Dark scene, so be warned. This is totally unrealistic, I am aware of that. Your Ranger or Stephanie would never do this, but I had to get it off my chest. I didn't want a beta to go through this, to sad; she might not want to beta anything for me anymore after laying eyes on this. Sorry about the inevitable errors though. :D I won't even ask to review; you must hate me if you have the nerve to read. I do not own any of these characters they belong to Janet Evanovich.
How has it come this far? God have you forsaken me? I screamed in my muddled mind. I did not even know for sure if there was a God, but if he was out there, why did he let me experience this agony. I did not know life could be unbearable like this. Every day it was a fight to get out of bed, if I got out of bed, and begin the next wretched day. One gigantic black hole had traded place with hope. There was no hope anymore. For me, Ranger embodied hope, just with his existence. No more 'proud of you Babe', no more hands on the base of my neck to sooth me, and an accompanied 'Babe' in greeting in his low masculine voice, giving me hope. It was not that I had actually felt his comforting presence for a long time, but he had existed and that had been enough for me to carry on.
I choose Joe. I married Joe. And why? God knows! We were miserable and unhappy long before I got the news that the love of my life, and hope, had gone forever. They said he did not even move when his skip pointed his gun on him. They said he stood there taunting the man, to end his misery. And the man did, he ended his misery, but not mine. Now I will have to end it myself. Can I? Can I do it? I did not even know he was despondent, I had no clue. I have always thought he was happy and content with his life. That he saw me as a friend who he lend a hand when needed. I was helped out of that comforting dream by Tank. I had never seen Tank angry, but he was irate and hateful when he accused me of ruining his best friend's life. He who had sent me back to Joe, after ruining me for other men that one night together. What was I to think? I did not know Ranger needed me in his life. I didn't, really. If I had known, I would have been there for him. I would have been with him.
I used to be happy and had a wonderful exciting life. Until I choose Joe, poor, mislead Joe. He thought I loved him, I do, but not as a spouse. What have I done? What have we done? I asked myself again, but in reality I did not care anymore. I did not care for myself or anybody else when it all went black.
Sorry for this morbid little piece. Sometimes I have the need to express these thoughts. Feeling depressed sucks royally.