Broken

Alfred considered himself happy. He lived in a fairly nice house, he had a fairly nice boyfriend and he had fairly nice friends. The fiery American wasn't the kind to accept his life as was with no action, he never had been. He was loud and proud, there was just no way around it.

So why had he settled? Five years ago the blond wouldn't have considered settling for anything less than perfection. He wouldn't have thought even for a second to stop short of his full potential, stop searching for just the right fit, just the right life… When had he fallen short?

These questions had never occurred to him before. Not until his best friend in the world turned everything he thought he knew against him not a few hours ago...

…

Alfred skipped happily as he approached Feliciano's house, eager to see his best friend for the first time in a few months. How the time flew! He hadn't realized months had passed since he'd seen the Italian until he had called him practically begging him to come over for coffee the next morning.

Feliciano seemed maybe a tad upset. Being a good friend Alfred had asked him what was wrong but the Italian insisted nothing was wrong. Something told the blond that his little friend wasn't being perfectly honest with him. But then again it had been too long since he'd heard Feliciano's voice. Guilt gnawed at his stomach. This visit was long overdue; neither had seen much of the other since they had both moved in with their respective partners: Ludwig with Feliciano and Arthur with himself. Life had been peaceful, a bit busy, maybe, but peaceful.

Humming cheerfully, Alfred knocked smartly on the door and waited excitedly for the door to open.

There was a soft pad of light footsteps and Alfred grinned broadly when Feliciano opened the door with a faint smile on his face. "Al!" He squealed and gave him the usual tight hug.

"Feli!" Alfred wrapped his arms instantly around Feliciano and, knowing it would make him smile, lifted him up a few inches and twirled around once before plopping him back down again.

Feliciano giggled and grinned broadly, the action in turn made the blond smile widely and ruffle the Italian's hair affectionately.

"I missed you Al! It's been too long. Please come in." Feliciano moved out of the way and gestured for him to enter.

There was something a little off about all of Feli's actions. Either he had been gone longer than he thought, or Feliciano was just a little less cheery than he remembered. A faint smile diligently graced his face, but that was less than his usual jovial manner. Feli would always seem to bounce as he moved, and when he wasn't chattering endlessly he was humming or singing something softly in Italian. These were all qualities that were trademark Feliciano behavior. Something the brunette did without thinking. Now however, he seemed reserved and rather flat-footed. To the casual observer, Feliciano seemed perfectly content with that tiny smile and quiet tone. But it was so unlike him Alfred was almost a little alarmed. Surely such subtle changes were nothing to worry about, though, weren't they?

When the pair entered the kitchen, the silence was still a little worrying. "How are you Feli?" Alfred asked a tad cautiously, plopping down into one of the chairs at the table with familiarity that only came with close friendship.

Feliciano didn't respond, he just shrugged and moved passed him. "Coffee?"

"Yes please!" Alfred called happily. "What have you been up to since we last talked?"

There was a brief silence before the Italian answered. "Nothing, really. How are you?"

"Amazing as always!" The American called casually. "Artie and I are going totally awesomely and everything's great, thanks for asking."

"That's, just great..." Feliciano placed a mug in front of Alfred and settled down in a chair next to him, cradling his own mug in his hands. "Has everything been going well since the move in?"

"Totally bro! Everything went smooth as silk." The blond grinned happily and took a sugar cube from a small basket in the center of the kitchen table, dropping it into the steaming liquid. "Sorry Artie couldn't join us. He's working today, blugh am I right? The man works too much. Saturday? Really? But I couldn't talk him out of it."

"It's alright." Feliciano also took a sugar cube and let it drop into his coffee. "I've been wanting to talk to you one-on-one for a while now anyway."

Alfred frowned a little. Something about the house was off too something was different… he couldn't pinpoint it. Had he forgotten to do something? Say something? Bring something? Was he just overthinking everything today? Of course he was forgetful as hell, but this little routine of theirs was so natural and done many times over. He didn't think anything was wrong until…

"Hey, where's Ludwig?" Alfred looked around as if expecting to find him lurking around somewhere. He never really liked Ludwig, and he couldn't figure out why. But now that he thought about it, the German was the one that usually came to the door since he moved in with Feli. "Is he working too? I think you've always told me that he works too much right?" Al cackled with laughter. "Jeez you'd think living with a little cutie like you might take the edge off eh? But old habits die hard I guess."

Feli closed his eyes, took a deep breath. Ok that was worrying. Before Alfred could comment on how abnormally he was acting, he spat rather emotionlessly. "We broke up."

Alfred heard, but he didn't comprehend. Ludwig and Feliciano… had broken up? weren't together anymore? Weren't going to get engaged, married, adopt four kids and grow old together? It seemed so utterly surreal that Alfred thought this was just a little friendly batter; sarcasm maybe.

"Uh- ahaha… that's funny Feli. Strange joke bro but it's funny." Alfred attempted a chuckle that turned out to be more of a choke.

The Italian looked down with shimmering chocolate eyes. "Why would I make such a cruel joke? He's gone… and he's not-" Feli let out a little sob and buried his face in his hands. "He's not coming back!"

At once the American felt like a huge jackass. Alfred stood up, crouched down, and hugged the brunette tightly. "Hey, Feli… it's alright." How lame was he right now? 'it's alright'? Was that all he could offer his best friend?

"Nothing's ever going to be alright again!" Feli favored Alfred's should to his hands and cried in his arms. "I don't know what I did wrong." Feliciano whimpered in despair. "I loved him so much…"

"Feli, listen to me." Alfred pulled back and gripped Feliciano's shoulders tightly. Without thinking he lifted the Italian's head up with his thumb so he could stare directly into those doe-like eyes…

Widened and watering, Feliciano's beautiful chocolate eyes made Alfred's heart melt. How could someone look into those eyes and cause him so much pain? A cold resolution towards the German was hardening in Alfred's heart. For as long as he could remember, he had never been able to lie when he looked into those illustrious orbs.

Alfred shook his head. He had to focus. "Ludwig is a complete fool for throwing away the most perfect house, husband, and future anyone could ever hope for. I've known you for years and I can say with complete sincerity that anyone would be lucky as hell to capture your heart of pure fucking gold." Feli was shaking his head, his eyes shutting tightly. Alfred forced their forehead together softly trying to get his point across. "Listen, no listen to me." He ordered gently. Al clamped his forefinger and his thumb over Feliciano's chin, holding the brunette's head still. "Ludwig is a spoiled fucking brat if he thinks he can do better than you. You're beautiful, kind, funny and sweet. You can cook and clean and paint and you're the only person who can talk to anyone and everyone nonstop for hours. And when I get my hands on him he's going to pay for every tear that you cried over his worthless ass. Do you hear me?"

Feliciano nodded and sniffed. "G-grazie Alfred. You always know how to make me feel better…"

"When was this? Why didn't you call me? What did he say? Tell me everything." He demanded at once.

Feliciano just shook his head. "I-it happened a week ago. We broke up because..." He stopped, as if pondering how to say his next words. "Well… I just couldn't love Germany as much as he wanted me to... "

"The way he wanted you to? But you two were always so happy. I thought for sure you'd make the long haul. He adored you…"

Feli nodded and looked away. Was that… guilt on his face? "Si he did. But he didn't want me if he thought I didn't love him as much as he loved me… it's all very messy. The point is," Feliciano gave the blond a sad smile, though tears were still running down his face. "He's not coming back."

Alfred frowned. What the hell did that mean? "But you did, didn't you?"

The brunette wiped his face dry, but didn't truly answer. "I-I begged him not to go… but I can't force him to stay if he doesn't want to." He sniffed. "I'm sorry I didn't call you, I knew you and Arthur were doing well and I didn't want to… I didn't want to…"

"You wouldn't have bothered me. If you're upset, it bothers me more that you don't tell me right away. So don't ever wait so long to tell me about the important things again, alright?" He then demanded suddenly, slightly panicked. "Promise you won't."

Feliciano looked a little alarmed at this, but nodded nonetheless. "I promise. I'll talk to you if something this big comes up again."

"You'll call me right away?"

"Si, si."

"Good."

With that, the moment was broken and Alfred was all too aware of how close they were. His face burned with utter shame and embarrassment. Feliciano's breath brushed passed his lips, Alfred's vision was filled with nothing but Feli's still distressed face. Al's cerulean eyes were pinned to his shimmering chocolate orbs. The blond exclaimed softly when he also became aware that his fingers, still on the brunette's chin, were loosening their grip and unconsciously stroking the downy skin on Feliciano's cheek.

Once Feliciano had too realized their position, he jumped back like Alfred had turned savage and tried to bite him. The Italian sat back as far as he could go in his chair, blushing madly and looking scared.

Alfred got to his feet, trying to ignore the tension crackling silence by sitting back down and taking a sip of coffee. He thought very seriously about all the things that Feli said, and asked. "He didn't think you loved him the way he loved you?"

"Si."

"Is that, true?"

There was a very awkward silence, Feliciano stared down into his cup and whispered. "I think it was… si."

"But…" Alfred was so confused. Feli had always sang Ludwig's praises, never spoke a word against him and was always so affectionate. "I-I thought… you didn't love him?"

"Of course I did!" He burst, with anger and malice the American would not have thought possible from Feli. "But I'm… I'm in love with someone else…" He looked meaningfully into Alfred's cerulean eyes. Why was he looking at him like that? Was he suppose to know who it was? He's only just heard about this and everything was still blowing his mind. "I love them more than I ever loved Ludwig. I um, I told him about it, he knew but he hoped I could learn to love him more if we started dating but… nothing has changed." The Italian finished sadly, a tiny smile was on his face and his eyes were glazed with pain. He looked like he was used to the feeling. "That's why we broke up, if I'm being perfectly honest."

Alfred was beyond confused. "Wait… who is this guy? Why haven't you told them? Why would you get together with Ludwig if you knew you were in love with someone else? Do I know them?"

And Feliciano said something that would change the course of Alfred's life. One very short sentence answered all these questions and tens of others listed in Alfred's mind.

"I love you."

…

That's what found Alfred sitting in his living room, on the couch with a beer in his hand, rethinking his entire life. He took a gulp and massaged his temples with his fingers, trying to ward off the headache that was beginning piercing his head.

What was he going to do? His best friend of almost eight years was in love with him and he had no idea what to do.

The blond thought back to what he'd told Feli…

'Ludwig is a complete fool for throwing away the most perfect house, husband, and future anyone could ever hope for.'

'You're beautiful, kind, funny and sweet.'

'I've known you for years and I can say with complete sincerity that anyone would be lucky as hell to capture your heart of pure fucking gold.'

Had that all been lies? Alfred shook his head. No. Just because he wasn't attracted to Feli didn't mean what he said was wrong. It was still true.

Then he remembered just how easily those words had poured from his mouth. He'd hardly even had to think about them. This protectiveness, this, feeling was friendship. It had to be. He saw Feliciano as nothing more than his cute, hot, funny little brother.

Al clapped his hands over his mouth. 'Hot'? Had he really just thought that?

Well… The American mused. Feli is pretty attractive. But it's not weird to appreciate beauty. His eyes widened again. He'd also just called Feliciano 'beautiful' hadn't he?

And now it was weird.

Alfred felt like hitting himself he was so confused. What the hell? He was a perfectly loyal boyfriend who didn't have eyes for anyone but Arthur. That's how it was and always would be!

In his mind, that settled it. It didn't matter what he felt for Feli or what Feli felt for him, he loved Arthur and he wasn't about to mess that up.

A key entering the door shattered his thoughts. The American looked up in time to see his boyfriend walk through the door.

"I'm home you wanker!" Arthur called in his usual grumpy manner. "Where's my bloody kiss?"

Dutifully the American jumped up and kissed Arthur heartily on the cheek, slinging his arm around his shoulders. "Welcome home! That all you wanted darlin'?"

The Brit shoved him but a moment later his lips were on Alfred's. He smiled faintly and returned the kiss, wrapping his arms around Arthur's waist. Thoughts of anything unpleasant began to fall away in a haze of bliss. The pair soon found themselves on the couch, Arthur straddling Alfred as they continued their lip lock.

They parted and Alfred looked up into Arthur's eyes. A memory surfaced and suddenly those eyes melted from acid green to chocolate brown. Arthur took a sharp intake of breath and shook his head. Did Feli just…?

But the thought slipped away when Arthur descended upon him again. He sighed, and relaxed. But the more intense things got, the more his mind kept jumping between Feliciano and Arthur.

They broke apart and Alfred let out a small moan. He looked up, then furrowed his brows in confusion. Arthur was looking at him like he'd just struck him. Alfred frowned. "What's wrong?"

"What… what did you just say?"

Al laughed. "You must be more tired than you're letting on babe. I didn't say anything." But Arthur's face told a different story.

"I-" The Brit sighed. "Alright then." It was obvious Arthur didn't believe him, but the next second they were kissing again and the moment was forgotten.

Things quickly progressed and Alfred found himself tilting his head back when kisses showered his face and neck. He let out another moan and this time, they both heard it crystal clear.

"Feliciano…"

All movement instantly ceased. Arthur's acid eyes narrowed, turning more snake-like as the seconds passed.

After what felt like an eternity Arthur shoved off Alfred and stormed away, leaving the American stunned at his own reaction. He touched his still tingling lips, horror delaying his movement.

Had he really just done that? What the hell was wrong with him? Arthur had always done it for him, and now he'd touched Feli's cheek once and just thinking about him drew color from his cheeks? Even now as he was shaking with horror, the thought of Feliciano kissing him like that…

Alfred's thoughts were wrenched from his mind by the distant slamming of a door. Usually he would just leave Arthur to calm down before talking to him, but this was one of those rare exceptions where he had to explain himself immediately. But how on earth was he going to explain this away? Alfred himself still had no clue how or why it had happened. He arrived at the door to their room much too soon, he had no idea what he was going to say! Nonetheless he knocked softly, almost hesitantly. "Arthur…?"

"Leave me alone you fucking wanker!" Was his muffled reply.

"Please let me in?" Alfred begged. The guilt was suffocating him. "Just let me explain…"

"There's nothing to fucking explain!" Al jumped when he heard the Brit let out a little sob. "How long have you been cheating on me?"

"C-cheating?" The American was horrified. "No! I swear nothing ever happened between Feli and I!"

"I should've fucking guessed! 'Best friend since highschool' my arse! How long have you two been fucking behind my back?"

A rush of anger blinded Alfred. His cerulean eyes narrowed and he ended up pounding on the door loudly. "That's not even a little bit true! Don't ever accuse me of cheating on you! I fucking love you!" He snarled.

There was a scoff, some shifting and Arthur's voice was heard much more clearly. He was obviously crying. "Don't say that asshole! I know it's not true. This has always been about him hasn't it? He's all you bleeding talk about anymore!" Alfred's heart broke when he heard a sob immit from Arthur. "You went and saw him this morning, you probably fucked all day!"

And like that his sympathy for the other dissolved in a boiling rage. "I can't believe you would say that! Feliciano was upset today and I was worried about him!" Another scoff. "Him and Ludwig broke up."

"Well then he's obviously found out what I have."

"What the hell Artie? I've been nothing but loyal to you and this is how I'm repaid? What about you and Francis?"

"I couldn't stop him from doing that shit! I didn't want that!"

"You sure as hell weren't doing anything about it."

"What is that chicken shit? I can't stand that frog!"

"Sure. That's why you always try so hard to avoid him!"

There was a loud crash and Arthur shrieked angrily. "You're the one who's saying his name in bed!" Alfred backed away from the door, fully prepared to break it down until… "I don't want to see your face again! You and I are fucking over!"

The American's whole demeanor drooped, his eyes widened with hurt and outrage. He glared at the door, tears collecting at the edges of his eyes. He was still alive with rage, but hurt was quickly spreading throughout his chest like a bullet wound. His mind barely registered the hurried packing of a bag from within the room, minutes later the brit emerged with a large duffle bag at his side. His eyes were bloodshot and his sleeves were tear stained. The sight made Alfred's resolution soften and his eyes reflect regret. "Arthur…"

"Save it." The Englishman sobbed, rubbing at his acid green eyes indignantly. "I'll be 'round tomorrow for the rest of my things. Goodnight."

Alfred reached out for him as he walked away, wanting desperately to say something, anything. But he had nothing else to say. He just wanted to get away from the yelling and the pain. The front door slammed shut, the sound once again bringing the blond out of his daze. He collapsed, sobbing into his hands, all signs of anger gone along with Arthur.

What was wrong with him? What had he done? Why wouldn't Arthur listen to him?

He might've been sitting there, trying to calm down for hours for all he knew. He reached for his phone and dialed the number of the only person in the world he wanted to see right now. "Feliciano? It's Alfred. I need your help…"

…

Alfred waited impatiently at the door. He covered his mouth with his hands, trying to keep his sobs under control. Tears rained down his pale face and onto the floor. Where was Feli? He looked at the clock and his heart dropped. Five minutes? Had it only been five minutes? It felt impossible that such a little amount of time had passed…

The American began pacing up and down, wanting to keep his mind as occupied as possible. An impossible feat it seemed and Arthur's accusations rang in his ears, his betrayed face flashed before his eyes and he let out another loud sob.

There came a rapid knock on door, and at once the American opened it. As soon as Feliciano was in view, before he could even open his mouth Alfred enveloped him in a tight hug. "Feli…" He buried his face in the Italian's brunette hair.

Feliciano jumped a little but immediately hugged him back. "Al? What's wrong? Why did you call me so late?"

The American held him tightly. "I-I don't want to talk about it. Just, please hold me." Tears were pouring down his cheeks. "It hurts…"

Feliciano nodded and rubbed his back soothingly. The Italian shut the door and placed his other hand on the nape of Alfred's neck. "Alright Alfred. Let's just sit down alright?"

Alfred followed Feli's lead when the other sat him down on the couch, went into the other room and brought him a mug of coffee. Al smiled weakly. It was too late to be having coffee, but Feliciano knew it made him happy.

"T-thanks Feli." The American murmured, cupping the warm mug in his hands. He sniffed trying to quiet his sobs. "For coming so late with no questions asked. I owe you one bro."

Feliciano settled down beside him, pulled a blanket over them both and held Alfred tightly. "I'd do anything for you Alfred. It's nothing."

Alfred hugged Feliciano, trying to convey without words his gratitude towards the Italian. He didn't know what to say, but the emotion passing between the pair was palpable. "Thanks." He muttered, a little embarrassed.

"You're welcome. It's no trouble I promise Alfred." The little Italian returned the hug, and Alfred had to be careful not to spill any of his still hot coffee on Feliciano or the couch.

"How did you get through your breakup with Ludwig alone? I feel like I'm going to be alone forever…" That was the best way he could describe the feeling of desolation in his heart.

Feliciano froze. "It was really awful at first but," he took a deep breath. "I got use to being alone, I guess…"

"Do you miss him?" Alfred as tentatively.

"All the time."

Alfred nodded, trying to imagine Feliciano in his position, alone and crying. His grip tightened around the Italian. He didn't like that. Feliciano deserved to be well taken care of, protected and cherished. Alfred didn't know how he felt about that. He'd always been used to the idea that Ludwig would take care of Feliciano. Now trying to imagine someone else with him sent his blood boiling. Arthur popped into his head and at once banished the idea of doing it himself. What was this? He didn't want him but he didn't want Feli with anyone else either. And at the same time he wanted someone there for the Italian. His brother couldn't stay with him for his whole life...

Fuck.

With another fresh wave of tears, Alfred realized, really realized for the first time that Arthur might never be coming back… what if this was the end for them just like that? What would he even say if Arthur arrived again?

The American placed his mug down and buried his face in Feliciano's neck. He just wanted to feel like he wasn't alone, like everything was going to be ok. Feli fit into his arms perfectly, he was warm and reminded Alfred of a kitten. Even as he thought this, a purr-like rubble emitted from the back of the Italian's throat.

The American laughed, and just when he was about to ask about it, there was the sound of a lock turning and the door swung open with a loud bang.

Alfred looked around with wide eyes, both of them had jumped.

"I fucking knew it!"

Alfred blanched and leaped up from the couch, releasing Feliciano quickly.

"Arthur."

The Brit was standing in the doorway, tears silently dripping down his eyes. He shook his head when Alfred approached, glaring menacingly.

"Save it. I'm just here for my things." Arthur sniffed, wiping his eyes on his sleeves.

Alfred untangled himself from the blanket and released Feliciano, making sure to leave him so that he was behind him as approached Arthur cautiously, his own cerulean eyes burning. "Please-"

"I don't want to hear it!" Arthur stormed upstairs, sobs escaping his body.

"Arthur!" The American ran after him, all thoughts of Feliciano driven from his mind.

The door to their room was slammed shut, but Alfred was having none of it. He swung the door open and crossed his arms.

"Arthur…"

"Just shut up!" The Brit was rapidly packing more of his clothes and things into a large suitcase. There was a few moments of very stoney silence.

"It's not what it looks like. He's just here because I was lonely-"

"And looking for a good fuck."

"Would you just listen to me for five seconds!"

"No! You've given me no reason to want to hear a word you have to say!"

"How about you have no proof I'm cheating on you?"

"You said his name in bed! I have every right to-"

"It was a mistake! I'm sorry! I had a lot on my fucking mind alright?!"

Arthur stopped his movement and slammed his suitcase down on the floor. "You knew. You knew I was mad because of him and your solution is to bring him over to-"

"I didn't think you were coming home! I thought you had walked out on me and weren't coming back!"

"That's bullshit! I said I'd be back for my things!"

"Yeah? Well you also said that we were over so what should it matter to you anyway?"

This brought the argument to an immediate halt. The tension was unbearable. Alfred was looking at Arthur with a mix of accusation, expectation and fury. Meanwhile Arthur was shaking, the scolding look stubbornly on his face.

"Well?" Alfred snarled. "Are we over?" Arthur's expression softened and he looked down in deep thought.

"Alfred… perhaps nothing ever happened between you and Feliciano. That's on me. But I've been cheated on before and it always starts with… look," The Brit settled, suddenly looking thoroughly exhausted. "I didn't want to do this, I didn't want to be that guy who made you pick but well, if you really love me." Arthur crossed his arms. "You'll stop hanging out with Feliciano. You two can't be friends anymore if we keep dating."

Alfred's jaw dropped, his stomach clenched uncomfortably and dread chilled his blood. The American shook his head in disbelief. "You-you want me to choose between you?"

"Yes." Arthur's face once again turned indignant. "If you really loved me then it should be an easy choice."

"That's is ridiculous! Feli's my best friend and you're my boyfriend. Those relationships are totally different." Alfred pointed an accusatory finger Arthur's way. "And if you really loved me then it shouldn't matter who my friends are!"

"Look. I don't know what's been going on but I'll always be wondering now." The brit walked over and kissed his cheek softly. "I'm sure he'll understand."

Alfred didn't know what to think. Give up Feliciano as a friend or lose Arthur forever? How was he suppose to pick one over the other? Feliciano had been his best bro since high school. None of his friendships had endured so long but Arthur was, well, his lover. He bit his lip, trying to banish the idea of the look on Feliciano's face when he said they couldn't be friends anymore. He'd only just broken up with Ludwig and Lovino, as his facebook revealed, was now engaged to that Spaniard he'd been dating since forever. How on earth was he going to tell him?

"You'll always be wondering about something you've put in your head without an evidence?" Alfred asked incredulously. The notion seemed to him completely ridiculous.

Arthur nodded, narrowing his eyes slightly at his tone. "Look, I had a little talk with Ludwig and he told me that Feliciano is in love with you." Alfred tried hard to look like this was news to him. He honestly just wanted to forget about that at this point. "That's why they broke up. So you can hardly say he's too distraught."

"He was!" The American protested, rushing to Feli's defense at once. "He was crying and completely devastated."

"Don't you fucking get it? He was trying to get your sympathy!"

"He wouldn't do that!"

"I-" There was a little cough and both blonds turned to face a teary eyed Italian.

"Um, I-I'm sorry," Feli whispered, the tears were dripping from his eyes without a sound. "Are you two… fighting about me?"

Neither was eager to answer. Alfred gave Arthur a pleading expressing, the Brit fleetingly glanced his way before his eyes landed back on Feliciano.

Evidently this was enough to confirm Feliciano's fears. He sighed and said softly. "I thought so. I'm really sorry about all of this. I think I'll just go."

"Wait! Hey it's not your fault Feli-" The look he received from Arthur silenced him.

"That, would be for the best Feliciano." The Brit replied coldly, as though Alfred had not spoken at all.

The American's heart dropped as Feli turned and walked quietly from the house. A hole was tearing in his heart. Was he losing everyone just like that? What had he done wrong? Just this morning everything was perfect, his life could hardly get any better and now…

"I'll give you some time to let you think about what you really want."

And just like that, he was all alone.

…

The days rolled passed endlessly. The only thing that was driving him was work. He kept count of the days, the hours were never ending and the loneliness was starting to get to him.

Everything he did seemed empty. What was the point when he'd upset everyone he loved but Matthew, who it was admittedly hard to upset.

The American flopped face-down onto the couch when he got home on the third day. He reached forward and hugged a pillow to his chest.

Then it hit him, he couldn't just sit here and let both of them slip out of his life. He had to do something instead of mope here and feel sorry for himself. The only question was, who did he call? Feliciano would probably be easier to talk to, but he felt a moral obligation to call Arthur. He was the one who must've been more upset and he was honestly a little afraid to face Feli again. The uncomfortable fact that the little Italian was in love with him had been hanging over his head for a long time now. He just wanted to forget it had ever happened and pray that everything would go back to normal.

The American sighed and took out his cellphone. He was seriously starting to doubt Arthur's loyalty to him. Would he seriously think that Alfred would do something like that? It made his blood boil just to think about it.

Alfred shook his head and dialed the familiar number, waiting impatiently for an answer that didn't come.

"Hey Arthur, it's Alfred." Great, he hadn't worked out what he was going to say from there. "Uh, well um, I needed- I wanted to talk to you. In person. Somewhere… um, just meet me at the west side cafe tomorrow afternoon. I guess. Alright see you soon."

Alfred snapped his phone shut and buried his face in the cushions of his couch. That was awful. He didn't want to imagine the look on Arthur's face when he heard that.

Thoughts of Arthur were becoming increasingly vexing. Everytime he thought of the Brit his blood boiled and irritation stung his skin. If he was honest with himself he didn't want to see Arthur right now, but if he left it for too long he would lose him forever, and he didn't want that either.

The next afternoon, the American walked slowly to the cafe in question, his movements were deliberately slowed and sluggish. Dread was the reason for his idle movement, he wasn't exactly sure how Arthur would react to what he had to say and he was terrified to let another person walk out of his life. That thought was his motivation to throw back his shoulders and walk into the place with his head held high. Everything would turn out in the end, right?

One glance of the nearly empty cafe revealed Arthur sitting alone and sipping a small mug of a steaming liquid. Alfred hesitated, his sense of shame and dread only growing with every step he took towards the Brit.

"Alfred?" Arthur look up from the paper he'd been reading, it was clear he felt just about as awkward as Alfred felt. "Hello, please sit down."

Alfred nodded and took a seat across the Brit. He sat stiffly in his seat, unsure exactly how to say this.

The cerulean-eyed blond coughed awkwardly and said sadly. "Um, listen Arthur." He looked straight into those acid green eyes. There was a touch of anxiety within their depths, it made him feel all the more guilty.

He swallowed. "I don't want us to end on a misunderstanding. Feliciano is like my little brother and he's the closest friend I have and I don't want to lose him because of something that's not his fault. Can you please accept that under my word nothing will ever happen?"

Alfred closed his eye and clenched his jaw nervously, waiting for the Brit's answer. He knew it was asking for a lot of trust, but he'd decided in his mind that love was build on trust. If Arthur truly loved him he would trust him to do this.

There was no answer right away, or the moment following. The American peaked an eye open nervously. Arthur was looking down at him with no amusement in his gaze. His contempt was rolling off him in icy waves. It made Alfred shiver. Realizing his position and preparing for rejection, Alfred looked up, threw back his shoulders, numbed his feelings and stared down the Brit with equal contempt.

A sigh emitted from Arthur, a tired worn sort of noise that pulled Alfred's sympathy.

Had he made Arthur cry? He'd certainly made him doubt his love for him, and therefore doubt himself. Had he been an attentive lover? Most importantly had he really been in love with Arthur? He thought the answer should be yes, but how could it if Arthur didn't, for all this attempts and words, believe him then it couldn't be true could it?

"I just can't let that go… you don't understand, but this is how it starts, how it always starts…"

Alfred didn't think he could take much more of all this, it was starting to leave him constantly in a state of melancholy. He was sick of it. Completely done. He couldn't stand pursuing someone who wouldn't listen to him. He'd done everything hadn't he? If Arthur decided to be stubborn that wasn't his fault.

"Fine then." This had been so much shorter than he'd intended it to be. He figured they would be discussing this for at least an hour, but as soon as the opportunity to voice all the thoughts that had swam around in his head for the passed few days came up, he didn't feel he had the emotional stamina to get through it all. Not after that.

"Then I guess we don't have anything more to talk about." He said flatly, his gaze hardening. This had been a bad idea, his chest tightened painfully. Were they over? They must've been, but he couldn't say that outloud, not yet. He refused to allow himself tears this time. It wasn't his fault… it wasn't…

He forced his stiff muscles to move, retreat, he couldn't stand the silence. He felt like a ghost, nothing mattered, nothing seemed real anymore.

…

Maybe he should've done this to begin with, surely this would've cleared up a few things before all… that.

Alfred stood outside Feliciano's door, contemplating knocking and just getting it out of the way. Everything was such a mess, and all because of a few perfectly well intended words… As it ended up, the door swung open before Alfred could make the conscious decision to knock.

"Oh my-!" Feliciano jumped back and dropped what looked like a fairly nice vase.

"Shit." Alfred muttered and began to help pick up the pieces. "I'm really sorry Feli! That was my bad I-" He let out a frustrated noise, unable to form the right words with everything else on his mind.

"It's ok." Feliciano bend down so they were level. "I actually didn't like that vase very much, don't worry about it I can make another."

"Oh that's right you like making things with clay right? Was this one of yours?"

The Italian nodded. "Don't worry about it though, it wasn't that great. Don't do that, you'll cut yourself!" He exclaimed as Alfred began sweeping the very smallest glass pieces into his hand.

"I made this mess I might as well clean it up right?" Alfred stood up. "May I come in?"

"Of course." Feli held open the door while Alfred walked in and threw the shards into the trash.

Alfred washed his hands and walked back to Feliciano, who was standing in the kitchen. "Can we talk?"

Feliciano closed his eyes and rubbed his temple. "Si, take a seat."

Alfred obeyed at once, discomfort made him want to remain silent. It took an effort just to get simple words to come to his mouth. The awkwardness didn't help much either. Feli took a seat next to him, his expression was blank. Alfred shifted uncomfortably. He recognized that look. It was the same expression that hung around around the time Feliciano had come out. That had certainly been an emotional time for everyone. It just meant Feli was worried something was going to go wrong, someone was going to hate him or leave him.

Alfred's arm twitched. He wanted to do something. Take some sort of action. That look had no business ever crossing Feliciano's features. But the simple fact that he felt more or less the same, and that he just didn't feel up to being humiliated again, were two of the main factors that kept his jaw set in place and his own emotions from showing. It was the same shameful feeling that had restrained him from seeing anyone, that chose for him not to act on something that might not have been there at all…

That was bullshit and Alfred knew it. He knew full well how Feli was feeling right now. If he wasn't such a coward he might've inquired but before he could even begin to think how to bring up such a complex subject, Feliciano spoke.

"I'm really sorry about the other day. I'm not sure what I did but I'm sorry." The Italian stated meekly. "Are you and Arthur ok now?"

"Please don't apologize, it wasn't really your fault. That fight shouldn't have been as big as it was. Arthur was just being over dramatic." Alfred ignored the last part of this statement, not sure how to answer. What was he going to do without Arthur in his life? His very definition of normal included Arthur in his house. He'd expected to marry him, to grow old together and now…

Alfred supposed that in a way it was because of Feli that Arthur and himself had broken up but in all actuality he couldn't really blame the brunette. Sure the whole his best friend was in love with him thing was bad and still weird to think about but Feliciano wouldn't have done anything while they were still dating. Arthur should've realized that either way nothing would've happened. If he couldn't take his word for something so important then maybe Feliciano had done him a favor.

"Are you two still fighting then?" Feliciano asked, sitting back against his chair as he looked innocently over at Alfred. The blond flinched. He couldn't possibly have known this question was going to hurt so much to answer, he was just being concerned but it still felt rather deliberate.

"Ah no actually, we broke up." Al replied sheepishly, turning his head from his little friend so as not to see his reaction.

"W-what? You broke up? Why?"

Was this how Feliciano had felt when he'd inquired about him and Ludwig? "We," He thought about how to phrase this so as Feliciano wouldn't feel like it was his fault. "couldn't come to an agreement about what to do about something important to me." He settled, hoping it was just enough to appease Feliciano.

"I'm sorry about that." The Italian replied. Alfred looked closely at his features. Feli's expression was blank, completely void of emotion. What was he thinking? Was he hoping Alfred would want to be with him? After all he had said he was in love with him but his rejection still must've hurt. He hadn't said exactly no, but that certainly wasn't a yes either. He just sort of left awkwardly after that. It wasn't as though he had given him the green light but he was anxious to what Feliciano wanted to do about all this. Al wanted to know what Feli wanted to do and he wasn't sure why…

"Nah it's for the best. I'm just not sure what I'm going to do without him." He stated numbly, giving Feliciano a pained smile. He'd cried too much already for any tears to fall now. The loneliness was getting to him and he found that even surrounding himself with people didn't fill the gap in his life, his feelings. It seemed nothing ever would. "It's really hard."

Feliciano nodded. "I understand. But now you get to figure out who you are on your own, and that's the fun part."

"I guess…"

"I know it's not what you want to hear, but it really does get better. Just try not to go through anything too hard on your own, you know Matthew and I will always be here if you need someone."

Silence greeted this. It was all so much to take in. These were concepts that were so foreign to him he felt like he was drowning in the unknown and trapped in the dark.

"Hey Alfred?"

Alfred's attention snapped back to the conversation. "Yeah?"

The Italian was fidgeting, his expression still blank. "You know… you don't have to stick around for my sake."

Alfred furrowed his brows. "Say what now?"

"You know," Feliciano's stare broke and he murmured. "You don't have to stay around just because I love you. I'll leave you alone if you want me to."

That one sentence made everything suddenly come into focus. All of it, these past two weeks, had it only been two? It felt like forever since everything was about as normal as things ever got. The realization, the fighting, the turmoil. And through it all he wasn't alone because...

Alfred reached forward and gripped Feliciano's hand tightly.

"Please don't leave me."

THE END

(AN):

Ah I'm so sorry I haven't updated lately! I promise the next chapter to Reunion Day is there, I just need to edit it and it should be done. But the editing for these chapters takes a long time because of how old that story is. I don't want to rewrite it because that would just be a huge pile of work that I can't get done with school and soccer plus all the homework I get on top of that. I'll try and get that posted by Friday, I might even change Friday to my 'official' not so official posting day. It's really just a reference for when I most likely will be posting. Try not to look at it as anything set in stone because I don't know if I can keep up with that.

Thanks to two of my friends for helping me with this story, I appreciate that.

I'm sorry this was so open-ended. The ending isn't the best but I wanted to keep this at a one-shot. I know the ending is shaky and a little rushed but I needed to at least try and keep this shorter.

Thank you for reading and reviewing it means a lot to me!