The characters belong to Janet Evanovich. Completely Babe. All errors, mistakes and regional colloquialisms are mine alone. Fluffy one shot in response to a 2009 Perfectly Plum challenge. Do not try this at home!!Car trunks are horrendously bad places to store Merry Men!Rated M for mature themes and some language. I'm not quite sure this rates a spew warning, but please set down the liquids before reading, just to be safe.
Just Another Bombshell Day
"Santos, you have some explaining to do."
"No." The word was slightly muffled, but surprisingly clear considering it was coming from beneath the sleek metal skin of Lula's Firebird. Tank leaned over the trunk and bounced the car slightly with his weight. "Tank! Knock it off!"
"You were supposed to be watching Bombshell." Bounce. "Want to tell me why you're" Bounce. "stuffed in Lula's trunk" Bounce. "and Bombshell is nowhere to be found?" Bounce.
"You want to tell Lula why I threw up in here?"
Tank raised his hands and stepped away from the car. There wasn't a whole lot of room in a Firebird to begin with, and he was curious as to how Steph and Lula managed to get all of Lester into the trunk far enough to close it. Bobby jogged up with the locksmith case, his expression dead serious.
"Hey, Les?" he called as he crouched beside the car. "I'm going to jimmy the lock. I'll have you out in less than a minute."
"Hurry. I'm not feeling too good."
Tank took a few steps back to give Bobby room to work. His cell phone rang and he flipped it open. "Talk."
His eyes shifted towards the Firebird. "Yeah, Brown is working on it. Where you'd find them? Right. See you in five."
Bobby made a satisfied noise and the trunk popped open. He shoved the lid open, and then paused, the grin trying to fight its way onto his face. "Uh, Lester? How are you getting out?"
"Just grab something and pull," said Lester.
As Tank moved forward to help, it became obvious why Lester's voice had been rather muffled. Somehow, Steph and Lula had jammed him head first into the trunk, and then tucked his legs and arms around his torso until he resembled a human pretzel. Bobby grabbed a leg and Tank wormed his hand underneath what should have been Lester's arm. With considerable cursing, they tugged and pushed until Lester slowly slid free.
He collapsed in a heap on the ground, his face red and sweaty as he gulped in large amounts of air. His breathing had steadied somewhat by the time Ranger's Cayenne pulled to the curb behind them. Steph was sitting in the passenger side, and Tank could see Lula in the backseat with Vince keeping an eye on her.
Ranger got out and walked over, his posture so completely neutral that Tank knew he was trying hard not to laugh. "You okay, Santos?"
"Yes, sir," said Lester. He took a deep breath and heaved himself to his feet. He overbalanced and Bobby caught him before he toppled into a full face plant. "Just need a few more minutes."
"Next time don't be so helpful," Ranger said. He beckoned to Steph. She slowly got out and dragged herself over to stand next to him. "You have something to say, Babe?"
"I'm sorry, Lester," she mumbled.
"And?" prompted Ranger.
"I promise not to stun you in the ass ever again when you're just being helpful and trying to dig my nail file out of Lula's trunk." Steph swallowed hard and stared at the ground.
"And?"
She winced at Ranger's sharp tone. "I'll drive you back to RangeMan and wait on you until you feel better."
Lester perked up. "Hand and foot?"
"Santos!" Ranger barked. "The trunk of the Turbo is smaller than the Firebird's!"
Lester visibly deflated, then held his arm out to Steph. "Apology accepted, Bombshell."
She glanced at Ranger, then walked forward and pulled Lester's arm over her shoulder, taking most of his weight. Moving slowly, she guided him to the Cayenne and helped him into the front seat. Tank watched as she climbed into the driver's side and pulled out.
"Same punishment for Lula?" he asked Ranger.
"Yep. Figure Santos will make it hell for both of them."
Tank sighed. "Yeah, but she's going to be in a mood and a half when it's over."
Ranger shrugged. "She should have thought of that before she went along with Steph's idea. If they're going to ditch their minders, then they better plan on not getting caught."
"You going to tell her that?" asked Tank as he followed his boss back to the Explorer.
"Hell, no." Ranger glanced at him, his lips twitching upward ever so slightly. "Darth Vader couldn't keep a straight face trying to explain tactics to those two."
A strangled chuckle escaped Tank, and he bit his lower lip to stop the rest of it. "I hear you, man. See you back at the office?"
"Yeah. I'll have to stay close and make sure they don't burn down my building." Ranger climbed into the Explorer and backed out. Tank shook his head as he trudged back to the Firebird. Lula would never forgive him if he left it out here, and he was looking at more trouble than he wanted trying to calm her down anyways.
Bobby stood by the car. "Get in, Brown. I'm not letting Lula's baby get a scratch on her."
Tank was able to keep it together until he got in the car. Crammed between the wheel and the narrow seat, he felt the dam crumbling and hastily cranked the sound system to the max. With the windows rolled up and the bass vibrating through the car, Tank finally laughed until the tears streamed down his face. As he wiped the moisture out of his eyes, he shook his head. Just another Bombshell day, he thought, and then promptly lost it again.