I'm back! I had written this one shot based on Taylor Swift's "Back to December" quite a while ago and forgot about it, but I recently found it and revised it. My apologies if it's still terrible. Anyway, a HUGE shoutout to TessaGraceHerondale for being patient with me and being a great supporter! It's really appreciated.
Please read the author's note at the bottom.
Hope you enjoy!
Well, here goes nothing.
Clary opened the door of her car and slowly made her way into an apartment building she hadn't been in for quite some time. As she entered the lobby and continued to the elevator, she couldn't help but wonder if this was a mistake.
When the elevator reached the 7th floor, she turned to the left and slowly walked down the hall. She took a deep breath when she reached number 7130 and hesitantly knocked on the door.
After a few moments, she heard footsteps make their way to the door before it was opened. Her breath caught at the sight in front of her.
There, standing in front of her wearing a simple pair of black sweat pants and a gray long sleeved shirt, was none other than Jace Herondale. He didn't even have to try to look handsome.
When he realized who it was who was knocking on his door so randomly, his eyes widened and he looked dumbfounded.
"Clary?"
She gave a shy smile. "Hi, Jace," she said in a quiet voice.
When he recomposed himself, his eyes hardened and his lips formed a thin line. As hard as he was trying to keep his emotions hidden, though, she could still see the confusion brewing in his eyes.
"What are you doing here?" he said with a guarded voice.
"Um, I just wanted to talk. Can I come in?" she asked timidly.
He scratched the back of his neck, something he did when he was either in an awkward situation or trying to make a decision. After a moment, he finally answered. "Yeah, I guess."
Jace stepped back and let her in before closing the door. He walked through the short hallway and turned left into the kitchen, Clary following him wordlessly.
When they entered the kitchen, she saw that on the table sat his computer and several stacks of paper. It looked like he had been working.
"Oh, I'm sorry if I interrupted you. I can go," she said quickly, turning to exit the kitchen.
"No, it's fine. It's nothing super important, and I was almost through, anyway," he said.
"Are you sure?" she asked timidly.
"Yeah. Uh, you can sit down, if you want," Jace said, gesturing to the barstools where Clary quietly sat down. "Do you want something to drink?" he asked, not unkindly, but certainly not as warmly as he used to be towards her.
"Um, yeah, that'd be great."
Without even having to ask, he reached into his refrigerator and grabbed her a can of Peach Nehi. He didn't know if that was what she wanted, but that was her favorite drink growing up.
Clary watched him as he got her drink. So much about him had changed, yet so much was still the same. He had gotten much leaner since the last time she saw him – almost three years ago. He had also cut his hair. He looked much more grown up now then he used to.
Well, I guess that's what time does to someone, Clary thought bitterly.
He handed her the can and said, "I hope this is okay. I can get you something else if you want me to."
"No, this is great." She smiled at him and opened the can, taking a drink.
"Mmm. It's been forever since I've had one of these."
"I always keep some around. You got me addicted to those things," Jace said stiffly.
Clary smiled discreetly into her next sip.
They sat in awkward silence for several minutes, Clary taking occasional sips of her drink and looking at Jace, and Jace looking anywhere else.
"How've you been, Jace?" Clary tried to break the silence. "How's your family been? I haven't seen them in forever. I miss them." She said the last sentence a little sadly, because she had missed them. A lot more than she thought she would.
She had always loved Jace's family. Her and his sister, Isabelle, had been close friends in middle school, so she spent a lot of time there. Then in high school, when her and Jace became best friends, and then later a couple, she was there even more.
They had always treated her like she was one of their own. They had even been there for her and taken her under their wing when her mother died when she was eighteen.
Jace leaned against the counter and looked at her—really looked at her—for the first time since she'd arrived.
"I've been good," he said after a minute. "I'm still working at the gym. I got promoted, actually, so I've been pretty busy. The family's good. Mom and Dad are still working at the law firm. Izzy's currently modeling in Milan. Alec's still in college. Max just started his first year of high school—he misses you like crazy, actually." He paused, and then, "How have you been?"
Clary paused and wondered if Jace could still tell when she was lying. She decided to give it a shot. "I've been fine," she said. But judging by the look he gave her, her question was answered. Jace had always been able to read her like a book.
The truth was, she had been pretty miserable. Most nights she couldn't sleep. Sometimes she would stay up all night, thinking about leaving Jace, the best thing that had ever happened to her, all alone in the cold with a dozen roses and an engagement ring.
"When did you get back?" he asked a moment later.
"Um, about a week and a half ago."
"Where have you been staying?"
"With Simon," Clary said. "At least until I get back on my feet."
"And now, the million dollar question: Why did you come back? You've been gone for so long, we all assumed you were gone for good. That you would just stay out there," Jace said in a mildly harsh voice.
Clary didn't know how to reply at first. The tone of his voice made her heart clench and tears well up in her eyes. She looked down at her hands and played with her bracelet until the tears were gone. She really didn't want Jace to see her cry.
Then she took a deep breath and let the words out. "There are few reasons, actually. I lived in LA for three years, and don't get me wrong, it was fun, but it wasn't home. I just really needed to be home, I think. And I finished college out there, so I wanted to find a place to settle down with a good job, and Los Angeles just isn't that place." She paused and took a deep breath. This was the whole reason she was here, and now she wasn't even sure if she could get the words out. She finally got enough courage to look into his eyes when she said, "And then there was… you."
Jace didn't say anything, only looked back at her evenly. That's what worried Clary the most, seeing his calm exterior and knowing there was a battle going on inside his head.
Clary looked down at her lap, not able to hold his gaze any longer. A few seconds later, she could tell by his voice that he was losing his calm.
"Me?" he asked disbelievingly.
Clary looked back into his eyes and saw that they were filled with slight anger. Her eyes filled with tears for the second time that night. She said nothing.
"Me?" he asked again.
Clary nodded her head shyly, looking at her fingers again.
Jace pushed off the counter and began pacing the length of the kitchen. He stopped a few feet in front of her. "Do you not know what kind of hell you put me through?" he asked angrily.
"I know—" Clary started, rising from her chair standing in front of him.
"No, you don't know! I was miserable, Clary! I was heartbroken!"
The tears she had been trying so hard to keep in finally spilled down her cheeks. "I'm so sorry, Jace… I—"
"You're sorry? That's all you've got? I loved you, Clary. I proposed to you, dammit. And you said no! And not only did you say no, but you left! You left me alone that night, you left the state, and you left my life completely!"
Jace's cheeks were flushed a deep shade of red. Clary hated that he was angry, especially because of her. But he was more than angry. He was hurt.
Clary remembered that day like it was yesterday.
There was snow on the ground, and it was cold—even colder than it usually was in the middle of December. He told her to meet at their favorite spot in the park. She had complained for hours, saying it was too cold to be out, but he told her he had to tell her something really important and that it would be worth it to get out in the cold.
So she went. He had arrived about five minutes after her, holding something behind his back.
He presented her with a dozen red roses—her favorite flowers. She looked confused, but graciously took them. He then took a deep breath and let the words flow from his mouth. He told her that he loved her, and that he'd always loved her, and he couldn't imagine his life without her, and he hoped he'd never have to live a life without her. Then he slowly got down on one knee and pulled out a small velvet box.
She had gasped and brought her hand to cover her mouth. Then, his golden eyes met her emerald green ones and he quietly said, "Clarissa Fray, will you marry me?"
She stared at him with wide eyes full of tears for several minutes, not saying anything.
And then she suddenly stood up, said she "couldn't do this", and left.
Remembering that night sent a shiver down her spine that made her snap out of her thoughts.
"Jace, please listen to me," Clary pleaded. "Just let me talk, and then I'll leave and I'll never speak to you again." She wiped the remaining tears off her face before Jace could see her.
Jace took several deep breaths and motioned for her to speak, walking to the refrigerator and retrieving a bottle of water. He took a long drink and looked directly at her.
"I know that nothing I say will change the past. But I want you to know that it's not easy to live with this regret. Knowing I messed up the opportunity to be with the only person that made me truly happy. There's not a day that's went by I haven't thought about you, not a day I don't regret leaving. It was the stupidest thing I've ever did. But I was scared."
"Scared? Scared of what?" Jace exclaimed.
"I was nineteen years old, Jace! I wasn't ready for marriage!" Clary yelled back.
Clary rarely yelled, so when she did, Jace took a step back and lowered his voice. "Well maybe I did ask a little early, but you could've told me you weren't ready and I would have understood."
"I know that. I know that now. At the time, though, I didn't. I was so incredibly stupid. I know this isn't an excuse, but I wanted you to know that I didn't leave you because I didn't love you, I did. Hell, I still do! I left because I was terrified."
"Y-you still love me?" Jace stuttered.
Clary sighed. She hadn't meant to say that. It's not that she didn't still love him, because she did. She just hadn't meant to say it this early. Well, there was no taking it back now.
Clary closed her eyes. "Yes, Jace, I do. And I don't want you to think I'm just telling you that so you'll forgive me. What I did to you was awful, and if you never forgave me I would understand. I came here because I had stand in front of you and tell you that I'm sorry for that night. I go back and think about everything I could've done differently all the time, but the truth is… I'll never be able to change that. I just wish I realized what I had at the time and what I let go.
"I know it was stupid of me to come back, and I'm sorry. But I had to make sure you knew that I loved you. And if you ever loved me again, I'd love you right this time, Jace. I'd go back in time and change that night if I could, but I can't. And if there's someone else in your life, or you just can't forgive me for how I treated you, I understand. If you never want to see me again, I'll leave—"
"How could you ever think I wouldn't forgive you, or that I would never want to see you again? When I told you I loved you, I meant it. When I proposed to you, willing to marry you, I was ready to say 'for better or for worse' in our vows, meaning that I would love you no matter what you did. It hurt when you left me, Clary. It hurt really bad. But it didn't make me not love you. I'll always love you."
They both stood facing each other, neither of them saying anything. When the silence became unbearable, Clary spoke.
"So what does this mean?" she asked in a small voice.
Jace ran his hand down his face and let out a long breath. "I don't know, Clary. What do you want it to mean?"
"I love you, Jace. But this is all up to you. I did you terribly wrong, and I will completely understand if you don't want to be with me again. But I couldn't live the rest of my life without telling you the truth, and I didn't want you to live the rest of your life thinking I didn't love you. So—"
She was cut off when Jace suddenly caught her around the waist and pulled her into his strong body.
And then he kissed her. He kissed her with all the passion he felt, and she kissed him back with everything she had in her. Jace picked her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist while he carried her to the living room, still kissing her. He sat down on the couch with her on his lap. When the kiss finally broke, he looked up at her with an intense look in his eye.
"Clary, the way I felt when you left me…" he shook his head. "I don't ever want to feel that way again."
Clary looked at him closely. Behind his eyes, she could see pain, and knowing that she was the cause of it broke her heart. She looked down at her lap as she spoke.
"Jace, I would never do that to you again. I told you, I've regretted leaving you every day since then. I tried to move on when I lived in California, and I constantly told myself I was happy, but deep down I knew I wasn't." Clary paused to look up at him. "I told you I came back because I wanted to be home, but I think I just realized that home isn't New York, Jace… it's wherever you are.
"The whole time I was away from you, I felt like there was an emptiness inside me. And I've only been here for 20 minutes, and most of the time we were arguing, but I already feel like that emptiness has gone away some. Does that sound crazy?"
"No, it doesn't sound crazy at all," he muttered against her lips, before giving her a long, slow kiss.
"Clary," Jace whispered, nuzzling her neck.
"Hmmm," she sighed.
"Will you marry me?"
Clary's head jerked up and she looked at him incredulously. "Do you not remember what happened the last time you spontaneously asked me to marry you?"
She could feel Jace's silent laughter against her. "I'm not proposing, necessarily." Seeing her questioning stare, he continued, "I love you, Clary. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. But I don't think we should get married just yet. I think we need to start over, in a way. I still love you as much as I did when you left, but I think we've both had some changes about us that we need to work through. Do you get what I mean?"
"I totally agree… so if you think that, why did you ask me to marry you?"
"I want to start over, and get to know you again, but what I want to know is that one day you will marry me, and that we're going to have a family and a life together. Is that what you want, Clary?"
Clary smiled at him and felt tears gather in her eyes for the millionth time that night. "Yeah, Jace. That's exactly what I want."
So, to anyone who has read one of my other one-shots, Code Red, I am thinking about making it a short story. I'll only be adding a few more chapters to it, and I have no idea when it'll be done or when I'll post it, so please have patience with me. To anyone who hasn't read it, you should do so! But if anyone would like to see more of Code Red, leave me a review!
And if there's something you'd like to happen, let me know and I'll see what I can do. No promises, but I love to hear everyone's ideas!
Also, tell me what you think of this one-shot, whether you loved it or you hated it!