A/N: I do not own the Mighty Boosh characters or plot, although I wish I did.
Vince heard some strange noises coming from Howard's room. He was worried. Howard was only ever asleep in his room. Vince felt that he should investigate. He slowly crept through the corridor and peered through Howard's door. He pushed the door open slightly. It creaked. Vince looked through the door. He heard a quiet "Shit!" and saw Howard with a pillow over his pelvic region. Vince slammed the door shut, spun around and started laughing. He knew that situation. Every man knows that situation. 14 years old when your mum comes up to tell you tea's ready and… whoops! Thank God for the safety pillow.
Vince was making a cup of tea when Howard finally emerged from his room.
"Howard Moon." Vince said.
"Yes Vince?" Howard replied, non-chalantly.
"You are such a wanker."
Howard began awkwardly playing with his hair, the brown smoke, as Vince called it, and tried to stop that conversation.
"Better not let any girls on that pillow, eh, Howard. They might get preggers."
Howard couldn't even bear to look at Vince. Vince and Howard were sitting side by side on the couch, Vince still with an adorable smirk plastered over his face. Bollo walked in the room.
"Howard."
"Bollo?"
"You not getting laid, so please keep volume down when wanking."
Vince let out a laugh, before being hit over the face with a pillow.
"AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH! No, my face might be pregnant! Bollo, get me a test down at the Shamansbury's, could ya?"
Howard was appalled at this point, so stormed back off into his room.
"Off to have another wank, are we?"
Howard gave Vince the finger as he went back to his room.
Later that night, Howard couldn't sleep. Howard could never sleep after being ridiculed. He heard some strange noises coming from Vince's bedroom. Howard knew those noises. Heck, they were the same noises he made whilst in ecstasy. He crept to Vince's door. He could hear the faint noises of a porno on the telly and a glint of light through the crack of his door. He didn't think that Vince would be that stupid to do….. well….. that, after the ridicule earlier that day. However, Howard wasn't going to waste the opportunity. Howard burst open the door.
Howard saw not just one, but two people in Vince's bed. He knew that girl. It was Anthrax, the goth girl.
"FUCK, Howard!"
"No, I'm fucking YOU!" Anthrax moaned.
"Howard Moon, you really are a wanker. Now, can I get back to this?"
Howard ran out of the door and back to his room.
At that moment, Howard faced the fact that he was, indeed, a wanker. If you know what I mean.
And I know you do.