Title: So You Wanna Date A Duck?
Author(s): RnbwRvrGrl (Sparkle) and Digital Tempest
Rating: PG-13, we guess
Summary: Two very bored authors bring you an odd fic that came from an MSN messenger conversation. It's odd, extremely odd. You have been properly warned. ^_^
Authors' Notes: Don't kill us we were just having fun. Flame if you must but Flames toast s'mores!
-x-
*Sparkle walks in dragging a whimpering Tempest into a room with two couches and a chair*
Sparkle: C'mon Tempest. This will be fun. *cheeky grin*
Tempest: *screams* HOW DO I LET YOU TALK ME INTO THESE THINGS? *mutters* I hate you.
Sparkle: What was that?
Tempest: *smiles broadly* Oh, nothing… *plots Sparkle's death* So what exactly am I doing here?
-both girls sit on one of the couches-
Sparkle: We're going to give the good women out there in fanfiction.net land what they want.
Tempest: And that would be…?
Sparkle: *huffs* Didn't you read the title of the story? *points*
Tempest: We're going to help them get a date with a duck?
Sparkle: Not a 'duck', but a DUCK with a capital D. You know!
Tempest: Oh, I don't like this. I think I should go home. It's past my bedtime.
Sparkle: Who are you kidding? You don't sleep. I know this for a fact. *Sparkle nods knowingly*
Tempest: Okay, you have a point, but how are we suppose to get henceforth-mentioned male Ducks here?
Sparkle: *pulls Duct tape out of her messenger bag*
Tempest: Please, Sparkle, no! *her protests are in vain, as Sparkle disappears from the room*
-Tempest hears cries of protests and muttered threats, and then Sparkle reemerges a moment later smoothing her hair-
Sparkle: FIRST VICTIM… *smiles happily*
Tempest: o_O;;
Sparkle: I meant first…er… boy…
Tempest: And that would be…? *says hopefully* THE ROCK?!
Sparkle: *whaps Tempest* WRONG FANDOM!
Tempest: *cries*
Sparkle: *reads clipboard* ADAM BANKS! We're going in alphabetical order by last names
Tempest: *cries more* BUT I DON'T WANNA… wait a minute… alphabetical order by last name… WOULDN'T THAT MAKE LES AVERMAN FIRST? *grabs the clipboard to inspect it*
Sparkle: No. *snatches the clipboard away from Tempest*
Tempest: A comes before B. *tries to snatch the clipboard back, but Sparkle sits on it.*
Sparkle: *sweatdrop* Okay, we're going by first names then.
Tempest: This is so rigged. *glares*
Sparkle: Are you accusing me of doing something unfair, Tempest? How dare you? Bring in the first Duck. *Sparkle starts bouncing in her seat*
-Adam is dragged into the room by a large man. His hands and feet are duct taped together. Tempest shoots Sparkle an evil look, and Sparkle pretends to not see it.-
Tempest: You know this is against the law in all 50 states, right?
Sparkle: Oh shush, we're going to returned him unharmed… for the most part. *evil laughter*
Tempest: ¬.¬;
Sparkle: Put him right here in between us. *pats the sofa and the lackey throws Adam between the girls* CAREFUL! We don't want you harming the merchandise.
Tempest: But I don't want to sit by him.
Sparkle: Are you always this disagreeable? -says to Adam- Now, I'm going to untie your hands and feet. If you start kicking and biting again, I'll have to kill you, okay? And you're too cute to kill. *ruffles Adam's hair*
Adam: mmphf
Tempest: Maybe you should ungag him too. He looks like he wants to say something important.
*Sparkle pulls the gag out of his mouth*
Adam: You'll hear from my lawyer.
*Tempest quickly stuffs the gag back in mouth*
Sparkle: Tempest?! Is that anyway to treat our guest?
Tempest: *whines* BUT be's bothering me. *miffed*
*Sparkle takes the gag back out and unties Adam*
Sparkle: Hello Adam, *drools* how are you?
Adam: *looks around the room* Where am I?
Tempest: Well, it sure ain't Disney, you --
Sparkle: *whaps Tempest* You're in our studio of course. We're going to help you get a date since you're seriously lacking in female companionship.
Tempest & Adam together: THIS IS A STUDIO?
Sparkle: Hey, you have to work with what you can get! That's not the point thought! We're here to help you find the woman of your dreams.
Tempest: *says nonchalantly* I'm not convinced Adam likes women.
-Adam and Sparkle facefault-
Tempest: What? I'm just being realistic. So why can't we find him the person of his dreams? *grumbles*
Adam: I like women.
Tempest: *sarcasm* Sure you do, Adam.
Sparkle: *scoots a little close to Adam* Of course, he likes women.
Tempest: I've got three words for the both you -- Repressed Gay Boy. It's NOT a bad thing. And I know a good psychologist who can help you get these feelings out. They're natural and you should embrace them -- *stops talking when she realizes everyone is staring oddly at her* I was just trying to help.
Adam: …
Sparkle: MOVING ON! *takes out a sheet with a long list of questions*
Tempest: You're not serious.
Sparkle: You really are a bitter bitch aren't you? *Tempest glowers* I mean that in the nicest way possible. *turns attention back to Adam* So, Adam, how do you prefer your women *glares at Tempest* to behave?
Tempest: *mutters*
Adam: *things* Well, I like girls who --
Tempest: YOU DO NOT LIKE GIRLS!
Sparkle: Ignore her. She has Tourette's syndrome. Go on with your response.
Adam: I like girls who aren't too flashy, someone who isn't too wild, a sensible girl who can hold an intelligent conversation, but that's not to say that I don't want her to be herself. A girl shouldn't have to change herself for me.
Tempest: BAHAHAHAHA… *wipes tears of laughter from eyes* Where did you get that? Cosmo?
Sparkle: *drools* I thought it was beautiful.
Adam: *smiles* You're a nice lady.
Sparkle: ^______^
Tempest: This is getting disgusting. I get to ask the next question. *snatches paper from Sparkle before she can protest and scans it while mocking the question* What's your sign? Do you want to get married? WHO WROTE THIS SHIT? *looks at Sparkle who blushes* Okay, here's a good one. What physical characteristics do you look for in your men… I mean women… I mean… oh bother.
Adam: Well… hey you said men first… *looks to Sparkle from protection from the evil Tempest*
Tempest: ehehehe… It was a slip of the tongue. Just answer the question!
Adam: I like tall girls with long hair and gentle eyes and… *trails off*
Tempest and Sparkle: And?
-Adam looks reluctant to keep going-
Tempest: You can say it I won't tease you.
Adam: Big *makes a hand motion to indicate breasts*
Tempest: *falls over* STOP LYING! YOU DON'T LIKE BOOBS!
Adam: She hates me doesn't she?
Sparkle: *nods enthusiastically* Yes, but she hates everyone.
Adam: That explains a lot.
Sparkle: Anyhoo… next question!
Adam: Shoot.
Sparkle: Where would you take a girl on a first date?
Adam: To a dinner and movie I guess… *shrugs*
Sparkle: Okay, Tempest?
Tempest: *smiles scarily and opens mouth to ask question*
Sparkle: Don't you dare ask him anything concerning his sexual preference.
Tempest: *innocent look* I wouldn't dare. ARE YOU TRYING TO CALL ME TACTLESS AND MOUTHY? *Sparkle nods* I don't have have to take this. I am taking a coffee break. Excuseme! *Tempest runs away*
Sparkle: *suspicious* Wonder where she's going in such a hurry? I guess I'll have to continue on with the interview then.
-Sparkle continues to interview and notices an hour later that Tempest still hasn't returned*
Sparkle: Damn, I wonder where Tempest is.
Adam: *says hopefully* Maybe she died.
Sparkle: I don't know about that. I think we should find her.
Adam: We? I don't even like her.
Sparkle: *drags Adam along behind her as she looks for Tempest* TEMPEST WHERE ARE YOU?
-Sparkle hears noises coming from the room where the tied up boys are-
Sparkle: OH NO! SHE'S FOUND THE BOY STASH!
Adam: That's a bad thing?
Sparkle: That's a very bad thing. *rushes to the room and opens the door* TEMPEST!
-Tempest is glomped to tied-up Dean Portman's leg, smiling happily. He's trying in unsuccessfully to shake her off.-
Tempest: Must…glomp… for… dear… life…
Sparkle: *unglomps Tempest and drag her and Adam back to their makeshift studio* Tempest you can't go around attacking the clientele.
Tempest: And just why the hell not?
Sparkle: It's not very professional-like. *says importantly*
Tempest: And drooling over a boy in denial is?
Adam: I'm not in denial.
Tempest: I saw the way you were looking at Charlie. You've got to get up pretty darn early to fool the Tempest.
Adam: I have no idea what you are talking about.
Tempest: Sure you do. *mocking* Who wouldn't fall into the trap of those lovely eyes and that soft hair? And those oh-so kissable lips.
Adam:… *drools on Tempest's shoe*
Tempest: EW YOU DROOLED ON ME. Oh I've gots to cut you now.
-Adam jumps behind Sparkle-
Sparkle: We'd better end this before it gets ugly. So in conclusion… Adam likes women --
Tempest: *pipes in* MEN!
Sparkle: Adam likes WOMEN who are feminine but not shoddy. He likes a girl who is smart and sophisticated. Flashy isn't his thing.
Tempest: Adam likes a person who enjoys a good dinner and movie, someone who doesn't need to be pampered all the damn time. He doesn't mind pampering someone who deserves it, not someone who demands it.
Sparkle: How did you know that?
Tempest: I heard the rest of the interview! *huffs* I was glomped to Dean not struck deaf.
Sparkle: Okay… Adam is an attentive and caring lover. Even though he tries to hold all his feelings in, he needs someone who will be there for him and lend a shoulder to cry on.
-Tempest holds up a large sign that says, "WOMEN NEED NOT APPLY" and quickly hides it behind the sofa when Sparkle looks at her-
Tempest: He also needs someone who isn't serious all the time. He's a no-nonsense type of person, but deep down inside he does have a playful side. So get out there and get your man Fellas! *sparkle glares* I mean people.
Sparkle: *turns to Adam* It was a pleasure having you on the show. I know you'll meet the GIRL of your dreams. *shakes Adam's hand*
Adam: It was interesting, but I do have one request.
Sparkle: What's that?
Adam: Don't you psychos ever contact me again, and you can let go of my hand now. *tries to pull his hand away from Sparkle*
Sparkle: I thought you might wanna you know hang out. *attaches herself to Adam's leg* PLEASE DON'T LEAVE US!
Tempest: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA… LEAVE! THIS WAS FRIGHTFULLY DULL. *looks out toward FF.net land*
-Tempest begins to try to pry a crying Sparkle off Adam's leg-
*
Sorry about that guys something weird is going on with my word and it makes my spaces too large. - RnbwRvrGrl