Authors Note: The Lord of the Rings Mary Sue Litmus Test by Gil Shalos Question: 96. Does she also have a pair of ferrets, an eagle, and a Bengal tiger who follow her around defending her? (If the answer to question 96 is yes, please send me a copy of your story)
I got the idea for this one-shot from that question. Here is the result:
Nimthîriel glided through the forest, not making a noise. She needed to escape from her horrible abusive stepfather. Her waist-long golden blonde hair softly touched the leaf covered ground when she gracefully sat down on a felled tree and started to cry soft, heart wrenching sobs. All went black. She woke up, finding her tall lithe figure lying on the ground in a field that looked suspiciously like Rohan. She was awoken by something fuzzy on her stomach. Two fuzzy some things.
Ah-choo!
"Get, like, the freak off me you stupid rodents!" her beautiful lilting voice screeched at the two ferrets that were sitting on her flat, muscular stomach while she tried to shoo them away without touching them, for she was allergic.
"I don't want to be, like, all ugly and sneezing when my, like, beloved Legolas Greenleaf saves me from –TIGER!"
The white Bengaltiger bowed its headto the very freaked out and yet, always beautiful, Nimthîriel. Too stunned to react, her peaches-and-cream complexion turned to a light, yet still gorgeous, porcelain white. She seemed to have had enough excitement for the day when she promptly fainted at the sight of the very large eagle that touched down by the tiger. All four animals shrugged their shoulders at each other, or their equivalent of shoulders, and settled down to wait for their prophesized master to awaken.
Meanwhile, Legolas was riding with the remaining fellowship to see the king of Rohan, Theoden, when his elvish eyes were treated to a very odd sight. A giant eagle was perched on the ground next to an equally large, well, something. It reminded him of a wolf but he knew it wasn't for it was much too graceful in appearance.
'And, really, who ever heard of a black and white striped wolf?' he thought.
When they had come a little closer, Legolas noticed the most stunning sight his perceptive eyes had ever glimpsed. Love at first sight. The most striking elleth was lying gracefully on the ground near the two monstrous beasts. Her luscious red lips slightly parted in sleep, neon green eyes seemed to shimmer different colors as they stared unseeing towards the sky. Her ample chest was slowly rising and falling. Her hair, oh, her hair, how it gleamed when the sun struck its pale golden locks that easily surpassed Galadriel's in looks. Two furry snakes, as far as he could tell, lay sleeping on her flat muscular stomach. What a sight.
'I must marry her and make her my queen' Legolas Greenleaf, the Prince of Mirkwood, thought just before he rushed away from the rest of the fellowship to Nimthîriel to proclaim his undying love for her.
To say the least, Gandalf, Gimli, and Aragorn were very, well, surprised when Legolas galloped away on his horse, without a word, heading in the wrong direction. They followed to see what was the matter when confronted with the enchanting sight that is Nimthîriel. Instantly, they all fell madly in love; Aragorn forgetting all about Arwen, Gimli forgetting about Galadriel and the fact that he was a dwarf, and Gandalf forgetting that it was most likely against the Istari rules to get hitched.
They urged their horses towards her but their horses needed no encouragement, for they also had fallen under her spell. They were all ready to fight each other for her hand in marriage, completely forgetting the whole war, the rest of the whole world even. But first they had to get past the two enormous creatures that stood watch over her.
Well, the eagle and the tiger thought the fellowship was a threat to their slumbering prophesized one and promptly ate them. They had no resistance for the fellowship was too enthralled by the sight of Nimthîriel to even notice being digested.
Without them, Middle-Earth fell to Sauron. Theoden remained under the control of Saruman; therefore there was no Helm's Deep. Minas Tirith fell as neither Rohan nor the Dead help them to defeat the dark forces. Faramir and Denethor died on the pyre. No army traveled to the Black Gates, so Sauron wasn't distracted and the Black Riders were able to keep the Ring from being destroyed. Sauron took the Ring and became an all-powerful Dark Lord. Frodo and Sam were killed and all of Middle Earth was ravaged, starting with the Shire.
Nimthîriel, being an elf, lived forever, until the ends of time, trying to escape from the four animals that she was allergic to, or scared of, while living the horrors of no shampoo, conditioner, or make-up.
Author's Note; Part Two: Thanks to my sister for beta-ing this during a break from her homework. And yes, I know 'Legolas Greenleaf' is redundant.