Trapped in the Refresher
Suggested Theme:
Main Theme- Roundabout by Yes
Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, OH NO! I…I just came on my best friend! Well…through my underwear and I don't really see a stain on him. So I don't think I need to clean him up. Let me see…by the Divine Mother, his crotch is colder than a fucking iceberg! Does he suffer from some kind of disease? Maybe like super-erectile dysfunction? I might need to tell Matt to go to the medbay and get checked…but, first, I need to remove my hand from his fairly large crotch…I think I would need two hands just to—Hux pulls his hand away before he does something he regrets. Like giving Matt a nonconsensual handjob.
I have to get away! Like right the fuck now! But he's gripping me tighter like I'm a fucking body pillow! Calm down, Brendol, you can get out of this! You just have to…Hux gently knees Matt's crotch. His drunk friend does not groan or scream in pain, but his hold finally slackens. Hux wiggles out of it and tiptoes his way to his refresher. Slips inside and locks the door.
What do I do? WHAT DO I DO? I just had a sex dream about my best friend! Wow, he really is my best friend, isn't he? AND I HAD A SEX DREAM ABOUT HIM! Okay, calm down, it's not the end of the world. Maybe your friendship if he ever finds out…I need to call someone for help! Hux rifles through his laundry basket, scattering his dirty laundry across the tiny floor of his tiny 'fresher. He pulls out his comlink from his Dread Pirate Roberts costume pants. His hands are shaking as he quickly scrolls through his comlink and calls the one person who can help him: Jaina Jade.
"Hello? Fae, I'm kind of in the middle of…..something right now." Hux hears something suspiciously like a muffled man protesting. Did she…nah, who the Hells would she kidnap? She's probably marathoning Supernatural again!
"Yeah, I'm going to be really quick. I need your help! I…I had an s-sex dream about Matt!" His confession is followed by two minutes of awkward silence.
"Uh…shouldn't you be calling Aya about this? I mean he's the sex scientist and all…" Why does she sound so embarrassed? I've said crasser things to her and she's said crasser things about me like Jagged having a nine-inch—
"He's busy with Matt's friend Thrass! And considering how he didn't even go to the Fire Swamp with us, it's fair to assume that Thrass is to his liking. I hope Thrass sticks around." Aya has always proclaimed that he was incapable of anything beyond familial love. It would be nice if he actually brought someone home…maybe I could bring Matt home. But not in a romantic way! Just a friend meeting mum. And nothing else. He hears Jaina snorts and knows that she must be rolling her eyes right now.
"Yeah, that's as likely as Jacen forgiving dad. So why are you disturbed by a sex dream? It's just a dream; dreams just happen. They don't mean anything…unless you're Force-sensitive. You haven't become Force-sensitive recently?" Hux snorts back and rolls his eyes. I wouldn't be working for the First Order in that case. In fact, I'm pretty certain father would've never returned to his job of being a Commandant, I would've been taught the ways of the Jedi and the Sith and came to the logical conclusion to not be either, I would've never met Matt…I would've been there when father died. I would've heard his final, final words…
"Hells no. It's just…..Matt's my friend. I d-don't think it's appropriate to have sex dreams about your friends." Jaina lets out a peal of laughter.
"By the Force, I forgot how innocent you were! You know for a guy knowingly working for the bad guys. I have sex dreams about Vader's modified TIE Fighter and dad's X-Wing! Sex dreams are just erotic nonsense that can be quite fulfilling. You know that…unless you have more than friendly feelings for Matt." Jaina lightly teases. Hux then hears something suspiciously like a blaster going off.
"Jaina….you didn't enter another illegal race and now some sore losers are coming for payback?" There is an implied again at the end of his sentence. At least, she's not racing in the Boonta Eve. But I doubt racing against space pirates and smugglers is any better.
"No…I just have this rare specimen that I'm delivering to Jacen! Anyways, back to you, are you sure you don't have a crush on Matt? Because what's it been like five years since you found someone attractive? And if I recall Matt seems to tick-off most've your weird-traits-in-an-ideal-lover list." Hux groans softly, not wanting to wake Matt up. He then peeks out from his 'fresher to see Matt is still deeply asleep. Aw, Matt has no idea that I'm freaking out about him…again, but not in a friendship way! And look at his pale skin decorated with dark spots like black stars on snow! Oh, Force…I'm turned on again!
"I mean…I just…we just became friends! I don't want to ruin that. And I'm pretty certain that he's straight…..he didn't even check me out when I was wearing my booty shorts…or I'm not his type. He probably goes for someone more his physique. Or something bigger and more non-human." Great, I found someone who's actually sane, brave, and true, and he's totally not into me! Maybe…I'm just only attractive to non-humans. I mean I've been with a Nagi and a Ferroan. I don't think I've ever kissed a human! Hux is mostly human, but he acts alien in comparison to the rigid humans he's been around. Not counting his family.
"Wow! He must be straight…or he was probably worried about your skeletal form. I mean I'd be worried about breaking your hip if I was with someone as twiggy as you! Did you show him how flexible you are? I'm certain that will blow his worries out of the water!" Hux rolls his eyes one again. I highly doubt being able to bend backwards and grasp my ankles is that arousing…you could go to circuses and watch performers do that every night!
"We are just FRIENDS! Oh shit—" Hux hears loud groaning from outside his 'fresher and he scrambles to turn off his comlink. He then exits the 'fresher and sees Matt awake. And clutching his head between his giant, powerful—FUCK, I can't let Matt see me have a hard-on. Shit, shit, what do I do? Uh, think unattractive thoughts like…like Darth Vader burning alive in Mustafar! Oh…..that worked. Huh, I guess it's like sympathy pains since I know how painful it is to get burned. Okay, just on my left arm, but it was just as surprising as having your limbs cut off by your best friend!
"Hux….oh, my head!" Hux immediately goes to his desk and grabs the pills and glass of water; he then brings it to Matt who smiles in appreciation. I love it when Matt smiles; it's real and devoid of salaciousness! He's a good friend…and I won't ruin that!
"I figure with the amount of booze you had last night I got you some extra-strength painkillers and water. Do you feel better?" Matt puts two pills in his mouth and guzzles down the water, causing some of the water to trail out of his mouth and down his neck. Hux watches, hypnotized by the trails of water going across his taut neck.
"Thanks, remind me to not drink….ever again." Hux laughs a bit louder than he should, prompting Matt to clutch his head again. Oh no, I hurt Matt just like those dicks back at Lady Grinning Soul!
"Oh, I'm so sorry. I'll just…get ready for work. You stay here and sleep it off, okay? Just don't go in my closet? Audrey II is dying for some human blood and I don't want you to get eaten!" Hux smiles brightly. Matt stares at him blankly and then falls back onto the bed. Perhaps, I shouldn't be teasing him at a time like this…but at least he'll be sleeping here. And the sheets will smell like him…
"Okay, have fun at work." Matt turns his body on his side, facing away from Hux and giving Hux a clear view of Matt's tight ass. His ass is bigger than my thighs! And he really should take them off…because he's probably losing circulation to his legs…and groin.
"Oh, you can sleep in the nude if you want because I bet those pants probably aren't that comfortable!" Hux nearly smacks his left hand against his mouth. Way to be subtle, Brendol! Matt probably thinks I'm a pervert! Fortunately, Hux hears snoring and realizes that Matt has gone to sleep. He breathes a sigh of relief and changes into his uniform. I probably got a mountain of paperwork to go through…thank the Force that paperwork is an effective boner-killer!
Hux happily leaves a snoring, leather-clad Matt in his bed and heads to work.
Wedge Antilles remembers being in his bed sleeping next to his wonderful wife and feeling like nothing weird will happen to him. For once. Unfortunately, his peaceful slumber gets interrupted by some crazy woman dragging him from his bed, blindfolding him, gagging him, binding him, and tying him to a chair.
At first, he was worried about his wife and was cussing, as much as he could with the gas, his kidnapper out. But then his kidnapper fired off a blaster and then decided to point the blaster to his head. While continuing her conversation about weird sex dreams and crushes with some guy named Fae.
"Oh, he hung up on me. Well, we're in the clear!" The blindfold and the gag is blessedly removed. It takes his eyes to adjust to the harsh light.
"Welcome, General Antilles, to the Jabitha!" His kidnapper excitedly exclaims, completely ignoring the fact that Wedge is being held here against his will.
"Leia?" Wedge is shocked by how much his kidnapper looks like a young version of Leia. She has her brown hair, her small nose, and she is wearing a white dress that looks nearly identical to Leia's princess outfit. But her face isn't round and her mouth isn't suffering from frown lines, and she looks smaller…and her hair is really wavy and long too! And her eyes are a sharp green…she kind of looks like that Nabooian Queen from my old history texts.
"No, but I guess this outfit isn't helping! Anyways, I am Jaina Jade and I command this fine, nearly organic vessel!" Her name, her last name sounds so familiar…I think Luke once mentioned a Jade or something. But that was like two decades ago and her hair was red! But she was crazy like this one too…could she be—
"What have you done with my wife?" Wedge asks forcefully, remembering that his wife could be in danger by this Leia-looking nut.
"Oh, back at your house, probably having breakfast or something. Don't worry I asked for her permission if I could do this to you…and she surprisingly said yes. Like on the spot. It probably helps that I told her that I was taking you to meet your sister and your nephew. Or, rather, nephews and nieces. Yeah, she has like six kids including the most important one of them all: Jagged." By. The. Force…I'm an uncle! And…she's certainly…in love with Jagged. And I get to see Syal again. And my wife did let me get kidnapped, so she's not in danger. Wedge is torn between feelings of excitement at the prospect of reuniting with his sister and betrayal at his wife just giving the "okay" for him to be kidnapped.
"Okay, so can you untie me now?" Why am I even tied up in the first place? Does she really think an old man like me would be a threat to her? Maybe if I had my X-wing…and, stars, why does it look like a jungle shagged a ship in here!? Wedge marvels at the green-blue vines trussed across the ceiling, mingling with red-blue wires. The walls are literally blooming with white and orange flowers, while the floor is just metal grates with leaves sticking out of them like weeds.
"I will and you better not try to knock me out and jack my ship! Seriously, if you do that, then I lose control of this ship and we'll most likely die. I really don't want to die before I even get to propose to him…." I really hope she isn't planning on using me as an engagement ring…I guess it'd be cheaper than getting a ring. Jaina then dives into the right pocket of her dress and pulls out a metal cylinder with a silver button. Is that a—Jaina quickly thumbs the button and a purple light comes out of a cylinder.
"Now, hold still. I really don't want to slice you in half. Well, you might be able to survive if it was horizontal. Maul did…..for some reason." She jokes and begins to carefully slice through the ropes.
Well….I always wanted to see Luke again. I guess his daughter will do!
Author's Comments- No links this time…..for once. Anyways, Jaina Solo is Jaina Jade in this series and basically any other Star Wars story I write unless specified otherwise. Why? Because if TFA gets to use the "Ben" in "Ben Skywalker" for Ben Solo and basically just swap the parents, then I want to do the same. But with Jacen and Jaina Solo who get to be Jacen and Jaina Jade….you know until I marry them off to their significant others. Although, Jaina would then Jaina Jade Fel, while Jacen would be Jacen Djo. And is it creepy if Kylo Ren's ex is hooking up with his bastard younger cousin that he does not know about? Probably, but he deserves it. Just like he deserves not getting any sexual gratification from Hux!
Anyways, I guess you can call this progress for Matt. At least, Hux is getting turned on by him…..but he's in denial about it and feels guilty. And actually believes that Matt is not attracted to him at all. So sex for those two is a long, long ways off….depending on my mood. Also, the next installment is supposed to answer one of the greatest questions of all time: what does it mean to pull a General Kenobi?