Honestly, I'm off the Walking Dead bus after the season seven opener. I'm just tired of investing my time in something that makes me sad.
And yet, I just wrote this piece of angst.
Please be aware this deals with: Character Death, Mental Illness, Hallucinations, Self Harm.
It starts in the van. After he'd been thrown in the back, scrambling like a caged animal he settled down. Barely moved after Dwight started driving away. Just barely discernible above the rumble of the vehicle, Dwight hears it.
"M'sorry Beth. I'll try harder."
"Try harder at what asshole?" Dwight yells back at Daryl. But he gets no answer.
Daryl, who ran all night to find Beth, is too scared to face her now. He promises he'll try harder but does he mean that? Does he truly want that? After what he's done…
No. No, he can't find her anymore. He won't be going where she is. Where Hershel and Glenn are. Merle? Oh he'll see Merle again no doubt. But he's lost Beth for sure now.
He's lost her.
Beth.
And that's when he breaks.
—
They barely give him anything because he won't take it. No food, no water. He doesn't sleep much either. The grief and stress overload his system and he's living in one loop.
He babbles his apologies to her. He's sorry, he's sorry, he's so so so sorry. Beth he's sorry. He tried. He tried he swears he did. Glenn. S'his fault but don't hate him please, Girl. Don't. Please. He's sorry.
She leaves him. Walks away without a word. No songs, no comfort. No absolution. No real acknowledgement outside a sad look at him. She walks away.
She broke him. He tries to scramble after her but he can't. Somethin' holds him back and he's screamin' please Beth please don't go, don't leave him again, he's sorry he's so sorry.
—
Negan actually feels a bit bad. The man's sick. Shoulda put the poor sucker outta his misery instead of that other one. You don't leave sick animals to suffer like this. But now he has to let the crazy guy scream at the walls. He's Negan's leverage after all.
—
Daryl is trapped and Beth walks away from him again. He's reliving the shot that killed her now. Reliving every moment he tried to die and failed. Ever failure since he lost her.
He knows she hates him. She hates him more than he hates himself. She has to. She won't even look at him now. She's gonna stop coming to see him soon he knows it.
She's gonna walk away and stay gone. And he deserves it.
But he'll take her anger. Her disgust. Because at least he sees her. And maybe one day she'll stop and listen? Maybe even forgive him. So he never stops begging. Pleading with her. He'll prove how sorry he is, he swears.
He pulls at his restraints so hard he bleeds, and it filters through. Is that what she wants? He told her once he'd never cut his wrists looking for attention but that ain't true now is it? Because he'll cut himself to the bone if she just looks at him this time. If she says his name one last time. He'd do it for her.
He pulls. Thrashes. Makes sure its deep because that's when she looks at him. See? See Beth? Just like he promised. He'll do whatever she wants.
And then she leaves. Vanishes, not just up and walking away.
Some voice far far away is sayin' they've gotta watch him better. Can't have the prisoner dyin' without his say so.
Daryl is pissed. They made Beth go away. They took Beth. They took her.
He's gonna kill them.
—
Its a blur until he feels the roughness of a neck in his hands. Feels it crush under his thumbs.
She's not back yet.
Fine. He goes after the next thing he can get his hands on. But something connects with the back of his skull and everything goes dark.
But he hears it. Finally. Beth's singing.
She's singing where he can hear her.
—
The people left after the final showdown with Negan never really find out what happened to Daryl. Stories come back to them from Negan's compound but no definitive answer. One man said Daryl escaped. Another said Negan killed Daryl in the van shortly after they drove away that first day.
Most just shake their heads and say the man was insane. And Negan? He just sits in his cell in Alexandria saying nothing.
—
One day, as Carl leaves Negan after one of their short visits, Negan says something.
"He found Beth."
Carl demands clarification but Negan won't say anything more about it. Just smiles away. Wrist jerks like it does when he's missing Lucille. Like he's swinging a bat.
Daryl found Beth.
Swish.
Thanks for reading. Drop me a review if you have time.