Disclaimer: Kuroko no Basuke is not mine.
Summary: Kuroko has a need for speed. So does Akashi. The rest of the Generation of Miracles? Not so much. A quickfic for Kuroko's birthday.
Highway to Hell
"HOLY FUCKING SHIT WE'RE GONNA DIE."
That was Aomine, screaming his head off and, for once, clinging to Kise instead of the other way around. Midorima was on the backseat, bandaged fingers gripping the armrests until they turned white and his face slowly camouflaging itself with his hair. Murasakibara, seated beside Midorima, was snoring peacefully like he wasn't riding a minivan navigating a highway on the side of a mountain going at 160 kilometres per hour.
"A-Akashicchi, m-m-maybe we should slow down," Kise tried, not making any attempts to take Aomine's fingers off his arm. He was pretty sure his arm had lost all circulation, but Aomine's hands were absolute and they weren't coming off unless they either stopped the car or used something like the Jaws of Life to pry them off.
"Nonsense, Ryouta," Akashi said calmly, stepping on the gas. The speed meter inched to 180. Aomine screamed something unintelligible. "This is Tetsuya's birthday wish. What he says, goes."
Indeed, the birthday boy, who was riding shotgun, had an uncharacteristic smile on his face even as Akashi almost drove the minivan into the mountainside. In any other situation, Kise would be melting at the sight, but—well. "Aren't you having fun, Kise-kun?"
"O-Of course I am, Kurokocchi!" Kise tried to smile too, but it ended up looking more like a very attractive grimace with a side of panic and terror. "But aren't we g-going a b-bit too fast—OH MY GOD THERE'S A LEFT TURN—!"
"I got it." Akashi turned the wheels in an unnatural way and managed to avoid driving the car off the mountain.
"K-K-Kuroko," Midorima mumbled. It was now impossible to distinguish where his hair stopped and his face began. "For Oha-Asa's sake… s-stop this right… now…"
"No," Kuroko said plainly, his body almost slamming against the door as Akashi made another impossible turn. "Please go faster, Akashi-kun."
"Certainly." Akashi sped up. Aomine's voice was at a high enough decibel to shatter wine glasses.
"I didn't know minivans could even go this fast," Kise mumbled. His face was going the way of Midorima's hair. He feared the colour would become permanent and ruin his modelling career.
"We're almost at the top," Akashi said, sounding disappointed.
"GOOD GOD PLEASE HURRY," Aomine screamed.
"Hm? Okay then." Akashi broke the speed meter as he pushed the minivan beyond 200 kilometres per hour. Kuroko laughed. Aomine fainted.
Finally, after much heart attacks and broken voice boxes, they reached the top of the mountain. Aomine, Midorima and Kise scrambled to get out of the car the moment Akashi hit the brakes. Kuroko and Akashi stepped out in a more dignified manner. Murasakibara was still sleeping in the back.
"I would like to drive on the way down," Kuroko told Akashi.
Aomine threw up.
Author's Note: Posted: 31 January 2016, 12:03 AM. Happy birthday Kuroko, you basketball idiot you.
They don't have a set age for this fic specifically, so if you want to imagine them as underage middle school kids illegally driving a minivan, feel free to do so :)
(Also, I can't drive, which is probably saving hundreds of lives even as we speak.)