Greasy hair
Greasy hair. He could not die or sleep, but he could still get greasy hair? That seemed like a bad deal to Captain Jack Harkness, and he had orchestrated many bad deals himself. He flicked some crumbs off his desk, before proceeding to run his hands through his hair. My greasy hair, he noted again with a depressed smirk, and not even a drop of shampoo to wash it with. Ianto had not done the weekly shop this week, as he would have usually, he sighed as made an inventory of all the luxuries he was missing, all because Ianto fell in love and now Ianto may never be the same again.
The Torchwood base was quiet at this hour; it was about five in the morning he reckoned. He didn't bother to check his watch because he knew that he would feel victorious if his guess was right, and that would show how sad and pathetic he had become. Who'd have thought, I was something once, I'm a fucking hero! Once there had been a risk, and there was such excitement, he didn't know where he would be from one day to the next. If he would even be alive next week. Or the week after.
"When she had hold of you, I thought, just for a moment, you could really die after all…"
Those eyes had been looking at him. Gwen's eyes. Not just at him, but also in him, he felt as if she could see his soul. Like she could see him, and she looked so sad, so sure. He felt words rise to his throat like bile, burning, the wrenching need to tell her everything. Then those eyes could heal him. Maybe. Tears had threatened to burst forth, and the word vomit cried for release.
"You wanna know a secret?"
He had tried to hard to stop his voice from shaking. She had nodded her eyes widening, ready to take him in, ready to save him. Then again, Jack never was one to wear his heart on his sleeve. He was a coward. A second before he was so ready to tell her everything, his body yearned for her to know, and for her to take him into her arms and protect him from it. A moment ago, the words were calling for release, and now he felt like he was choking on them, all he managed to utter was;
"So did I" He had to turn his head away from her then "and for a second, I felt so alive"
He had been afraid to look at her then, he realised, afraid of whatever he would she in her face, be it care, worry, or anger. He did not want to know. He was so tired from dying; he had never told anyone how much that had hurt, from saving Ianto, and maybe finally breaking him for the last time. So tired from the fear, the fear of having the end of the world in his hands, the fear for his friends. All of them. For Tosh and her amazing intelligence, Owen and his witty comments, and Gwen…Ianto…
He sighed. He was shaking now. He wanted to sleep. Just close his eyes and sleep forever, and ever. What a mess, he thought, so much for Captain Jack. Maybe he could sleep, well, how hard had he tried before? Maybe this time when he closed his eyes, he wouldn't see the TARDIS fading away, just out of his reach. Remember the feeling of being the only one brought back to life, amongst a sea of dead war companions. The Daleks…
"Doesn't it get lonely at night?"
He shook his head. I don't even want to try…
An alarm sounded, he spun on his wheeled chair to the window behind him. No one comes in this early, who the hell is that?
The door rolled open, and he saw her before she spotted him. The blunt haircut, the curves, those soulful brown eyes. Gwen.
She spotted him, and smiled sadly. He nodded back with a questioning look.
"You never answered my question" She called up, her voice was soft through the glass of Jack's office, but the lyrical sound of the welsh accent still made it way to his ears. It could always make him melt in seconds.
She started making her way up the stairs, and Jack turned away to watch the door. Sure enough, it clicked open and Gwen walked in. She placed a bag gently on his desk, and sat in the chair opposite.
"What time does everyone else get here?" She sought.
He shrugged "Sometimes nine, sometimes ten"
She nodded, not looking at him. Her delicate fingers played with some splintered wood on the rim on his desk.
"What's that?" Jack nodded at the bag on the desk, it looked like a regular grocery bag he would expect back home.
She looked at him then, carefully, as if she was trying to calculate his response. "Tosh told me that Ianto did your shopping…sometimes"
Jack nodded, not saying anything; his face was blank of emotion. Although she could tell, he was listening intently.
"I couldn't get to sleep" She continued "and I couldn't stop thinking about you, all alone here, by yourself." That the welsh accent, brought a strange beauty to the words for Jack.
"So you left your man in bed, and came to find me?" The cocky part of Jack, that was usually absent at this time, decided to make a small appearance, Makes sense.
Gwen looked at him carefully, before answering in the positive, and pushing the bag towards him.
"There is a corner shop, on Caroline Street. Its open twenty-four hours, so I thought I would…" She trailed off, and nudged the bag towards him again.
Jack looked at her; she could not read his impression, so she decided not to try. He opened the bag, casting an eye over the contents. Bread, Cheese, Milk, some Ham, Plain yogurts and Shampoo.
She was not sure how to take his silence, and panicked "I didn't know what you liked, so I just got the basics-"
He cut her off with his hand, and gave her a small smile. "Gwen- This is perfect. Thank you" and he meant it.
No more greasy hair for me, no sire!
"Thank you" he repeated, removing the shampoo from the bag, and then the bag from the table. That odd look was back on Gwen's face, there was something about the way she looked at that bottle.
"Can I-?" She started, but shut her mouth sharpish. Jack tilted his head to one side, and answered "What?" She was quiet for another minute, and then stood, picking up the shampoo bottle, and holding out her free hand. For him to take.
Captain Jack looked up at her; there was no question in her eyes. "C'mon" She commanded. Of course then he had to take her hand, no questions asked.
She led him to the left of his office, with quick, steady steps-straight into his small bathroom.
"Gwen?" he asked, as she let go of his hand, and left the room. She returned a minute later with a chair he kept in the corner of his office. She placed it in front of the small bathtub, and told him to sit down.
Jack wasn't sure how to react to this turn of events, to tell the truth he had been dragged to many places with a woman, but never to a bathroom where the woman in question held a shampoo bottle in one hand.
"Eisteddwch" She said softly. Now, Jack knew what that was.
"I didn't know you could speak welsh"
"You can't know everything," She answered, as he sat down in the chair.
"Neither can you" She said nothing. He could hear her breathing, calm and quiet, until it was covered up by the sound of falling water. The tap squeaked as she adjusted the shower to the right heat.
Then he felt the pleasant feeling of warm water falling on his head. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. Her fingers stroked his head, making sure every strand was wet. He smiled. This was a first for Jack, he felt relaxed, beyond the events of the last few days, free.
The water stopped. He did not open his eyes, afraid that this feeling would be ruined if he did. He heard the protest of the shampoo bottle as it was squeezed, and then the cool cream was in his hair, being massaged into his hair with the most wonderful technique ever.
Something brushed past his leg, and a soft weight pressed down on his lap as Gwen straddled him, working the shampoo into his hair, massaging his scalp. He exhaled, feeling better than he had in months, ever since his whole mess started. Her fingers danced wonders, and her body pressed against his did wonderful things to his mind.
Gwen sighed, and whispered into his ear as she worked "I want you to forget Jack" She started "I want you to forget you all this guilt about Ianto, Forget whoever broke your heart, about everything horrible that has ever happened in your life. You are no monster, Jack. You are the most amazing man I have ever met. You have seen things, I am sure I cannot even imagine, and I want you to forget them for now. Leave them for later"
Her fingers had paused in their paths.
"Doesn't it ever get lonely at night?" Oh god, Yes. I'm alone, so lonely, all the time.
He opened his eyes in a daze. Gwen's face was so close to his, her hands still in his soapy hair. Her breath fanned across his face, quiet, but oh, so defiantly there. She was real.
He moved his hands, until they rested on her thighs, and he felt her shudder. Moreover, he was actually amazed by the reaction he had provoked.
"What are you doing to me Jack? What is it about you?" She whispered, her eyes searching his. For truths, for answers, for feeling.
"What is it about you, Gwen?" He threw back, and then she kissed him.
It wasn't magical, there were no fireworks. It was just need. Basic human need. Jack had not felt human for so long. Gwen had a need for him, a need for him to be strong, to be there, and to be Jack, in this crazy world that was all new to her. And Jack- Jack needed Gwen to make him feel human.
And he felt amazing. "and for a second, I felt so alive"
It was over too soon for him, and the fingers were back in his hair, and the water was running again. It was as if time had stopped a minute ago, and has held for an eternity, and Jack knew all he had to do was stop fighting to feel this again.
Stop fighting what you so basically are, you're so human. It's okay to be human.
"You don't need to be Superman, Jack," She whispered, placing a kiss on his earlobe.
and for a minute, I felt so alive.