::Blind Me::

It wasn't that he was angry, he could never really by angry at him, but sometimes he just wanted to punch that fucking smile off his stupid ass face… But he wasn't angry at him. He was… frustrated. So incredibly frustrated, and… deperate, maybe just a little fucking pissed as all hell.

Not at him, no, of course not, at himself, at the world, at the position they were in, at the way he continued to deny him when they both knew that Sora liked Roxas just as much as Roxas liked him. And that the way they liked each other was not in a completely platonic friendly way, but more in the way that they wanted to rip each other's clothes off and rut.

And it wasn't like it hadn't happened before…

Blues eyes wavered as they glanced the brunette head of hair from the club's crowd, spikey and out of control, ignoring the way that his gut instantly felt constipated. His tongue felt as heavy as the dark misty blue eyes that crossed his, the eyes that knew him, made him way too anxious. Yeah, that was all, he was just anxious.

"Roxas…" He flinched, his nerves were fraying, his attention on the boy across the room making his mind jumble his thoughts, he just wanted to leave now, "Hey, Roxas…"

"Bye."

He slipped from his chair, his friends turning their attention to his quickly retreating back, only one really attempting to yell to him, but he was already running towards the door. He was dizzy though, his eyes weren't on the other man anymore, but his thoughts were still jumbled, and he swore it was the bass thumping through the floor that was making his heartbeat so erratic, and it was anger that made him want to scream until his throat bled… but not anger towards him.

Because he just didn't want it to be because of him, he just didn't want to be feeling anxious or nervous or even angry because of him, he just didn't want to feel because of him, he just didn't want Sora to be the source of his emotions. Or else things would begin to get difficult… he'd never felt so much for a person, and he didn't want one person to be such a big part of him. Especially not a person who didn't return those feelings.

"Roxas!" He couldn't stop himself from hesitating, from letting those arms wrap around his waist, and let that warm breath make the skin on his neck vibrate with heat, "Roxas, where are you going? You need to stay here…"

No, no, he really needed to leave right now. Sora knew all about his effect on Roxas, Sora knew that Roxas wasn't able to really have a good time with him around because Sora didn't have those feelings for him. Sora was in love with Kairi. Fuck Kairi… Okay, so Roxas met her and agreed she was, like, fucking perfect, that whore. The only thing wrong with that girl was that she was the type who was so perfect that it made others feel inferior.

Sora deserved someone that perfect, and Roxas knew that, but Sora was just as perfect, so Roxas wanted him anyways, because he was greedy and selfish and the worst best friend to the brunette ever. Despite that, Sora still treated him so well after he got drunk and tried hitting on him, and Kairi knew that Roxas liked Sora and still didn't hate him. Why? Because they are perfect angels. Fuck them.

"Roooooooxas! Don't go!" He winced as he tried to pry Sora's hands from his waist, his organs wanted to moan in pleasure at having them there though, it was almost painful to deny Sora's affection. But he wasn't going to ruin the perfect couple, he wasn't like that…

"I want you."

He was so tense, his ligaments were nearly frozen, his eyes were wide as they stared back at those eyes, their misty haze clearing to show how deep and blue they could really be. He didn't… He probably just heard the song that was playing… yeah, Sora wouldn't… it was his imagination, he was so desperate and frustrated, he was going insane. He really needed to either get laid or move on from Sora… Yeah.

Sora's lips were pressed against his ear, his breath was fire on his lobe, he bit his lip as he felt his guts turn themselves in circles, "In my car… right now. Please, Roxas."

Those were definitely not song lyrics.

It was his fault it all ended up this way, how had he not seen it back then? How had he not expected things to turn out this way? No straight guy with a perfect and hot girlfriend would fuck their male best friend. How had he not expected things to go wrong with what they did? What, like they would only do it once and forget it ever happened? Sora wasn't like that, and Roxas didn't forget anything, especially not Sora. He couldn't fucking forget Sora.

But how much he would pay to be able to.

He would do anything to just fucking cut out whatever parts of him Sora affected. His stomach, his guts, his dick, his brain, his heart, he just wished Sora would leave him. There was no way for him to forget the man, though.

Every word he's said to him, every kind gesture, every touch, it all would replay in his mind at the worst of times, and he would never forget any of it. Except, now of course, it was all added with a twinge of guilt, it was all with a side of anger, it was all soaked in bitterness. Sora knew that too, he wasn't a complete idiot.

Just an asshole.

Sora had one of those cars that was started from remote control, the lucky bastard got it from his parents as a birthday present when he turned 18, and they didn't skimp on the features for it. There was the remote control start, the moon roof, the heated seats, and the eardrum popping stereo. Roxas currently was appreciating all of those expensive features at the moment, and he had to admit… the heated seats were nice on his back.

But Sora's mouth on his throat felt better.

His breath was trapped in his esophagus, somewhere between his jugular and collarbone, and the way Sora was worshipping the skin there, he could swear the brunette was sucking it out of him like a vampire. The tips of his fingers felt as numb as his brain, everything was numb, all he could feel was Sora, looming over him, his heat, how his body seemed to nearly consume his. He wanted it so bad, and Sora knew that, was taking full advantage of that, and to be honest… he didn't even care at the moment. He just wanted it.

His eyes cracked open just the tiniest bit as tan hands were sliding his pants down, his jeans and underwear getting pushed along his legs as palms scorched the skin in their travel. His pupils felt like they were trembling, there was so many feelings in his nerves right now, he felt drugged. The stars through the moon roof were shining though, swirling and shining, beaming down on them, and he felt so close to them right now…

Until Sora's face broke their connection, but he was more than happy for that to happen, those nearly transparent blues were staring at him, his lips moving, but Roxas' ears were buzzing. He just nodded, he just hoped yes was all that was needed to make this continue. Yes, yes, he wanted this and there was no denying that. Sora wanted it too, there was definitely no denying that…

You don't just stick your dick in another man without at least some form of desire for him.

There was really only one way for everything to end well now… He took the blame for what he and Sora did, he told Kairi it was his fault. He drugged Sora, he whored himself on Sora, and that was all there was to say. He just told Kairi that, it was all he could do to make things right again, to return things to the way they were… and to let Sora return to his happy totally not perfect life and relationship.

It didn't matter if it weren't true, and it didn't matter that Roxas would be the one hurt by it all in the end. This was the way it had to be, because Sora wanted it this way, and Kairi wanted it this way, and the only person in the entire fucking world who didn't want Sora to be with Kairi was Roxas. And he may admit that he is greedy and selfish, but he wasn't going to be so much of a dick that he would tear them apart just for himself.

No, he knew how to deal without Sora, he's used to it.

And you know what, Sora just let him take the blame, so it wasn't like he didn't think Roxas deserved it. He was just in denial about how much he had wanted Roxas, he just didn't want to admit to himself or the world that, yeah, he does, or at least did, want Roxas.

He didn't deserve it, and Kairi didn't deserve to be lied to, but this was the only way the most people would be happy… And they all knew it, and Sora wanted to be with Kairi, not Roxas, so he just let Roxas take the blame and walk out. He didn't care about Roxas… and that made Roxas want to strangle him.

But really, he couldn't be angry at him for that… he was just frustrated.

He couldn't really be angry at him… Not when he hated himself just as much for being such a slut.

The noises he was making were embarrassing, and he swore that he was saying something, but for the life of him he just couldn't figure out what the fuck it was. Sora's hands just felt so good on him, and the way he moved between his legs, how he breathed against his neck as they rocked with each other. It all felt way too good.

He knew the way he was clutching at Sora's back would leave marks, and that Kairi may or may not notice those marks at some point, but he really couldn't bring himself to care at that moment. Not with Sora doing all this to him, not when he wanted to just throw himself down on him, force all he could of Sora inside of him. In fact…

He forced Sora up, shoving him against the passenger door and moving back into his lap, going down on him once again. Unconsciously, he felt his hand wrap around that handle, the "oh SHIT" handle was the name that popped into his mind, fuck what the real name was, it didn't matter, but he used that and a tight grasp on Sora's shoulder to force himself up and slam himself back down.

"Oh shit…" He breathed, spine arching back, eyes fluttering as their pace became unsteady, Sora forcing his hips up and down with a strong grip. He could vaguely recognize those stars through the window above him, they felt so blinding right now though, he had to turn away, instead moving forward to rest his forehead against that ice cold window next to Sora.

He screamed when Sora hit the right spot just right, his eyes snapping open to meet with horrified violet ones on the other side of the glass, the crashing waves of oh God fuck yes pleasure preventing him from stopping. He couldn't stop, no, he wouldn't have anyways, now that he thought about it. This was his first, and probably his last chance to be with Sora, he wasn't going to stop, he would be too devastated. She could have him anytime, he needed to have it once.

Her violets were as blinding as those stars though, so he had to close his eyes.

He wasn't angry anymore. Really, he just didn't have it in him anymore. It was all… dead. He wasn't happy, no, but he wasn't angry. Sad… maybe, depressed, probably, but he felt so empty at the moment that he supposed what he was feeling really wasn't the problem, but what he wasn't feeling.

Why wasn't he angry? Why wasn't he blaming Sora, or Kairi, or even himself? Why was he just sitting in his room all day, moping, pretending that as long as he acted like it never happened, that as long as he took the blame and let Sora and Kairi be happy together, then everything would be okay again? Who was he kidding? There wasn't anyone he had to prove himself to anymore, the only person who's thoughts he even paid any mind to anymore was Sora's. And let's be honest, Sora knows Roxas is crazy for him.

There was no point to denying that Roxas would do nearly anything for Sora, and there was no denying that he was probably in love with him… So why was he trying to deny that being away from him, that pretending that time together, that one time that was stained by so much guilt and bitterness, was something Sora didn't want as much as him was painful. That Sora hadn't whispered in his ear how much he wanted him…

Okay, it hurt. It stung. He wanted to be pissed that it hurt so much, or even depressed about it. But he just… accepted it. He had to, it was the only way he was going to be able to keep going, because it has all been said and done, and there was no point in pretending there was anything to do about it right now.

He had Sora for one night, more like a couple hours at most, and then he lost him…

That's just the way it is.

His facebook was full of angry messages for a week, he stopped checking his wall posts after the third or so person threatened to cut his dick off. He deleted it after the eighth person sent a message for him to 'do everyone a favor' and kill himself. He felt like he was back in high school.

Of course, they didn't stop there. He got calls all the time, sometimes it was a death threat, sometimes it was someone telling him to commit suicide or become a whore, sometimes it was someone saying they were going to rape him next time he walked alone at night. He called the police and changed his number, but he wasn't going to just forget things like that. He wasn't just going to forget Sora, he wasn't going to just forget being hated, he wasn't going to forget feeling so alone.

His friends weren't talking to him anymore, they had taken Kairi's side. No one wanted to be friends with a slut. He didn't talk to or see Sora again after that, and he wasn't exactly going out to look for him either. He spent most of his time at home, staring out the window, trying not to think, just staring. Eventually his eyes would make their way up to the stars, he would watch them and he would realize…

They're even more blinding than they were before.

He could remember the way that Sora would laugh, his lips spreading across his face, parting slightly to reveal his teeth. His skin would seem to brighten when he smiled, his eyes clear of their misty, dreamy nature just slightly. That's how you knew when you had his attention. When you knew he wasn't dreaming, that he had more attention on you than he did on his day dreams.

Roxas didn't mind it if Sora stared at him with misty or clear eyes, if he was actually listening to him or if he was fantasizing about something else the entire time. As long as he knew Roxas was there, as long as he cared that Roxas was still around, he was more than happy to know that Sora cared enough to turn his head and nod at him, to smile at him, to laugh at him. That's all he really cared about.

The first time he had seen Sora after all of that, his eyes were as clear as a glass of water, and focused directly on him. All it did was make his spine tremble and want to rip itself out of his back, but he kept walking… because Sora hadn't talked to him since that night and he looked miserable as all hell with those eyes on him. He hadn't tried to talk to him since then, and he hadn't once stepped up to Kairi and talked to her about what happened. Kairi drew her own conclusion… and he let her believe that.

When Roxas lied to confirm it, he knew that was what Sora had wanted. Why else would he let Kairi believe that's what happened? Why else would he stare at him so seriously, like he regretted it? There was no other reason than the obvious, Sora wished he hadn't had sex with him, and Roxas was getting over the sting of that rejection.

But, despite that he was hurt, and despite that he was upset, he couldn't bring himself to be so much of an ass that he would truly ruin Sora and Kairi's relationship. That's why he lied, because it was what Kairi wanted to hear, and what Sora needed her to believe for them to be happy again.

Who cared if Roxas was the one who was hurt in the end?

It had been years since then, he had graduated college, he had made new friends, he had dated other people… He was over Sora.

At least, he had to be, because now he had a boyfriend. And he loved Axel, he really did, he adored the redhead. Axel with his sharp, bright green eyes, his crazy unpredictability. He was nothing like Sora, and Roxas was sharply aware of that, in fact, it was one of the reasons he was intensely happy to be with the redhead. Because no matter what, even if it hurt, Axel liked the truth, and he didn't lie, and he was the kind of person who knew what he wanted.

So imagine how gut wrenching it had been when he was at his temporary job, Moogle Hut, the pizza place, almost at the end of his shift, Axel flirting with him over the counter, and Sora walked in. He almost threw up when all of those supposedly buried emotions swirled back into his gut, and it must have been obvious on his face, because Axel was quick to react, "Whoa, Rox, you feeling okay? You got really pale all of a sudden…"

Sora's eyes snapped up at the sound of his name, so his eyes snapped down not even a split second later, flinching when a hand landed on his shoulder, "Roxie, baby?" He heard Axel whisper gently, "Hey, Rox? You need to lie down? Really, you're starting to worry me."

"I'm… I'm fine, don't worry about it."

Roxas didn't even believe himself, but he smiled up as much as he could to his redhead, trying to be fine. Just fine. F.I.N.E. Fucked up, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional.

That's right, everything would be just fine.

Fucking Sora had to ruin everything all over again, didn't he?

It didn't matter that Sora ordered a pizza, paid for it, and left. It didn't matter that it was all he did, that he didn't even speak to Roxas once aside from placing his order. It didn't matter that Axel hovered over him in concern the entire time. Because all Roxas saw at that moment were blindingly crystal clear blue eyes, and all he saw when he went to bed that night were the stars outside his window blazing holes through his curtains with light, and all he woke up to in the morning was the memory of a blinding light.

It didn't matter because Roxas knew he was reversing through time and ending up in the same place he had been a few years ago, completely in love with Sora, and completely miserable. He wanted to be angry, he wanted to hate the man, but for the life of him, all he wanted to do was kick the guy in the balls and then kiss him senseless.

He supposed he could have gotten over it fast enough though, pretend it never happened and move on with his life. Focus on starting his career, on Axel, on his friends, but Sora had to fuck that plan up too. He came into the resturant everyday, at the same time, for his lunch. He ordered that lunch from Roxas, everyday, at the same time. His burning clear blues eyes would focus straight on his own, order some food, and watch as he would nearly sprint away from him to place the order in. Those eyes would trace his every movement around that restaurant, not leaving him for a single moment, and Roxas hated to admit it…

But it turned him on.

Ironically, it was the day that he hadn't seen Sora when he came in for lunch when it all came crashing to an end. Axel had felt neglected for quite awhile, and Roxas couldn't blame him. With his thoughts having been crowded so full of Sora, he had barely spared any time for Axel, and it made him realize just how shitty of a boyfriend he was being. He intentionally took his break at the time that Sora would come to order his lunch, and he went out to lunch with Axel.

Now though, now his stomach was upset, not because he felt bad about doing that, it was the right thing to do, it was the sensible thing to do. He couldn't be hung up on Sora for the rest of his life, the guy fucked him in the back of his car, knowing full well that Roxas liked him so much… and then he stayed with Kairi. Axel cared for him, maybe loved him, and he cared for Axel… even if he didn't love him like he had thought he did, it was close enough. Axel wouldn't hurt him like that, at least. Still, despite all the logic in that, he couldn't help regretting not seeing Sora that day.

It was only ten minutes before closing when the bell rang on the door, letting Roxas know someone decided to be an ass and get food from the place that was almost closed. And Roxas had already told Hayner and Olette he would close up and they could go home but… nope, this douche was going to make life difficult for him. When he walked out of the kitchen and on to the floor though, he immediately felt the surge of emotion make him want to puke, his eyes met those crystal clear, blindingly blue eyes.

Swallowing his bile, Roxas grabbed a menu and silently lead Sora to a booth in the far corner, the farthest from where he would stand at the counter. Not trusting his voice as of yet, he set the menu down and turned to try and make his escape back into the kitchen, but Sora's hand wrapped around his wrist, and Roxas could've sworn it felt like was getting burned. His entire body tensed to the point of pain, making him wince and Sora let go immediately.

"… Sorry," He muttered, making Roxas hesitate and then shrug. He couldn't speak just yet, not just yet, he hadn't said a word to the brunette since he started showing up. He just took his order and handed him the bill, it was all he did. He didn't take tips from him, he just got change and gave it back before nearly running away.

Don't call him a pussy, he had a damn good reason, and it was named Axel…

He reminded himself of the redhead, sucking his breath back in and making to leave again when Sora suddenly spoke up again, "Can you just… say something? Please?"

Roxas twitched, scowling to himself, he didn't want to speak… he was so nervous right now he could puke, he definitely did not want to speak, "… Call me when you are ready to order," He managed to get out between his teeth.

Before he could even take another step though, Sora had grabbed his wrist and pulled him back again, "Roxas! Please, I just want… to talk to you… I'm so sorry…" His heart hurt, like it was getting torn open, but he didn't say anything, he didn't move, he just stared at Sora's hand on his forearm, at the way his hair stood on end around it, at how tense the muscles beneath the skin were. Sora didn't stop though, "I know, that now, it probably doesn't mean much to hear it come from me. But… I regret letting it happen."

Roxas ripped his arm from Sora's grip, gritting his teeth together as he finally looked up at those blinding blue eyes, glaring at them, his eyes feeling like they were burning as they faced them. He turned on his heel to leave, ignoring the sound of Sora stumbling out from the booth to follow behind him. He was forced to stop just before the kitchen doors though, Sora's arms around his waist to hold him in place, "That came out wrong. I regret choosing Kairi, letting you take the blame and letting you go. I am so sorry, Roxas. I regret it every time I think of you, or see you, when I'm reminded of why I love you, I am so sorry."

I love you.

Looking back at it all right now, he supposed that it was pointless to fight about it at all in the beginning. He had been dumb to let Sora cheat on Kairi with him, he should have said no and made him break up with her, maybe they would have been together and done everything right. But he had been powerless to resist him then.

Thinking about how he reacted, he shouldn't have taken the blame for Sora, it was just as much Sora's fault as it was his, and Kairi hadn't deserved being cheated on or lied to about it either. In retrospect, maybe then they would have broken up, and Sora would have realized he did love Roxas, and they would have been able to be together. But he was never able to just stand by and watch Sora suffer, he had to do something to take the pressure, the unhappiness away, even if that had meant he would suffer instead.

Looking at it now, he shouldn't have been swayed by a simple 'I love you,' slipped in so absentmindedly, so naturally, into an apology, after not talking to him for years, after all the pain he had caused. But he was powerless to resist Sora then, and he was powerless to resist him now. And when Roxas thinks back to that moment, if he had resisted he doubted they would be together now…

No matter what time it was though, he knew he really shouldn't have cheated on Axel by having sex with Sora in the middle of the restaurant… especially since Axel caught them, Axel really had deserved better than that. But it was Sora's turn to be the guy who was cheated with, and it was his turn to feel how it felt to be despised for it, and it was Sora who got punched, but let's be honest he deserved that. The only difference was that Roxas stayed with him, he told Axel the truth, and he broke up with him.

Because he couldn't let Sora suffer alone, because he couldn't resist being with him anymore, because he knew he couldn't stay with Axel when he knew he loved Sora. When he knew he was blind to anything that didn't have Sora anyways.

Author's Note: HAHA! Play on words! You guys get it? :D Because Sora means sky? And the sky has stars? And because Roxas thought Kairi had Sora? I know, I know... totally blew your mind. ;D

Anyways, no, this by no means indicates I am back to fanfiction writing, sorry guys. I was just really upset today and had to write something to mellow me out. Despite that, let me know what you think of my little oneshot here. :) I hope you guys like it!