One Love
Remember how the WTC looked when it collapsed? All so sudden and so quickly? So unexpected? Yeah. Well. That's child's play compared to what just happened in my life.
I didn't lose anyone in the WTC. I'm lucky. Someone I know watched the black cloud roll down the street, but was ushered into a building. I am very lucky. Maybe if I lost someone than I wouldn't be that casual about my above statement. But you have to understand that I am emotionally unstable at the moment. Or I was.
I guess this is the disclaimer. The events are true. The people are true. All the meaning is true. I don't own RHPS, they belong to the almighty god of the universe, Richard O'Brien, who I'm going to marry one day (even though he's about 35 years older than I am).
Also, everything is very all over the place, and I don't know if there's a plot - but it's basically the things that have happened to me, how Rocky Horror has affected me. There might be a point at the end.
And then I saw the movie only a month later, after returning to The Rocky Horror Show again. Yes, it was about transvestites, and sex and gays and bisexuals - all that fun stuff. But there was so much more meaning. So much that I could actually connect to it on a personal level. A very personal level.
I wasn't obsessed.
I was completely and utterly devoted.
And I still am.
It taught me so much, and brought me to even a deeper level. I'm crazy to begin with. But now, I even quote Rocky Horror in English, school projects (unbeknownst to everyone else), home, everywhere. It goes everywhere with me. All the emotions and lessons and the power…
But then there's Luis.
My boyfriend. My 3rd in 3 years. He… liked, the movie. He had seen it, worn fishnets, a fan here and there. Unlike me, who spent almost every moment of my free time watching the video (once I saw it), had the CD playing, whatever I could do to fill my mind with Rocky Horror.
And then I completely gave myself over to absolute pleasure.
Each day was spent completely immersed in a pool of pleasure, nothing mattered. I was having so much fun. I dyed my hair red. I went gothic. I had some of the best times being completely out there and free.
My best friend came to me with a problem one day. She liked a guy. And he… liked her? I don't know. He showed signs… but we later found out he asked someone else out. So I asked her if she was having fun. Crushing on this guy. Waiting for math class so she could match eyes with him and smile. Yes said "I guess…" so who cares? You're having fun.
That was my philosophy.
Dammit [janet], I keep saying was. It still is. This only happened over the summer. Keep that in mind, please. I went to school completely drowned in Rocky Horror. That was only 3 weeks ago. Most of this took place over the summer, anyway.
I developed reflexes. Dammit! Janet! I'd always say that… every time a "dammit!" was heard, I said Janet!. Once, another friend of mine said "everywhere." I replied "It's been the same. Oops. Sorry. Reflex." I still do it. I can't help it. More than once, going to lunch time chorus waiting for the teachers to get there, I jump on stage and perform some part of the floor show.
That's my life.
And every night… I'd look up at the night, from out my window. I'd pray with all of my heart. Sometimes I'd even cry. I have to get away from this earth. I don't belong here. No one understands the passion I have. The desires. I was so alone. Yes, I had friends, and a boyfriend, and best friends, but I needed more than that. I don't know what I needed.
Yes I do.
I needed. I wanted. I had to go to Transsexual.
That's where I belong. Not this earth. I'm a Transylvanian. I tell people that to. I'm not of this earth - I'm an alien from the planet Transsexual of the galaxy Transylvania. I cry when I do this, as I mentioned. Every night. I'm at the window. For a few minutes, sometimes a lot longer. Just praying for someone to come and take me away.
And then things started happening.
There was a spider in my room. I'm an arachnophobic. I see a dust spider and I scream. And this thing was one of those large spiders that happen to move very fast. I was on the phone with Joanna (who was "Joanne" in 'Letters from Transsexual'), and doing my homework with "Time Warp" playing in the background. Dancing while sitting on your bed is rather, erm, impossible, so I just looked to the left… and then looked to the right.
And there was this spider.
Moving really fast.
Right next to me on the wall.
So, here I am, across the room, on the verge of hysterics. I went to my TV, only a few feet away, and popped in the Rocky Horror Picture Show, which was conveniently set on my favourite scene - "I Can Make You A Man Reprise."
Mustering up the courage I had, I picked up my heels that resembled Frank-N-Furter's to nearly every detail, jumped on my bed, and smashed the shoe into the spider, who was sitting calmly on the wall.
It was dead. Squished. Gone. I smiled at Frank on the screen, and danced along.
And then looked at the dead spider.
It was walking across the wall.
No. The spider was dead. Gone. I SAW IT SQUISHED AGAINST THE WALL. I dropped my heel and ran out of the room, hysterical, down the hall and into the music room, where I sat on the computer chair and tried to calm myself down.
Joanna was silent - not much to say at a time like this. Once I was calm, I ventured back in my room.
The moment I even ENTERED the hallway back to my room, I saw it. My door was open. Sun. Light. Streaming out of my room. Literally.
Now completely confused and scared, I walked into my room.
The blinds were drawn. Completely.
And the spider was gone.
Am I completely out of my mind? I don't know. I really don't know anymore. But this happened. I can guarantee that the story above was completely true.
But there are more.
I was home alone. Woo hoo. I was in the computer room, with RHS on, blasting, "Toucha Toucha Toucha Touch Me" sung by Alice Ripley. That's just a song that you blast.
I love that song so much. Probably one of the important songs in the whole musical. It's Janet's turning point. She's gone from the stereotypical clean-cut 1950's American woman, to this nymphomaniac, if you will. After Frank-N-Furter, she just found all this passions and desires that she never knew she had.
He's Frank. He does that to people.
He did that to me.
But I'll come back to that.
Anyhoo, I was in my computer room chair, and I decided to spin around it (it's one of those chairs that spin around, as you've probably guessed). It was the beginning of the song, only the first time she says "Toucha-toucha-toucha-touch me! I wanna be diiiirty!" And the chair never stopped spinning until the song ended.
I don't know what happened. Right now, as I'm writing this, it seems incredible.
But when someone pushes you, spins you or on a swing, you feel when they push you. That jolt of energy. I felt that. Someone had to be there pushing me.
I opened my eyes when the song was over. No one was there. It was the music room again. Not Frank's castle. (refer to "To Transsexual: Spaced Out On Sensation") It was so weird. It felt like reality was fading back to normal.
I don't know what I felt when my eyes were closed, my feet/legs curled up and while I was singing. I don't know if I felt anything but the steady pushing of someone behind me.
If I don't even know what I felt, how am I supposed to explain what it was?
As I said, getting back to Frank.
This is supposed to be about Rocky Horror and my life, right? Wow, exciting fic. I'm not sure that's even what this is. Let's call it an urge to write down what's been circulating in my head for the past few months.
He's Frank-N-Furter, ST.
Sweet Transvestite.
There are people who don't like him, I respect that. But he's gorgeous.
Yes, I have odd fetishes. I am attracted to a guy who will shamelessly wear woman's clothing cross-dress. So, most of them are gay, but still. I'm a Rocky fan, I'm in to all that stuff. Transvestites, cross-dressing, fishnets.
I was online with a friend of mine, Jon, who doesn't know Rocky Horror all that well. We were, for some bizarre reason, reciting "Dammit, Janet" online (with me giving him all his lines). Well, he knows enough from me to know that it's not quite ordinary. He asked if he was a guy or a girl. My reply: does it matter?
No. It doesn't. And that's what so great about Rocky Horror.
I don't quite fit in with the crowd.
I'm one of those people who stick out - in the good sense. I don't follow trends. I don't listen to pop.
I'm really different.
I'm a bisexual teen goth. Does it even sound like I fit in?
I don't fit into society. I'm the puzzle piece that doesn't quite work.
So, where else would anyone like me fit in? Rocky Horror.
Who really cares who you are? What you look like? Your sexual preference?
All that matters is that you're here, and you're having fun. And that's how I live my life - and I'm having some of the greatest years. And this is just the beginning.
So I can look back and say "It was great when it all began…" and then it got better.
Don't dream it.
Be it.
Why was Luis mentioned? Well, he was my boyfriend. Was. I'm saying was for a reason. I found out, due to another Rocky Horror Story, that I could not have Luis and RHPS at the same time.
I chose RHPS.
The story goes that one day, I lost my RHS CD cover. I had the CD, but not the case. It was that way for a few weeks. One day, I found the RHS case in the basement (it still puzzles me why it was there), but went upstairs to find my RHPS CD gone. Completely. CD and case. It wasn't where I left it 5 minutes ago. It wasn't where I had it a couple of days ago.
Just gone.
Extremely mad because I needed it for something the next day, I just chose the RHS version of Science Fiction, Double Feature to do for Talent Show auditions.
After auditions (I found out the next day that yes, I made it), that night, the coolest person in the world, Dan, came over to drop off some books for me for my English project. I ran upstairs to lend him my RHS CD because he and his boyfriend (Dan is Riff and Brett is going as Frank) are coming to see it with us the next time we go.
As soon as he left with the CD, I, for some bizarre reason, walked into my mom's room, and there was the RHPS CD, neatly with a pile of books. Mind you, I had already looked there.
I began to realise [I'm going home] that I couldn't seem to have RHS and RHPS at the same time. I found one but lost the other.
Luis.
I had him. But when I found RHPS, it seemed not long after that that our relationship began to deteriorate. Don't think I wasn't paying any attention to him just because I found a sexy transvestite.
It just didn't work out.
I found one, but lost the other.
But now, I can proudly say that I have one love.
Rocky Horror.