A/N: This will be my last one-shot for a while since I have to focus on my Finals, and I'll be starting to write for Faberry Week after that. Sadly, it's going to be the last Faberry Week. :( Which is why I want to pour out everything I have for that. Anyway, this song is inspired by Boyce Avenue's "Broken Angel". I think it perfectly describes Quinn's relationship with Russell, and it pushed me to write this. I hope that all of you enjoy this one. :)
Warning: Mentions of abuse.
There is no unloving Quinn.
Rachel knows that. She has known for a long time now, ever since the moment she held Quinn in her arms for the first time. Has known from the time Quinn showed her metaphorical and physical scars.
How can she, when all she ever wants is to kiss Quinn's brokenness and wholeness?
There is simply no turning back, no unlearning the things that she knows about Quinn. The ridges of her ribs, the smoothness of her skin, the sound and the rhythm of her heart.
The scars that litter her abdomen and thighs, and her broken sobs and quiet whimpers throughout the night.
Put simply, she cannot bring herself to ever stop loving Quinn. Scars and brokenness and all.
There is no turning back, not when she sleeps and wakes up next to Quinn every day. Just the mere thought, the mere idea of not loving Quinn is unfathomable to Rachel. Impossible, unallowable. She drowns, she sinks every time she realizes that Quinn is hers to cherish and care for.
And she does not want to rise to the surface. No, for she chooses to drown in her all-consuming feelings for Quinn. She drowns underneath Quinn's depth; the jolts and ridges of her body. Her skin tingles, her heart burns with differing emotions of varying degrees every time she watches Quinn like this – standing half-naked and staring at her reflection in their full-length body mirror.
Again, her fingers itch with the need to touch Quinn, arms wanting to reach out to hold this wonderfully-pieced angel.
But she doesn't dare break the stillness, instead opting to watch her lover in silence as she put away her script. Quinn seems transfixed by her image, her fingers grazing the raised tissues on her skin.
Rachel wants to forget. She wants to bury the image of Quinn, wounded and bleeding in her arms. Needs to forget the fury and rage in Russell's eyes while he held the shattered glass bottle in his hand, the anger and disgust in his expression after having found out the true nature of Quinn's relationship with her.
She wants to, and yet she can't.
It's a part of her. It's a part of Quinn.
Quinn turns around and faces her, graceful and beautiful and elegant as always. This is how Rachel has always remembered her to be – how she will always remember her.
Rachel shifts and sits up on their bed, and again she knows that there is no unlearning her lover's body. She's explored every inch of Quinn's skin far too many times before, after all. Mapped every part of her body, memorized everything there is within – the dimples on her back, the dents around her skin surrounding her spine, the sharpness of her collarbones.
These are the things she wants to remember. But she knows, she knows she would rather die than forget Quinn. She would rather lie in a coffin than not remember how it feels like to have Quinn's lips touch hers, and how her heart beats so strongly and surely in her chest when Quinn asks her to make love to her.
Softly, she smiles, and Quinn returns it. With measured steps, her lover walks to her and climbs up the bed, and Rachel opens her arms. Quinn has always told her that her arms felt safe and securing, so she always makes it a point to open them to invite her inside.
Quinn falls into them, and Rachel wraps them tight around her and protectively shields her bare skin from the air. She is soft and warm and a little broken, but not completely fragile to break with just one mall touch. Rachel knows this, and she loves Quinn more for it.
The good and the bad, Rachel always thinks. She loves the wholeness and brokenness of Quinn at the same time. Never one without the other, always together and making Quinn who she is.
This strengthened and tempered angel that Rachel continues to fall in love with each passing day.
She breathes Quinn in, closing her eyes as she buries her face in golden tufts of hair. A sigh breaks the silence, and Rachel kisses Quinn's head. The sheets rustle, and Quinn straddles Rachel's lap. Their eyes lock, and Rachel pulls Quinn flush towards her, touching their foreheads together.
Quinn is soft jolts and curves and love, and Rachel just wants to keep loving her forever. She believes that she was made to love and learn Quinn, and Broadway is only second. Quinn is her dream, bright and warm and filled with tender silence.
She reaches for Quinn's hand and kisses her knuckles, lips pressing firmly against each one. There are blue ink stains on Quinn's fingers, she notes, and it makes her smile fondly. Quinn has a talent for writing, and Rachel loves that part of her. It makes her swoon, though she wants to be the one to make Quinn swoon more. Sweep her off of her feet and make her giggle in delight, if you will.
And then her lips curl into a frown as she remembers something else. She's proud of Quinn for following her dreams of becoming a writer, but there is one other person that is not. And who else but Quinn's own father? She remembers Quinn telling her that Russell didn't seem impressed with her program choice despite the fact that she managed to get into Yale. Yale, one of the Ivy League Universities. It was a huge feat for Quinn, having overcome her pregnancy and the low self-esteem that came as an aftermath after being kicked out of her own home by her own father.
Rachel understands that, and it makes her blood boil that Russell chose to do otherwise. How could he act so cold and indifferent when all Quinn wanted to do was impress him? To make him proud that she managed to stand on her own two feet and get into the program that she wanted in one of the best schools there is in the country?
She could not claim to understand what Quinn went through, having two dads that support her in everything that she does and continues to love her for who she is. But it didn't stop her from reaching out to Quinn and help her realize in the wrong run that Russell isn't worth any of her tears and heartbreak.
The scars he left on Quinn's body is enough proof of that.
Her lips brush against Quinn's fingertips, and for a moment, she forgets all else except this. The sensation of Quinn's smooth, alabaster skin against her lips, warm and soft and home. She curls her fingers around Quinn's waist, and she notes the sharp angle of her jaw and the definitiveness of her cheekbones. There she sees how Quinn has grown so much, how she has become more mature and self-assured.
And it makes her happy, because she knows that Quinn has been unhappy for far too long with the struggles of trying to attain the love and attention that she craved from her father.
Their eyes meet, and Rachel slowly tilts her chin and kisses Quinn. Her chest explodes with a flurry of emotions – it always does whenever their lips would meet. Quinn grips the hem of her shirt and carefully tugs on it, and Rachel has learned Quinn enough to know what she wants.
She leans back, allowing Quinn to pull off her shirt. Quinn's hands roam her back, their lips fusing together in a deep kiss. Their bodies press together intimately, and Rachel feels Quinn's skin start to warm up.
Quinn cranes her neck, and Rachel latches her lips onto her pulse point, earning a quiet moan. Again, she learns and she loves Quinn's skin. Pale hands tug at her hair, and Rachel latches her mouth onto warm and supple breasts. Quinn gasps and bucks her hips, and Rachel sucks tenderly, tongue swirling and flicking her lover's nipples.
Another moan, and Rachel continues her journey down to Quinn's stomach, her tongue trailing a hot path to her navel. Then Quinn scrambles off her lap and lays back against the bed, chest heaving and bottom lip tucked in between her teeth. Rachel moans at the sight, her eyes roaming Quinn's body out of reverence.
And Quinn finally speaks, her voice soft and quiet in the darkness of the night.
"Make love to me, Rachel," Quinn says, cheeks flushed a bright pink.
Another thing she has learned about Quinn is that she's shy when it comes to talking about sex. Which is completely fine by Rachel, because she knows that Quinn had been particularly uncomfortable with the topic, especially after having her first time taken away without her own consent. But with Rachel, she learned to become more open about it, though her shyness still hasn't completely gone away.
There is just no forgetting about Quinn, even the littlest things about her.
Quinn lifts her hips, and Rachel slowly pulls down her sweatpants, revealing more and more of smooth, pale skin. Her chest tightens as Quinn becomes more exposed to her, rendering her unable to breathe because Quinn is just so beautiful and angelic even when naked. There is a damp patch on the front of Quinn's ruby-laced panties, and for a moment, Rachel is slightly taken aback because Quinn rarely ever wears sexy underwear. It's only for rare occasions or when Quinn is feeling up to slightly rougher sex.
She looks up, and Quinn is blushing and attempting to close her legs. Still so bashful, even after three years of being together. But Quinn's personality balances hers out, so Rachel doesn't mind at all. While she is more vocal in bed, Quinn is more of a quiet lover. Her moans are soft and restrained, and she usually only gets loud in the heat of the moment.
Her breathing is erratic, and she slowly spreads Quinn's legs open again. Small scars web at her thighs, and Rachel leans down to trace every single one with feather-light brushes of her lips. Quinn sighs and starts to relax, and Rachel sucks on a patch of skin. She nuzzles her nose against the crotch of Quinn's panties, and she hears a small whimper of embarrassment. But her legs remain spread, and Rachel smiles softly. She hooks her thumbs around the waistband of Quinn's underwear and pull them down, exposing her moist sex.
She drops the panties to the floor, and she settles herself between Quinn's legs. Quinn's skin is flushed and hot, and Rachel explores her body all over again with her hands and lips.
Her lips glide against Quinn's stomach, and she learns her scars all over again. Quinn moans and Rachel licks at the raised tissue, her hands journeying higher to palm her lover's full breasts. She gently massages the soft mounds of flesh and rakes her teeth over the soft skin.
She places fleeting kisses all over Quinn's body, the sheets rustling about them as they tangle together intimately. This, she thinks, is loving Quinn. Never unloving. She simply can't unlove Quinn. She won't.
"Rachel, please," Quinn begs quietly, fingers gripping the sheets in a death hold and sweat trickling down her neck.
Rachel has never seen anything more beautiful than this – Quinn, underneath her in all her naked glory.
And she loves Quinn all over again.
She latches her mouth onto Quinn's sex, and her lover gasps sharply as she starts to suck. Quinn is rolling her hips, moans rising in pitch as Rachel gently laps at her soaked core. Fingers thread through her hair, pushing her closer towards the musky taste of her lover's sex.
Moans fill the air, and Rachel licks Quinn's sex with broad strokes of her tongue, collecting liquid heat in her mouth. Quinn tastes absolutely delightful, and Rachel nips and sucks on her nether lips. Warm cum flows into her mouth, and Quinn is humping her mouth more insistently.
"Oh! Oh, Rachel," Quinn moans and mewls, and it causes Rachel to shudder in delight.
She eases her tongue inside Quinn's heat, and a shriek of surprise pierces the air. Rachel moans at the heady taste that fills her mouth, and she thrusts wetly into her lover's warmth. While she is doing this, she is looking up and mapping Quinn's upper body with her hands.
Learning, knowing, loving Quinn like she always does.
Quinn's eyes are rolled to the back of her head, fingers still buried in Rachel's hair as she grinds more eagerly. Rachel groans, sending pleasurable vibrations inside of Quinn.
And there is a scream of her name, and Rachel watches as her lover comes undone around her mouth. Hazel eyes fly open, and her heart flutters in her chest at how beautiful Quinn is when she is coming. Warm cum gushes in a steady stream into her mouth, and she eagerly drinks it all. Quinn is moaning and trembling, and Rachel slows down her pace as she brings her down from her high.
Quinn sighs, sated as Rachel crawls back up.
"You were more vocal tonight," Rachel points out, smiling warmly as Quinn settles in her arms.
"I just thought that I'd try to be sexy and vocal because I know you like it," Quinn whispers and chews nervously on her lip. "I hope I didn't disappoint you."
Rachel frowns, knowing where Quinn's fear of disappointing everyone stems from. The deepest cause of her underlying insecurities and brokenness. Why she was torn up into pieces.
The one person she has been trying to impress but always ended up breaking her.
"You didn't. You won't," Rachel answers, tilting Quinn's chin so that their eyes could meet. "I promise you won't go through that again."
Quinn nods and buries her face against Rachel's chest. Rachel sighs sadly, her heart breaking for this broken angel that she loves.
Still, despite her brokenness and vulnerabilities, Rachel still learns how to love Quinn every day. Unloving Quinn will be nothing short of impossible, and something she won't ever be wanting to try.
To unlearn her, to unlove her would be a sin. And Rachel loves Quinn too much to even fathom the idea of being without her.
And so she knows, she learns, and loves Quinn with every passing second of her life. Because Rachel knows that that is what she is meant to do. To love and cherish Quinn for an eternity and more.