Twelve Daffodils
There were twelve, beautiful golden daffodils sitting in the center of the cabin. No one remembered seeing them before. Duncan picked them up and asked, "What pansy's pansies are these?"
"Actually," Harold corrected, "Those are daffodils, not pansies, in fact daffodils and pansies are completely different species. While pansies are hybrids from the viola species, daffodils are known as nar…" Duncan punched him hard.
"No one cares that these flowers aren't pansies, nerd!" Duncan shouted, "I was just making a pun."
"A pun that requires incorrect information is a very bad one indeed," Harold noted. Duncan rolled his eyes.
He turned to Geoff and asked, "Did someone leave these for you?"
"I'm sure they must have," Geoff answered, "It's much more likely than someone leaving them for you."
Duncan nodded, until he realized what Geoff implied, turned to glare at him, and exclaimed, "Hey!"
"No disrespect," Geoff said, "I just don't think flowers are really your thing."
"Oh, yeah, well what if I said they were for me?" Duncan asked.
"I'd say you were crazy," Geoff responded.
"Oh, and what if I suggested they could be for me?" Harold asked. Both Duncan and Geoff burst out laughing. Harold glared angrily and then asked, "What? It could happen!" He couldn't hear himself talk over the laughter, so he repeated himself louder, "It could!"
Tyler walked into the cabin and asked, "What are we all talking about?"
"We're trying to figure out the source of the daffodils," Harold said, pointing to them.
"Oh, yeah," Tyler said proudly, "They must be for me."
"For you?" Geoff asked, "How do you figure?"
"Well, I am amazing," Tyler said.
"Well, so am I, so they must be for me," Duncan responded.
"No," Harold said, "They're for me and that's final."
"Could you possibly be vainer?" Tyler asked hypocritically.
"Yes, yes, I could," Harold said, "Contrary to what you guys all believe, there is a possibility that the flowers are for me. Some girls dig nerds."
"No, no girls dig nerds," Duncan responded, "They dig bad boys. Clearly the flowers are for me."
"Uh, no, the best girls dig jocks, so clearly they're mine," Tyler added.
Geoff looked incensed. "So girls dig nerds, or bad boys, or jocks. But what do they all have in common? They love parties! The flowers are for me…"
"Hi, everybody!" Ezekiel shouted.
"Hi, Ezekiel," Harold responded, "We're trying to figure out where these flowers came from."
"Oh, I know," Ezekiel responded smugly, "They're for me."
"No," Tyler, Geoff, Duncan, and Harold all said in unison.
Tyler smiled and said, "Okay, finally something we can all agree on."
"No," Ezekiel said angrily, "I can't agree on it. Clearly everyone has now seen how awful I am."
"Yes, yes they have," Harold said, putting his hands over his mouth to stifle some laughter.
"Exactly!" Ezekiel shouted, "And because of that, they all know how warm I am too, and so they give me flowers! Those midgets are gonna…"
"Just, just stop," Harold said, "Don't even try."
"Okay, fine," Ezekiel responded, "Because everyone knows how great I am, they know how handsome I am too, and so they give me flowers. Those ladies are gonna love me big time!"
"Yeah, okay, Duncan, doesn't my theory that the flowers were mine seem a lot better now?" Harold asked.
"No one cares, Harold," Duncan responded, punching him again. "Ezekiel is… well he's something else."
"Thank you!" Ezekiel responded proudly.
"So, anyway," Tyler said, "Flowers… mine."
"No!" Geoff denied, "Why would anyone get you flowers, sunken cheeks?"
"I don't know, big nose, why would they give you flowers?" Tyler responded.
"Guys, guys, admit it… you're both ugly, and the flowers were for me!" Duncan shouted.
"You stay out of this, jutting forehead!" Harold shouted.
"Same to you, freckle-faced carrot top!" Duncan responded.
"Is it just me or has this fight gotten a little personal?" Ezekiel asked.
"Asks the diminutive with a toque the size of Ontario!" Harold said.
"Yes, yes I did," Ezekiel said, crossing his arms, "There's really no need to fight. Because clearly the only person it could have been for was me."
"No," Tyler said, "You're delusional, Zeke!"
"I'm delusional? I'm not the one who thinks he's amazing at sports but sucks at them!" Ezekiel retorted.
"No, but your crime is worse," Tyler said, "You think you're cool but you are actually really annoying. And so are you, Duncan!"
"Shut up, Tyler, no one likes your style," Duncan said.
Geoff added, "Well, you know what, if you guys would just admit the flowers were for me we wouldn't be in this mess!"
"No one got us into this mess but Duncan," Harold said, "Just because his little bravado couldn't take being insulted."
"Shut up, Harold, you're the one who spread the flames!" Duncan added.
The five of them got into a fight that was so intense that their actions could not be seen; only a puff of dust around them could. DJ walked into the cabin humming a happy tune, until he noticed what was going on. He looked alarmed.
He shouted, "Break it up! Break it up!" The fight stopped. Duncan was punching Harold and kicking Geoff, while Tyler was biting Duncan's arm, and Ezekiel was kicking Tyler in the knee. Everyone's hair was disheveled except for Duncan's, Harold's glasses and Geoff's hat were lopsided, and Ezekiel's hat had fallen to the ground.
"What on earth compelled you all to fight like that?" DJ asked.
"We were trying to figure out who these flowers were for," Duncan said, "Because I know they were for me but Geoff…"
"I think they were for me, which is entirely reasonable, unlike Harold," Geoff interrupted.
"Hey!" Harold shouted, "It's more reasonable than Tyler."
"No, no it isn't. Mine's perfectly reasonable, but Zeke…"
"There's nothing wrong with what I thought!" Ezekiel said. "DJ, please kindly tell these gentlemen that the daffodils are for me."
"They are," DJ said.
Everyone gasped.
"And Tyler," he added, which made Tyler cheer but confused everyone else. "And Harold… And Geoff… And Duncan. And me."
"I'm sorry?" Ezekiel asked, "I didn't quite get it."
"I just picked some of these flowers to spruce up the place," DJ said, "And I went over to the Screaming Gophers' cabin to pick up a vase."
"Why would they have a vase?" Duncan asked.
"I don't know why, but they did, and so I brought it over here to put the daffodils in," he said, and then he did just that, putting the flowers on the nightstand.
"Oh, okay," Geoff said, "That explains a lot actually."
"Wait…" Harold said.
"What?" DJ asked.
"The Narcissus plant isn't native to North America, so you must have picked them from a garden…" Harold said.
"Oh, well, I don't think the proprietor of the garden will mind," DJ said happily. "After all, he's a very kind and caring man."
Meanwhile, outside Chris's window, he noticed some flowers missing. "What the…?" He asked. "Where are my daffodils? I need my daffodils!"
"Aw, shut up," Chef Hatchet responded, "Just plant some new ones."
"But the seeds aren't in season," Chris whined.
"Then just shut up," Chef Hatchet said, "I'm sure there are other ways that you can pass the time besides looking at the daffodils."
"Yeah," Chris said, "Like looking in a mirror!"
Chef Hatchet shook his head.
In the cabin, DJ sat admiring the beautiful daffodils, as did Harold, Geoff, Tyler, and Ezekiel. Duncan said, "You guys are all a bunch of pansies, you know."
"Oh, shut up, Duncan," Harold said, and then he slugged him lightly.
"If I have to become a flower to look at a flower, I would gladly be one," DJ said, smiling.