Author's Musings: so I know it's been a minute since I've posted anything, I blame Mass Effect, you may want to do that as well. Anyways, here is a quick Swen oneshot I came up with after talking to Pleth (bluedragon-silence on tumblr) about the much-delayed fic I owe her for her birthday. So happy super belated birthday! And I hope all y'all enjoy. -
Ever since Emma Swan had stumbled into Storybrooke, Maine, the little town and it's fairytale character inhabitants had settled into a new pattern, one starkly opposite of the one they had been living for the prior 28 years. Some new fantastical threat would arrive, Emma and the two idiots would save the day, sometimes with reluctant assistance from the mayor, sometimes miraculously without, and then the town would gather once the dust had settled to rejoice in their seemingly collective victory. Regina always received an invitation to the festivities from the sheriff, but found herself either not showing or bowing out early. It was no different with this latest party, except the slightly somber note due to the departure of Arrendale sisters & co., and a particularly miserable Regina due to the departure of the Hood family.
It was towards the end of the evening that the sheriff found herself at the brunette's door, having been unable to distract herself from thoughts of her almost drinking companion, and despite her and Killian's best efforts to keep her mind off the draconic mayor, Emma couldn't help but go check on her. The night air was crisp, the comforting scent of evergreen trees signalling the incoming winter as the sheriffs nose twinged with the two-pronged assault. Taking a moment to smooth down her jacket, and then muttering to herself about how 'leather doesn't wrinkle, moron', she knocked firmly on the wooden door.
"Gina?" she called out, slightly apprehensive of what her response would be. "Its Emma, just came to have that drink that got interrupted earlier" she checked the door handle, letting out a breath as it clicked open, creaking slightly as she pushed it.
The lights in the hall were off, the only illumination coming from Regina's office, the soft sound of classical music further signalling the mayor's most likely location within the house. The floor creaked slightly under her boots as Emma walked the now-familiar hall, brow wrinkling and the corners of her mouth dipping down at the forlorn sight that met her. Regina was seated primly on the edge of the leather couch in the study, cut crystal tumbler in her hand with only a thin layer of golden liquid remaining as she stared blankly into the crackling fire. The normally passionate, energetic woman that Emma was used to butting heads with had been replaced by someone...less. Defeated. Emma hardly recognized her. Every muscle in the mayor's body was tense, as if a single moment of relaxation would cause her to fall apart completely. Her knees were pressed together, normally plump lips (not that Emma ever thought about them. Nope), were a thin line, and there were lines in the older woman's face that the blonde couldn't remember seeing before, like when clay starts to dry too quickly, hardly noticeable unless you knew what she looked like before. Before happiness was dangled in front of her, only to be ripped away once again by yet another cruel twist of fate. Before what was left of her heart was stepped on, again. Before the last shreds of hope she had were incinerated by her newfound humanity. How cruel that it was what made her able to love again, her returned empathy, was what thrust her back into this darkness and despair. Emma had expected to see a storm of emotions brewing in dark eyes, but was met with black holes, only the barest hint of recognition reflecting in them as she walked into Regina's view.
She didn't know what to say at first; comforting people had never been her forte, and when it came to saying the right thing around Regina she wasn't exactly batting a thousand. So she stood there, shifting her weight between her feet until the other woman broke the silence.
"What are you doing here Miss Swan" she asked dejectedly, bringing her glass to her lips, draining the liquid before she stood to get a refill. Emma shoved her hands in her jeans pockets as she watched Regina move.
"I just, I wanted to get that drink we didn't get to have earlier" Regina laughed, a hollow, barking sound that revealed no humor.
"What, did they run out of booze at Granny's?" she spat out
" Believe it or not Regina, I've come to think of you as someone who's happiness is important to me, and I just wanted to make sure you were ok, and to offer to talk, or listen or whatever alright?" Regina whipped her head from the fire to focus on the other woman's face, reading the genuine concern and caring that was written there, clear as day.
"Fine, one drink Emma, then I would greatly appreciate it if you would leave me alone"
One drink turned into two, which turned into finishing the crystal decanter of scotch as the two women lamented the men they had lost, which turned into telling tales of their respective lost ones, descending into fits of laughter as Emma told Regina about Neal's unfortunate habit of eating in bed, while Regina complained that no matter what she told Robin to bathe with, he always smelled of pine trees and fire.
Somehow they ended up stumbling upstairs together, giggling at every misstep. When Regina was unceremoniously deposited on her bed, she grabbed Emma's hand before the blonde had a chance to turn and leave.
"Emma, please, would you… would you stay? I don't want to be alone tonight" The dark haired woman asked, looking, and feeling, very much like the scared young girl she used to be, long before she was the Evil Queen, when she was simply Regina Mills, soon-to-be bride of a king old enough to be her father, future stepmother of a girl she saw as a sister, more than a daughter.
The younger woman nodded, her face soft as she removed her jacket, walking to the other side of the bed before sliding under the covers. Too inebriated and lonely to care about the consequences or worry about rejection, Regina immediately rolled into the sheriff, tucking her head under Emma's chin, and sighing in relief as the blonde wrapped her arms around her mayor.
Regina felt so safe, so protected, cocooned in Emma's strong embrace, that she was more shocked than frightened when the nightmare came. It was the same nightmare she always had, more tragic memory than nightmare. Leopold on their wedding night, his rough hands on her skin as he drunkenly attempted to consummate their marriage, terrified Regina frozen in place. This time, however, the dream had a new ending. A knight in shining silver armor burst through the bedroom door, blasting the king off his new bride with a flash of white magic, and when Regina's eyes cleared of spots from the bright light she made out a mess of yellow curls peaking out from under the helmet, and when the knight picked her up from what was supposed to be her marriage bed, the arms that went under her legs and around her back felt familiar, safe and strong. Looking into the knights eyes confirmed what she already thought, the bright green could only belong to one person. Emma. She reached up to the knights helm, but was woken before she could remove it.
"Regina, wake up, its ok, I'm here, Regina, shhhh you're ok sweetheart." Emma whispered in her ear, rubbing her upper arm while gently shaking her. Regina shot up, startled and much more sober than when she fell asleep. Looking around the room, memories of earlier that night flooding back, the brunette bolted out of the bed.
"Miss Swan, you must go. I'm sorry if my behavior earlier gave you the impression that we are friends now, but your company is no longer welcome here" Emma sat up in the bed, and with her smudged makeup and tousled hair Regina nearly stopped breathing, she was so beautiful. Too beautiful. And Regina destroyed everything that was good and pure and Emma was all of those things and she needed to leave before she became tainted, like everything else Regina had ever cared about. This new, relationship, friendship, whatever it was, needed to be nipped in the bud before either of them got hurt.
But when she looked back at the young woman, still in her bed, she knew Emma wasn't going anywhere. She had steel behind her eyes, and when she patted the space next to her Regina lost all her willpower. She needed comfort right now, and Emma was the only person she knew who could give it to her. With a sigh, she crawled over silky sheets, melting into Emma's warm embrace. They laid there in silence, simply feeling each other breathe, until Emma broke the silence, voice gentle, hardly above a whisper.
"Do you want to talk about it? The dream?"
Regina sighed, her breath making the stray lock of golden hair in front of her flutter, and Emma simply tightened her hold on the Mayor, waiting patiently for her answer.
"Before Leopold and I got married, my mother told me that he would…expect things of me. Things I was hoping to save for someone I loved. Things I was saving for…not Leopold."
"Things you were saving for Daniel you mean" Emma said, her voice gentle.
Regina nodded and took a deep breath, steadying herself for the next part of the conversation. "Leopold was so kind when we first met, a little awkward even. I don't think he truly wanted to get married again, but Mother had convinced him that it would look bad on him as King if he did not have a Queen. But by the time our wedding came around, I guess he had warmed up to the idea of having a wife again." Her voice became strained as she tried to keep her breathing level as she continued. "He never hurt me, not outright at least. Honestly after our wedding night he mostly ignored me. It wasn't like we needed to have children, he had Snow to continue the family line." Her brow furrowed, and Emma knew there was more to come. "I felt, neglected, more than anything I think. The few moments we spent together were either with Snow, or discussing Snow, or him drunkenly lamenting his wife. Meanwhile, I spent the rest of my time with either my mother criticizing me, or getting magic lessons from Gold. And sometimes I just, I wish things had been different. I wish it all the time actually. I wonder if I would have turned out different, if my mother had been different. If I would have been good."
The blonde turned slightly, so the two were eye to eye. "Listen to me Regina. You are a good person. You may have done some bad things in the past, but you were hurt and angry and didn't know any better, and you learned from them. You've been trying so hard these last few years, and you've made so much progress." Emma closed her eyes briefly, like she was trying to ground herself. When she opened her eyes, they had so much empathy and pain and caring in them. Regina had never felt so significant in her life, not when she had thousands cowering in front of her as the Evil Queen, not when she held the attention of her entire court, not even when she spoke to the entire town as their mayor. But having Emma's attention so focused on her, like she was the only person in the world, she felt a sense of belonging settle in her chest, warm and comforting.
"Thank you Emma, that was really sweet of you to say" she replied, holding the younger woman's emerald gaze.
"Look, I know I can't possibly understand what you went through with Leopold and all that, but I understand being unwanted. And shitty mothers. Not Mary Margaret, but I had a few crappy foster moms growing up. So I get it. And I'm always here for you Gina." She said it with so much sincerity, the brunette couldn't help but smile. She also couldn't help the twinge of sadness in her chest as she thought about a young Emma Swan, having no idea that she had two loving parents who had been forced by Regina herself to give up their only child, not even a day old yet, with the hope that one day she would save them all. And she had. Emma had saved them all, but not just by breaking the curse. That had only been the first step in her Savior journey, and it was ending now with Regina's redemption. And as Emma's head rested atop the older woman's, Regina closed her eyes, feeling safer and warmer than she had in a long, long time.
When she awoke the next morning it was to a pounding headache, a glass of water and an aspirin on her bedside table, and a note written in Emma's unmistakable scrawl, reading simply "I meant what I said. Always here for you -E"
Regina smiled at the note, and after swallowing the tablet she drifted back to sleep, that small smile appearing as she dreamed of golden curls and knights on white horses.