Oneshot! My sick attempt at humor! Pwease let me know if this is any good and if this should be M and why it should be M, but I think this is at least a T...so pwease read and review and enjoy this fanfic! Hope ya likey!
~Luv Fairylust~
;^P
A sat in his and B's room studying. He was still waiting for his friend to return from Rodger's office. Yes. Rodger's office, other wise known as the pit of all that is old, dusty and musty. His office was where the air went stale just as you entered. He always protested that it was made up, but A had been there once and it wasn't made up. Not at all made up. A was worried for his friend. He'd gotten into loads of trouble.
Flashback:
"Excuse me, B?" a small blonde kid who A and B had come to know as Mello said pulling on B's baggy black t-shirt. "Hey, hey, hey B?"
"Yeeeeaaahhh?" B asked smirking sinisterly. He looked down at the small boy along with A and both saw that his two friends accompanied Mello, well, his redheaded friend and the albino kid who had gray eyes instead of red that the blonde kid, Mello dubbed his worst enemy a.k.a. his rival. Both of the younger children were known as Matt and Near. Matt being older than Near by a year and Mello older than both by two years. "What's sex?" Matt asked innocently. His five-year-old curiosity was showing and A couldn't help but to blush while B's crimson red eyes widening slightly.
"We heard you and Substitute talking about it in the library earlier." Mello explained.
"Huh?" A gasped. "B? You're not suppose to talk about that stuff around little kids!"
"Relax, Mr. Perfect we were just talking about porn."
"What's that?" Matt asked innocently. "I think Replacement said something about that when you and S started laughing…what 's porn?" A blushed a brighter red, whilst B's red eyes flashed sinisterly. "How about A and I show ya what sex and porn are?" A blushed so bright a red one would've thought he'd explode. Mello and Matt exchanged looks, while Near stood behind them sucking his thumb like almost any four year old would. The two boys nodded. A's mouth dropped as B led them to their room and pulled out a videotape. "Kay, this is porn, which is basically just recorded sex." B explained as he popped the tape in the VCR. A couldn't let it go any further and threw the first thing he grabbed, which happened to be a baseball at the television, breaking it.
Everyone gave him a strange look. "Their too little B!" he spat at his friend who chuckled darkly. "Riiiiigggghhhhttt!" B said sarcastically. "Then why don't we just show 'em? You and me. One on one. Me the seme you the uke. Down and dirty. Do ya know what I mean, my darling?"
"I'm NOT having sex with you and I'm not your darling!"
"Yes you are."
"I totally am NOT!" A snapped. "And I would never, ever in a billion years wanna have sex with a creep like you!"
"Yes you will."
"No, I won't!"
"Yes you will!"
"Why would I wanna have sex with a first class jerk?"
"Cause, I can do this!" B said pulling A close to him, then licking his face all over like a dog would. His friend's face was thickly coated in his saliva by the time he stopped. A pulled away, wiping at his face in disgust. "Eww, B that's just gross!" B fell on the floor and rolled about laughing madly. After regaining composure he leapt to his feet. "You loved it!"
A looked at him feeling as though he'd just been slapped. "What?"
"You luuuuuvvvvved iiiiiitttaaa!" B shouted triumphantly. "Mr. Perfect luvs me sooooo much!"
"Ugh! No, I totally didn't love it, it was gross you world class perv!"
"You think it's hot!" B giggled.
"No I don't!"
"You luuuuuvvvvv meeeee!" B said hugging himself for obnoxious effect. The three children had sat down and watched as the two argued for sometime, before old man Rodger came in and asked what was going on. Mello and Matt gave him a short, very vivid summery of what was going on and the next thing A knew Rodger was yelling at B and hauled him off after ushering the kids out of the room.
Flashback ends.
As soon as B came back he leaned over A and peered over his friend's shoulder making sure to breath loudly, so he'd annoy A.
"B?"
"Yes A?"
"Why're you playing with my hair like that?" the elder asked as B tugged at his sandy colored strands of hair. "Could you stop it?"
"I dunno what you're talking about!" B said innocently. His red eyes flashed as a smirk played on his lips. A didn't miss that and began to feel nervous. Why was B acting like he was? A felt confused and afraid of the younger male, as B had never acted so strangely before. Well, yes, he acted strange but not like he currently was.
"Why are you smirking like that?" A asked turning to B. "Why're you acting so strange?"
"Huh? What do you mean A?"
"Why are your eyes sparkling with such mischief?"
"Dunno." B shrugged. "What are you saying A?" he demanded smirking evilly. "Are you saying that I'm acting strange?" he looked about the room after saying the last three words as if he expected someone to attack him, then he looked to A with the same smirk on his face. "Frankly, yes, yes, I am." A said nodding and staring at B intently.
"So what's wrong?" B stood staring at his friend dumbly. After a short while A began studying again, but was once more interrupted by Beyond Birthday. "Would you please stop running your hands up and down my torso!" he snapped jumping to his feet.
"No." B pouted continuing his ministrations. "I like doing this." He said moving his hands faster. A shuddered then gasped when B stopped. He looked to see his friend's pale hands were tugging at the waistband of his pants. "B why are you pulling at my pants like that?" he asked with wide, wary eyes.
"I wanna see how big you are." B said pulling at the waist band more. "I wanna know who has a bigger dick."
"WHAT?"
"Be still!" B ordered. "Stop struggling!"
"No!" A shouted trying desperately to pull away from B. "Stop trying to look down my pants that makes you look so g-a-y! GAY!"
"I just wanna see whose bigger! And I'm not at all gay, my dear friend A, I'm bisexual if you should know! Now be still!"
"You are bigger okay! Just stop trying to sexually harass me, you homo!"
"I've done nothing of the sort now hold still!"
"B!" A exclaimed as his pants came off. B giggled as he saw A's boxers were covered by little cherries. "Cherries?" he giggled unable to contain his laughter. "Give me my pants back!" A demanded blushing profusely.
"Never!" B cried running about the room whilst A chased him. "I need those!" A cried. "Hand them back!" B runs around room laughing crazily whilst A chased him. Suddenly both boys stopped and B smirked sheepishly. "Okay, I'm sorry you can have the back." He said sounding really apologetic. As soon as A reached out for them B released the pants and pulled his boxers down.
"B!" A screamed in embarrassment. "Why'd you have to do that?" he cried out feeling tears sting the corners of his eyes. He felt soooooo EMBARASSED! "A!" B exclaimed in surprise. He didn't think his friend would be that big. He blushed and let A pull his pants and boxers back on.
"You're such a pervert!" A snarled before he slapped Beyond across his face. "I hate you! You stupid, perverted homosexual freak of nature!" he shouted shortly before B leapt on him. "Better than being a guy who wears cherry underwear and is still a virgin!" B growled in retaliation as he wrestled his friend into a headlock. "Say uncle, you sissy bastard!" he ordered, but A refused.
They wrestled about for a while both groaning and growling and cursing at each other. After a while they both lay on the floor. Both were sweaty and breathing hard. Both had red faces and had carpet burns and bruises. Both were exhausted. And both felt sort of ashamed. A was ashamed that he'd fought with his friend and had allowed B to actually see him exposed…down there…whilst B just felt ashamed that he was smaller than his friend…down there…and had allowed A to win when they were wrestling.
Panting B glared at his friend. "You won again…on two accounts…Mr. Perfect…."
"Oh…re-really…how?"
"Your dick is bigger…and…you beat me at wrestling…just then…."
"An-and…you're still a…a…a…w-world class pervert!"
B laughed merrily. "Maybe I am, but so what? You're still a jerk." Their bedroom door suddenly opened and they both saw Near standing there sucking his thumb. "What do you want sheep cripple?" B snickered. Near smirked an evil little smirk as he let his hand fall to his side and stood staring at the two teens.
"What?" A asked feeling nervous. "What?"
"Is something amusing you kid?" B sneered.
"A and B had sexual relations!" Near screamed running down the hall. "They're both gaaaay homosexuals!"
"Why you little!" B cried as he jumped to his feet and ran into hallways, where he slipped but didn't stay down for long. B leapt to his feet laughing like a psycho and chased after the boy clad in white pajamas. "When I catch you I'm gonna make you regret ever being hatched from whatever damned egg you came from!" he shouted a long ways from his and A's room. The sandy0haired genius heard his friend shouting down the hall along with Near's yelling and S's uncontrolled laughter. "Stop yelling that you freakin sheep! Substitute shut the hell up! He's lying!"
A sat on the floor sighing and rolling his dull brown eyes with a smile plastered on his face; it was just another great day being a Whammy's kid. A day as a Whammy's kid was never boring…it was a day that Alternative loved. He stood and lay on his bed to wait for B who he was gonna surprise as soon as he got back.
He was gonna make that night hot for the sick little pervert.
Luv it? Hate it? Did ya anticipate it? Did ya expect that ending? Did ya like how the whole thing turned out? Pwease, R&R or PM me. I think I did a great job! Pwease let me know if you enjoyed it! :^D