Chapter One.

Captain Archer had had a lot to deal with over the last few months. The attack on earth and then going into this crazy expanse to try and find them to reason them into not destroying their planet. But what had just happened had left him shaken the first thing to really make him question his resolve in this mission.

When enterprises engineer went down. His first thinking has been to the ship and the ships chances of success on this crucial mission without him as was expected of him as a captain that kind of thinking was ingrained, after all as the Vulcan's always maintain the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few when it had hit him like a shuttle pod while he was standing on the bridge that day.

What would his life be like...without Trip.

And when did he start quoting Vulcan's?

...

Dear Erika,

I hope this letter finds you in good health and mood. I should have started writing to you ages ago, but I felt like a failure, we have gotten no-where in our mission and I just didn't feel like sharing anything else that was happening with me back then. I wish I had. I did read the letters you sent every word, multiple times. I think it's important that you know that. I'm writing now because I'm not sure how I'm going to tell Starfleet about what's happened in a captains sense. I need to let me be John first before Captain at this point something bad happened to Trip.

It was Thursday I think I'm going to remember that Thursday meeting for the rest of my life. Trip approached me about the warp core, he wanted to make some apparently minor changes in order to improve the efficiency of the warp core, so we could complete our mission faster here in the expanse. I was all for it, hell I was excited at the thought of getting this over sooner, I should have looked over the plans better- heck I wish I looked over the plans better.

Not that I would have been able to stop him though.

It went wrong, it went so wrong.

I think he miscalculated a variable, I haven't read the incident report from engineering yet. I don't want to belive that he was the cause of the accident. He's so careful with those engines. Anyway there was a flare an explosion and Trip went down. Well went down is putting it mildly. The force slammed him into the floor headfirst and he still hasn't got back up and I'm so worried...

-Flashback-

Trip had been rushed to sickbay instantly by other engineers but Phlox hadn't let anyone in since.

John had stood outside since he'd gotten the call. T'pol had taken over the bridge smoothly without a word being exchanged between them. Someone had come up from engineering and had asked how he was but the captain didn't even look up he didn't know anything so he just shook his head and accepted the pad he was holding out to him without a word. He still had no idea who that crewmember was.

He had been handed an incident report, a report that had gone unread for weeks because as at that time the only report he wanted was from the Denobulan behind those double automatic doors.

It had only been a few hours but it felt like days until Phlox opened the doors in front of him, he had sunk to the floor after the first two hours of pacing had gone by, he was exhausted enough with lack of sleep with the Xindi crisis no mind his best friend having such an accident on his watch.

He looked up sharply and opened his mouth to ask Phlox how Trip was but Phlox's eyes said it all.

'No' he whispered struggling to his feet, 'No' he repeated again looking utterly defeated.

'He's not gone captain' Phlox spoke to him softly and smiled a little at the look of utter relief on his face,

'But why..?' he trailed off looking confused at Phlox's expression of loss.

'He's not gone... Physically' elaborated Phlox and led the captain back into sickbay

'Physically?' Archer questioned his face straining as he saw his friend and co-worker lying prone on the sickbay bed

Phlox motioned over to the big display screen above the bed that showed a scan or maybe multiple scans of Trip's brain. He wasn't overly paying enough attention to what he was seeing

'When he fell from the warp core, he struck his head pretty hard- the swelling in his brain has to go down a lot before I can bring him out of the coma I placed him in' Phlox sucked in a breathe and Indicated a part of the scan, 'I had to remove a portion of his skull so that the brain had room to expand and to give it a chance to heal'

John didn't look at him his eyes only on the man in front of him, 'What does that mean for Trip doc?'

'He won't be the same man when he wakes up' Phlox replied, 'It is possible he might not wake up at all however, there's also a high possibility of amnesia among other...'

John closed his eyes in defeat as Phlox explained all the possibilities and walked over to Trips bedside where he held his prone hand. He knew his thoughts as captain should be on the rest of the crew and who to promote to fill the now vacant spot but right now he didn't want to be the captain. In that moment he just wanted to think about his best friend.

'Is there nothing...' Archer started to ask and Phlox sighed, 'I tried everything captain, if there was less damage perhaps but the force of the impact…' Phlox straightened out his surgical gown and moved to take it off, 'Its honestly a miracle he survived, whomever comes out of that coma captain it is still Commander Tucker'

Phlox moved away to give the captain some time with Trip disposing of his gown and gloves and moving to his back office to get himself a drink. A few hours of surgery had left him parched and he too also needed some time alone to process what he had just done and on whom.

-End Flashback-

I'm sat next to him right now as I write to you, even though he's not awake yet and Phlox says it may be months I'm positive he will wake up and I just know he would appreciate the company, Porthos comes too and the paperwork of course.

But I think I prefer writing to you, I really need to speak to you it's a shame we are so far out for face to face communication.

I have no idea how I'm going to tell Tucker snr. and Trips mother. I know they will be keeping up with news from Starfleet, so if I don't tell them they are going to find out anyway...

I will write soon, hopefully with better news.

John

...

Dear Erika,
Trip has been in a medically induced coma for two weeks now, Phlox just told me today that he's going to lower the sedation and find out how Trip is now that his brain has had time to heal on its own for awhile. He says he still won't be awake fully for a few months yet but this is the first stage in the process.

You probably haven't read my last letter yet, either your busy or your punishing me by not reading it since it took me so long to write. It's probably the latter I hope you forgive me.

The whole crew has been distraught, I hadn't noticed for this first week at least, I was so wrapped up in thinking about what Trip was going to be like when he woke up. T'pol snapped me out of it. She's good at that- taking no nonsense or crap from me. Reminds me of you in that sense, she set me straight in a way only Vulcan's can though. Pointing out that logically there was nothing I could do for Trip but there was plenty I could do for the crew and the mission we we're falling behind on. Much as I had the opinion that earth needed enterprise and enterprise needed Trip I knew I had to get that thinking out of my head and she definitely had some strong arguments.

Also she had discovered a strange field we were travelling through, and she had tracked the source of Trips accident back to that. I admit I felt so much relief knowing it was nothing Trip had gone wrong I almost missed the next part. The field was slowly consuming the ship and we needed to get out of it. Fast.

You note I said was, well that's because we managed it, I don't know how - I think fierce determination from Trips accident rallied the crew to be even more determined. I know I am not the only visitor who goes every day. Phlox set him up his own little cubicle and even fetched things from his quarters for it to be decorated. Or Hoshi did, I must have told you before how those two have always been pretty close.

I hope soon we might be able to have a comm link open or even better our mission successful so I can be back on earth and by then maybe we will be having it as a chat face to face. I hope so, and I kind of wish I was there already.

...

Phlox looked up from where he was feeding his menagerie, Trip had his own curtained off area in the far corner of sickbay. Phlox thought it would be a good idea to keep him as far away from the noise as possible and from other patients- although he knew their curiosity was out of concern he did not feel comfortable parading the commander to everyone who asked how he was so he just let the regular visitors in.

Those regulars consisted of really only three people, at the beginning nearly all the engineering staff had been in and out like yo-yo's driving him insane with the amount of debris they left behind - he had thought about issuing a sign of only one engineer at a time due to hygiene but before he could visitors had trickled down into Hoshi, Malcolm and the Captain.

Speaking of the visitors and they shall appear Phlox's feeding had been disturbed by no other than the captain, yet again it was late night to humans (or early morning?) So Phlox knew it wasn't an official call.

Even if the captain being out of uniform wasn't a clue, Porthos being at the captains heels might have been obvious, as he bounded in and straight up to scratch at Phlox's knee to try and sniff what he was currently feeding his Puffer Fish.

'Porthos' John called exasperated, 'You just ate!'

Phlox smiled at the captain whom also smiled, but it did not reach his eyes. It was a blank smile. He looked to his hands as he played with them a little before asking the same question,

'How's he?...'

Phlox took a breathe being the doctor he knew it was his duty but he was crossing the line a little, 'Well he is currently much better off than you captain' Phlox began and ignored the sudden snap of the head back towards him as John turned to face him at speed he wasn't annoyed with the captains presence in sickbay but it has been few weeks now. The behaviour had to stop.

'You haven't slept properly in weeks, you being here right now is enough evidence' Phlox continued sternly, 'I know you are worried about Commander Tucker but he is fine, and otherwise in better shape than you'

John sighed and went to sit on the main med bay bed

'He would want you to not worry about him' Phlox finished with the killer, 'He would be more worried about his engines and the ship'

The captain laughed and took his head out of his hands, 'Yea he would'

Phlox smiled at the captain softly, 'you know where he is, but please do get some rest, you're welcome to the other medical beds if necessary ' Phlox nodded to the back of sickbay then added more information as the captain turned, 'His motor functions are doing well so he might twitch suddenly so don't be startled'

The captain nodded and continued to move toward the bed, Porthos suddenly reappearing at his heels

'Oh and try not to knock the sensors!' Phlox called turning back to feed the rest of his animals only to frown as he noticed the cupboard door was ajar. Pulling it open he sighed defeated as 6 empty silver containers met his eyes- Looks like Captain Archers night wasn't destined for sleep as he heard a weird retching noise from the corner of sickbay and the captains cry of horror.

'Porthos?!'

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