These Memories Upon my Wall, a loveless fanfic

Summary: Soubi has left Ritsuka for Seimei and all Ritsuka can do is look at the pictures he has of Soubi on the wall.

A/N: another song fic on my part. this time the song is by Rihanna and its called "Photographs." I love this song but its quite sad. I have a pattern with my fanfics hopefully you'll see it soon. Other than that on with the saddening story. sniff, sniff

Oh and by the way of course I don't own the characters or the song, someone else does duh.

These Memories Upon my Wall

See it all started two years ago when he and I first met. Sure I was hesitant about him at first but when he said he was Seimei's friend, everything changed. Of course I had to deal with fights that involved spells and the incessant "is that an order?" but eventually I fell in love with him. I didn't tell him at first, I felt as if I couldn't trust him fully. Eleven months later I told him and I still remember the way he looked. He looked surprised but he was so happy. I remember that really well but that's all in the past now.

Here's a little story I've gotta tell bout this boy I know so well

Back in the day was cool and all

Fell in love, I fell in love

See what had happened was that Seimei came back for him. He came although Soubi and I thought that he was dead. Soubi promised me that me he would never leave me. He repeatedly told me that he loved and yet he left. He left me alone to deal with the pain of being loveless, of not having a mother or father who really cared. He left me alone.

Thought he was the one for me

Other boys I could not see and look what happened to our love

I'm like how could it be

Out of my own selfishness I wanted him to stay. I wanted him to ignore Seimei and continue being with me. But the scar on his neck proved everything, after all he was still connected to Seimei in a way and was always referred to as "Beloved."

It should have been me and you It could have been you and me

Boy you broke my heart and know I'm standing here

It should have been me and you It could have been you and me

Now all I've got are these photographs

I constantly stay in my room looking at the pictures of him and me. It's depressing, yes but I don't feel the need to leave the house unless for school and when mother occasionally has her fits. And when she does, I walk to the park where he and I first met. But I never stay there for long. "Give me strength," he said. When he left with Seimei he gained more strength alright, and robbed me of mine. I'm staring at the pictures of he and I again hoping that maybe one day he'll come back for me.

All I've got, all I've got, all I've got are these photographs

All I've got, all I've got is nothing without you

You, you got nothing without you

I've picked up a new habit, Soubi, seeing as how the pain of being alone was too much for me to handle. So I've taken to cutting myself. It's not as bad as you may think, really it helps. The pain goes away for a while as I feel the blood ooze from my wrist and listen to it drip into the sink. It's calming actually, as long as I do it after my mother beats me. Then both the pain of him leaving me and my mother beating me goes away.

Now baby its killing me, I'm saying its killing me

The fact that you ain't around

Baby I'm falling down I need me a remedy

Been looking for remedies I need you to be around

When he was with me things were better. It didn't really matter if Misaki didn't think I was her son. I had Soubi to take care of me. I had someone that would take care of me whenever and someone who would come when I needed them. When he was with me, he made things better and I was happy. But things changed. Six months ago tomorrow will be the day he left but the day before was great. We had gone to the park and talked. I sat in his lap while he was constantly stroking my ears and tail but I didn't mind, I was in love. We sat under a tree and had a picnic, it was lovely and nice out. That was a good day.

And baby I'm hurting now, I know you're a better man (when I was your girl)

This land is a better land (when you're n my world)

Today will be better babe if it were like yesterday

So happy and lovely hey, hey, heeeeyyyy

I don't want to be stuck in the past thinking about Soubi. I don't want to see the past, of when I was with him, I want to live in the future and present seeing that he is beside me. I gave him my heart, my love and he still has it.

I remember when I used to make you laugh. I don't wanna be stuck in the past

But you're all that I have that I had And I don't wanna lose what we built so far

This is me and you, you, you're my superstar I'd give anything baby here's my heart

My heart…. My heart...

I remember the first time I kissed Soubi, not counting the times that Soubi initiated the kissing. We were both in Kio's room and Soubi was looking for the pink silk shirt I loved for him to wear. He didn't have a shirt on and he had gotten out of the shower not long before.

Soubi looked irritated and it made him look sexy, not that he wasn't already sexy to begin with. It just made him look more….

So I had gotten to courage to voice his name.

"Soubi."

He turned around and looked at me, confusion evident on his face. He must have seen my eyes and saw how filled with lust they had been because his facial features changed. He seemed a little more surprised but yet still calm. He came over to me and sat down on Kio's bed with me. When he sat down, I in turn straddled him and ran my hands through his blonde hair. He sighed and closed his eyes.

"Ritsuka." He whispered and I bent down to kiss him while he still had his lips slightly parted.

And when I did, I felt him tense up and suddenly relax as he eventually won the battle for control. Then I felt his hands slide up to my back.

I still get shivers when I think about that.

My heart don't stop my heart be beating over my loving never stop even though that it's over

Girl I've been reminiscing when I play that Casanova

Way back when we were kissing on your grand momma's sofa

Girl I got this lovey dovey in my photo album I got them pictures when I was rocking Calvin…Klein

You had your Guess jeans on looking sexy oh no why could it not be the one?

Why couldn't you have stayed Soubi? Why couldn't you just ignore him? These pictures hanging above my bed are all I have of you, Soubi. Please come back. I need you. I'm breaking inside and out. Why Soubi?

Why, why, wwhhhyyyy Why couldn't I be the one

Why, why, wwhhhyyyy Why couldn't you be the one

Why, why, wwhhhyyyy

Ritsuka cries himself to sleep that night while looking at those photographs. The last word coming from his lips being "why." He never noticed Soubi standing to the side of the glass doors crying silently while whispering:

"I'm so sorry Ritsuka."

All I've got, all I've got is nothing without you

All I've got are these photographs

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