This is my first fan fiction on my new account so I hope you enjoy reading it. I was quite bored today so I decided to start writing a new fic and here's the first chapter!
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It had been a week and two days since Matthew had packed his small leather suitcase – filled only with uniforms and thick socks – and headed back to France, back to… that place. Mary hadn't thought much about what lay ahead of him after docking in France, she didn't like to. But lately, she had found herself wondering what it might be like there and how different it must be to Downton, to everything that she knew. Would it look like the France she knew? The France she had visited with her papa before her debutante's ball? She doubted it. But she liked to remember it as it was and not as the dehumanized war-torn country that it had most likely become. Although she would never have admitted it a couple of years ago, she couldn't bear to think of Matthew in such a place – away from his home and family. The truth was, she couldn't bear to think of him anywhere else than in her presence. Matters had never been easy between between the two of them but the war seemed to have put their lives in a different perspective. There was no denying that it had changed them both. Neither of them were the people they were before the war and they would never be those people again. They now knew far too much about the world, about themselves. Mary knew she had learned valuable lessons during the difficult period in which they were living. She had grown up and the man she wished to grow old with was fighting for his King and country instead of being by her side. Not knowing whether he would return to her or not was the hardest part. Wondering, hoping, praying and waiting had now become her full time occupation and it was slowly tearing her apart inside.

Her brown eyes slowly flickered open and she ran a hand through her hair before yawning and pushing herself up into a sitting position. She took a minute before ringing for Anna and looked around the room, rubbing her eyes. She wasn't a morning person and she didn't pretend to be. The bags under her eyes were far more pronounced than the previous day due to a lack of sleep. Her gestures were slow, her complexion was paler than it should have been and her body was that of a tired, lifeless young woman.
Her eyes were drawn to a small book on her bedside table. She stared at it for a second, giving her tired eyes a chance to focus on it. The title was written in bold black letters and read 'Perseus and Andromeda'. Mary's expression softened as she reached out for the book and carefully turned the first page, revealing a little handwritten note. A small smile appeared on her face as she read the words – that had been so neatly written in black ink – for the hundredth time.

She closed her eyes after reading the first line, and remembered the day it was given to her.

Dear Mary.

It had just started to rain as Matthew was on his way to the big house, so he had decided to take shelter in a nearby bookshop. He had been meaning to buy a few new books and the perfect opportunity had just presented itself. He was aware that Downton was home to two magnificent libraries filled with interesting reads, but the one book he had been searching for was not among them.

"Captain Crawley, sir," the shopkeeper said cheerfully. He was always happy when the future Earl of Grantham walked into his modest shop. "Back in Yorkshire for a few days?"

"Good afternoon," Matthew said as he raised a hand to his hat and lifted it slightly in a sign of politeness. It had been quite a while since he had last stepped foot in the shop, he hadn't much time on his hands since the war had begun. The shopkeeper, Mr. Granger seemed to have aged considerably since the last time they had met. He was a kind old man that always seemed to have a smile on his face. His wife had passed away from influenza the year Matthew and his mother had moved into Crawley House, and his two sons were fighting on the front. Matthew had always been in complete admiration of the older man; raising two son alone and keeping his business going without much help was quite something.

"I am," Matthew added, "I go back to France tomorrow."

"Well I'm very pleased to see you, Captain Crawley."

"As I am you," Matthew replied. "How are Billy and Jack?" He inquired, hoping that they were both well.

Mr. Granger looked to the floor at the mention of his sons' names. "They both write that they're well, but you never know in wartime," he said, looking back up at Matthew. "But neither have sustained any serious injuries so that's something positive."

Yet again, Matthew was in awe of the man's optimism and courage. "I'm glad to here it, Mr. Granger."

Both men stood together in silence for a few seconds, thinking about the dreadful things that lay ahead.

"Anyway," the shopkeeper sighed, "can I be of any assistance?"

His words brought Matthew back to the present situation. "As a matter of fact, I'm looking for a book called 'Perseus and Andromeda'."

"Say no more," the man said as he walked away into a room behind the till. He emerged from it a few minutes later, waving a book above his head. "Perseus and Andromeda," he repeated as he placed the book in Matthew's hands. "It was my wife's favorite," he said fondly.

Matthew turned the book around in his hands and admired it with a smile on his face. "Thank you. How much-"

Mr. Granger cut him off by waving his arms and shaking his head, "don't worry about that, it's free of charge," he said.

"Oh no, I couldn't-"

"You're fighting for your King and country, Captain Crawley," he said, "I think I can afford to give you a book."

Matthew smiled in gratitude at the man. "Thank you, I appreciate it," he replied.

"That's alright," the older man said as he walked over to the door with Matthew. "Now you make the most of your time off. I hate to say it but none of us know how long we have left. We must learn to make every moment count," he said, patting him on the shoulder. "Take care of yourself on that front."

"I will," Matthew nodded, taking in Mr. Granger's advice.

The old man's words went round and round in Matthew's head all the way to Downton. Make the most of your time off. Make every moment count. Had he really made the most of his time off? He had left France three days ago with one intention: to tell the woman he wanted to spend the remainder of his time with that he was very much in love with her. He had seen her twice already and they seemed to have spoken only about the weather. It almost seemed ironic that he was unable to tell a woman that he loved her but he was capable of fighting in a war in which millions of innocent people had lost their lives. It was at that moment that he decided that he would tell Mary how he felt about her. He couldn't go back to the front knowing that he may never see her again. That thought was simply too much to bear. If he died at war, he wanted to die with no regrets.

As he neared the abbey, he held the book close to his chest as though it was the key to his happiness. He knew that Mary had always loved the story but didn't own the book. It had been the character from this book that she had so harshly compared him to when they first met. His only wish now was that she no longer saw him as the evil sea monster but rather as her Perseus. After all, he would risk his life for her, he would do anything for her, die for her. As long as Mary was safe and well, it didn't matter what happened to him. She was his whole world and yet she didn't know it.

He knocked on the door to the big house and smiled as Carson gave him a warm welcome.

"Captain Crawley, how nice to see you again so soon," Carson exclaimed, showing Matthew into the hall. "Are you here to see his Lordship?"

"No," Matthew paused, "I was hoping to see Lady Mary." He could already feel his mouth drying up but he didn't know if that was due to the long walk or the nerves. He hoped it was the walk and that a glass of water would sort it out but he knew it was more likely to be the latter. He had never been more nervous to see Mary but then again, he hadn't intended on revealing the true nature of his feelings to her before. It was silly really; they were both grown adults after all, but he couldn't help feeling like a young teenage boy about to tell the prettiest girl in town that he liked her. It was one of those things that are awfully exiting but extremely terrifying at the same time. That's what it was like when he was with Mary; it could go from one extreme to the other in a matter of seconds. Nothing was certain with her, every day was different – a challenge, if you like – and it was a challenge he was more than willing to accept.

Carson smiled discretely at Matthew's reason for being there before taking his hat and coat.

"Lady Mary is in the music room with Lady Edith," Carson informed him. "I believe they are practicing for the hospital concert."

"Ah, I see," Matthew replied, seeming a little more agitated than before. Everything suddenly felt very real; he was about to change his life and he couldn't be sure if it would be of good or bad consequence.

"Are you quite well?" Carson asked, noticing the small beads of sweat that lay on Matthew's forehead.

"Yes," Matthew replied, "quite well." He rubbed his forehead with the back of his hand and set off towards the music room.

Carson frowned and watched the younger man walk away. "How strange," he murmured.

As Matthew got closer to the music room, the angelic voice coming from within grew louder and louder. He would know that voice anywhere. He could hear the symphony from the piano getting stronger and faster as the rhythm of the song got more and more intense. The music seemed to mirror his feelings at that very moment. His heart was beating at the same speed as the keys on the piano were being played. The notes were getting higher and higher as his steps seemed to quicken and before he knew it, he found himself running towards the sound. And then, as Edith played the last key, it stopped. He was standing just outside of the door that had been left slightly ajar and the only sound that could be heard was the sound of his own breathing. He leaned against the wall for a minute to calm himself before he regained his composure.

Just as he was about to enter, he heard voices coming from inside the room.

"No, no more," Mary said, "I've done enough singing for one day."

Edith stood up from the piano stool and walked over to Mary.

"Just one more, please. The concert is tomorrow and we haven't rehearsed nearly enough," Edith reminding her sister.

Mary sighed and turned to her younger sister. "Oh, the concert, the concert!" Mary said raising her voice. "What good is it anyway? Hmm?" she paused. "There are thousands, millions, of men dying every single day! Maybe even at this very minute. And what are we doing? Singing, rehearsing… What good is it really?!" She lifted a hand to her forehead and took a deep breath.

Edith looked at her surprised, not knowing what to do or what to say.

"Matthew is going back to France tomorrow," Mary paused, trying her best to hold back her tears. "While he is on his way back to the front, we will be performing at this damned concert!" She felt like a load has jut been lifted from her shoulders; the fact that Matthew's life would be in danger again in a couple of days had been on her mind since he had returned. She didn't mean to lash out like she did but all this talk of the concert had only made everything worse. Lately, she had started to feel something deeper than friendship for Matthew but she was afraid to admit it to herself, let alone anyone else in case he didn't come back from the war.

Edith moved closer to her and without saying a word she hesitantly reached out and placed a caring hand on Mary's shoulder.

"Don't," Mary said, pushing Edith's hand away, "Please, I just need to be alone," she added before picking up her song sheets and making her way over to the door.

Matthew had heard everything and he had just realized how much Mary cared for him and that gave him hope. Although he was now assured of her feelings, he could help but feel his heart brake for her. She was so terribly sad and he was the cause of it. He promised himself he would never hurt Mary but that's exactly what he had done unconsciously.

He could hear her footsteps getting closer and closer to the door and he jumped back a little when she came storming out.

"Matthew," she jumped, shocked to see him there.

"Mary, I wondered if I could-"

Realizing what state she must have been in and aware of the fact that she had let a few tears escape, she quickly made up an excuse to go to her bedroom.

"I'm sorry but Anna is waiting for me in my room," she lied, "I'm trying on some new clothes." And with that she pulled up her skirt a little to free her legs and ran back down the corridor towards her room.

Matthew stood there and watched her disappear as he had done so many times before. He looked down at the book and sighed but turned his head to the door when Edith came out of the room.

"Matthew, what are you doing here?" She asked after giving him a kiss on the cheek.

Matthew showed her the book quickly and smiled sadly. "I brought this for Mary," he paused, "I thought she might like it." He looked in the direction Mary has just ran and then back at Edith.

"Oh, I see..." Edith replied, still lost for words.

"Would you… would you give it to her for me?" He asked, handing the book to her.

"I don't think that's such a good idea," she replied, pushing the book back into his hands. "You know how Mary is, she'd bite my head off if I went to her room," Edith joked.

Matthew nodded silently.

"Go give it to her yourself," Edith said. "If anyone can cheer her up, it's you." Although she hated to admit it, Mary and Matthew belonged together. And Mary was always so much nicer to Edith when her and Matthew were on good terms.

"I'm not sure-" Matthew began.

"Just – just go to her," she insisted.

Matthew looked at Edith and nodded in agreement before walking in the same direction as Mary had a few minutes previous.

He had never been to her room before and he wasn't even sure he was at the right door although he certainly hoped he was. It didn't feel very proper, him standing in front of her bedroom door and all but it somehow felt right.

"Mary?" He whispered as he knocked gently on her door, trying not to draw any attention to himself.

Mary had dried her eyes and was sat staring into thin air and playing with her necklace at her dressing table when she heard a knock at her bedroom door, followed by an all too familiar voice calling her name. Matthew? She immediately jumped up from her seat and rushed over to the door and placed her hands against it to prevent him from trying to open it.

What on earth was he doing at her door? Was he out of his mind? If anyone caught him and word got out she would be the subject of rumors and scandal.

"Mary?" He asked again. But his voice melted her heart. Hearing him say her name and ask for her was like music to her ears.

"I have something for you," he whispered, hoping she'd let him in or at least go out to him.

Growing curious, she slowly placed her hand on the handle and pulled the door open just enough so that she could see him but not enough for him to come in.

"What is it?" She asked, staring into his bright blue eyes.

I have brought you a book I think you might like," he replied, handing it to her through the small gap between the wall and the door.

Mary reached out and looked down at it. "Perseus and Andromeda", she read out loud. She smiled at the book and gazed up at Matthew.

That smile could melt even the coldest of hearts, Matthew thought.

"What's this for?" She asked, trying not to smile too much.

"It's a gift," he paused "and a note."

"A note?" She asked, intrigued.

"Look at the first page," he whispered. Not knowing what to say wasn't the problem, the problem was not knowing how to say it. After he left the bookshop, he had stopped off at his old office and penned a short note inside the book.

She gently turned over the first page to find a small, neatly written paragraph in Matthew's handwriting. She scanned it quickly and her head shot up from the book and she looked at him, her eyes filled with fear, sadness but most of all, love.

"Matthew," she sighed.

"No," he said before she could saying anything else. "I have never asked anything of you before, but before I go back to France tomorrow, I ask of you one thing. Read this," he gestured to the note, "and think about what I have said."

"Bu-"

Matthew stopped her from contesting by putting his hand up in front of her.

"I'm catching the 12 o'clock tomorrow but at 11, I will go to the town hall. If you have any feelings towards me, even if you're not completely sure, meet me there." Matthew looked at her and waited for a reply.

She looked down at the book once again before pursing her lips and nodding her head. A look of understanding was shared between them before Matthew turned around and left.

Mary closed the door behind him, walked over to her fireplace and took a seat. She had no idea what she would do the next day but for now she opened up the book and read his letter as though he was reading it to her, in his deep comforting voice.

Dear Mary,

I will not pretend that we have been the closest of friends, you and I, and we certainly didn't get off on the right foot. But the war has brought uncertainty into our lives and I cannot and will not deny my feelings for you any longer. Someone recently told me to make the most of what I have, and to make every moment count. I have fallen in love with you, Mary and I couldn't go to war without telling you. Even if you do not reciprocate my feelings, at least I won't have any regrets. If I am killed, I want you to know that I love you very dearly and my last thought will be of you as are all my others.

All my love,

Forever yours, Matthew.

TBC.

Ok! So that's all for chapter 1! Did you like it ? Please leave your advice, thought or comments in the reviews. Are you ready for a second chapter?
Thanks for reading!