Ramenism
By: A sleep-deprived author who forgot to take her meds today
"Wait, what did you say?" Sakura's shocked voice choked out.
She was standing with her mouth agape, attention fully drawn on the neon orange anomaly that sat grinning on the grass. Leaning against the tree was a stiff Sasuke, staring at the orange like he was expecting an attack of some kind. Across from him stood Kakashi, who was also stiff, his infamous Icha Icha was hanging limply from his hand as his one eye was trained on the orange.
"That's a bad, bad joke Naruto! I was serious!" Sakura recovered in anger.
"Sakura-chaaan," Naruto dragged out, letting his grin fall into a pout, "I am serious. Why else do you think I fight so hard?"
"Dobe, I actually thought you were above that level of stupidity." Sasuke voiced condescendingly, his wary look never changing.
"It's not stupid!" Naruto yelled. "Sasuke-teme, you're just jealous that you don't have such an aspiring goal."
"Jealous?" Sasuke choked. "Of that! That's insanity!"
"Sasuke's right Naruto! This has got to be the most inane thing you've ever said! And that's saying a lot!" Sakura threw her hands up in the air in exasperation.
"It's perfectly logical." Naruto sniffed in a matter-o-fact tone. "Perfectly."
"Let me get this straight." Kakashi said, regaining his wits enough to close his book. "The reason why you are a shinobi, and want to be a Hokage…is because a Mr. Ramen Bunny sucked you into another dimension, made you pledge allegiance, and now you're a disciple of…Ramenism…and the reason why you want to be Hokage is to…please this ramen bunny by, as you say, "spread the awesomeness of Ramen all throughout the world?"
"Yep!" Naruto nodded.
"And this doesn't seem…slightly impossible to you?"
"Nope"
"…How can this possibly seem like a logical goal?"
"I already converted Wave country to Ramenism, their major industry is the production of the herbs and spices to make ramen at home-since they have such fertile land. The princess of the Snow country is leading her economy on the fashion industry of Ramen; because of her orange is becoming the most popular color among her region. They even bred special orange roses last month! Gaara, Temari, and Kankuro are working with the new kage in converting their economy to producing the equipment to prepare ramen, and are profiting quite nicely from it. Not only that but Gaara has one of the largest Ramen missionaries to date! Tsunade-baa-chan even managed to get a Free-Trade treaty from Stone country based on Ramen goods."
"I've even converted the Fire-Lords wife to Ramenism in between Tora missions! Ramen is now the main ration food among the Samurai forces. I've been working on converting the kage of Rain to Ramenism. She's kinda reluctant, but I at least convinced her to let in some of our trained Ramen vendors to win the masses."
"Wait, trained ramen vendors?" Kakashi asked.
"Yeah! When Hokage-jiji was around, we got together with Teuchi-jiji and made a The Culinary Academy of Ramen, called T-CAR for short. Once we train the chefs to perfection, we send them out into the world to set up Ramen stands where people have been deprived!"
"The HOKAGE supported this?" Sakura gaped.
"Yea! Jiji was the first Raminism follower! Tsunade-Baa-Chan and Pervy-Sage are also followes. Gai is a big follower, as well as everyone on team nine. Neji became a follower right after the exams, right now he leads with Hinata-chan the Hyuuga-Ramen missionary. All of team eight are followers, Iruka sensei is a followers, the only person on team ten that isn't a follower is Ino, and we're working on her. Crazy Anko and Ibiki are followers, let's see, who else." The blond boy pondered thoughtfully. His team were staring at him speechless.
"I don't believe it." Sasuke announced. There was no way, no possibly way, for Naruto to be telling the truth.
"Well you should convert to Ramenism! It will help you reconnect with your brother!"
"…Dobe, where did you get that idea from." Sasuke twitched.
"Itachi is a follower."
"Now I know you're lying." Sasuke scoffed.
"Nuh-uh, See! I got proof!" Naruto protested reaching into his pocket and pulling out a photo. In the said photo was Naruto posing with most members of the Akatsuki, most kages, and most of the Jinchiriki grinning and holding up peace signs. Naruto was sitting on top of Tsunade's shoulders right beside Itachi. Itachi was smirking-the closest you can get to an actual grin- with Kisame's arm draped across his shoulder grinning like the best of friends.
Needless to say, team seven was shocked.
So very, very shocked.
What had the world come to?