Chapter 1: Distance

Everything has changed. From the moment Olivia found out that Elliot walked away from the job six months ago, she hasn't quite been the same. Her care for victims, her job and even about her entire perspective on life had altered. It was as if a piece of her soul had chattered; as if something was missing. She never thought that there would come a day when she would face dealing with the victims without her partner. He had become a sense of balance for her and she didn't truly understand the balance was there until he walked away without so much as a goodbye.

She never thought that Elliot would or had such an impact in her life until he let her go. When he walked away from the job, he walked away from her. She kept playing out the last case over and over into her head; kept replaying all of the conversations she had with Elliot. He was the only stable being in her life and now that he was gone, she wondered what would happen? It was so easy to let her go. Was she that easy to walk away from?

As she sat alone in her apartment drinking a glass of wine she kept going back and forth as to whether she should call him for the hundredth time. Would he answer the door if she went to his home? Why, after all these years of not just being partners but friends could he just walk away without so much as a farewell? Did he blame her for what had happened? Could she have stopped the girl from getting shot? There were so many questions that would never be answered without the one person who refused to see or talk to her.

After the wine did its job and Olivia fell asleep on the couch wrapped around a thin plaid blanket, she dreamed of him. She dreamed of words unspoken and rules that they never would have broken in the real world. Deep down she knew she felt more for Elliot then just friends and partners but she always thought she would at least have him at work. She dreamed of words unspoken and a song that set her entire relationship with Elliot into perspective. Christina Perri's song "Distance" seemed to be their theme song. She had always kept her distance and so did Elliot. Now Elliot was defiantly keeping his distance by not allowing contact and perhaps she should respect his wishes.

It wasn't until her phone rang that Olivia realized she was in the real world and not dream land. Fin had become her partner as per her captain's wishes. With a sigh, a wave of pain shot through her stomach and headache due to the amount of alcohol she had drank the previous night, the tired and drained detective answered her cell at five-forty-three am.

"What's up Fin?"

"I hate to ruin your beauty sleep but we just got the DNA tests back from Sarah Branson's rape kit and we got a hit. I'm on my way to get you."

Going anywhere but back to bed was not something Olivia was interesting in doing but she sighed and began to get ready for the job she had started to regret. Lately it seemed like she began to question why she even continuing her pursuit as a detective at SVU now that Elliot was gone. It just didn't seem worth it anymore. The job started out as a penance for the tragedy that struck her mother, then it became about the victims and helping as many people as she could and now...what? Had Elliot become her reason for staying? Now that he was gone and her faith in the job dwindling, it became clear that perhaps he was the reason she stayed in the past.

Fin arrived just in time. She had just gotten ready to clip her badge to her side and holster her gun when he knocked on her door. She decided to go with jeans, a sweat shirt and her hair pulled back in a pony tail. After all, who was she trying to impress? She gave up on caring about her appearance a while ago.

"You ready to go?"

"Don't I look ready?"

Fin holds up his hands in defeat. "My bad. I just...never mind. Let's go."

Olivia turns to lock her door and the two detectives head to the squad car Fin had driven over. While heading to the destination, few words were spoken. Fin told her about the suspect and the latest news on the case and all Olivia would do was nod in understanding. Fin knew that Elliot leaving would change things for Olivia but he never thought her reaction would be this extensive. He never imagined it would change her personality this much.

"Okay, we have backup arriving. Joshua Talbert is in apartment 3B. It says in his file that he has two 9mm hand guns so we need to go in with the intention of him being armed..."

"What am I a rookie? Fin, I can read! Believe it or not, I can do my job!"

"Can you?"

That drew her attention and forced her to look him in the eyes. She has been a decorative detective for 14 years, has been involved in undercover work, shoot outs, hostage situations and so much more and he is asking her if she can do her job?

"What the hell does that mean?"

Before he answered her, he wanted to make sure these words were coming from a concerned friend rather than someone questioning her ability to watch his back. He knew she could do the job if her head was on straight but lately she had been making mistakes. Since Elliot left, she has been defensive, been late for court appearances, messing up on paperwork and just not connecting with victims like she use to be able to.

"Look. I'm just worried about you. Lately you have been off your game lately. I just want you to be careful. This guy is a real piece of work and I don't want you to run in there, gun blazing and fists pumping."

After soaking in his words, Olivia just shook her head. Had she really been that off? She should be furious and normally she would have probably given him a piece of her mind but right now she just felt like an empty shell.

"I'm not stupid or suicidal Fin. I know how to do my job. Just watch my back and I will watch yours."

After being satisfied with the answer, the two detectives waited for back up to arrive. All suited up and ready to go, Olivia, Fin and the other detectives made their way to the front entrance of the apartment. Lately Olivia took the rains with the investigations but she let Fin take the lead on this situation.

"NYPD! Joshua Talbert, We have a warrant for your arrest. You've got two seconds to open the door before we break it down!"

With no response, the task force broke down the door and searched the apartment only to find it empty. Searching the premises, they found pictures of not only their victim Sarah Branson but other women as well. Were they his next victims? The detectives knew he liked to stalk his women so this could be a clue to either finding them alive or already dead. Either way, Olivia knew this would be yet another long day.

After collecting and cataloging all the evidence from Joshua's apartment, the two detectives went back to the precinct. Looking up women simply by their pictures wasn't going to be easy. Olivia worked with computer crimes to see if she could find some way of using the DMV in order to find matches while Fin looked for possible missing persons. Reaching a dead end with the photo analyses, Olivia went back to the station house and hoped Fin had better luck.

"I'm still looking but I haven't got any hits."

Just as she was about to suggest maybe involving the media, Captain Cragen called her into his office.

"Olivia, I need to speak with you a moment."

With the look on his face, she wasn't sure if she should be worried or not. As she made her way to his office, she got a sense of déjà vu. The flashback of when she found out about her mother's death entered her mind for some odd reason. It was as if her gut was telling her something was terribly wrong. She closed the door behind her and her heart stood still when she saw agent Porter standing beside her captain.

"Okay, what the hell is going on?"

After a long pause, Cragen took a deep breath and gave her a soft and sorrowful look. Olivia's heart stopped. What had happened to make her captain react like this? Why was Porter here? Had something happened to Elliot? Had he gotten injured by some old perp out for revenge?

"Olivia...maybe you should sit down."

"Don't baby me Cap and just tell me what's going on and why is Porter here?"

Ever since Porter allowed a killer, Terri Banes, to go free all for national security, she hasn't spoken to him nor will she ever trust him again. She thought she may have been able to be with him as more then friends and co-workers but after the stunt he pulled, trusting him was never going to happen.

"Olivia, we have some news about Simon."

Simon? Her brother? After the sexual assault charges were dropped, Olivia hasn't spoken to her brother in over five years. She thought it best to sever ties with him due to the fact that her job was a big issue and Marsden's past, though he was exonerated, may have hurt her cases.

"Simon was found in a ditch five miles from his home in Jersey."

"What do you mean a ditch? Was...is he..."

This time Porter spoke up. "Simon wasn't under investigation so we think it may have been a woman with a grudge. Jersey police found him with a single gunshot wound to the back of the, head execution style."

After the words finally registered, she didn't know why but she didn't feel anything. No tears would come. She felt like an empty shell. How many times can a heart break before there is nothing left but a hallow crevice? First Elliot leaving and now Simon, the only person she had a connection with, was dead. It was as if she was meant to be alone and fait would never allow her to find happiness.

"Do you have any suspects?"

That was all she could say. No remorse, tears or shaking shoulders from crying. No flinching at the very descriptive way her brother died. Only a question.

Cragen walked over with a worried expression on his face. He touched her shoulders and looked her in the eyes. "Olivia, we are looking at suspects but right now you are going to take some time off and deal with this."

"Captain, I don't need time. I haven't spoken to Simon in years. It's not as if we were close and Fin and I have a lot of work to do on the Sarah Branson case..."

"Forget the case. Munch, Amaro or Rollins can work on it with him."

"Is that an order?"

"Yes. Ever since Elliot left you have been unpredictable, your emotions are all over the place and your work has been...shady. You need time off. Simon's wife Lucy is taking care of the funeral. All you need to do is show up, pay your respects and rest."

"Cap..."

"This isn't up for discussion Detective. You have some time on the books. Take it and come back when you are ready. After a psych evaluation is cleared with Huang, you will be allowed back on the job. Until then, I suggest you rest and find some perspective. I lost Elliot, Olivia. Don't make me say goodbye to another one of my best detectives."

With the order, Olivia gathered her belongings, gave her apologies to Fin and exited the precinct as ordered. All the way home she was fuming. Nothing had ever made her want to use her gun more then she wanted to at this moment. The firing range sounded so good right now but upon her ordered leave she was instructed to give up her badge and fire arm. It felt more like she was being punished then being helped.

Sitting down in her quiet apartment was like torture. The one person she would have turned to wasn't there. She couldn't call him and get perspective on how she should feel or what she should be thinking. He always knew what to say just by looking into her eyes. How does she walk away from that? How does she grow out of having someone like that in her life.

After sitting on her couch in complete silence she decided to take matters into her own hands. Who does he think he is leaving her like that? Where does he get off treating her like she means nothing? She deserves answers and she was damn well going to get them. With the confidence she had built up, she collected her keys and took off in her car toward her ex-partners house in Queens.

The drive was long due to traffic but once she got to the quiet Queens neighborhood, she slowed the car down the closer she got to His house. She parked across the street, put the car in park and turned off the ignition. Now what? It took her more courage then she thought she would need in order to walk up to Elliot's house but once she did, her heart began to beat after ringing the door bell.

All her ex-partner had to say when he answered the door was her nick name, Liv. That was all it took for all the bricks she had built up around her feelings to collapse and for the tears to fall for the first time since this man before her and exited her life 6 months ago.