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It was a quite night on the grounds of the castle of Hogwarts that seemed to be just like any other night before.
Severus Snape, Master of potions and horror of students was on patrol through the dark hallways of the castle, a teachers duty he wasn´t fulfilling with much joy, but otherwise he found it very relaxing to wander through Hogwarts without meeting any soul. Well, at least a living soul, regarding the ghosts floating around day AND night. No stupid students screaming and shouting in the hallways throwing wicked stink bombs and exchanging mean gossip about everyone – no, just a beautiful silent just sometimes harassed by a snorring resident of the portraits on the wall. From this kind of – yes, peace – Severus Snape learned to appreciate a certain part of his night watches. He had a lot of time for thinking, he could revive his school time, the rare moments he was exploring the most secret and hidden corners of the castle...
His night watch could have been perfect, if there weren´t always these damned students who thought it would be great to leave their dorms and sneak around!
Hands buried into the pockets of his onyx coloured morning gown he passed a corner of the hallway on the Third Floor with it´s huge colourful glazed windows. The moonlight was breaking through the windows and on first sight everything looked pretty normal, but at second Severus saw something that did set him into the state of alert. In a flash he dragged his wand and sneaked forwards without any noise, just towards the shadow of a alleged student who left his dorm without permission.
He did a last big step before he harshly grabbed the person at its shoulders and pulled it into the moonlight to see who it was and prepared himself the same second to break out into yelling with the obligatory 50 point deductions for the house of the student. But as he recognized the face of his nightly encounter his breath was stopping out of shock and surprise.
"Rolanda?", whispered Severus, still holding his colleague by her shoulders. The flying instructor had her eyes half closed and was not even reacting on his presence as she starred into the direction she would still be walking if Severus wouldn´t had stopped her.
Severus took advantage of the time to inspect Rolanda´s appearance: She was wearing an oversized Quidditch shirt of the Irish National Team and long black pants, while her, newly long, blonde hair was quite a mess and she was barefooted. Everything indicated she must have been coming directly out of her bed.
"Rolanda? Hey!"
He carefully shook her at her shoulders and finally got a reaction, though it was a bit strange:"Excuse me, can you show me where my seat is?"
Severus questioningly raised his eyebrow and did something he never did very often.
He smirked.
Severus Snape was brightly smirking while he was preventing Rolanda from walking away while looking for her seat at a Quidditch Match.
„I didn´t knew you´re a sleepwalker!", laughed Severus looking down on the young witch whose eyes were slowly closing.
A cold breeze made it quite uncomfortable to stand in the hallway and Severus decided to take his colleague back into her bed as he was not able to wake her up so she could find it on her own.
So he carefully lifted her up from her feet and she immediately cuddled herself into his warm chest.
"Yap, you were just waiting for that, huh? That someone finds you and you get back into your warm bed on the most comfortable way...", mumbled Severus, more to himself then to Rolanda and even he was in some way complaining about the situation he could not deny it wasn´t that bad to carry her through the hallways.
'You were just longing for some closeness', murmured a voice in Severus' head which was reminding him a bit of Lilly. 'You don´t need to hide yourself. Stop to make yourself believe you not deserved it! Just start to live!'
He slightly shook his head and while he climbed the stairs to the Fourth Floor he told himself he never heard this strange voice. It was rubbish to think about closeness in this moment – Rolanda was nothing more than a friend for him.
As he was finally standing in front of the entrance of Rolandas rooms, a portrait of Rowena Ravenclaw, he was about to scream out angrily. The co-foundress of Hogwarts had left her frame, obviously without noticing that the resident of the rooms she was protecting did set off for an unintentionally walk.
"Well, so far about damned portraits...", cursed Severus and made a quick brainstorming, then he turned on his heel with Rolanda on his arms and made his way to is own rooms in the dungeons. He saw no other solution and he was sure Rolanda would forgive him when she would awake the next morning - although it was still possible that she would strangle him, as she already threatened him to kill him during their fights, but he hoped she was not serious about that.
Putting Rolanda down onto his bed after the long walk into the dungeons Severus felt exhaustion creeping into his bones. Not able to take another single step he layed down on his soft pillows next to Rolanda and closed his eyes while deeply yawning, but something wouldn´t let him find any sleep and it even got worse as Rolanda turned with a small sigh, put her head on his should and let one arm fall cross his chest. Now, he was finally fully awake, not daring to move a single muscle and stared up to the ceiling, his body fully tensed
'Isn´t this what you we´re waiting for?', asked Lillys voice again his head and it was like he was seeing her in front of his eyes. 'Stop betraying yourself!'
Severus swallowed hard and looked down at the sleeping Rolanda. It could be that Lilly was right. Since her dead he could not let himself get near any other person. Maybe it was because Lilly had deeply hurt him after all and he was afraid that this could happen again. But was it right to hold everybody in distance? Rolanda had never let him blind her with his dark and inaccessible behaviour, never got cowed and if no students were around, there was a certain kind of intimacy between them. Could this be a sign for him...
Severus energetic shook his head over this strange thoughts. He could not accomplish to be distracted by something like love! And also he would only drive her into danger.
Resolutely he rose up from his bed, lifted the covers he had outspread over Rolanda and gently picked her up again to walk with her towards the fireplace in his living room.
Arriving in Rolandas rooms and stepping out of the fireplace the thought of Rolanda having a really deep sleep as she was not even waking up from the crazy rotations occuring while traveling through the fireplace system, came to his mind for the first time. He needed a moment to orientate himself before he could take her to her bedroom.
He had imagined this being very easy – putting Rolanda into her bed, cover her and leave... But now, while he was looking at her, curling under the sheets with a pleased sigh, it was like his feet where glued to the ground. His legs were not reacting and thus he was sitting down on the edge of the bed.
"I don´t know what I am doing here...", mumbled Severus, shaking his head and then stroking a strand of her soft blonde hair away from her face. He still remembered she had magically extended it and how he had to fight to stay calm and not sitting there with his mouth dropped open as she entered the Great Hall that morning. That would have heavily damaged his reputation – his mouth had been filled by a spoon of porridge. Thinking about that a bit more she had already managed a few times to expose him, even in front of some students. She was turning his head upside down and he considered her sometimes being a Veela who was having the nature to influence the males. On the other hand he had met quite a few people having a bit of blood of a Veela and he never felt the way he was feeling now.
'Just confess to yourself you fell in love', murmured Lillys voice and Severus closed his eyes. How should he get a clear head if he was always distracted? Dumbledore expected from him to have a clear, strategic mind as he was spying Lord Voldemort. And even his heart was begging to be heard, he could not let it take control.
Severus nervously chewed his lower lip, trying to deal with the situation. He would put her into danger, it did not matter if he wanted to or not and she wouldn´t even know something about that. One moment with lack of concentration with Lord Voldemort being around and he could know about Rolanda. The fact that she was not quite that kind of witch matching Voldemort and his death eaters was also increasing the danger. Her parents both were half bloods and in the First Wizardry War her whole family was fighting overt at Dumbledores side, her father even was an auror hunting death eaters down.
He didn´t remember a single decision being so hard to make then this one, but he was bound to make it. He could only give freedom to his conscience by pushing her away.
Severus took a few deep breaths in and out, then stiffened his shoulders and raised from the bed. He just wanted to leave, but a noise Rolanda made, which sounded a bit disappointed, made him stop and turn around for a last time. With his heart beating fast in his chest he bend over her and gave her a soft kiss on her forehead.
"I am sorry", he whispered into her ear and forced himself to turn and travel to his rooms without looking back. He knew he would hurt them both, that she would possibly hate him and for worse, that she maybe would never know the truth about his actions. But he was willing to pay this high price for knowing her in safety.