A/N: So I was inspired by listening to Joni Mitchell's song, Both Sides Now while writing the new chapter of my fic, Four Years and this song fic just came out. I hope you enjoy. It can be read either in relation to Four Years or as a standalone.
Both Sides Now
Rows
and flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And
feather canyons everywhere
I've looked at clouds
that way
She could almost taste the saltwater and feel the sand between her toes. The memory was so vivid, they were at the beach, her, mom, dad and Russ. She was seven and had been building an elaborate sandcastle while Russ and her dad played in the ocean. Some kids had run by, and part of her sandcastle had gotten ruined. She started to cry and her mom was by her side in an instant, pulling her into her lap, kissing her forehead and stroking her hair. And she made it all better.
But now they only block the
sun
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have
done
But clouds got in my way
I've looked at clouds from both
sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud
illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all
She lay in the bed and looked around at her new room. It was the third place in nine months and it wasn't any better. Yes, this time the foster parents seemed nice, but it didn't matter. It wasn't her room, her mom, her dad. Tomorrow she would have to go to a new school. It would be like the other ones. Whispers in the hallway about how her parents left her, kids tripping her or trying to copy her homework once they found out she was smart.
Moons
and Junes and Ferris
wheels
The
dizzy dancing way you feel
As ev'ry fairy tale comes real
I've
looked at love that way
He was the first boy she kissed. Bobby Franklin. She was seventeen and he was eighteen. He had come up to talk to her in the library although for the life of her she couldn't imagine why. They started talking and then he sat with her at lunch. After that he became friends and then one day he kissed her. Like every first kiss, it was awkward and innocent. And despite his friends, they dated until he left for college. Then he broke her heart.
But
now it's just another show
You leave 'em laughing when you go
And
if you care, don't let them know
Don't give yourself away
He was so cocky at first, so arrogant. He spoke at her with this tone that meant that he didn't think that what she did was important enough. She soon proved him wrong and after a few false starts, they became partners. Always in each other's faces, challenging each other. Then they became friends, best friends, always there for each other when they needed it.
Tears
and fears and feeling proud
To say "I love you" right
out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I've looked at
life that way
One day she looked at him and realized that she did in fact love him. With her whole heart. So she waited. And then one day he got the courage to ask her out. And then they were together and it was everything she wanted, everything she imagined. Her heart was full.
But
now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they
say I've changed
Well something's lost, but something's gained
In
living every day
But
it all changed when she got pregnant. They hadn't known how to
handle it, she was so scared and even though he was excited, she
could tell he was a little scared as well. She shut down then,
continued on with her life. She ignored Angela's protestations and
she gave him the baby. Until the end of her life, she would never
forget the look of hurt he gave her when she finally told him her
decision. I've
looked at life from both sides now
From
win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I
really don't know life at all
I've looked at life from both sides
now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's life's illusions
I recall
I really don't know life at all
She was hurt and she didn't know what to do. So she closed her eyes and imagined she was there back on that beach with her mother's arms wrapped around her. Kissing her head. Telling her it was okay.
And making it all better.