PART 1. Loosely inspired by the song "My Boo" by Usher featuring Alicia Keys.

When we were younger, we were in love.

Just being near her made me feel good, like nothing was as bad as it was.

Raven.

"Who are you, Robin?" she would ask me sometimes late, late at night when we should have been sleeping, but instead stayed up together to talk.

"Who do you want me to be?" I would answer her question with a question.

"I want you to be honest, to be who you are. Who are you?"

I still can't answer that question.

Strange as it seems, she was a ray of sunshine in my life when things were gloomy. When bad things came our way she was there to give me some perspective.

Raven. I'm sitting in the kitchen pretending to listen to Starfire, while Raven pretends (I'm sure she pretends) to care about Beastboy's feelings over on the couch.

But maybe she isn't pretending. When we were together she ridiculed me for pushing Beastboy around. I used to have him move at tables, on couches, in groups, just so I could have the best spot. I went so low as to cheat him in board hames so I could win. I hate losing.

Losing Raven wasn't dissimilar to my losing other things.

I take losing... Not so good. First time I lost a fistfight I trained until until I almost died from dehydration. There was no time to drink water, and it would just slow me down.

You can imagine how I took it when she broke up with me.

"Robin you are not listening!" Starfire's high voice cut through my deep thoughts like a blade.

She had a spatula in one hand and something round and purple in the other. I had no intention of finding out what these two things are for.

"Sorry Star," I said, "I can't focus right now." And without further explanation I left her there, staring at me in confusion.

Starfire and I weren't together. Things between me and her changed when Raven and I were together, but over the last few months things had gone back to normal for me and Star and our friendly flirting, but it doesn't bring me joy like it used to.

Raven and Beastboy on the other hand were together. They got together only a few weeks after Raven broke up with me. It hurt. Raven told me that even though it didn't work out I would always be her first love, but she sure seemed to get over me fast.

I guess I should get to why we broke up.

I think it was the arguments. Raven said it was that we had too much in common, we didn't compliment the others strengths and weaknesses we only amplified them.

Neither of us knew anything about how things worked in romantic relationships. We both had to have things done our way or no way. She didn't like losing either, so when we argued there was never a winner, just a cease fire in a war that would grow with every disagreement we had that we never resolved until the final battle when our relationship ended.

Raven. I was on the roof then. I guess I had wandered there while thinking about her.

We were so good though.

We could have conversation for hours. Some nights we never went to sleep because we couldn't stop talking. Although sometimes we had a different reason for why we didn't sleep that involved screaming, bangs against the wall, and the creaking of my bed beneath us.

The pros outweighed the cons for me, but I guess to her, they didn't.

"Raven," I sighed.

"Yes?"

I nearly fell off the edge of the roof. I hadn't expected anyone to follow me, yet there she was.

"You scared me." I stated plainly, standing and crossing my arms.

"I didn't mean to."

"Well you did." She stared at me with a vacant expression. I was being cold to her for no reason, she was just being pleasant.

Except she was just staring at me.

"What?" I asked with ice still lacing my words.

"You said my name." she stated plainly.

She had me there, "I did." I responded in the same manor, "So what?"

"Well usually when someone says someone else's name they want to talk to that person." She said, sitting on the edge beside my feet, staring at the ocean.

"Maybe I do, but I won't. You made it perfectly clear you never wanted to talk to me again."

She smiled a little, "We say things we don't mean when we are angry."

I could feel my face soften as I thought back to all the times I had wanted to kill her because she made me so mad. I sat down beside her and picked at the ground even though nothing was there, "Your right," I said, "Raven... I'm really sorry for everything I put you through when we were together. I can't imagine how you felt, trying to keep control and still wanting to go a round with me. So if you forgive me, can you do something for me? Can you please forget all our bad days and all our fights?"

She practically jumped on me. I almost thought she was going to kill me, but she was embracing me, wrapping her arms around my torso and pulling me into a hug ten times better than any affection I had received from her before.

"Of course I will." she whispered in my ear.

I lost control after that. As she pulled away I leaned in and kissed her. She was shocked at first, then she melted into it and I thought I had her back, but then she pushed my chest forcefully and was standing and pacing before I fully realized what had happened.

"What was that for?" she yelled, if Raven could yell.

"I thought..." I didn't know what I thought. I guess I assumed that that hug meant something that it didn't.

"You thought what? That I wanted us to get back together? Far from it! I'm with Beastboy now and-"

"Do you love him?" I questioned her, "Do you love him?" I said again.

"I don't have to talk to you about this." she hissed.

I crossed my arms once again, "So you don't?"

She snapped, "Its not that! Beastboy is caring, and gentle, and easy to get along with! Something you wouldn't know about because you were selfish, rough, and pessimistic!" our faces were inches apart, so close I could feel moisture coming from her mouth.

"But you loved me!" I retorted.

Our lips met again. This time it was her doing. She pulled my hair as I traced her curves with my hands. Her legs were wrapped around my waist and I carried her to my room, carefully watching for anyone who might see us. We continued our make out session on the bed where she pulled off my cape.

That had always been a green light.

We continued to go at each other and I couldn't help but wonder if Raven had a special green light for Beast Boy, but I pushed those thoughts away and grabbed a handle on my bedside table. Having flung my drawer open impatiently, I was able to grab a condom. She was kissing me down my now bare chest as I struggled to get the damn little packet open.

I didn't have to struggle much longer as Raven grabbed it from my hands and ripped it open with her teeth.

I needed her immediately.

I unclasped her robe then I tore her leotard down her body and flung it off her ankles.

She grabbed me around the neck and wrapped her legs around me again, letting me know that she needed me as well.

I gave her what she wanted, over and over, her body was glistening in sweat and I knew mine was too. I had to cover her mouth so no one could hear us screaming if they walked by my room.

Finally we both collapsed beside each other on the bed, breathing heavily.

It took us a long time to catch our breaths. When we did I realized that Raven was crying.

I gently as I could turned her so she was facing me. She curled up in my arms so I held her, rubbing up and down her spine.

"What is it?" I whispered.

"This shouldn't have happened!" she whispered back roughly.

I stopped rubbing her back and pulled away from her, "What? After all this you still don't want to be together?"

She sat up and wiped her eyes and I could just tell she was ready to pick a fight with me, "We aren't meant for each other! All we did was fight about stupid things! With Beast boy I feel like... something completely different from what I felt with you and I love that new feeling. But you're confusing me! I feel love coming from both you and him, but you express it differently. And I know deep down I still have feelings for you, but I have much stronger feelings for Beastboy." she got up and started putting her clothes back on.

I felt sorry for her. I suddenly felt selfish for pining away after her when she was with Beastboy. Knowing how she felt changed everything.

She was pulling on her boots when I said, "I won't tell Beastboy, not if you don't want him to know. It was wrong of me to let this happen no matter if we wanted it to or not."

She tilted her head a little and gave me a shy smile, "You would do that?"

"I'd do anything for you." I said.

Her smile faded and she mumbled a soft "thank you" then left.

That just left me alone with my thoughts.

"Oh man..." I rubbed my forehead. Did that really just happen? Did I really just let her go?

I couldn't believe it. I had let her go. And I had the sudden urge to get her back again.

I ran to my door but before I could open it I heard voices on the other side.

"You look like you saw a ghost, is everything okay Rae?"

I heard her sigh deeply, "It's just been... I'm just tired today."

I then heard the unmistakeable smack of a chaste kiss and Beastboy said, "Did that help?" I could hear the smile in his voice.

Raven laughed a tiny laugh, "A little." she said.

"C'mon," he said, " I'm making a mean tofu devils food pudding, wanna help?"

"Sounds... fun," she said and they started walking away, but before they were out of hearing distance I heard Raven say, "I love you," after that they were too far away for me to hear anything else.

I love Raven. I'm in too deep now to ever hope to get out. I am going to keep my promise to not tell about this one little slip up, but I won't be able to stop myself from showing my true feelings.

I needed a way to distance her from Beastboy. Little did I know that something was already brewing that would tear them apart, and in my own little way, I started it.

THE END OF PART 1.

Please review and keep in mind this will be a 3 part story with a short epilogue. Thank you.