How Far
There's the sky, I could catch a plane
There's a train, there's the tracks I could leave and I could choose to not come back
Oh never come back
"What the hell is going on?" Nathan questioned as he watched Haley run around their room gathering things and throwing them in a suitcase.
Haley jumped at the sound of his voice and stopped what she was doing.
"What are you doing here?"
"Uh, I live here Hales" Nathan replied still trying to figure out what was going on.
"Really, you could've fooled me" Haley mumbled as she went back to packing.
"Haley what the hell are you doing?"
"I'm leaving. I'm going to stay with Peyton for a while."
"What? Why? You weren't even going to tell me you were leaving." Nathan spat out starting to get angry.
Haley laughed and rolled her eyes.
"I didn't think you'd notice I wasn't here."
Nathan didn't reply to Haley's remark, he just stood there quiet, watching Haley continue packing.
"Are you leaving me for Tanner?" His question was almost in audible but, Haley heard it and her head shot up.
"What? I know you didn't just ask me that" she said in utter shock.
"Well? Are you?"
"No Nathan! I am not leaving you for Tanner! He's just a friend!" Haley shouted not believing what Nathan was asking.
"Just a friend? Peyton and Brooke are your friends. I see the way he looks at you! He doesn't want to just be your friend. What the hell kind of name is Tanner anyway?" Nathan returned his voice matching the level of Haley's.
Haley scoffed.
"Tanner and I are just friends Nathan! We work together! He's got a fiancée that he's totally in love with!"
"Does his fiancée know how much time you two spend together?"
"Nathan, we are working on a major case and it's about to go to trial!" Haley said through gritted teeth trying not to lose her temper.
There you are, giving up the fight
Here I am begging you to try
Talk to me, let me in
But you just put you wall back up again
Oh, when's it gonna end
"Whatever. Leave if you want to leave" Nathan said coldly, his face now holding a stoney expression.
Nathan turned and walked out of his and Haley's bedroom and into the living room. Haley followed him.
"No! Don't do this Nathan!" Haley shouted after him.
"Don't do what?"
"Don't shut me out! Talk to me damn it!"
"What the fuck do you want me to talk about? "
"You always do this! You always shut me out, you don't talk to me anymore. I don't know what's wrong with you!"
"You don't know what's wrong with me? Haley you're the one leaving me, not the other way around!" Nathan said through gritted teeth.
"You're the reason I'm leaving! You have been so distant the last five months. I hardly ever see you because you're always traveling and when you are home I still don't see you! You never want to do anything with me. You can have only two days off and do you spend them with me? No, you're with Tim or your team mates, like you don't see them all the fucking time! In the past month we've probably spent a total of two days together. Two fucking days Nathan!" Haley shouted not being able to contain her anger any longer.
Nathan stood expressionless as if nothing Haley said was affecting him.
"Ughhh!" Haley shouted in frustration.
She picked up the nearest thing to her, which happened to be Nathan's basketball, and threw it at him. He caught it before it hit his head but still, Haley got no reaction from him.
How far do I have to go to make you understand
I wanna make this work so much it hurts, but I just can't
Keep on giving, go on living with the way things are
So I'm gonna walk away
And it's up to you to say how far
"Nathan, I love you! God knows I love you so much. But, I can't do this anymore. I can't take you shutting me out. It hurts me so much. I've tried time and time again to get you to talk to me but, you just put this wall up. You ignore me. When we fight, you walk away and give me the silent treatment like you are now. You're acting like a fucking five year old instead of the twenty-seven year old man you are Nathan! When you're gone, I am so lonely." She laughed, but it was so hollow, so empty.
"Hell, when you're here I'm so lonely cause you're never around!"
"Well, what about Tanner? Doesn't he help you out with that lonely part?" Nathan said viciously.
Nathan saw the tears spring up in Haley's eyes at his words. He knew he hurt her.
Although she was on the verge of crying Haley would not let the tears spill over.
"Why do you think something is going on between Tanner and I?" Haley questioned.
"You're always with him Haley!"
"Nathan, we are colleagues! We're working on the same fucking case! It goes to trial in one week and we still have a lot of preparation left. You know I have been working on this case for the last two months."
"Yeah, you have a lot of late nights with Tanner. Just like last night when I called to find out where you were and you were out to dinner with him. Hard work Haley!" Nathan spat out.
"Nathan! We had been working all day and night and we had just finished and neither of us had eaten yet! What the fuck did you want me to do, starve? I'm surprised you even noticed I was gone. When I'm here you make me feel invisible. You barely talk to me and you're always with anyone who isn't me."
Haley turned and walked back into their bedroom. A few minutes later she came back out with her suitcase to find Nathan sitting on the couch. Nathan looked up at Haley and he could tell by the look on her face that there was a battle going on between her head and her heart, but he remained frozen in place. Haley walked over and sat down in a chair that was next to the couch and she turned to face Nathan.
There's a chance I could change my mind
But I won't, not till you decide
What you want, what you need
Do you even care if I stay of leave
Oh, what's it gonna be
"Nate, I don't know what has happened to us in the past few months. You used to be able to talk to me, I don't know why you won't anymore. I am still incredibly shocked that you accused me of cheating on you. I have been with you since I was sixteen years old. You are the only man I have ever been with, I have NEVER cheated on you. I have never even THOUGHT about cheating on you. You accusing me of that hurt me more than you will ever know. We don't communicate anymore because you shut me out. I don't know what you want anymore. Do you want me to leave? Do you even care if I leave? Everytime I'm with you I want to cry. You hurt me so much, you don't even know. Sometimes I think I could hate you, but I can't. Because I love you too much. And that scares me. It scares me because you can hurt me." Haley said as tears rolled down her face.
Nathan looked down at the floor, avoiding Haley's gaze.
"Nathan," Haley's voice dropped "do you even love me anymore?"
How far do I have to go to make you understand
I wanna make this work so much it hurts, but I just can't
Keep on giving, go on living with the way things are
So I'm gonna walk away
And it's up to you to say how far
Out of this chair, or just across the room Halfway down the block or halfway to the moon
"I just, I feel like you need space Nate. So, I'll give it to you because I love you. But you have to tell me how far."
Still, no noteable response.
"Nate, I just have one more question. Are you willing to throw five years of marriage down the drain?"
After a few minutes of silence Haley got up and walked to the door with her suitcase.
"I guess you are" she said as she put her hand on the door knob "I'll be at Peyton's if you need me."
How far do I have to go to make you understand
I wanna make this work so much it hurst, but I just can't
Keep on giving, go on living with the way things are
So I'm gonna walk away
And it's up to you to say
Yeah I'm gonna walk away
And it's up to you to say how far
The tears continued to flow down Haley's cheek as she turned the door knob. Before she could open the door she felt Nathan's hand on hers.
"Don't go" he whispered.
She looked up and saw tears running down his face. Nathan pulled her into his arms, their faces only about an inch apart.
"That's far enough" he said as he looked into her eyes and wiped away her tears.
"Baby, I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you and I definitely never meant for you to doubt my love for you. I love you more than anything in this world. It's just that when you started spending all that time with Tanner I got scared. I thought that maybe you finally realized that you deserved better than me. Because, you do deserve better than me. I was just so scared that I was gonna lose you and I can't lose you. I don't know what I would do" Nathan said with desperation in his voice.
Haley raised her hand and gently touched Nathan's face wiping away his tears just as he had wiped away hers. She gave him a soft smile.
"You won't lose me. And Nate, you are what I deserve because you're what I want."
Nathan leaned down and kissed her sweetly on the lips. When they pulled apart they walked over to the couch sitting down and talking for the rest of the night until they fell asleep in each other's arms.