Part 1 Just ... Don't
Lorelai walked around the crap shack checking a mental list of everything she had in her suitcase. She had that feeling she'd forgotten something, but couldn't put her finger on what. She had her toothbrush, make up, shampoo and conditioner, underwear, hat, gloves, scaf, a different outfit for each day she was away, along with a few spares. She was wearing her warmest coat. What more did she need?
It wasn't like they were going to Outer Mongolia, it was Paris, and if she found she'd forgotten something then she could always buy it. At least then she would have an excuse to go shopping in the fabulous botiques she'd read about on the internet.
She was going to Paris. It still surprised her, not that she hadn't been to Paris before. She had been with Rory during their trip to Europe a few summers ago, but this was different, she was going with a guy. It was a couples trip. It was her and Chris.
Chris had been the prefect gentleman since they had started dating. He had taken her to the movies and to dinner, bought her gifts and flowers, told her about Sherri, and let her into Gigi's life. He'd drive from Boston to Stars Hollow just to spend an evening with her. He'd been, well, perfect.
So why exactly did she have this nagging feeling in her stomach everytime they spent time together? Why did she feel the need to fill every silence with chatter? To hold on to him whenever he was around? To jump at the chance to spend time with him rather then see Sookie. Why was she never able to just relax with him? Why could she not just be herself around him? Why couldn't she let him into her life?
Despite her reservations she was determined to enjoy herself. How many time does a girl get to go to Paris anyway? Pushing her doubts aside she let Chris plan their trip to drop off Gigi with her Mom. He was so excited about it, and she was trying her best to show the same enthusasum. She just couldn't let Chris see her as anything other then the confident, funny, happy person that she wasn't.
She was sure that Chris had no clue that she was anything but happy. At least if he did he never questioned her and she was grateful for his oblivousness at their situation. The less he noticed the less she had to explain to him. He seemed happy just to spend time with her, which was a first. She was enjoying having his company and not being alone. It meant she had less time to think about other things in her life. Namely one person in particular.
She'd arranged to meeting Chris at the airport, since he would have had to drive past it to come and get her, plus she needed the journey to get her energy togehter. There was no one to nag her to hurry up, apart from the cab driver, who was getting more annoyed everytime she'd run out saying "I'll just be another minute or two." She was putting off going, and she knew it.
Finally she took one last look around the semi empty living room before walking out the door. The cold hit her as locked the door and turned round before stopping dead. Her eyes instantly locking on the man at the foot of her porch. Luke...
She hadn't really seen him in months. They hadn't spoken since the evening in the grocery store when she'd walked away from him with only a tub of ice cream and her heart in pieces. Her eyes ran over his body taking in the sight of him. He hadn't changed, not one bit. He still wore the same old jeans, flannel shirt, green coat, hat... No that hat was definitetly different. It wasn't the blue one she'd given him years ago. He'd never taken that hat off before when they weren't speaking, not even the last time they broke up.
Her eyes finally locked with his as she remembered to breathe. He just stood there staring straight at her, his hands in fists by his side. He had a look of determination on his face.
Her heart raced and she felt her whole body warming up despite the cold night. Nervously she tucked a stray hair behind her ear. She felt a shiver creep up her spine. All thoughts of what she was doing left her mind as she focused solely on Luke.
Slowly Lorelai walked towards him. What was she supposed to say to him? What was he doing there, at that moment?
She kept her eyes locked with his as she walked uneasily down the steps till she was on the same level and facing him. She stood just outside of his reach, not that he was trying to get near her, he hadn't even moved since she'd seen him.
They stood in silence just staring at each other. She wasn't smiling at him, even though on the inside she felt her heart jump at the sight of him. Why hadn't he said anything? Why was he just staring at her? His silence was making her more nervous.
Their silence was interrupted by the cab driver shouting,
"Miss, we need to leave now!" The sound of his impatience was evident.
"Just a minute please," Lorelai said politely without taking her eyes off of Luke.
She knew they needed to leave, that the cab driver had already been waiting twenty minutes for her, but something told her she needed to stay, that Luke had come for a reason, and she needed to hear it. She opened her mouth to speak but he spoke first.
"Just," Luke took a breath, "don't get married." He spoke so fast and so softly she barely heard his words, but the second they left his mouth she knew she'd heard him correctly.
She felt like he'd just stolen the breath from her lungs as she stared straight at him questioning his meaning with her eyes, unable to get any sound to come out of her mouth. She took shallow breaths, gulping to get water into her dry mouth. Luke was just staring blankly at her. He didn't seem to be after a response from her. His eyes gave away nothing, years of practise with her and he had perfected that blank look.
"What?" she finally managed.
Her tone was quiet and unsure, the only spoken word was filled with questions. What did it mean? What did he want from her? What was he thinking?
They both stood frozen to the spot neither moved nor even tried to look away from each other.
The sound of the cab's horn made them both jump "Miss, we really need to leave. Now!" The driver shouted angrily.
"I said just a minute!" Lorelai yelled turning away from Luke and watching as the driver shook his head at her then got back into the cab. Her head was spinning and she needed a moment to think, to process, to ask Luke what the hell he thought he was doing.
She turned back to face him only to be met with an empty space and the back of him disappearing between her house and Babette's. Within seconds he was gone, out of her view and into the shadows.
For a second she contemplated running after him, asking him what he meant, what right he thought he had to say that, why he even thought he had to say it, but the cab driver was getting annoyed, and if she made him wait much longer he might just give up and leave her. Reluctantly she got into the cab, her head spinning with Luke's words ringing in her head.
Luke had told himself for weeks that Lorelai had made her decision and that he should move on, they just didn't belong together. It pained him to believe that Chris had been right all along, that he had just been temporary until Chris was ready for her and Rory full time. No matter how many times the guy had walked in and out of their lives, each time he got a new pass. He really wanted to wipe that smug grin off the jerk's face. Although, technically he had already done that, when he'd punched him after finding out Lorelai had spent the night with him.
He genuinely did want Lorelai to be happy, but when he heard the rumours about the two of them dating and him staying in her house, the house that was supposed to be theirs, he felt like someone had quite literally ripped his heart out with a spoon.
Hearing about their trip to Paris almost killed him as he felt himself almost stop breathing. Afterwards he'd hid away in his apartment for hours so no-one would know how much it hurt him to know that she was going there with him. Paris, the city of lovers. The city of romance. The perfect place to propose? Isn't that what all those travel brochures said?
Part of him really wanted to believe that Lorelai wouldn't fall for that sort of romantic cheese, the clichИ of getting engaged in Paris, but who was he kidding. Lorelai loved that sort of thing. She loved the classic chick flick movies where the girl gets swept off her feet by a guy.
He just wasn't that kind of guy, he wasn't a romantic guy, he never had been. He didn't know how to sweep a girl off her feet. He knew how to fix things, make things with pieces of wood, cook the food she liked. He just knew how to make her coffee. Lorelai deserved a guy who would sweep her off her feet, take her to Paris, give her the world. All he had to offer was this town.
He had spent days pretending he wasn't bothered about her going away. April had noticed something was wrong and even tried to get him to talk to her. She knew he hadn't been sleeping. That was one of the problems with an apartment that didn't have separate rooms, but Luke had brushed her off saying he was fine and she shouldn't worry about him.
He wrapped himself up in April and her life, the diner, Kirk's latest crack pot idea, fighting with Taylor, anything that would take his mind off what might happen in Paris. Not that he knew for sure that it would.
It didn't matter how hard he tried he couldn't get the idea out of his head. Chris on one knee giving Lorelai an expensive sparkling ring. Sometimes it happened at dinner. Sometimes at the top of the Eiffel Tower overlooking a sea of bright lights. Maybe he'd just slip it into the conversation while they were walking around. No matter what scenario he had going round in his head the ending was always the same, Lorelai happily saying yes with Chris wrapping her up in his arms ecstatic. It made him sick to his stomach.
The day Lorelai was due to leave April was staying with a friend, and as much as he wanted to say no when she had asked, he simply smiled and said of course she could. He couldn't admit to his thirteen year old daughter he really needed her company that night. So instead he closed up early went up to his empty apartment, and sat with a bottle of beer and a baseball match.
The baseball match was pointless, he wasn't concentrating on it, thoughts of Lorelai and everything he'd lost filled his brain. The beer only made him feel more pathetic, sitting alone pinning for her. Was she pinning for him? Obviously not, she'd moved on pretty much as soon as they'd broken up.
He had finished his fourth beer when he dragged himself off the sofa and out of the door of his apartment. He knew where he was going. He didn't exactly know why or what he was going to say when he got there or even if she'd still be there, but he couldn't do nothing anymore.
When he got to her house and saw the cab driver putting her bags in the trunk he almost chickened out. Who was he to ruin her happiness, and would he even be able to make a difference. Somehow his feet managed to ignore the part of his brain that was telling him to go home and forget about her. He found himself at the foot of her porch watching her lock up her door before turning round and stopping frozen as she saw him. The surprise at seeing him there was written all over her face.
She looked beautiful, more so then he remembered, if that was at all possible, dressed in all black with her warmest black coat wrapped round her. Her hair was different, and she looked tired, but only he would notice having spent years memorising her eyes.
It took her a good few minutes before she finally moved towards him. She walked slowly and stiffly, like she was ready to be defensive, yet her face was as soft as it always had been when looking at him. Her eyes showed only tenderness, despite her outward appearance.
He drank in her image, like a dying man would his last look at the world. All the words he thought he could say left his brain. Nothing he thought of would sound good enough, and it wasn't like he could just kiss her and fix everything this time. The taxi driver shouting startled him, and he realised he didn't have much time. The look on Lorelai's face told him he needed to say something, that she was waiting for him to say something. Whatever he said he had to make it count. After a few moments he finally spoke.
"Just ... Don't get married."
The words tumbled out of his mouth before he even registered what he was saying, and as soon as they were spoken he almost wished he could take them back. The look on her face was one of confusion and fear. She didn't say anything and he wasn't even sure he was expecting her to. What could she possibly say that would make him feel better other then 'sure Luke, no problem I won't marry him' and even he wasn't that naОve to believe she would say that.
"What?"
It was the first thing she'd said to him in months and it sounded so soft, so scared. He wanted to memorise the sound in his ears.
The sound of the horn scared him and he watched her jump at the same time as he did, breaking the eye contact that they had since the moment she'd turned round and seen him. Their moment was over. He knew it, so he turned around and left. She had to leave, nothing was going to change that. She would still go away with Him. The sound of her voice shouting at the driver filled his ears as he walked away.
That would keep him, for a little longer at least.