IVE ALWAYS WONDERED WHAT MY FIRST LOVE WOULD FEEL LIKE. I'D GET BUTTERFLIES IN MY STOMACH, HEAT RUSHING TO MY CHEEKS, A WEAKNESS IN MY KNEES, AND A PURE UPLIFTING FEELING, NOT ONLY IN MY HEART, BUT IN MY SOUL. THE FIRST LOVES ARE ALWAYS SUPPOSSED TO GUIDE YOU. MINE WAS DIFFERENT. IT WAS HEATED AND HARD, PASSIONITE, A PURE CHEMICAL ROMANCE. OR SO I THOUGHT. THE KISSES WERE DESPERATE, THE GRABS WERE DEMANDING AND THE MOANS WERE PROVACATIVE.
EVERYTHING ABOUT IT WAS ENTICING, BUT I WASN'T FULLY SATISFIED. OUR RELATIONSHIP LASTED A WEEK. THE WAY HE BROKE IT OFF WAS PRICELESS, LIKE ALMOST EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM. IT WAS BEFORE SCHOOL, IN THE HALLWAY. I WAS RUSHING TO KEEP UP WITH HIM AS HE SPEED-WALKED TO HIS LOCKER, THOUGH THERE WASN'T A NEED FOR IT. HE STOPPED ABRUPTLY HARSHLY GRABBING MY ARM TO HALT ME AS WELL. I CAN STILL HEAR AN ECHO OF WHAT HE SAID IN MY EAR. "PAIGE. IT'S OVER."
NO 'I HOPE WE CAN STAY FREINDS' SPEECH, IT WOULD BE POINTLESS, AND I KNEW IT.
"WHAT?" I WAS SINCERELY HOPING HE WAS PLAYING A JOKE. A SICK, TWISTED JOKE.
"IT'S OVER. I THOUGHT I COULD HAVE FEELINGS FOR YOU, BUT I COULDNT." HE BRUSHED IT OFF AS IF IT WERE NOTHING.
I HAVE BEEN LIVING MY LIFE FOR TOO LONG NOT TO BE ABLE TO HIDE MY EMOTIONS. I QUICKLY RECOVERED.
"OK, SURE. SEE YOU LATER." I SAID, I TURNED AROUND AND WALKED SLOWLY, SWISHING MY HIPS BACK AND FORTH TO REMIND THE BASTARD WHAT HES LOSING. ONLY WHEN I ENTERED THE DESERTED STAIR WELL DID I LET MY TRUE EMOTIIONS RISE TO THE SURFACE.
A LONESOME TEAR RAN DOWN MY CHEEK. BUT THAT WAS IT. I WOLDN'T PERMIT MYSLEF TO CRY. SOMEONE AS STRONG AS ME SHOULDN'T SINK TO THE LEVEL OF CRYING. IT'S JUST NOT DONE. THERE HAVE BEEN PLENTY OF WEAK, SIMPLE-MINDED GIRLS WHO HAVEN'T CRIED OVER LOSING THEY LOVE. I COULD TOO, I WAS SURE OF IT.