seen Beck. A part of me was scared that she went back to him and just decided it was best to be with him instead of me. I even wanted that at times. Love only works if both people love each other back. And if Jade loved me, and Beck loved her, and I loved her…we'd all lose in the end. I'd carry the guilt of Beck on my shoulder. Jade would always feel she hurt a friend that she cared dearly about, and Beck could possibly hate the both of us forever. So when I arrived at his trailer, I knocked on the door a few times before the rustling inside ceased.
"Beck, I know how you may not want to listen to me, or even see me right now but…I want to say that I'm sorry. I should have told you about Jade and I earlier. We weren't dating though, if you thought that. We were just seeing each other. Which is way worse I suppose," I chuckled, trying to lighten the mood between me and a steel door. "I never wanted to hurt a friend, and for that I'm sorry."
I wasn't met with an answer right away, but I could hear shifting on the inside of the door. After a few moments, when I decided I should just leave I heard the door open. No one stepped out, so I decided to step inside. I spotted Beck right away on the other side of the room. He seemed much more himself by the way he looked then just days ago. I turned behind me to spot Jade. My heart dropped as her eyes met mine, but she reassured me with a smile.
"We were only talking," he told me, as Jade slid her hand in between mine. It was as if he could read me. "You can stop worrying about me as well. I'm fine."
"How fine is fine?" I ask, leading Jade to where Beck sat. "Are you okay fine, or, I'll get you in your sleep fine?"
"I'm okay," he whispered. I didn't think it was possibly for Beck to be this okay, this fast. It kind of scared me. "Jade told me everything."
"Everything?" I ask, facing the girl as she nodded.
"She explained to me that…it was months ago when you confessed your feelings to her. I didn't have to know about that, so she didn't tell me. But she also said, it was she who forced you into doing everything..that lead up to Monday night. She was the one keeping a secret from me. She was forcing you to do things, and you shouldn't of been the one to tell me. But you did force her to stop…"
"I did," I nodded, kind of scared at how fast Beck seemed to process this information.
"She told me she wanted to end it a long time ago with me, but she was afraid that…well maybe you didn't love her anymore. Because you never said it again. It isn't love when it works one way. You thought she was stringin you along all this time when really, she was pulling me along. "
"Why are you so okay with this?" I ask as he shrugs.
"I'm not really adjusted but…if her heart isn't with me, who am I to hold her back?"
"Beck..," I whispered.
"Promise me one thing Tori."
"What is it?"
"That you'll continue to help Jade become this gentler person., because she deserves to be happy. And you deserve to as well."
"I…"
"Because if you really truly love someone, you'd let them go."
"Because love has to work both ways," I whispered, remembering the things I said months ago to Jade. Her and Beck must have really talked a lot. He smiled as I did the same. Then, without really caring or thinking, I hugged Beck, squeezing him tightly as he coughed while laughing at the same time.
"Sickening," Jade joked, as I broke away from Beck and slowly walked over to her. We'd still have to take things slow, but when I pulled her into me…I could feel my heart slowly beat with joy. I smiled into her neck, my hands tighten around her neck before I pulled away. She kissed me quickly, smiling with such a seductive lust. I faced Beck once more.
"Friends?" I asked as he pondered it for a while. "Beck!" I stomped.
"Of course," he pulled me into him, hugging me tight as Jade scoffed.
"One…," she began counting, "two…don't make me get to three."
I smiled at Beck, pulling away as Jade, grabbed my hand.
"You two can be close, just not that close," she scoffed as Beck gave a hearty laugh.
So this story wasn't all about the sweet fluff or what have you, but if I write another one in the future. Be prepared to be fluffed out. Ha-ha, like a bear.