A/N: This is our first humor fanfiction and we'd like to dedicate this story to Bass Isles, the most badass tortoise there is. Also - let's not kid ourselves - the true star of the show. (:

Disclaimer: Oh how we wish we owned them. Sigh. Double Sigh.

Jane bent down, blowing an unruly curl out of her eyes, and attempted to coax Bass out of his enclosure to feed him a British strawberry. As she thrust the strawberry out, they made eye contact.

"Come on, you damn turtle. We have to do this every day for a week. Eat the strawberry! Googlemouth goes on and on about how much you loooove them… OUCH! You bit me!"

Bass, who nipped at her outstretched fingers, shrank back into his shell. Jane pulled her hand back quickly in shock, eyes wide, and stood up, looking back at Bass, who was staring her down from just inside the confines of his shell. She crossed her arms, narrowed her eyes, and crouched back down in front of Bass.

"Sorry, tortoise."

Jane could have sworn she saw the tortoise smile, and she hesitantly offered the strawberry back to him. Bass gingerly accepted the strawberry from her hands, taking a small bite. She tentatively patted him on his shell as she noticed him chewing somewhat thoughtfully.

That'll teach you to call me a turtle again, Bass reasoned happily.

"Do you really know the difference between a turtle and a tortoise?" Jane wondered out loud.

Do you? Bass countered.

Of course, Maura would have a whole monologue prepared in retaliation to Jane's question. Facts, figures, and words Jane wouldn't be able to pronounce ever again. Maura. Jane had decided Friday afternoon when Maura left for her ME's Annual Conference, the day after Christmas mind you, that seven days was entirely too long for Maura to be gone. Christmas Day had come so quickly and before she knew it, Maura was packing for her trip and then she was gone on a plane clear across the country. It wasn't that she minded staying here at Maura's with Bass and Jo Friday, but she had noted quickly that none of it felt the same without Maura there. Where did that come from? Jane remembered being completely caught off guard at that revelation.

So she did what was familiar in light of her newfound revelation and threw herself into work so she didn't have to process that thought or the feelings that accompanied Maura's absence. Feelings Jane hadn't felt, well... ever. Besides, Jane dwelled, it's not like I had plans for New Year's Eve anyway.

Monday morning. It had been four days. Jane had closed a case, so now she was off until another body dropped. The house was quiet, except for Jo Friday's occasional pitter patter across the hardwood floors. There was no one urging her to get up out of bed to go to yoga and no arguing about unhealthy food. Jane found herself incredibly bored. Even her Mother had to work at the cafe this morning. This left Jane alone with her thoughts and Bass, who had barely moved in two days. Jane was starting to be concerned that he was depressed. She rolled her head from side to side, stretching out her neck, and finally plopped down on the floor right outside Bass' enclosure. She noticed that he had only taken a couple of bites out of the strawberry.

"C'mon, bud. Maura will be pissed if she comes home and you haven't been eating. You know she'll blame it all on me." Jane was in disbelief that she was sitting in Maura's laundry room actually attempting to converse with a tortoise. Bass, to her surprise, inched his head out of his shell and ambled gingerly toward Jane. She picked up a cactus pad and held it out as he took a small bite, never breaking eye contact with her.

I don't care if she's angry, but you should, Bass laughed to himself. Maura is quite protective of me.

Maybe he's smarter than I give him credit for, Jane reasoned, trying logically to dismiss the mirth she could see in his eyes. "Do you miss Maura?" She sighed. "Is that why you're refusing to eat?"

Bass' eyes flew open wide. His head tilted slowly, Don't you?

She could have sworn she saw Bass bob his head up and down. Jane rubbed a free hand over her face, glad that no one could witness this exchange. They would surely have me committed, she admitted to herself.

"Me too, Bass. Me too." She said out loud, matter-of-factly, and she noticed that Bass continued to move closer to her. Of course, it was taking him forever.

Bass inched closer to Jane, his sudden awareness of the brunette's emotional state propelling him forward. Bass plopped down at her side, and Jane's hand came to rest on his shell. Tell me all about it, Bass urged, looking up at Jane with big sad eyes.

Jane absentmindedly rubbed Bass' shell and was momentarily startled out of her reverie by Jo Friday wandering into the laundry room. Jo Friday cast a disinterested glance at them both, turned, and left the room, tail wagging behind her. Jane sighed, convinced that even her dog was judging her.

Bass nudged Jane's free hand with the cactus pad in it, taking another minimal bite, if only to maintain the connection between the two. Bass Isles was a master at manipulating for attention. He was aware of how attractive he was, and he prided himself on being a great listener. Not that living with Maura had ever given him an opportunity to be anything but an active listener.

Bass found himself intrigued by the friendship Maura and Jane had. Before Jane, Maura never had any friends; hence Bass had never had any friends. Bass had accepted Jo Friday as a friend once he got past all the hair and the drooling. On the nights that Maura and Jane worked late, he could understand the draw of having a friend when Jo Friday would curl up on top of his shell and keep him company.

Bass cringed when he thought of some of the male "friends" Maura had brought home over the years. To have such impeccable taste in clothing and footwear, her taste in men leaves a lot to be desired, Bass contemplated. But then came Jane, a calamity who was loud and crass and at times irked his last nerve, but Bass had found that Jane made Maura happy. He had never heard Maura laugh as often as when she was with Jane. Bass studied Jane, her dark unruly hair falling haphazardly across her shoulders, the sadness in her brown eyes, and the downward turn of her parted lips. Jane, who was usually upbeat and outgoing, was conflicted. Bass thought she might cry.

Bass brooded, thinking back to a conversation Maura had with well, herself, while in his presence. He specifically remembered Maura admitting out loud, in the kitchen, that she loved Jane. As a matter of fact, he remembers her dropping and breaking a plate when the words tumbled out of her mouth. He remembers because she also hollered, and Maura is not a hollerer. Bass didn't understand what the big deal was, but then Maura curled up into a ball on the kitchen floor and cried, her eyes glazed over for hours afterwards, until Angela came barreling through the side door, disrupting the silence that had fallen over their home.

What about Maura loving Jane could make Jane so sad? Bass was mulling that thought over when he had a light bulb moment. Jane doesn't know.

Bass could only describe the feeling he had as joy, giddiness, and elation. He smirked as Jane continued to rub circles on his shell. Soon, he nodded. Soon, I'll be able to add Matchmaker to my resume.

Maura used her key fob to unlock her hotel door and let it slam behind her. In the darkness she reached for the light and flipped the switch. It was late, well past her usual bedtime, and she was bothered by the time change. Maura was anxious and her mind was full of information she had learned over the past few days. She wanted desperately to share her newfound knowledge with someone. But she was alone, all alone on the other side of the country, without the one person she wanted to talk to the most. Maura kicked off her heels and laid down on the bed, lost in her thoughts. Maura couldn't remember the last time she was truly alone prior to this trip. At home, she had Jane, Angela, Bass, and Jo Friday. She smiled wistfully, thinking of her best friend, her chosen family. Maura swallowed hard, her conscience scoffing at her loudly. Jane. Her mind drifted to those soulful brown eyes lined by dark lashes, those insufferable curls, and that smirk that just barely shows Jane's dimples. That smirk that Maura wants to wipe off Jane's lips with her mouth. Maura flushes at the thought of Jane's lean body, underneath her ill fitting slacks and v neck shirt, pressed against her. Maura turned over and buried her face into a pillow, letting out a loud moan.

It was late Tuesday evening in Portland and Maura wondered briefly what Jane was doing; if the team had caught a case (probably), and if she was eating and sleeping (probably not). Maura pushed herself off the bed, fumbled through her purse, and pulled out her cell phone. As the screen lit up, she stifled a giggle. Jane had taken a picture of them the morning she dropped Maura off at the airport, which felt like a lifetime ago. Jane's beautiful face gracing her lock screen, Maura's head thrown back in laughter. Maura let her fingers gently trace across Jane's smile, her eyes softening.

"I miss you, pretty girl," Maura said out loud. The emptiness of the room taunted her admission.

Maura unlocked her phone and pulled up her contacts. She didn't even pause to check the time before she hit the icon to place the call.

"Hi…" She was greeted, and as a sleepy familiar voice filled the line, Maura sunk back down onto the bed, grinning from ear to ear.

"Hey, you…" She sighed into the phone, and could have sworn she could hear Jane smile through the phone. "I'm sorry I woke you," Maura began.

"Don't be," Jane yawned and stretched, knocking a half drank beer off the nightstand. "Shitfuck." She cringed.

"Jane, language." Maura chastised.

"Dr. Isles, did you call me and wake me up just to give me an etiquette lesson?" Jane quipped.

And just like that, all was restored within Maura's world.

"I hope that was water you spilled all over the carpet, Detective Rizzoli." Maura quirked an eyebrow, reveling in the familiar banter that was so uniquely them.

"Mmm hmm," Jane deflected, using one of Maura's plush bath towels to soak up the Blue Moon.

"I hope you're not using one of our good towels." Maura chided, then bit her tongue. Our. Maura wanted to smack herself.

Jane pulled the phone away from her ear and hesitantly glanced around the room, completely oblivious to the torture she was putting Maura through on the other end of the phone. How does she do that? How does she know? Jane looked around quizzically for hidden cameras. "Of course not. How was your day?"

Maura sat upright quickly at Jane's hesitance, and anxiously went into the bathroom, working her way through her bedtime routine. She was comforted by the return of Jane's voice, accompanying her through the motions, and she suddenly felt like she wasn't so far away from home. They made small talk, about Jo Friday and Bass, Angela and her constant nagging, and like always, Jane made her laugh.

As Maura pulled the comforter back, she snuggled down into the mattress as she recounted new techniques she had learned over the last couple of days. Jane's interjections here and there proved to Maura that she was in fact listening, and Maura's heart soared. They laughed and shared stories of their days, as seamlessly as ever, but when Maura attempted to wrap up the call as she was about to fall asleep, Jane had other plans.

"Maur, can you leave the phone on… beside you, just like..." Jane's whisper trailed off.

Maura giggled and rubbed her eyes, placing the phone on the pillow next to her and putting it on speaker. "Jane Rizzoli… do you miss me?" She teased good-naturedly.

"Who, me? No, it's for Jo. Jo misses you." Jo raised her sleepy head at the end of the bed, huffed at Jane, hopped down and sauntered out of the room, most likely in an effort to sleep in peace.

Maura attempted to stifle a laugh as she closed her eyes. Jane thought the sound of Maura's laughter was the most beautiful sound on Earth, and wondered how she was just now realizing the immeasurable value of someone who had been in front of her for so long.

"Goodnight, Jo. Goodnight, Jane."

Jane listened to the peaceful sound of Maura's breathing. "Of course I miss you," Jane whispered into the darkness before allowing the quiet to pull her under.

Jane yawned as she stumbled out of the guest bedroom, cursing the morning sun for being so obnoxiously bright. It was New Year's Eve, and she was praying to be called into work today to make the next few days pass by quicker.

As she walked toward the stairs, she was stopped by a picture on the table in the hallway outside Maura's bedroom. She picked it up and smiled. It was of the two of them. In the picture, Jane was looking at the camera and sticking her tongue out as Maura looked at Jane, giving her best friend a very disapproving glare. Jane laughed to herself. Of course Maura had this picture printed out and framed; it embodied each of them and their collective friendship perfectly. Jane set the picture back down on the table and made her way downstairs in pursuit of coffee.

Maura usually made Jane coffee in the morning with her impressive espresso machine. She has tried to make it the way Maura does, but something about it she just can't get right. Maura has shown Jane over and over how to make it the way she does, but something about it is just simply Maura magic. Jane sighed as she aggressively pressed the button to start the machine.

"God, why does she have to go to these stupid conferences? I hate this! She leaves me here alone with my dog and her tortoise to keep me company! This is bullshit!" Jane yelled. She was yelling to no one in particular, considering there was no one there to hear her, but nonetheless, she was yelling.

Jane jumped about five feet in the air when she felt a nibble on her bare toe.

"What the hell, Bass? What did I ever do to you?"

You know, Bass thought.

Jane narrowed her eyes at the tortoise and bent down to sit down on the floor next to him. "What are you trying to tell me, Bass?"

Seriously? You really are as stupid as you look, peasant. Bass couldn't believe Jane was so clueless.

"I know you miss Maura, Bass. She doesn't accidentally call you a turtle. You know I only do that when I get annoyed with you. I do that to Maura too. Sometimes I call her Dr. Isles in a sarcastic tone because she annoys me. She is insanely intelligent, but sometimes she just doesn't get my sarcasm and irony, and why the hell am I talking to a tortoise?"

Jane had realized mid-ramble that she was admitting things to a tortoise that probably cared less about her feelings for Maura.

You're talking to me because you know that I know. Of course I know, Jane. Everybody knows by just looking at the two of you when you're together.

"Do you think she knows?" Jane blurted out.

Bass blinked in utter disbelief. Didn't she just say Maura was insanely intelligent?

Jane sighed. Bass' slow blink was the only affirmation she needed. "Yeah, she definitely knows. I'm such an idiot," Jane said.

You think? Bass thought. For these women to be so successful in their respective fields, they sure are dense.

Jane stood up and ran her fingers through her hair, tangled and tousled from slumber. She's thought long and hard about this many times before. She's terrible at admitting her feelings to anyone about anything, but this was the most difficult situation she's ever been in. How were you supposed to tell the love of your life that you loved them, not knowing how they would react?

Bass snorted as if he was reading Jane's thoughts.

"You know, for a turtle, you really are smart."

The snap at Jane's ankle was all the response she needed, and she jumped and took a couple steps back, hands out in surrender.

"Tortoise! It was a joke! Jesus, Bass. Lighten up every once in a while."

Maura awoke in Portland on Wednesday morning with a start, her hand slapping at the alarm clock as the light filtered through the crack in the room-darkening shade. A small sliver of light streamed across the bed, and Maura realized that her phone was dead from their impromptu slumber party last night. Maura shook her head in disbelief. Adrenaline, dopamine, and serotonin, she admitted to herself, were responsible for the goofy smile plastered across her face.

Jane needed me. She actually admitted that she needed me. Well, not really, she reasoned. She blamed it on Jo, but that isn't realistic, Maura concluded.

Maura sat up with a start. "Jane needs me."

Maura threw the covers back and plugged her cell phone in before racing into the bathroom to prepare for a change in travel plans. Maura contemplated if she could even get a flight from Portland International to Logan International on New Year's Eve. The thought only propelled her to be quicker with her morning routine. Maura hurried through her shower and pulled her laptop out, clicking on the browser and running a search on available flights. She glanced at the bedside clock and squealed in delight. She could be on a flight home in less than three hours.

Maura ran through the ensuite to the closet, pulling the doors open and surveying her clothing. She wanted to look perfect when she arrived home. She stood in her towel, one foot propped up on the other, biting her lip and trying to concentrate on the choices before her. Failing miserably, her mind drifted back to Jane and their parting conversation at the airport.

"Jesus Maur, is all this stuff really necessary? Dammit," Jane strained to lift Maura's luggage out of the trunk, finally easing it to the ground.

"Jane, language." Maura admonished, checking on her flight from a new app Jane installed on her phone, "You know I like to be prepared. The weather in Portland is very unpredictable and you know I enjoy having a large selection to choose from."

Jane rolled her eyes as she hoisted a garment bag and placed it on top of the other luggage and bent over at her waist, chest heaving. "Really? Is it imperative that you always look like you're ready to strut down a runway?" Jane stood up, her eyes roaming over the carousel completely filled with luggage. "How are you going to get all of this from the airport to the hotel?" Jane threw her arms out, gesturing at the array of luggage.

Maura put a hand on her stomach, laughter shaking her shoulders at Jane's dramatic tendencies. "I always like to look my best, Jane. And I'm sure I'll manage."

"Mmm hmm." Jane raked a hand through her dark curls, taking in Maura's body and the way her dress enhanced her curves.

Maura noticed that Jane's eyes lingered over her just a little longer than normal, but she quickly dismissed the thought. The silence shifted somewhat uncomfortably and both women found themselves standing on the sidewalk next to Maura's Prius, staring at one another. Jane finally broke the silence by taking Maura's new phone out of her hand, pulling her in close, then telling an off color joke that made Maura burst into laughter. Maura watched curiously as Jane pressed a few more buttons on Maura's phone and handed it back to her.

"Well, I really need to check all this luggage," Maura blurted out loudly, suddenly.

Jane pulled Maura in for a quick hug, and Maura's senses were on fire. "Don't forget to call me when you land."

Maura nodded, and silently hurried away from Jane, as quickly as she could haul her luggage rack behind her. A flush crept up her chest and face as she could feel Jane's eyes on her as she walked away.

Maura boarded the plane in Portland early Wednesday afternoon, elated that this plan was all coming to fruition. All variables aside, she should be home well before the ball dropped at midnight. Maura leaned back in her seat and smiled out the window as she began to relax for the first time since last Friday. Hopefully, this New Years Eve would go down in history as the last time she and Jane spent as just friends.

"Good boy, Bass. We're starting to get the hang of it, eh? Just a few more days and Maura will be back," Jane said as the patted the tortoise's shell and rinsed her fingers free of the strawberry juice. She sighed. She hadn't been called out, and she was starting to feel the walls closing in around her.

Just a few more days. She could do this.

"I'm going to go take a shower. Be a good boy. You too, Jo! Don't cause any trouble!" she yelled as she made her way toward the stairs. She figured a nice hot shower might help clear her mind and relax her. It wasn't necessarily that she was on edge, but she simply wasn't herself without Maura around. She was bored. She missed her.

She passed through Maura's room to the ensuite. Jane always used Maura's shower instead of the guest shower when she was away for a conference or convention or whatever crazy gathering she had to attend. Chief Medical Examiner for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. Why did she have to be so damn accomplished?

As the taxi cab literally screeched to a halt, Maura stumbled out of the car, her equilibrium off balance, throwing some bills at the driver and trying to prevent herself from throwing up all over the street. Maura noticed that Jane's cruiser was parked behind her car and there were still some lights on in the house. Maura quickly glanced at her watch: 11:48 p.m. Maura gathered all of her belongings along with what courage she could summon, and lugged them to the side door. She inserted her key and heard the tell tale click. She pushed and pushed against the door, but there was something heavy impeding her entry. She dropped her carry-on and her purse as she peered down through the glass.

Jane shed her clothes and stepped into the hot stream of water, sighing immediately as the waterfall hit her bare back. She grabbed Maura's shampoo bottle and squeezed a good sized amount into her hand, working it into her wet, dark curls. She always used Maura's shampoo and body wash when she was gone. It helped Jane feel closer to Maura, being surrounded by her things.

A loud, shrill noise caused Jane to break from her thoughts and almost slip and fall in the shower. She turned off the water quickly and was met with eerie silence.

What the hell happened? Was someone trying to break in?

She thought for a second as she put her hands in her shampooed hair. "Ugh, fuck," she cursed as she opened the glass door to the shower and quickly wiped her hands on a towel. She grabbed Maura's robe off the hook on the door and quickly wrapped it around her wet, naked, soapy body. She tied the sash haphazardly and ran out of the bathroom, grabbing her gun and rushing down the stairs to investigate. As soon as she graced the last step and her wet foot hit the hardwood floor, her balance was lost and her feet slid right out from under her. Her bottom hit the floor first with a loud thud and her gun flew out of her hand across the hardwood floor. "SHIT, OW!" she yelled in pain.

The shrill noise sounded again before she realized it was the alarm system that Maura had installed right after her house was broken into and trashed. She crawled over to grab her gun and looked around. Then she noticed the side door was cracked and was hitting something in its way. She could hear the person on the other side of the door struggling.

Jane rounded the island, gun drawn, and almost had to laugh out loud when she saw what was inhibiting the door from moving. It was Bass. He was sitting on the floor, looking up at the door, completely content with keeping the person outside.

"BASS!" Maura exclaimed. "Move." Maura could hear the house alarm beep, beep, beeping and she knew there was only a minute before the wailing would begin. She couldn't budge the door open enough to access the control panel.

"Bass, please, get away from the door. It's me, it's Maura." Maura stomped her foot as she pushed all her body weight up against the door. It was futile. Maura clenched her fists and let out a stifled scream. Is this always the way it's going to be; one hurdle after another?

"BASS ISLES, MOVE AWAY FROM THE DOOR RIGHT NOW. I HAVE TO TALK TO JANE." Maura barely finished her sentence, feeling ridiculously foolish for attempting to reason with her tortoise, when the alarm started to wail, a blood curdling, ear piercing tone that she couldn't bear to hear standing outside of the door.

Maura retreated from the door, her hands pressed around her ears, tears forming in her eyes. She set her jaw and placed her hands out in front of her, using all of her leg strength to push her way into the door. Her cell phone was vibrating furiously in her pocket, and she answered it breathlessly, giving her alarm company her password and the permission to disable the alarm remotely. Once the shrill noise ceased, she could hear laughter on the other side of the door and a calm voice trying to convince Bass to move just a little faster.

Bass' head turned toward Jane as if he was reading her mind. You heard her, you fool. I'll only move if you get over here and do something about it!

Jane's mind led her heart, forcing her feet to move toward the door. "Maur?"

That's what I thought. Bass started to move away from the door, pleased with himself.

Maura was startled by Jane's voice, and her heart sank. Not like this, not this way. "Jane?"

The quiet in the night stretched on as Jane finally opened the door wide enough for Maura to step in. Jane drank in the sight of Maura, honey blonde curls disheveled from what looked like a harrowing day, her eye makeup smudged from tears streaming down her face, and her jaw set in an unpleasant frown. Her eyebrows were furrowed together and Maura glared down at Bass, who was hiding behind Jane's soapy legs, barely peering out at Maura from his shell.

Maura's eyes softened when she took in the sight of Jane; Maura's robe haphazardly slung around her lithe body, the sash not tied tightly enough, and the lapels of the robe providing Maura a tantalizing view of an expanse of olive skin, a clavicle and the swell of her…

"Maura," Jane croaked out, pulling the robe more closely to her body. "You're home early. Yay."

Maura felt her hand fly up to her cover her mouth, and she couldn't hide a giggle that escaped. Jane, soaking wet, hair matted together on top of her head with shampoo, standing in Maura's foyer holding her gun. Maura tried to stop laughing, tried to stop the tears from stinging as she tried to gulp in air between fits of giggles as Jane stood before her, dumbfounded and speechless.

"God, this isn't how I planned this at all," Maura finally managed as their eyes met. Jane shivered, Maura walking into the house and closing the door behind her. Jane placed her gun down on the counter, and when she turned back to Maura, she watched the blonde's eyes darken. Jane's breathing hitched at the way her name slipped from Maura's lips.

"Jane." It was a promise, an oath, a vow. Her name had never sounded as reverent as when Maura called to her. Jane's feet were rooted to the floor; her senses were flooded and heightened as she watched Maura slowly move towards her.

Maura stopped at least an arm's length away, silently urging Jane to meet her in the middle. Jane wanted to reach out to her, peel that leather jacket slowly off her and breathe her in. Jane desperately wanted to discover what makes Maura grip the bed sheets, back arching off the bed, and what Jane wouldn't give to hear her name tumble from Maura's lips. Something shifted in the air between them, and the look in Maura's eyes was feral and dangerous. Jane wanted to explore every inch of Maura's body.

"OW!" Jane lurched forward at the feel of a nip to her Achilles tendon and literally fell into Maura's waiting arms, her left hand instinctively reaching backwards at her foot. Maura caught her and allowed Jane to regain her footing, one of Maura's hands splayed at Jane's back, the other on her taut abs. Months later when she recalled this moment, Jane would swear her heart stopped the moment Maura's fingers innocently brushed across her abdomen and the heat she felt from Maura's body partially pressed up against her own.

"Are you ok?" Maura cried, then leaned around Jane. "Bass! That was uncalled for!" Maura chastised the tortoise, whom she could swear was looking at both women in utter disgust. Maura was stupefied at the expression etched on Bass' face. She turned her attention back to Jane, who was gazing down upon her like prey.

That ought to teach you. Bass huffed. Where would you two be without me? Eternally stuck in friend zone, that's where. Bass threw a side eye glance at both of them before trudging back to his enclosure for the night.

"Jane, I'm so sorry- I don't know what's gotten into him," Maura's breathy pleas for forgiveness were cut off by Jane's mouth on hers. Tentatively at first, and as Maura granted access, Jane swept her tongue across Maura's, pushing Maura up against the wall and pinning her hands above her head, parting Maura's legs with her knee. Jane's mouth was everywhere, her tongue dancing across Maura's alabaster skin. Maura's senses were on fire. Maura pulled her hands free and opened the sash of her robe, turning them around and pushing Jane up against the wall. Jane made quick work of removing Maura's leather jacket and as she struggled with the buttons on the silk shirt Maura was wearing, she gave up the fight and ripped it open, exposing a black lace balconet.

Jane's eyes widened as she stared at Maura's heaving chest, finally wrapping her hands around Maura's waist, pulling her in tighter, silently thanking the genetic gods for Maura's body. She felt Maura's head tilt back and she assaulted her neck, licking and sucking at her pulse points, her hands drifting dangerously lower until she was cupping Maura through her jeans.

Maura's hand suddenly flew to her face, and she whimpered, blinking rapidly. Her whimpers turned into full on cries, as one hand fluttered aimlessly in the air.

Jane pushed Maura back gently, concern etched on her face. "Maur, what's the matter?"

"Jesus, I, I got your shampoo in my eye…" Maura admitted. "It hurts, Jane. Rinse it out, rinse it out now!"

Jane led Maura over to the sink, suddenly aware of her nakedness, and turned on the water, splashing it on Maura's face. Once Maura was satisfied that the remnants of Jane's shampoo had been washed out of her eye, she was aware that her makeup was smeared all over her face, her once flawless hair stringy and wet, standing in her kitchen, sans shirt, in five inch stiletto heels and skinny jeans. Maura tried to wipe the remaining mascara streaks from her cheeks, but Jane brought her hand up to still her.

"You're beautiful." Jane thought she had never seen anything more beautiful in her whole life.

Maura melted into Jane's embrace. "This isn't how I envisioned our first sexual encounter."

"Maura," Jane groaned, rolling her eyes. "Why do you have to call it that?"

Maura pushed away from Jane, smirking at her, an eyebrow raised. "Because that's what it is, Jane, "She said, exasperated. For good measure, she added, "You're naked."

Jane reached over shyly and picked up a dish towel, trying to wrap it around her or at least hold it in front of her, before she finally balled it up and threw it in Maura's face.

Before they both knew it, Maura reached out for Jane and their bodies were pressed up against each other, the cold granite of the counter digging into Maura's back. Jane kissed her way down Maura's body and rid her of her shoes, one at a time, then dragged her jeans down the length of her legs, tossing them to the side. Maura sighed into the darkness as Jane teasingly nipped at the inside of her thigh, her hands making an agonizingly slow trek to remove her panties. Jane thought she would never tire of hearing the sound of Maura's satisfied sigh.

Jane looked up at Maura from her knees as she tossed her panties behind her. "I'm so glad you decided to come home early." With that, she picked Maura up and Maura locked her legs around Jane's waist.

"I didn't want to spend New Year's Eve with anyone else but you." Maura squealed as Jane carried her up the stairs and into the shower, allowing the warm water to wash over them both, no other words needing to be spoken.

From his enclosure downstairs, Bass could hear Maura calling upon Jane and the deities, smug in the fact that his matchmaking skills had been proven. I wonder if I should order business cards.