Disclaimer: Hey Arnold (tragically) is not in my possession. I can only claim this story about them.
"Criminey Bob! No one wants to hear about your stupid butt rash!" Helga yelled irritatedly as she headed upstairs to her room.
"Shut your trap Olga!" Bob shouted back.
Helga rolled her eyes she should be used to this by now. Everyday she would walk home alone from Hillwood High only to open the door to her building and be greeted by Bob's incessant wining once again. Which usually led to Helga telling her father to stop being such a pansy and be a real husband and father. This usually led to another fallout between the two. Miriam would be passed out on the couch a river of drool running from her mouth. Olga would be either trying to stick to her like glue or making plans to feed the hungry and save the world. Helga would go up to her room and engage in the activity that brought purpose to her existence. Writing.
Closing her door she placed her back pack on the floor got out her stationary, yes she had a stationary...sue her, and began her letter.
Dear Arnold,
It's just another day in this God-forsaken-place that most mistake as a home. The man is still cruel and insensitive, the woman is still good for nothing, and the daughter is...well she's still here and her presence alone is bad enough. Me...I'm still nonexistent as usual. School is a drag...well except for this one boy...You. To this day my eyes have never beheld anything as beautiful and magnificent as you. Today my love I will focus only on your feet. Yes you heard right my love I am going to rant and rave and pour out my adulation on your feet. You see my love it's not just the shape and size of your feet (narrow size eleven) or the shoes for which you cover them (your black Gifford Born shoes) or how they support the rest of that Phenomenal Body, but it's what you do with that beautiful pair of feet. The way they take you to our butt-crack of the earth school everyday to strive for excellence in academics, be a friend to all those you see, walk to the second to last water fountain from where you drink after fourth period, allowing me blessed grace from a mere glance at you, take you from the butt-crack of the earth to help out someone in need, then to Gerald's for sports, exercise and guy time and then finally going home, for your feet serve a purpose far greater than most and above all are a joyous delight simply because they belong to you.
Signed, Forever Yours
Love,
Broken.
Arnold sat staring at the letter in shock. Where had it come from and more importantly who had penned it. He had woken up that morning to find a white envelope with his name on it stuck to the skylight window above his head, only to find that it was not stuck but deliberately taped there. Curious and confused Arnold climbed up his ladder retrieved the letter with his name scrawled on the front of it and began to read what he soon discovered to be a love letter addressed to him. A passionate love letter addressed to him. He through mouth agape at the letter as the person described in detail his feet? So someone out there was obsessed with his feet. Someone named Broken.
"Wow Arnold. You've gotten people to do extraordinary things but this one tops the cake. You've managed to get someone to fall in love with your feet." Gerald said looking over the letter again.
Arnold had just finished showing it to him, naturally they were best friends and Arnold couldn't keep this from him besides he really wanted to talk to some one about this and who better. Of course now he was thinking there were better people to talk to about the letter than Gerald and should have gone to them first. Gerald had read over the letter to see for himself and he had been stuck on the shape and size of Arnold's feet ever since.
"Gerald can you focus on the important stuff please?" Arnold took the letter back from his best friend. Seeing the serious look on his best friends face Gerald sobered up.
"Arnold I'm not going to lie to you it creeps me out. I mean the way they described your feet and knew your schedule in detail is a little scary. I've heard of secret admirers but this sounds like a stalker. And they could go to our school man. I'm not saying call the police I would just be cautious." Arnold seemed to appreciate this advice.
"Thanks Gerald and hey hopefully it's just this one letter."
"Yeah man. Just be careful okay." Gerald cautioned again.
"I will." Arnold told him before they did their secret handshake and continued on to school.
"Well we better hurry the butt-crack of the earth is starting soon." Gerald joked.
"Gerald!" exclaimed Arnold.
"What man? Don't tell me you didn't think that was funny."
"Maybe a little." Arnold said quietly and they laughed all the way to school.
I don't know what I'm doing. I might try this out or abandon it. Anyway it was just an idea.