Hey guys! This is a oneshot fic inspired by a subplot on a facebook rp that I'm involved in. The plot was never supposed to be in this direction but I got carried away. Neeway, hope you like it, once again, warning: character death. Please lemme know what you think! Xxxxx
"Find him, Gabriel. Please."
"I will, Sam. I won't come back without him. Promise."
That's all it took. A word from Sam and Gabriel would do almost anything. But this one wasn't just for him. This one had a hint of a personal motive behind it.
It would be a long while before he recognised it as guilt. All Gabriel could think of was the conversation that he and Dean had had, just before he'd run off.
"Can I make a deal with you, Gabe?"
"Do I get your soul?" the Archangel sniggered, raising an eyebrow, but Dean's serious expression didn't waver.
"You get to know where I'm going," was the stoic reply.
That had immediately set off alarm bells in Gabriel's head. Why the hell hadn't he said something then? Maybe things could have ended up differently.
"Aren't you taking Moose?"
"No, I need to do this on my own."
Gabriel had snorted and rolled his eyes at that. He had thought Dean was over the need to prove himself. Since that argument with Castiel, the guy had moved on up to a whole new level of self-loathing. Normally, Gabriel wouldn't have cared about the guy's path to destruction via alcohol and recklessness if he couldn't see how much it was hurting his Sam.
"You can't tell anyone. Not Bobby or Cas or even Sam," the elder Winchester continued.
It never occurred to Gabriel to ask why Dean was trying to tell him where he going. The guy had taken to using him as an agony aunt for a while now. Since his relationship with Cas had blown up in his face-Gabriel had been the one he turned to for advice about how to deal with his brother-Dean had used the Archangel as a sounding board for pretty much every little trouble that came his way. Gabriel took it because there was no convincing him of doing anything apart from that. It was for Sam's sake if nothing else. Maybe that should have been his first question. Instead of the one he had asked.
"Am I allowed to bring you back from the dead?" the question left his lips before he could stop it.
Dean didn't bat an eyelid, "I'm not going to die."
"Is that a yes or a no?"
He snorted and looked to the floor momentarily before meeting Gabriel's gaze flatly, "I don't know. Ask me if I die."
"I need you to be able to answer."
"You can't just ask me that," Dean snapped, "It's not that simple."
Gabriel's eyebrows had raised. Not that simple? A spike of hatred had lanced through him. Dean had so much that Gabe dreamed of. Dean had Castiel but was too stubborn to apologise to him. It didn't matter how many times Gabriel had told him that an apology was all it took to fix their relationship. But no, his pit of self-pity was enough for him. Dean had his family, even if they weren't blood, Bobby, Ellen, everyone that Gabriel had met was willing to give everything for him. But once again, Mr. Arrogant refused their help. Dean had Sam. That was the worst thing. Dean had Sam. Dean would always have Sam, not matter what Dean did, what he said, what happened in the past the brothers would never, ever leave each other. Gabriel hated him for it. Sure Gabriel had Sam too, but what Dean didn't see was that Gabriel had the broken Sam, the lost Sam, the Sam that was struggling to hold himself together while his brother drank himself into a dark hole in a half-hearted attempt at escape.
"I can't just ask you if you want to die or not?"
"No!"
"Why? Is it really that difficult a decision?"
Dean swallowed and lowered his gaze, "Sometimes, yeah...It really is."
It was final. Dean did not deserve anything he had.
"Look, Gabe, I've really got to go."
"Then tell me now. Yes or no?"
"God man..."Dean sighed.
"Because I won't do it if you don't want me to."
Sure it was easier to resurrect someone with their permission and prior knowledge, but it was possible to do it without. Dean knew that already. But this had become a matter of principle. Gabriel wanted nothing more to kill him and then drag his sorry ass back anyway just to prove a point. He could never that though. His angelic side would never allow it.
There was a long moment of silence before Dean's gaze finally met Gabriel's again, "Yes, alright? Yes, if you have to...Sam would never forgive me."
It had been already too late to completely save himself in Gabriel's eyes but at least he cared for Sam. At least a little.
"But you know what? Fuck you!" Dean yelled suddenly, not that Gabriel was fazed, he simply raised an eyebrow at the man's torrent, "Fuck you for making me make that choice."
"Really?"
"I can't..."
And once again, Gabriel hated him. Most of the hatred came from jealously. Dean had everything Gabriel wanted. Dean could go back to the people he loved and one word would fix everything. He simply refused. Gabriel didn't have that luxury. Ever since he had been forced to cage his own brother none of his family were going to take him back. No matter how many times he apologised, tried to reason with them, to redeem himself to be worthy of heaven once again, he was dead to them. The only people he had was Castiel and Sam. But if Dean continued like he was going, Gabriel would lose them too.
"Can't what Dean?" the Archangel was pissed, "Can't see through your little self-induced haze of pity and darkness to see what you have right in front of you? Things worth living for?" Dean glowered fiercely but Gabriel wasn't about to let up, "You'd better wake up and smell the roses, Dean because unlike me, you have yet to do anything so unforgivable that people won't take you back. Until that day comes you have no right. None whatsoever! To even think about anything other coming back here in one piece."
Dean was silent for a long moment, staring hatefully at the Archangel, "Fuck you, Gabriel," he hissed before storming from the room.
It was only a few hours later that Gabriel realised that Dean had never told him where he was going. The crippling sense of regret came not long afterwards. Of course, Sam was nearly in tears as soon as he was told.
"I won't come back without him. Promise."
All that had been running through his head for the whole time he had been searching. With Cas's carving on Dean's ribs it had taken this long to find him. Hidden deep in a dense forest on the side of some mountain, the name of which didn't matter to Gabriel. He had finally found Dean. He had fulfilled his promise and finally he could return to Sam. In the beginning he would have felt some kind of relief that his search had finally come to an end, but he couldn't bring a smile to his lips as he looked down at the bones laid out before him. Even after all this time, the sigils that had prevented the Archangel from finding him in the first place were still evident. Carefully, Gabriel collected them up and placed them gently in the wooden box he had brought for that very purpose.
"I'm sorry, Dean," he whispered to almost every bone of the skeleton as he lifted up and lowered it into the velvet lining.
In his head, Gabriel recalled Dean's voice giving him permission for resurrection over and over again. But he ignored it. Even if he hadn't got the permission, there would be no point bringing him back now and Dean would never forgive him if he did.
Once he was sure all the pieces were accounted for, Gabriel closed the box. With a soft sigh, he stood and snapped his fingers.
Where he was stood now was a small field. It was the place that Sam and Dean had set off fireworks together. He was grateful that they had consulted him on where they should bury him. This one of the first places that came to mind. One of Sam's favourite places in the world. Or at least it had been.
Gabriel swallowed as he looked down at the wooden cross that had been staked in the ground. It had happened ten years after Dean had gone missing. Cas was the one who had told him, turning up out of the blue to tell him how Sam had finally lost it and thrown himself headfirst into a demons' nest. Gabriel could do nothing except curse the man's stupidity. He had made a promise that he wouldn't return until he had found Dean. During the escapade Sam got himself mortally wounded. Cas had spared him the details, telling him only that Sam was refusing help. Still, Gabriel couldn't return to him, all he could do was search harder in a futile bid to get back to his Sammy before it was too later. He had made a promise. A week later, Cas came back for a final time.
The news had Gabriel howling, burning forests, shaking the ground with earthquakes, flooding towns and cities with tsunamis. He wasn't sure just how many people he'd hurt, he lost himself in a destructive rage. But even then, Gabriel couldn't return to Sam. His promise still stood.
Gabriel didn't know who exactly had buried him but he was grateful to whoever it was. Bobby most likely. Whoever it was, the Archangel muttered a small thank you to them under his breath. He took a silent moment to deal with the soft memories of grief that came with the sight of the grave. The death was going to happen. Of course it was going to happen, Gabriel had come to terms with that a long time ago. But this wasn't how he expected it to happen. Not so soon. Not because of this.
With a shaky breath, Gabriel knelt facing the ground just to the side of Sam's grave, setting the box beside him before reaching forward and beginning to dig. He wasn't going to use his powers, not this time.
On Gabriel's request, Sam hadn't been salted and burnt. Instead, the Archangel had helped make a coffin with enough symbols and omens that no ghost or spirit of any kind was going to be coming out of it. It was hard, helping with the coffin but not being able to see the body. He didn't know why but Gabriel wanted to know that even if he couldn't be there with Sam in his final moments, he would at least be able to see the body after the soul had left it. Dean's box had the same symbols.
It was dark by the time Gabriel had finally dug deep enough. With tears glistening in his eyes, the Archangel lowered the box into the hole and set about filling it in. The only little thing keeping him going was that they had each other in heaven. Maybe Dean's soul could apologise to Cas up there when he inevitably visited him. A tear rolled down his cheek. Even being one of the most powerful beings in creation, if the Host didn't want you in heaven, you don't get into heaven. Gabriel would never be able to see him again.
Once the hole was full, the Archangel sat back on his haunches and gave a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, allowing himself a little bit of pride.
His throat bobbed, "I found him Sammy," he said weakly, fighting the quiver in his bottom lip, "I kept my promise," he gave a breathy laugh that died quickly and looked up to the sky, "I hope you gives finally get that life you were looking for, kids."