It's gonna be me. I don't waste time to look at Circe Morain as she reaches into the fisher's net fetches a paper.
The perk of being everyone's lover. No matter which name is written on the little piece of destiny – it's gonna be me out there in the arena. No old men who won twenty-nine and fifty-one years ago, they won't be much of a show.
And in the end, that's all that counts for Snow. Make the crowd cheer so loud that it won't hear the screaming of the dying.
I don't waste time to look at Circe Morain, or at the people around me. They are cheering, of course, who's not after all the lashing and burning recently? The girl on fire sends her flames out even to the district of the sea, and the water parts to let her and her idea of rebellion in.
Let them all burn.
I don't waste time to look at anybody else as I hear my name now. What a surprise.
Forgive me. Forgive me for breaking my promise. Forgive me for leaving you.
But from the look on her face she knew it, too. I keep my eyes locked on her as the cheering gets louder. I drown in her eyes. My mermaid, you'll always be my world. Forget this day, forget what the capitol wants us to see as reality. Reality and life, that's you and me, and no matter what happens they can never take this away from us.
Forget the girl on fire. Forget the man whose death burned itself into your brain. Let my love wash it out, wash you clean from everything and bring you away to someplace safe.
I prayed to one day be able to save Annie the way she saved me. From the first day on – it's strange to come back from the arena of death. I didn't know I could feel all those feelings I did there, and how everything was blocked out and drowned by fear, as if I was breathing it in with the air. Or drinking it. Blood and fear…
You saved me from a far worse fate than death, Annie, my love, do you know that? Will you remember it? That no matter who wins this time – I can't lose anymore. The capitol can't conquer me for I am safe in your love.
"Annie Cresta."
No.
My heart leaps into my throat and there stops, chokes me or is it the name?
No. No. No. They can't take her, they cannot do this to her, no. I know this kind of panic and I know that if Snow only was present, I could kill him. I would kill him.
Annie, I would kill them all, I won't let it happen, I won't ever let you getting hurt again, I promised…
But I can't. I hear my heart beating again, beating so fast. Why did I survive? Why did I live only to be so… useless now? Annie can't go back. Even if I managed to keep her alive, and I will, I swear I will, I will not let anybody harm her – but it won't save her. I don't care about dying myself, but I can't have Annie watching me die. It almost broke her last time. Going back will break her, and I won't be able to do anything against it.
Annie. Through the gaze of blood that fills my sight I can still see her, cracked with horror. She already is back, back in hell, back where I can't protect her at… my love, my mermaid, I've failed you. I am so sorry.
But she doesn't see me now. She's away, far away, and I know that I will not survive seeing her breaking down again.
"A volunteer! Well… alright." I can't take my eyes from Annie, but there's something in Circe's voice that makes it easier to breathe again.
"Why not? I guess two star-crossed lovers would be too much anyway. The female tribute for the 75th Hunger Games is… Mags."
Mags. I tear my gaze away from Annie who's still wound up in her fear to see my mentor stepping forward. She smiles at me, the same kind, knowing smile she had after I came back from my "victory" – a broken, scared, aggressive little boy who didn't even trust his own father anymore.
"Mags." My lips are moving but I can't hear my own voice. I don't know what to say.
This woman has made me survive, she showed my everything to make a winner out of me. To this day I don't know what she did to help me get out of the area alive. If I ever had a mother, it is her.
"Thank you." I just hope she can read my lips, as she used to read my mind. Mine and Annie's, from the first moment on. She saved her, too. And she believed in us to heal each other.
Wrinkled hands stroke away my tears and I bow down and hug her, take this weak little bundle into my arms. "Thank you." Words can never be enough. She saved Annie. My love will not go through hell again, she'll be okay, she can live.
"Thank you." I kiss Mags' hair and forehead. She's light in my arms, like a child. I will do whatever I can, but she will die. I know it with the same certainty with which I knew it would be for the Quarter Quell. And she knows it too.
She lived to save me, she lived to save Annie. Now she's gonna die to save us both. I pull her closer, knowing that no words, nothing can ever reward her sacrifice.
Annie's gonna be okay. I hold a dying woman in my arms, I'm in good risks to die myself in a few weeks. And still I feel light again.
May the odds be ever in our favor – and if they're not… you hold my heart. And in your smile I will always be safe.