Songfic based off the tune "Sometime Around Midnight" by the Airborne Toxic Event. I was listening to it one day and thought it applied to our favourite Degrassi couple just swimmingly. Set post LIAB. Alex's POV
Disclaimer: *sigh* I obviously do not own D:TNG. If I did, I would have the writer who's bright idea Love Is A Battlefield was and have him executed. Nuff said.
Somewhere, bells toll, striking twelve. I don't know how I was able to hear them over the the music and chorus of voices. Or maybe I just imagined it. Who knows. I seemed to be imagining a lot of things lately, things that I know I need to let go of. Things I should resent, but just can't bring myself to.
I leaned back against the bar, looking down absently at the cheap drink in my hand. Next to me, Jay was chatting up the pretty girl sitting beside him, ignoring me completely. I didn't really care. I hadn't wanted to come out tonight to begin with. But Jay had insisted, and even though I worked in the morning, I gave in and agreed to come. We'd barely seen each other since I arrived back in town and I thought it fair to at least attempt to catch up. But still, I felt detached.
And it starts...
Sometime around midnight
Or at least that's when
You lose yourself
For a minute or two
There was a band playing at the tiny stage at the back of the club. They weren't playing any original material, but they had a bit of talent so the songs they covered weren't totally massacred. When they finished some raunchy Nickleback song, they announced that they were going to change things up a bit. I rolled by eyes as the singer traded his Fender Stratocaster for an acoustic guitar and took a seat on a stool hijacked from the bar.
"Okay, uh, this is my rendition of a song that, after abusing the airwaves nonstop for several months, has started to grow on me," The man said. "This is Never Say Never by The Fray."
I groaned inwardly and drained my drink, then asked the bartender for another as the musician started a few chords. God, why'd he have to play this song? I listened to the words, and in my head I heard the piano that was supposed to accompany this song, not guitar. I could see her face, her smile, as we swayed to this song, and she decided it should be ours. "Don't let me go," She had whispered to me that night. I swore to her I wouldn't, and sealed it with a kiss.
I had been thinking about her alot lately. Not just lately, I guess, but more than usual anyway. The blissful memories stung, making them harder and harder to forget. After almost 2 years, I had no right to think about her anymore. I turned away from the performance, as if ignoring them and the song would make the aches inside my chest disappear. I wanted to leave, to run away like I always seemed to do when faced with a less than pleasant situation. Jay was looking pretty cozy with his new friend so I'd doubt he'd even notice my absence.
Feeling restless, I started to wander through the crowd. Then, I caught something out of the corner of my eye. Blonde tresses and a dress that appeared almost out of place in a bar like this. My heart stopped. I remembered that dress. White, with black sleeves and low neck. I always thought she looked beautiful in it. But then again, that's kind of a given in regards to Paige. She always looked beautiful...
As you stand...
under the barlights
and the band plays some song
about forgetting yourself for a while
and the piano's this melancholy soundcheck
to her smile
And that white dress she's wearing
you haven't seen her
for a while
She was with a man I didn't recognize, laughing at something he must have said. She turns, just slightly, in my direction. But it was enough. Her soft sea green eyes meet mine and her laughter falls silent. In that moment, for me, it was like every other person in the bar had disappeared. Our eyes were locked for several agonizing heartbeats, then she ran a hand through her hair and said something to the man she was with. I downed my (what was it, 6th? 7th?) drink in one swallow as she started walking towards me. The room was full of people again, this time as if they were all moving at high speed, spinning around and making me nauseous.
"Alex," the gentle voice said. "Hi. Long time no see. How are you?" I looked at her.
Paige stood a few feet away from me, careful not to get too close. Much to my, dismay, I guess, she was indeed just as strikingly beautiful as I remembered, if not more. She was holding her drink firmly in front of her with white knuckles, as if trying to make sure there was some physical barrier between us. She needn't have worried, though. The thing already between us was too painful, for me at least, to cross.
I twirled the empty glass in my hand. "Wow um, hey, Paige. Uh, I'm fine." I heard myself say.
"Glad to hear it. How long have you been back in Toronto?"
"Um, 'bout a week. I'm staying with my mom til I can find my own apartment. I have a job waitressing, so things are looking good." I shrugged, trying to mask my uneasiness. "So, uh, how have you been?"
"Good, good," She assured. The song finally ended, and the place exploded in cheering and applause. I thought Paige too looked relieved to have it end, but that also might have been something I imagined. The band started up again with a loud, rowdy song that made conversation near impossible.
"You wanna go outside?" I heard Paige yell. "Talk, catch up a bit?" I nodded, knowing it was probably a mistake but unable to help myself, and she grabbed my forearm. The slight pressure of her touch was cool on my skin, and I found that after all this time and after all that had happened, her touch was still pleasant. As if realizing this, she quickly let go and started leading me towards the door. I could smell her perfume, a scent I would recognize anywhere. It brought me back to the nights where she was sleeping naked in my arms, and I would fall asleep inhaling the scent of that perfume and her sweet coconut shampoo. My heart started racing.
But you know...
That she's watching
She's laughing, she's turning
She's holding her tonic like a crux
The room suddenly spinning
She walks up and asks how you are
So you can smell her perfume
You can see her lying naked in your arms
"Ugh, it's like a zoo in there," She said, facing me. We were leaning on the side of the brick building, outside in the chilly November night air. Paige had her arms crossed tightly around her, and I could see her shivering. I sighed, and shrugged off my denim jacket.
"You are such a wimp," I told her, handing her my jacket. I didn't dare try wrapping it around her, but I was glad that she at least took it, smiling gratefully.
"Always the Princess Charming."
I try to ignore the comment. "What, uh, have you been up to?" I asked her, meaning career-wise. I wasn't going to ask her outright about the job as the fashionista slave. I didn't want to go back to those times when we were distant and falling away from each other, talk about the job that had succeeded in tearing us completely apart. She seemed to agree.
"Well, I have a great job at this fashion magazine. It's amazing. My total dream job." Getting caught up in it, Paige listed off all the great perks of working at the magazine, working with the models, getting great free clothes, fashion tips, discounts, yadayadayada. I tried by best to actually listen to her fashion ramblings, but hey, old habits die hard.
She smiled. ''You weren't listening to me there, were you?" I hated how well she knew me. Honest to god hated it.
"I tried," I said smirking. "But you lost me at 'Dolce and Gabona'.''
"Typical Alex," Paige rolled her eyes. "Not paying any attention to the fundamentals of life."
I laughed. "If fashion is a fundamental of life, that makes you seriously deranged."
Tutting ruefully, she crossed her arms. "Quite possibly, hon, but that's beside the point," she paused. "So how's your mom doing?"
"Better," I answered. "Chad got himself in prison again and this time I wasn't there to help her bail him out. She started drinking even heavier than before, but when she finally hit rock bottom she realized she needed to make some changes in her life. She's seven months sober now. I'm really proud of her." I ran my fingers through my hair nervously. I didn't think talking to her about something like this would still come so easy.
"That's great!" Paige exclaimed. She took a small step forward as if she was going to hug me, then thought better of it. Good. "I'm so glad she's finally getting herself straightened out."
"Me too." I patted the pockets of my jeans absentmindedly. "Hey, can you give me my cigarettes and lighter? They're in the left pocket."
Paige fished around in my jacket. She made a face and handed me the pack and mini Bic. "That's a truly disgusting habit, you know"
I made a face back at her and shrugged, then light up and took a drag. "Better than some."
She stuck her tongue out at me. "No one's gonna want to kiss you, tasting like an ash tray." I saw her straighten up and looked away, as if talking about kissing me made her uncomfortable. I could have called her on this, made some wise ass remark about her wanting a taste, but I didn't. Joking like that wasn't appropriate anymore. We both got quiet, listening to the distant thump of the music inside and ziiing of cars driving past the alley we were in.
Hugging herself, Paige shook her head. "Alex, what are we doing?" Her voice was barely above a whisper.
"Talking." I flicked the butt of cigarette behind me. "As old friends who haven't seen each other in two years." Yeah, friends, I tried to remind myself. That's all we are now.
"You know we're more than just friends. You're my ex, Alex. And exes don't spot each other at clubs and spontaneously decide to chat and catch up. They don't," She wriggled out of my jacket and handed it to me. I held it loosely, staring at it instead of her. "borrow their jackets to each other."
"Look, Paige, all I wanted was to talk to you. I have no other ulterior motive. I'm very aware that you are my ex, but if you choose to recall, you were also kinda my best friend. I had hoped that maybe without me dragging you down, you were able to follow your dreams and make something of your life... But if being around me really sucks that bad for you, I'm outta here. Have a nice life." I tried to move past her to go back inside, but she grabbed my arm. She looked pained. My breath caught in my throat.
"No. Don't go. Please."
We were close together now, less than a foot apart. The chilly vapor that was her breath misted with mine. I couldn't read the emotions in her eyes. Pain? Grief? Desire? Whatever it was, it made the wounds I had tried so hard to heal in the last year and 9 and a half months rip wide open again. Maybe it was the result of all the drinks I had consumed, but at that moment, all I wanted more than anything was to kiss her, to bring my mouth down on hers and melt away the time we had spent apart, to apologize (for the umpteenth time) for the way I had acted, to go back to how we once were. And even though I know I shouldn't, that nothing can ever happen between us again, I push away a strand of her hair and stroke her cheek. I notice she leans into my touch and I bring my face closer to hers, waiting for her say no and pull away...
And so there's a change...
In your emotions
And all of these memories come rushing
Like feral waves to your mind
Of the curl of your bodies
Like two perfect circles entwined
And you feel hopeless, and homeless
And lost in the haze
Of the wine
The door behind her shifts open with a loud creak, causing us both to jump move away from each other. A man pops his head out. It's the guy I saw Paige with earlier. I cross my arms look away, going into Defensive Bitch Alex mode. Mental spikes and armor, activate.
"Paige, there you are," he says, walking towards us and putting an arm around her shoulders. He's wearing a jacket and holding a smaller one I knew belonged to Paige. "Jesus, it's freezing out here. What are you doing?"
She matches my own stiff posture and crosses her arms as well. "Just, um, talking with an old friend. Jamie, this is Alex. Alex, Jamie. We work together at Shine."
Jamie nods his head in my direction. "Hey."
"Hey." Ass.
He hands Paige the coat. "Well the band just finished up. Lets head back inside for a minute, then we can go...if you want."
She shrugs briskly. "Sure, whatever." Trying to either be a gentleman or get laid, Jamie opens the door for her. The noise of the bar creeps out into the alley. Paige stops.
"You coming back inside?" She's looking at me, I know she is, but I can't meet her gaze. I'm too scared of what I'll find there.
I shake my head. "No. I, uh, I'm gonna have another smoke."
She reaches out and touches my arm, just grazing it, just a friendly gesture. I'm shivering and my flesh is riddled with goose bumps, partly because I'm too stupid to put my jacket back on and partly because of something else inside me that still reveled at her touch. I can't help it. My eyes dart up to meet hers.
"It was good seeing you. Take care of yourself," she pauses and opens her mouth like she has something she wants to add, then shuts it. Paige quickly turns from me and walks back into the warmth and away from me as fast she could without running. Jamie glances back at me, then follows her inside and lets the door fall behind him.
I move back over to the wall and slide down so I can sit on the filthy pavement, my head in my hands. My heart was pounding in my ears and I felt like I was going to throw up. I told myself that if I started to cry, I was going to break my own skull against the brick behind me. My hands were so shaky that I couldn't even light a cigarette.
Taking deep, nicotine-free breaths, the door swung open again and for a millisecond my heart fluttered as I hoped it was her. It wasn't, and I turned my head to glare at whoever dared disturb me.
Jay looked down at me, an eyebrow arched. "Jeez, what happened to you? You look like you've had a run-in with the devil." I throw a stone at him which misses by about 3 feet. He scratches his chin and sighs, moving to sit next to me. "Or rather, the ghost of girlfriends past, am I right? I saw Paige in there, leave with some douchey looking guy. She didn't look very happy."
And she leaves...
With someone you don't know
But she makes sure you saw her
She looks right at you and bolts
As she walks out the door
Your blood boiling
Your stomach in ropes
And when your friends say what is it
You look like you've seen a ghost
I groaned and continued to glare at him, a glare which couldn't be taken very seriously with the amount of effort I put into it. "Leave me alone, Jay," I say in the most threatening voice I can muster. He's hardly convinced. He stares at me intently, trying to read the shamble of emotions playing across my face.
"You're still hung up on her, aren't you?"
I say nothing, which in itself answers his question. I didn't want to admit it out loud. That I was still in love with the girl who had kicked me out and broken my heart 2 years ago. Paige was my first real love. I never loved Jay or anyone else in the way I loved, and still love, her. She's the only person who makes my heart stop dead in my chest and pound at a million beats per second all at the same time. Not that it really mattered anymore. I had to keep telling myself that it did not matter anymore...
Jay wrapped an arm around me and I tried to elbow him away. He sighed. "Dammit Lexi, what am I going to do with you?"
"How about take my earlier suggestion and leave me the hell alone?" I growl.
"Don't be like that," He says calmly. "Don't push me away. Like I've said before, we're the same. I know exactly how you feel."
I snort. "Really? And how's that?"
"I'm still in love with my ex, too." The words were quiet, almost too quiet for me to hear. Like he was talking to himself more than me. "That girl in there, the one I was talking to? Her resemblance to Manny was just uncanny. That's the only reason I was able to talk to her. I thought that if I tried, I could pretend she was her. But that's just stupid, isn't it? Because as hard as we try, no one can replace the ones we truly love..."
I stared at my friend, unable to help myself from feeling sorry for him. While I hadn't been around during his relationship with Manny, from what I heard, he really did love her. And Jay Hogart wasn't a guy who loved a whole lot of people. In my short time back in Toronto, nearly every other conversation we had had something to do with Manny. He seemed so vulnerable, so broken without her...kinda like how I felt now.
It was my turn to wrap an arm around him, giving him a slight squeeze of a hug. "Look at us," He chuckled, smiling thinly. "Two fools shoved off the bandwagon of love."
"And still managing to be trampled by it." I muttered.
"I'll drink to that." Jay pulled out a familiar silver flask from the inside of his jacket. He took a small swig and passed it to me. My swig was fairly larger.
"Easy girl," He said, removing it from my frozen fingers. Then he looked back at me. "But hey, I have a better excuse for being an utter sad sack than you do. For what I did, I don't blame my woman for hating me and moving on off to university. You on the other hand, well, I'd say fate gave you the cards tonight, but all you did was fold."
"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask incredulously, wanting to push him away but not having the energy. "That meeting her tonight was supposed to mean something? It's called coincidence, Jay. There are only so many bars in Toronto, it's not unlikely that we might happen to be at the same one at the same time. Quit making more of it than it is. 'Cause if you're trying to make me feel better, your failing miserably. It's been two whole years. Me and Paige are over. O-v-e-r. Done. Just because I'm pathetic enough to still have feelings for her even though she destroyed me, it doesn't mean she still has them for me. Now, can you please let me wallow here in peace?"
He sighed, shaking his head, then finally stood up. "Fine. Have it your way. Sulk out here in the cold. Just let this tiny window of opportunity pass you by and be miserable for the rest of your life. Your choice." Jay went back to the door and yanked it open. "But, uh, just in case you were wondering, I happened to see her and Oh Douchey One heading east when they left. Y'know, just in case..."
Leaving me in the laneway staring into oblivion, I thought about what Jay said. Did our tiny reunion really mean something? I wondered. The sane part of my brain warned me not to read too far into this and get my hopes up. But then again, I've never been the most sane of individuals, especially when what tiny bit of reason I had was drowning in a hazy pool of tonic and scotch. I stood, forgetting the jacket I had still yet to put on at my feet. I didn't care about it, or the cold. There was only one thing blazing through my mind now.
I wasn't sure where I was going. I hoped it was east, but honestly had no idea. Wandering out of the alley, I continued from street to street, never looking at signs or cars whizzing past me. I vaguely noticed the faces of those I passed, not realizing their expressions of pity and annoyance were meant for me. Or maybe I did realize, realize and not care.
I just didn't care.
And you walk...
Under the streetlights
And you're too drunk to notice
That everyone is staring at you
And you so care what you look like
The world is falling
Around you
Paige, where are you? Please, I'm so sorry for everything. For nearly messing up your job and your life, for disappointing you time after time. I promise, this time will be different, I swear. Paige... please....
Please...
I silently pleaded to her, hoping that somehow the thoughts would reach her.
If I can just see her, just once more, and tell her everything, I know everything will be okay. It always is. We fight, and we argue and say things we later regret, but we're always okay in the end. Because I tell her I love her, and even though it isn't enough, she knows it's true and she loves me back. Three time's the charm. I hope... I hope...
This logic made so much sense in my muddled brain. My brain told me it was like the old times, and that if I just begged and apologized, she would take me back because she still loved me.
But she didn't. Kicking me out had been a good show of saying how her feelings for me had waned. How could she still love me? I often found it hard to imagine why she had loved me in the first place. But she did...once. A lifetime ago. Times I know we worked hard to move on from. I'd failed at that, but Paige wasn't one to take failure as an option.
Please...I just have to see her...Paige...
A blinding light jarred me back to reality. I found I had strayed off the sidewalk and into the road, and a car was headed straight towards me. I couldn't see and couldn't move, and braced myself for the inevitable impact. But the car slammed on the brakes, and skidded to a stop, barely touching me. That bump was enough though to knock my drunken self over, and I slumped down in front of the hood.
A car door slammed and I heard the driver run to me. "Oh my god, Alex, oh my god..."
My heart, which had slowed from the alcohol along with my brain, began working double time. Jay was right; this must be fate. There was no way I was imagining this. I opened my eyes.
You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her
Paige was gripping me by the shoulders, shaking me vigorously, her eyes full of worry. "Alex, are you okay? Answer me, please..."
I grabbed her arm, making her let go before she gave my great grandchildren shaken baby syndrome. "I'm, I'm fine, Paige. Wow. Bumped into me twice in one night. Weird, huh?" She helped me to my feet, then punched me in the arm, strong enough that it actually kind of hurt.
"Don't you dare start joking about this, or I swear to god I'll run you down properly," I could hear the anger raging in her voice and had a feeling she wasn't kidding. "Sorry," I mumbled, something I always had to do whenever I made her angry like this. She hit me again, this time not very hard.
"And don't you dare apologize either. Just hit you with my car, Alex. It's me who should say sorry," She said quietly.
"Paige, it's fine. You barely touched me. I'm a little bit tipsy tonight and just got knocked over. No big deal." I saw her relax a little bit, but just slightly. From behind her car, a vehicle honked, making Paige jump. I chuckled.
"Get in the car." It was an order, not a suggestion, and I obliged without arguing. All was quiet as Paige drove. Neither of us knew what to say, where to begin. She was stressfully chewing her bottom lip, careful not to look at me.
"So, uh, where's Jamie?" I asked in an attempt to break this uncomfortable silence. She rolled her eyes.
"Jamie is an ass, not like I didn't know that when I first agreed to go on a date with him, but I hoped he would prove me wrong. But all he wanted was to get in my pants. Typical guy."
"Sounds tragic. Good thing I don't exactly have that problem." I said, smirking.
She laughed softly and shook her head. "Well arn't you just so lucky then."
"Not really," I murmured, staring out the window. The car was quiet again for several minutes.
"So, uh, where were you headed, hon? You want me to take you to your mom's?"
I shrugged, forehead pressed to the cold glass. It felt good against the pounding that was beginning to occur in my skull "Sure, I guess so. I think Jay went home by now anyway."
"Was Jay at the club?" She asked, sounding surprised. "I didn't see him."
"Yeah, we went together." I sighed. "I wish I hadn't though." I didn't mean to say that part out loud, but stupid me let the words fall out of my mouth. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Paige turn her head to look at me. Once again, I couldn't read the expression on her face.
"Well I'm glad you did go. It really is great to see you, Alex. I..." She paused. "I missed you."
I swivelled my head so I could see her properly. "I missed you too, Paige."
We were stopped at a red light and Paige closed her eyes, heaving a sigh that was large even for her. "But you shouldn't," she said, gazing at me again. "Not with what I did. How I ended things."
"Look, that's in the past. I know why you kicked me out, and I understand." I said, trying not to fidget. Why did she have to be talking about this? I'd rather talk about drowning puppies, anything besides this.
"No, Alex, you don't. I don't even understand it. For all I knew, you made up the relative in Ajax and were just off to a shelter. And I didn't care. I was so angry and self-absorbed that I just didn't care what my behavior really meant. I was so horrible. You should never want to see my face again." Her eyes were wide and she looked like she was expecting me to hit her. Like she wanted me to.
"Do you want me to hate you, Paige? Is that what you want? To call you a backstabbing bitch and slap you across the face? Well that's something I just can't do. I wish I could, oh god I wish I could. That I could just hate you and move on with my life. It would make everything so much easier." My voice had unknowingly risen. The emotions jumbled within me were all trying to break through at once, much to my dismay. I had never expected to have this discussion with her, and now that I was, I was laying it all out on the line. Not looking at her, I said softly, "I'm sorry if that's not the answer you were looking for."
And you know that she'll break you
In two
I waited for her response. She chuckled quietly, putting me off balance. "I know I shouldn't, but I am so relieved to know that. For the last 2 years, I couldn't help but imagine the hatred and spite you must have felt towards me. I'd hate for you to hate me, even though I deserve it times a thousand. I'm so selfish, arn't I?"
"Yeah, you are," I told her. "But that's just the way you are. You've always been self-absorbed, but not enough to make me hate you. Never enough for that."
She sighed. "Why are you making things so difficult, Alex? This started out as a perfectly nice evening, even with the asshole that I don't care enough about to be upset over. Now here you are, sitting in my car, a surprising blast from the past. I didn't think..." She trailed off.
"Didn't think what, Paige?" I burst. "Finish your damn sentences."
"I didn't think seeing you again would make me feel like this!" She shouted.
I looked at her. This time she wouldn't meet my eyes. The car had stopped, but not in front of my mom's apartment building. Just pulled over in a vacant parking lot. Her hands were shaking, and I instinctively reached out to steady them.
"I'm sorry," I muttered, not knowing what to say to her. Taking her right hand with both of mine, she didn't pull away as I stroked her cold skin. God, I hated seeing her this upset.
"It's not your fault," she said, just as quietly. "It's mine. Do you know how many times I've thought back to that night and regretted what I did? That I hate myself for letting the best thing in my life get away."
She pushes a strand of hair away from my face, like I had done to her earlier. Staring into her eyes, I knew what needed to be done.
I can't honestly say who kissed who first. All I know is that one second I see her, the next I'm cupping her face and I feel my lips on hers. I'm hesitant at first, not sure what this means, but Paige quickly deepens it and I let down the guard I'd spent two years building up. Tracing her bottom lip with my tongue, I ask for entrance, which she grants. I realize how much I missed the taste of her. How much I missed everything about her.
Chests heaving, my mouth strays down her neck, nipping her pulse point and causing a moan to escape her lips. "Alex," She gasps as I nibble her earlobe, then continue placing kisses all along her jaw. She catches my mouth, biting my bottom lip, my fingers tangled in her beautiful golden hair.
"Paige, I've missed you so much it hurts," I whisper when we break for air, my forehead pressed to hers. "I..."
"What is it, hon?" She places a kiss on my nose.
"I...I'm still in love with you. I always have been and probably always will, no matter what happens between us." It's true. She could spit in my face and push me down a flight of stairs and I would still think of her as the Paige treating my arm after the scuffle with Chad the night of the premiere. The one who looked into my eyes with such kindness and honesty and told me I worth something.
She's silent, and again I say, "Sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear."
Paige wraps her arms around me, pulling me as close as the confines of the front seat would allow. I swear I could hear her heart beating, feel it thumping through her chest and into me. Her breathing was hitched and I realized she was crying.
"Paige? Are you okay?" I asked concerned, stroking her hair. I could feel her tears, warm and moist on the side of my neck.
"God, Alex, I...I love you too." She looked up at me. "I'm so sorry. Please... don't leave me again."
These words...it's as if I'm drowning and someone finally threw me a life preserver at the last second. I've learned the hard way how meaningless my life is without Paige in it. For all these long, monotonous months apart, there had been no one there who got my sarcasm, who could melt away my badass rep with one smile, who I could argue with until we were both pissed off and volatile, then make love to several hours later.
There was no one else but Paige.
"I'm not going anywhere," I kiss her forehead. "And next time you get sick of me, you're gonna have to hire a motorcycle gang to drag me out." She laughed, the sound like your favourite song that they're playing on the radio for the first time in ages.
"And even then, I'll just keep coming back. I promise you Paige, from now on, I'll always come back."
So yeah...what do you think? It's not one of my best fics, and I'm not very happy with how I ended it (i always suck at closings). I'm sorry if I kinda strayed from Alex's character a bit, but when I started writing about her emotions it ended up being too sappy in my opinion, but I'm not gonna rewrite the whole thing. Do you think I should continue this? Please review and give me some ideas and maybe I shall^^