Wild reality, wild firey forest, the death...everything is so impotent...so why? Why do we as humans try so hard to exsist in a world filled with pain when we can just hide behind dark shawdows? Shadows of death, death every person wishes not to have but I. I hope every single day that this death would come to me--to take my soul away. In my dreams I see an Angel. An Angel with feather white wings,a streak of silver dashing the tips of each wing, beautiful golden eyes and long flowing midnight blue hair,a scar acrossing over his right eye ...a male? I don't know--through I wish I did. This Angel..he must guard me and keep me alive...but why? Does he feel what I feel? Or can he not feel at all? All these questions go through my mind as I dance in this drenched rain.

The silent tears flow through my mind never to be seen. I long for the pain to end...but maybe...maybe this guradian angel is here to end this ill hearted pain of mine, this pain thats so deep with lonliness that each tear I shed is another that brings me closer to what I want but then I think: is death really what I want or is it to fit in and have someone--just one person to love me for who I really am...and not...not just try and use me for sex. More tears shed from my eyes as I ponder this question but the one nagging at the back of my mind--Is he real? Is this guardian Angel real or is he something I made up?

'Stranger then your sympathy,

this is my apology,

im killing myself from the inside out.

and all my fears have pushed you out,

A low voice whispers in my ear,completely seperated from the rains hollow sound. Is this my angel? Is he the one who gives me sympathy?Am I suppose to apologize to my Angel? Are my feelings really killing me?

Have I pushed you away from me? What do you mean by such words!?

'And I've wished for things I dont need,

all i wanted,

and what i chase wont set me free

All I wanted,

And I get scared but I'm not crawling on my knees...'

That voice appeared again,singing in the soft tone.My eyes darting to find it only to fall on a falling white feather.What do I want that I don't need? Death is what I chase...so are you saying that...I should stop chasing it? I am scared but Angel...why are you telling me all this? Why do you know me so well?

'Oh yeah, everything's all wrong, yeah
Everything's all wrong, yeah
Where the hell did I think I was?'

"wrong?" I mumbled.The confusing Angel."Where the hell did I think I was?" I question that line of the lyrics.

"You think you're in hell." Came the soft whispered voice laced with a firmness that held the truth, and yet it was so soothing to my injured soul.

'Stranger than your symapthy
I take these things so I don't feel
I'm killing myself from the inside out
Now my head's been filled with doubt
It's hard to lead the life you choose
All I wanted
When all your luck's run out on you
All I wanted
You can't see when all your dreams are coming true.'

That line again--Sympathy.Why does it make me want to reach out and hold on to who ever is singing? 'These things?' I Guess he is right...I don't want to feel and we've already gone over the next line. I know I'm killing myself...but do I want to still? This Angel makes me question myself again!

"This life you choose...It's not what you want...so stop trying to think it is..." His voice again--pleading this time. He is right...I don't want this pain but did I choose for it to be this way? No. Luck? Long time ago--maybe but not anymore.

"Look close through...You don't realize it but everything you want is right in front of you." That voice again, much more now,becoming stronger as if it where getting closer and if I squint my eyes I think I see something--but what?

'Oh yeah, it's easy to forget, yeah
You choke on the regrets, yeah
Who the hell did I think I was?'

The song he sings continues as I think more and more about his words."It's easy to forget..." I mumble. I agree, it is easy but then the regrets pile up but I'd rather the regrets then the pain of having to remeber.

"No, you don't. The Angel again. It's as if he knows my heart better then me.

"Who the hell did you think I was?"

"Are you not an Angel?" I question and I see a shake of a head I never noticed before.

"If you're not an Angel then what are you?" A pause before the voice sings again.

'Stranger than your sympathy
All these thoughts you stole from me
I'm not sure where I belong
Nowhere's home and I'm all wrong'

Thoughts? That's right...this Angel or Not so Angel-like being had stolen every thought from my mind."Where do I belong...?" I find myself whispering an echo of that lyric,unsure of why I spoke it too begin with.

"You belong here. On earth. Alive." That voice again...It's like the song says I have no home here and I never have but maybe...maybe I really am going about it all wrong. I look up to see a clearer body take form and he sings again,the song coming to a close.

'And I wasn't all the things
I tried to make believe I was
And I wouldn't be the one to kneel
Before the dreams I wanted
And all the talk and all the lies
Were all the empty things disguised as me
Yeah, stranger than your sympathy
Stranger than your sympathy'

"Yes...Thats right Angel...I wasn't.I'm not as strong as I thought...I'm nothing I thought I was ..." I understand now, I thought. This Angel sings the song to open up my mind to realize what my heart was trying to tell me. My dreams? I still don't see them...

" You should see them..." Him again.

"Yes,thats right everything I hid was who I wasn't but can you really see who I am?"

"I can." Out of the dark a pale figure appeared, long flowing midnight blue hair and golden orbs, just like my dream. My eyes widened in surprise.

"Dream..."I muttered and looked up at him." You're...my dream?" He nodded. A smile on his face.

"I've watched you for some time now...I fell in love with you when I first saw you..I'm no angel...but to someone like you who sufferes so much...you couldn't realize that I was just as Human as you." He reached over and pulled me into a hug, my dark black hair being caressed in his hands, my blue orbs shining with tears.

"Will you leave me?" He shook his head.

I cuddled closer to him and nodded."Thank you."

He smiled and leaned down to whisper in my ear." ...I will always be by your side..."