All Ianto could hear were his own heavy footsteps and heaving breaths as he rounded the corner of the sixth flight of stairs. Only one more to go. He had long since grown tired of the stark white walls. Each time he reached a landing he delighted in the presence of something different in the bright numbers lining the doors he passed.
Finally he reached the last door, a dead end to the seemingly ever-long staircase. He threw it open to the heavy wind of the outside world, and took a few seconds to look at the sky above him. He didn't dare look out at the surrounding buildings, dwarfed by the one he was standing on.
His eyes met the broad frame of his captain. He stood by the edge, facing outward. It was a wonder that the wind that was blowing his coat hadn't overtaken him and thrown him from the roof. Ianto decided he must have stayed standing only by shear willpower, a refusal to be moved by even nature. His gaze panned the city around him, and the archivist was reminded of the comic books of his childhood.
"Jack!" He shouted from where he stood at the door, stubbornly not taking another step. The wind rushing through his ears was even stronger away from the safety of the wall, and Jack hadn't heard him. "Jack!" He tried again, but he still had no knowledge of his presence. He tapped the small bud of his comm and allowed the static to fade as it grew accustomed to being on. He tuned it until he was on the right frequency so that only Jack could hear.
"Thought I might find you up here." He said, and watched as Jack's shoulders jumped only slightly as he was torn from his thoughts. The older man spun around and eyed Ianto, gripping the door for support. A grin spread across his face and he tapped at the comm in his ear.
"Did you need something?" Jack asked in a professional tone, in complete contrast with the happily relaxed expression of his face.
"It was a bit quiet at the Hub. Didn't really know where you'd gone."
"Well, you found me" Jack stated, words sputtering out of the comm just barely out of sync with the flow of his mouth. "Why are you standing over there?"
"Not big on roofs, myself" Ianto muttered hoping Jack wouldn't push the subject. Of course, he always did.
"You're afraid of heights?" Jack questioned incredulously. Ianto's groan signaled his distaste of where the conversation was heading. "You've taken down entire fleets of aliens, and your weakness is heights?!" Ianto half wanted to face his fears to storm across the roof to slap the amused grin off of his boss's face. His own face felt hot despite the chill of the afternoon.
"Sod off, Jack" Ianto grumbled, which only caused Jack's chuckles to increase.
"It's not like it's dangerous if you stay away from the ledge" Jack told him, the laugh not yet gone from his voice.
"Look, that's not what I'm worried about." The younger man replied indignantly. The immortal's face softened the smallest amounts, though the amusement was far from gone.
"Come here," Jack said encouragingly, holding his hand out towards the Welshman. Ianto rolled his eyes.
"No way"
"I won't let you fall"
"Not happening, Jack."
"I'll do my paperwork" He bargained.
"No." Ianto refused, not moving an inch to meet his lover.
"It really bothers you that much?" The captain wondered aloud and Ianto did nothing but nod, eyes hard and impassive. "Why?"
"I'd rather not talk about it." Ianto finished, obviously not allowing the conversation any more space to continue. Jack bristled momentarily at the outright rejection to tell him anything. He let his shoulders fall in a deep sigh and begrudgingly began to walk over to his lover.
Just as he reached him, he pulled him into a tight and strangely comforting hug. The older man pressed his cheek against his lover's and felt the warmth seep into it. He tilted his head just slightly closer then jumped away as their comms screeched from being held so close together. They met each other's eyes and chuckled in surprise. Just as the humor died away, Jack risked a questioning glance. He held it for a few seconds more before shrugging.
"Alright, fine" He said, finally accepting that Ianto wasn't likely to talk about it just then. "Let's go get lunch, okay?" Ianto nodded and took his hand unexpectedly, turning to pull him back towards the stairwell.
TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW
Four Months Later
Jack couldn't find Ianto anywhere. His comms were off, and he wasn't at his desk in the archives. He'd already checked the tourist's office as well as the main Hub. He had searched everywhere the Welshman would likely be, and called his phone at least a dozen times. He obviously didn't want to be found.
Jack easily understood why. The younger man had been in a particularly melancholy mood for the last fortnight, and it was no secret to anyone on the team as to why. They were all feeling shaken `and depressed, unsure how to feel. The situation was certainly unprecedented. The only person who could understand exactly what Ianto was feeling right now was Jack.
Ianto died two weeks ago. He had expected to die young, but when the time actually came it was nothing like he thought it would be. Overall, it was pretty normal, given their job. A simple bullet to the chest that sent him sprawled out on the pavement. He didn't even have enough power left in him to say his final goodbyes to his team before his was gone, leaving them to mourn in silence. Despite knowing it was of no use, Jack held his prone body in his arms long after his heart had stopped beating. Tears fell onto his cooling cheeks and ran down his face like rain. They were about to try to tear themselves away to continue cleaning up after the mission when the tiniest stirring began behind Ianto's eyes. Then, he sat upright suddenly, sucking breath into his lungs for the first time in almost an hour. Owen and Jack were at his side within seconds. Gwen held back, hands covering her shocked face as tears began to flow from her eyes again. Tosh silently shook her head and racked her brain for any explanation as to how their friend could be alive, tears building in her eyes, but not falling.
They still hadn't found a reason. Ianto had spent the last two weeks like a ghost. He hardly spoke to anyone. He did his work around the Hub and went home alone, shutting out Jack completely. Jack, for his part, didn't push. He knew what he must have been going through. Still, he also knew how much he wished he had had someone to walk him through it when the same happened to him.
He decided that Ianto had spent enough time moping, which was why the captain had set out looking for him just a few hours ago.
Jack shook his head as he wandered down the lonely plass, racking his brain as to where his lover could be. He ran his hand through his hair and looked around him, stretching his neck. After only a few more steps, he realized where his absent-minded steps were taking him. Before his feet had even stopped in front of the back door, he keyed in his passcode. The door swung open to greet him, and he stepped forward in to the dank cool atmosphere of the white bricks. Maybe he needed some time alone, too. He began his long trek up the stairwell, bounding from one step to the next. He lost himself in the repetitive motion of his climb, and before long he found himself at the top, staring at the sign marked "roof" in bold, red, letters. He swung the door open, and didn't hesitate to walk through it. He continued walking, though his eyes had not yet adjusted to the sun. He knew exactly how many steps it would take to lead him to his usual perch.
A few steps from where he normally stood, he stopped as his eyes acclimated. Someone else was up here. Ianto sat at the edge, looking down over the shortened ridge that separated him from the sharp drop below. He didn't even seem to notice Jack's approach until he lowered himself down beside him. He turned his head slowly, minutely, if only to check that someone was actually there besides his imagination. Jack could see the thin tracks down his cheeks from tears that had probably stopped falling an hour ago.
Hesitantly the older man placed his hand over Ianto's and rubbed lightly with his thumb. Surprisingly, Ianto didn't pull away. He just sat in silence, gazing down to the street below him.
"I thought you were afraid of heights" Jack said and the man next to him scoffed bitterly.
"Not like there's much point, anymore, is there?" He muttered, and another wave of guilt flowed through the captain and left him speechless. "I wasn't even afraid of falling, Jack." He gripped his hand a little tighter and willed him to go on. "I was afraid of jumping."
Jack numbly sat in silence for only a few seconds more, before pulling him to his side completely, throwing the Welshman off guard. He buried his face into the younger man's neck and breathed in heavily, missing the smell of his lover. When he did speak again it was broken and choked.
"I said I wouldn't let you. I still won't," He assured him, pulling him ever closer into his arms. "We'll get through this together. We have to"
"I love you" Ianto said, finally feeling like he was able to let the words fall from his mouth, now that he knew he wouldn't be torn away from him in the next few years. Jack paused and blinked away the tears that were already threatening to fall from his eyes.
"I love you, too" He said, ready to say the words himself for the first time. "I always will"
Both men huddled as close as they could on the roof, looking down at the city below, wondering how their world would look in only a few years' time. Ianto wondered how he could have refused to see this view only a few months before. The people walking through the streets below seemed foreign to him. He hardly believed he had been one of them, once.
For the first time, he really understood what it meant to be a part of Torchwood. Nothing stayed the same. Everything changes, even himself.