Pas d'amour

Disclaimer: So well, I don't anything and at some point even Red X alter ego's character isn't really mine. He's sort of a suave and more likeable version of Phillip Carey from Of Human Bondage in a totally cooler way. Oh and I don't own Billy Liar, the book/movie/song.

(X's POV)

Three things that would always be changing in my life: girls, friends, and how much money was in my bank account.

I guess maybe I should state who I am first. My name is Pete Claude Augé and I'm 19 years old. I'm a college student majoring in nothing. I come from a family of French nothings. Oh, and I'm really talentless.

Seriously, you have the right to be disappointed. I'm not the young star who has everything. I don't own a bunch of shiny imported cars. I don't have a million acre house (in fact, being the poor college student without a background of brilliant French relatives, I rent a mildly okay apartment). My clothes aren't of the latest perfectly tailored Italian breed. I sort of just own American crap. Yippee. I'm 100 percent American. Capitalism runs through my veins.

Really the only imported thing I've been able to "own" for a night's worth at least, are some the more ethnic girls I've been able to date. They're pretty expensive to maintain but I'm more into quantity over quality.

Hey, just because you own a Porsche doesn't mean all the girls will come after you. Some are actually not shallow. Too bad.

Ah anyway, wealth buys you morals too and poverty makes you realize them. If you're in the middle you have to go find them yourself. Worst game of hide and seek I've ever played. Oh well. I'm blessed with a conscience that only talks to me after I need it.

Also, everyone who knows me knows that I get tired of things (and people) quickly.

I guess that's why I became a thief. I just got tired of paying for what I needed. How boring. That's why the old master of the universe sanctified humble Jump City with Red X. He wasn't too into the idea of me sort of ruining ten billion other innocent lives with my indifference.

So I got to ruin the Teen Titan's lives instead.

Powers are the same as Porsches. They look pretty sweet but it all depends on how you reap their benefits.

I mean look at Robin the Boy Wonder. Technically he has no powers but observe the crap his fighting "skills" obtain. Millions of pretty airheaded fan girls ready to pluck his feathers. Specifically a red-headed one.

Anyway he pretends not to realize that this aura he gives out is…appealing to innocent little girls, but I know my predecessor is flaunting the hero image he's built. He loves that attention. Annoying little twit.

I hope he loses blood circulation to his dick.

Ugh, but speaking of Titans, let's get to my favorite one. RAAAVEN.

Eyes filled with sexy plans; cloak filled with even sexier intentions.

By the way, right now I do have a girlfriend. Actually if we were in the 20s or something, the appropriate title would be mistress. So everything I'm gonna say is total betrayal and I'm a jackass.

I digress again, but I'm always a pretty bad boyfriend, I think. I mean, if I was a girl, I wouldn't want to be fucked by a guy who got over me halfway through the deed. His hands already twitching at the thought of being in someone else's pants.

Like right now.

Out of all the Titans I could do, I'd do Raven. She's pretty hot you know.

I mean as great as diversity is, who'd you rather have in your bed? An alien princess from a naïve planet or a demoness that's at least half human. Plus, I love girls who can tell me to fuck off in the least possible syllables.

Demons are sort of like sirens too and the last I time I counted my list of fetishes, sirens are pretty much on the top.

Oh, but I'm not your normal shallow guy. I look for personality too when the ol' quality over quantity thing is revisited in my conscience.

Raven could tolerate me and my habits. I know that. I've met other girls who have that whole 'I don't care' thing going on but none of them can really hold on to it after going through a couple of guys like me even if we're still one in a billion.

I think Raven though, with all of that caged anger and unprocessed emotion, would be able to carry that indifference beginning to end. No matter how much that demonic anger and jealously wanted to be let out, she'd control it. My little demon spawn wouldn't give me the satisfaction of knowing she cared about my feelings.

The whole relationship would be amazing. I could do whatever I want and she could too. Everyone with a conscience, rich and poor, would of course be a bunch of frowning whiny-ass faces. Society wouldn't approve of such an uncharacteristic couple.

Then again, did Billy Liar care when he got engaged to two girls and then had a pretty zealous love life with Julie Christie? Uh no, and look at all the BAFTAs (1) it got him.

I'm not comparing myself to a movie character or anything though cuz I pride myself in the knowledge I have being able to understand everyone. But the truth is, I am that young bored clerk who really can't quench his desire to charm the whole fucking world.

It's really hard to pick a girl and stick with her. Almost like trying one drug and quitting the rest. Life is made to experiment your heart out. Then again, perhaps it's my own fault and I got tired of making out with the same face twice.

The same goes for my friends. A lot of them aren't assholes like me, but you can tell they admire that player thing I got going on. The thing with friendship is that whole point is to impress the other. When you achieve it it's pretty much written on their faces. I'm even a player when it comes to my friends. Except it's not an act, it's my own disease. Everyone just gets boring.

The eyes I would praise as pools of midnight sky would be dull, old, and rustic the next day. God, I thought I was in love once too. The thing is, is that mushy feeling disappeared every time she was actually near me. She looked better, felt better, tasted better when she was miles away. I doubt that's love.

Or maybe it is and I'm not capable of appreciation. Either way, I cheated on her and dumped her first. It was a win-win situation. Plus, I could tell when the time came she's turn me into a possession which does not sit well with me.

The only reason I have hope for Raven is because all those paragraphed feelings are even better when she's near me.

Like her face is even more magical in reality compared to the face engraved in my head. I noticed that a lot when we were hopping up and down on crates in some desolate warehouse.

That goes back to the dilemma at hand.

As of right this minute I am in hand to hand battle with the always lovely Robin. That little prayer I had for him to lose blood circulation isn't exactly working. My favorite twat is experiencing nothing I want him too and all I can experience is aching irritation. Thanks God.

"Give the righteous hope and the sinner's weary little tears. Since when did that happen…" I muttered.

"Ouch." Maybe Robio heard that little tidbit of info because he sure swung me one.

"Where are the scriptures, X?" he said with steel determination.

"Aw that hurts kid. It's not nice to accuse honorable people." That got him mad. I hope he gives me a monologue.

"Coming from you, it seems pretty okay to me!" he cried as he charged me with one of his flimsy little bird-a-rangs. I quickly flipped over it and the toy shot straight into a glass wall.

"Well, there goes precious tax money." I aimed a sticky X at Boy Wonder's torso. He dodged it unsuccessfully and there he was wrapped limb to limb on the cold floor. I walked up to him smirking. "Sorry man, but not everyone has a backup pension plan to make it in life."

"Give back the scriptures X or I'll make sure your sentence is long and painful! You will not get away with this!" he growled twisting and turning on the floor. It was almost sad how much of a fish he resembled today and come on, would I really give it to him if he asked?

"Really? Cuz I sorta of am." I added a creepy mechanical chuckle that made me seem insane. Cool.

Robin started struggling even more as he attempted to free himself. His forehead had a prominent vein that was throbbing like crazy. Ew, my mood was just getting worse.

"Well, okay, so bye and tell the other kiddies I said hi." Two fingered salute and all, I pressed a random button on my belt and teleported out of the pastoral halls of the Jump City's most revered institute. I almost wish Raven was there too see my epic little tryst. Inwardly she'd get a kick out of it. You could tell the two birds had some natural tension going on.

I was in my apartment now in fact, and today the tan walls looked fantastic while everything inside was so charming. Set the mood right for every date I had.

I ripped the black and red skull mask off in an elegant finish.

Time to take a contemplative shower and you're not invited.

Wait, actually before you go, I might as well mention the bombass plan I've made to have my life set. It's also some unnecessary revenge.

I'm going to vandalize Teen Titan's tower. Yeah.

I don't even know how but it will happen.

In all honesty, I am thrill junkie and a coward. I'll definitely go do this whole thing but not without some limit. As soon as they'd enter I'd run for it. I wouldn't dare risk my ass for gloating time. Never.

Maybe I'll even leave Raven something noticeable. I don't really know what I could do to change our hero-villain relation without getting burnt. Again, I am the biggest coward you'll ever see.

Eh, just wait. I'll go along for the ride. Soon enough, like most things are with me, I'd get bored or she'd pull something.

Deep inside though, I know she'll get tired of me before I got tired of her.

Wow, Pete is such a chauvinistic asshole. What a disease. Perfect!

I sort of find myself relating to him though. We both have pretty severe commitment issues. At least I try to solve it!

Okay so review please and tell me if you have interest in such a fic. Don't hold back! Well actually, hold back enough so that I don't cry. I'm looking forward to at least a handful of 5-10 reviews so that I can update by this week. If not then, oh well. I'm honestly a grateful person. I will try to be committed to this.

Oh, and no coffee shop meetings like most really good Red/Rae stories have. Seriously, I couldn't pull it off well. I'm reviewing places they could meet as of this moment. I'm sorry if I offended really passionate feminist readers. Don't worry, Petey's getting his just desserts soon. Guess who delivers it? Raven! And a surprise secret lover!!

1) Billy Liar was a movie that won BAFTAS. I like adding witty trivial pieces of knowledge.

REVIEWWWW!!!!

Thanks :)