Summary: After a mysterious sorcerer saves Camelot by casting a powerful shield spell, Arthur is shocked to learn from Geoffrey the requirements to cast the shield are trust & brotherhood with the King of Camelot. And this leads to some startling revelations. AU after Season 4.
A/N-This is a oneshot that I've had half written saved on my computer a while. I started it before season 5 came out. Then after the finale, I lost steam and didn't have the heart to come back to it. But I've enjoyed coming back to this and finishing it. I hope you enjoy it :)
Arthur was finally away from the never ending line of people needing something from him. Standing here in his chambers with Gwen in his arms, Arthur felt relaxed for the first time since the battle. Really, he was relaxing for the first time in a week.
A week ago, Gaius had been warned by an informant that he'd been unwilling to name. Morgana had found an ancient magical artifact called the Amulet of Lianda. According to Gaius this amulet unleashed demons from the other side of the veil. The demons were only in this world for a short time. But that was little comfort as the demons would reign a huge amount of destruction and kill many.
One day ago, Morgana had used the amulet. Arthur and his men had stood on the city gates, ready and waiting for the demons to come, intending to defend Camelot to their last breath. They had seen what looked like a huge cloud of darkness about to descend. And despite himself, Arthur had felt hopeless. How could they defeat such a numberless foe?
There were a few demons that were ahead of the main group that entered Camelot first. Arthur and his men tried to stop them, but the demons evaded them. There were screams and crashes that followed the demons path through the lower town.
At that moment, a bright purple magical shield with an image of a dragon inscribed in it had surrounded the city. The rest of the demons pounded on the outside of the shield, but were unable to get through. The shield had remained around the city until the demons had all vanished back to the other side of the veil. Leaving all of Camelot to wonder what sorcerer had defended them.
It'd been a whole day since everything happened. But there had been so much to do in the aftermath, that this was the first chance that he and Gwen had to take a quiet moment together.
It was felt wonderful to simply hold Gwen in his arms and let all his worries disappear. Arthur decided he'd wait until tomorrow to consider all his questions and concerns over who had saved them and why. Camelot was safe for now, and it could wait.
But just as he thought that, there were 3 quick knocks at the door. Gwen gave a disappointed sigh and Arthur muttered "Perhaps if we ignore it, they'll go away." It wasn't Merlin- nowadays he gave one brief knock before barging right in. And Arthur only had his marriage to Gwen to thank for that brief knock. So this would be another person needing something from him. And Arthur just didn't want to deal with anything else tonight.
They both were quiet for a moment, but there was a second, more insistent knock. Arthur gave Gwen resigned look, took a step away from her, and called out "Enter."
Geoffrey entered with a strangely nervous manner about him. He said "Please forgive my intrusion, your majesties. But I have discovered something you must know."
"Can't it wait until the Court is in session tomorrow?" Arthur asked hopefully.
"I'm sorry Sire, but I believe you will want to keep this information private... at least at first." Geoffrey said twisting his hands together as he spoke.
"Very well" Arthur said, trying to sound reassuring. What could be making Geoffrey so nervous? He didn't usually appear to be frightened of him.
"Arthur, do you want me to leave?" Gwen offered.
"No, please stay Guinevere" he said. Hopefully whatever Geoffrey had to tell him wouldn't take long and he and Gwen could start up where they left off.
"Please Geoffrey, what is it you have to tell me?" Arthur asked courteously
Geoffrey said, "I pray that you will not take what I'm going to tell you the wrong way. In the past bringing forward such information may have..." here he paused, searching for words before continuing "suggested the wrong type of sympathies. But I give you my word that I am loyal to you and Camelot Sire."
Rather baffled, Arthur glanced at Gwen. But she looked confused as well. "You don't need to worry Geoffrey, I have no doubt as to your loyalty" Arthur said.
"Thank you Sire" Geoffrey said. "Before I start, I need to ask you a question that may seem impertinent, but I swear that it is important."
"Alright" Arthur said, feeling even more confused.
"Sire, after I ask this question, don't tell me a name. But is there one man who you trust above all others, who you would consider to be your brother?"
Feeling shocked, Arthur asked "Why are you asking me this?" He felt put on the spot and annoyed that Geoffrey would ask him something so personal as this.
"I'm sorry to ask you this Sire," Geoffrey said. "But I swear I have a good reason. Please, is there such a man?"
Pausing to think, Arthur considered the question. Did he trust one man above all others? Well that part was easy. Merlin was the man he most trusted. He'd realized this the past year, and especially after Agravaine had betrayed him and helped Morgana take over Camelot. Merlin had tried to warn him and had stayed loyal to him even when he hadn't listened to his warnings.
But did he consider Merlin his brother? He'd never considered their relationship in those terms before. He'd only recently openly admitted that Merlin was his friend. Arthur tried to think it through. He never had a brother, so it was hard to say. But wasn't a brother someone you considered to be family, that you would do anything to help ?
Thinking over that, Arthur realized he did think of Merlin as his brother. Maybe an annoying little brother at times. But Arthur knew that if Merlin ever needed help, he'd do whatever he could to help. And Merlin had already proven he'd to whatever he could to help Arthur. So that made them brothers, even if they didn't share any blood.
Feeling a bit pleased over this realization, he glanced over at Gwen. She had an amused look in her eyes that said she knew he was thinking of Merlin. Seeing Arthur looking at her, Gwen gave a nod of agreement. They both trusted Merlin above all others.
Clearing his throat, Arthur answered "Yes there is one man I trust over all others, who I'd consider to be my brother"
Geoffrey nodded as if this confirmed something. "Remember this man, after I've finished telling you the information I have."
"Alright" Arthur said, still wondering why Geoffrey had asked him this. "Please go on Geoffrey" He said.
Taking a deep breath, Geoffrey said "Sire, I have been the court scribe and historian for many years. Before your father made magic illegal, I read many documents describing sorcerers and their magical feats." Here Geoffrey paused, as if half expecting a reprimand.
"I do not condemn you for that Geoffrey." Arthur reassured him.
Looking relieved, Geoffrey went on. " The shield that our mystery sorcerer used to save us looked
familiar to me. In the stories I had read, most of the magical shields were described as being not half as bright and colorful as the one we saw. But the shield we saw had that image of a dragon, which is very unusual and distinctive as far as magical shields go."
"How is that unusual ?" Gwen asked
"Well Your Majesty, other shields have just one color without any sort of image in the shield. The shield we saw was also unusual in how it protected the whole city. Other shields aren't anywhere near as powerful."
Arthur was frustrated. If only they knew why the mystery sorcerer had saved Camelot. He had saved Camelot for the moment, but he most likely had some sort of evil plan. And if this sorcerer could do such powerful magic, they'd have no way to stop him. Arthur said "So our mystery sorcerer is very powerful. Do you have any more information Geoffrey?" He asked.
"Yes Sire, I do." Geoffrey said. "Like I said, the shield seemed familiar to me and I knew I'd once read of a time where this same shield was used. After searching extensively I found the record describing this shield." Geoffrey paused here as if he dreaded going on.
"When else was the shield used Geoffrey?" Gwen prodded him.
Seeming to steel himself, Geoffrey answered "It was over 200 years ago, here in Camelot. At that time, Camelot had a court sorcerer. The king and the court sorcerer had been friends since childhood. They each trusted the other above any other man and considered themselves brothers."
Arthur shook his head. It was strange to hear of one of his predecessors having such a friendship with a sorcerer. From his experience that didn't seem likely. Realizing that Geoffrey was going on, he forced himself to focus.
"At the time there was an army of sorcerers coming against Camelot. It was thought that all was lost, since Camelot only had their court sorcerer to fight the coming army." Geoffrey said.
"So what did they do?" Arthur asked, intrigued.
Continuing, Geoffrey said, "The court sorcerer was determined to not let his king down. The tale says he studied hard, and was able to create a new shield spell that would be powerful enough to protect the whole city. The Court Sorcerer used the shield spell, and was able to drive away the enemy."
"He created the shield spell we saw." Gwen realized.
"Yes, Your Majesty, he did." Geoffrey said. "However the court sorcerer was worried that the new powerful spell would fall into enemy hands. So he put a safeguard into the spell to insure it wouldn't ever be used against Camelot, either in his time or the future."
Arthur felt relieved here, realizing that at least this piece of powerful magic wouldn't be used against Camelot. He almost felt grateful for this past sorcerer, which was a very strange feeling. "What sort of safeguard?" Arthur asked.
Going on, Geoffrey said, "Well Sire, the safeguard was built into the spell. A crucial part of the old religion is balance. In order for the shield spell to be so powerful, there had to be an equally powerful force balancing it. The court sorcerer used the power of the bond of friendship and brotherhood between him and the king to balance the shield's power."
"I don't understand, how is that a safeguard?" Gwen asked
Taking a deep breath, Geoffrey said "The safeguard is that the shield spell will only work if the sorcerer using it and the king of Camelot feel a powerful bond of friendship and brotherhood to each-other. Each must trust the other above all else and consider him to be a brother. Therefore, only a sorcerer who felt extreme loyalty to the king and desired the best for Camelot would be able to perform the spell. " Here he paused, letting that sink in.
Arthur and Gwen looked at each-other in shock. Then Arthur saw Gwen get an incredulous and worried look on her face. She seemed to have made some connection that he hadn't. But Arthur was just confused.
"But then the mystery sorcerer must have found a way to take away that safeguard. I'm not friends with any sorcerer, the idea is ridiculous!" Arthur exclaimed
Shaking his head, Geoffrey said regretfully, "Sire, the whole power of the spell is balanced on a powerful bond of friendship between the sorcerer and the King of Camelot. If you take that away, it would be a completely different spell. If our mystery sorcerer had somehow taken away the safeguard, the shield we saw would have looked completely different. But we saw a shield that looked exactly like the shield described in this tale."
Arthur didn't want to believe it, how could one of his friends be a sorcerer? He didn't want to believe that one of his friends was betraying him. Arthur didn't think he could take another betrayal. "So basically we don't know who, but one of my friends is betraying me?" He asked coldly.
Geoffrey glanced at Gwen, and something passed between them. Arthur could tell that they both knew something he didn't, and it was driving him mad. "What is it?" he demanded.
Speaking firmly, Geoffrey said "Sire the mystery sorcerer couldn't have been betraying you. If he was, if he had even the vaguest intention of someday causing you harm, the shield spell would not have worked. The fact that he was able to perform the spell tells us that he trusts you above any other man and considers you his brother."
Arthur didn't know what to think. Could a sorcerer really not be evil with a hidden agenda? "So you believe the mystery sorcerer isn't evil." he asked.
"Yes Sire, I do" Geoffrey said. "Him using this spell proves that." Geoffrey paused as if he wasn't sure he wanted to say something.
But looking determined he said " Sire, before the Great Purge I believed that magic could be used for good, that it depended on the sorcerer if it was good or bad. During the Great Purge I was convinced that magic was only evil. But seeing this shield has reminded me that it can be used for good. Actually, our mystery sorcerer must be a very brave man to use magic to save a city that would condemn him for it."
It seemed an incredible idea to Arthur, magic actually being used for good. But if he looked at it fairly, the shield had certainly saved Camelot. Could magic be used for good ? Geoffrey had a point that it was quite brave of the mystery sorcerer to save Camelot when he may have been killed if he were caught. Would someone wanting to bring down Camelot really risk their lives to save Camelot? It didn't make sense.
"Perhaps you're right", Arthur said slowly. The implications of it being possible for magic to be used for good were starting to run through his head. He got a sick feeling in his stomach when he thought of those sorcerers put to death who had seemed innocent. At the time, he'd justified it by telling himself that they'd chosen to practice magic and had been corrupted by it. And he'd never allowed himself to give it serious thought.
But if this were all true, then many of them had been innocent of any crime. And this mystery sorcerer, apparently one of his friends, had risked being executed to save Camelot. Who would have done that? Pointing this out Arthur said, "but we still don't know who this mystery sorcerer is."
Geoffrey looked surprised that he would say this, like he should have already figured it out. Gwen made a scoffing noise, and had an exasperated, slightly amused look on her face.
Before Arthur could consider why Gwen looked amused, Geoffrey said carefully "Well Sire, I do not know who the mystery sorcerer is. You never gave me the name."
"What do you mean, I never gave you the name? How should I know who it is?" Arthur asked, feeling frustrated.
Now Geoffrey had an amused look on his face too! Arthur had thought that as the king, he shouldn't be laughed at. He was about to snap something to this effect, when he saw Geoffrey's face get suddenly serious. Geoffrey seemed to steel himself, and he said "Sire, I believe the mystery sorcerer is the same man I told you to remember. The man who you trust above all others and consider to be your brother."
For a moment or two, Arthur refused to make the connection. He was terrified of letting himself fully think this out. Because once he did, things would be forever changed. But trying not to think of it just made it even harder to avoid. The man he most trusted... but that was... Merlin.
At this thought Arthur felt himself freeze. Merlin a sorcerer? The idea should have been ridiculous. And it was, how could Merlin be a sorcerer ? But... it also made a certain amount of sense. He remembered watching the mystery sorcerer cast the shield from the tower. And how as the the shield grew larger, he had that increasing sense of Merlin standing right next to him. A sense of closeness. Even though Merlin wasn't there.
Perhaps that was an effect of the spell. Perhaps the spell had brought that sense to his mind. Geoffrey said the spell was powered by a bond of brotherhood between the King of Camelot and the sorcerer casting it. The magic somehow relying on that bond to power the spell.
Magic done by Merlin. Now that he thought of it, who else could it be? He was close to the knights, but they weren't brothers. Being their king and leader put a distance between them that prevented that. Somehow that distance was never felt with Merlin. There was no one else who was his brother.
But did Merlin really consider Arthur his brother? According to Geoffrey, he couldn't have cast the spell if he didn't. But how could Merlin have kept this from him? The realization that Merlin had been lying to him for a long time brought a fresh wave of hurt and pain.
Through the haze, he distantly felt Gwen put her hand on his shoulder reassuringly. With a touch of concern in her voice, she said " A spell this powerful must be extremely difficult. Did the record say if the sorcerer casting it felt any ill effects?"
At this Arthur's head snapped up and he looked at Geoffrey. It was strange. He still felt angry with Merlin for lying to him. But he also felt concern for him, more intense then he realized he was presently capable of. Had Merlin somehow hurt himself by casting the spell that had saved them all?
Geoffrey answered thoughtfully, " The spell is described as being very difficult. It required the sorcerer to channel an immense amount of power. The record does state that casting the spell weakened the court sorcerer."
At this Arthur felt panicked. Had that idiot essentially sacrificed himself? In this brief moment, Arthur imagined Camelot without Merlin in it. And even though he was still hurt and angry about Merlin's lies, the thought of Merlin dying caused a wave of intense pain.
Geoffrey must have seen Arthur and Gwen's pained, worried looks. He quickly went on "But only temporarily. The court sorcerer was unconscious for 2 days and felt weak for one week after. But he recovered with no lasting effects."
Arthur and Gwen exchanged a relieved look. Geoffrey went on " The record states that the more powerful the sorcerer, the less time he would be unconscious."
Gwen got a confused look on her face, "are you sure about that Geoffrey?"
"Yes, the record is very clear on that point." Geoffrey said.
"Then what would it mean ..." here Gwen paused as if making sure of something then went on " if I saw the sorcerer who cast the shield about eight hours after the shield was cast?"
At this Geoffrey appeared to be shocked into silence. "Geoffrey?" Arthur prompted, wanting an answer. It had been about twelve hours after the battle when he'd finally seen Merlin. He remembered Merlin had looked exhausted, at the time Arthur had assumed Merlin was refusing to stop helping the wounded in order to rest. But Gwen had seen him eight hours after, what did that mean?
Clearing his throat, Geoffrey said in an amazed voice, "That would imply that our mystery sorcerer is incredibly powerful. The court sorcerer from the record was one of the most powerful sorcerers of his day."
There was silence for a moment as they all considered it. If a powerful sorcerer took 2 days to recover from the spell, how much more powerful was Merlin to only take eight hours?
"To recover in eight hours, the mystery sorcerer must be amazingly powerful. He is likely more powerful than Cornelius Sigan." Geoffrey said.
Arthur exchanged an incredulous look with Gwen. He'd heard stories of Cornelius Sigan as child. His father loved to tell the story of how Sigan was executed. And one of Arthur's tutors had once told him of Cornelius Sigan's great powers. He was said to be the most powerful sorcerer ever to live. And Merlin was more powerful than that?
The thought of Merlin being so powerful felt absurd. If someone had told him a week ago that Merlin was a powerful sorcerer, he would have been very amused. Arthur wished he could have that reaction now. But he had to admit, that it all seemed to fit.
What was it Merlin had said when they first met all those years ago? Arthur had remembered it over the years, because it was really the first time someone ever stood up to him. He'd warned Merlin that he could take him apart with one blow. And Merlin had replied he could do it in less than that. Arthur had laughed it off at the time. But apparently Merlin had been telling the truth.
Flashes of memory went across Arthur's mind. All the lucky victories they'd had. Morgana somehow not being able to use her magic in the last battle, the immortal army being destroyed when he thought all was lost, tree branches falling on bandits. Was that all Merlin?
Arthur wanted to deny it and tell himself that Merlin couldn't possibly have magic. The thought of Merlin keeping something like this from him hurt deeply. But it explained too much, it made too much sense to deny it. Merlin had magic. But if he was so powerful, why had he spent the last 6 years or so as Arthur's servant?
Arthur saw Gwen looking at him in concern, but he was so lost in thought that he found himself unable to respond to her.
"Do you have any more information Geoffrey?" Gwen asked him.
"No, your Majesty" Geoffrey answered.
"I thank you for bring this to our attention." Gwen told him. "Until we tell you otherwise, do not discuss this with anyone. And please keep any suspicions you may have to yourself."
"Of course, your majesty" Geoffrey said. And with a bow to both Arthur and Gwen, he left the room.
Arthur was grateful that Gwen thought to warn Geoffrey against sharing any suspicions he had. He knew that his friendship with Merlin was not exactly a secret. Gwen had once told him that many nobles and peasants alike took great amusement in their banter. Geoffrey could very well suspect Merlin and it was best he knew not to share anything for now.
Until he figured out what to do. A brief thought of banishment went across his mind before he quickly dismissed it, remembering the pain he'd felt minutes earlier imagining Camelot without Merlin. He supposed that perhaps in different circumstances, he may have done that. But, regardless of not wanting Merlin to go, he'd just found out that Merlin was the one to save Camelot. The demons would have killed them all if Merlin hadn't cast that shield.
And if Merlin was responsible for all those mysterious saves over the years, then he had saved Camelot many times over. Clearly, Arthur owed Merlin more than he could ever repay. But he still felt hurt that Merlin had never told him. How could Merlin have kept this a secret from him?
Sensing his distress, Gwen came closer and held him. " It seems impossible, doesn't it?" She said softly.
"Impossible, but somehow true" Arthur said, "I don't understand why Merlin never told me. How could he have lied to me for so long?"
"Only Merlin can truly answer that" Gwen said. "But my guess would be that he was scared"
"What!" Arthur exclaimed, feeling hurt. "You don't think Merlin believed I'd have had him killed?"
Answering quickly Gwen said "No Arthur, I don't believe so. At least I hope it's not what he thought. But think of all the times all of us condemned magic, all the times we automatically assumed someone using magic was evil. It must have hurt Merlin to hear all that"
At her words, Arthur remembered telling Merlin that magic was pure evil, that all who practiced it were evil. He feel rather sick remembering. Looking back to those times, he remembered that Merlin had had a strange closed-off look on his face. Arthur had passed over Merlin's reaction and not given it much thought. But that closed-off look must have been have been hiding the hurt Merlin had to have felt.
"He must have thought I'd think he was evil" Arthur said, feeling rather horrified. Arthur couldn't really blame Merlin for making that assumption. What if he'd found out differently without hearing of the good Merlin had done with magic? If he'd simply been presented with proof that Merlin had magic? Arthur knew he never could have killed Merlin. But it was entirely possible he would have assumed Merlin was evil. Could he really blame Merlin for wanting to avoid that?
In a thoughtful voice Gwen said "When I think of the hurt we must have caused Merlin... And in return he saved us over and over again. It's incredible."
It was incredible, but it was also confusing. Arthur didn't understand why Merlin was so loyal to him. His father had killed so many with magic. By all rights Merlin should hate him. But instead Merlin had saved him and Camelot many times over. Why?
Arthur had always known that Merlin kept a part of himself hidden. It was something he couldn't quite put his finger on. He'd never been able to quite figure it out, so most of the time he didn't dwell on it. But he'd caught hints of it occasionally when Merlin would spout off his bits of wisdom.
The bits of wisdom were always exactly what Arthur needed. But they had been strange. Strange because they came from a man that Arthur didn't really know. And Arthur hadn't liked Merlin morphing into some stranger. But these moments had been rare, so between times he didn't think about them. It occurred to Arthur that by refusing to think of his suspicions, he had probably done almost as much as Merlin had to keep his magic secret.
Now he had to think about them. But what if that stranger was the real Merlin? Perhaps the Merlin he'd known and joked with all these years was the fake. Arthur realized that perhaps he didn't know Merlin at all. And the thought was painful.
Gwen must have seen the distressed look on his face because she asked with concern "Arthur, are you all right?"
Not sure how to put it all into words he said " I just don't understand why..." but here Arthur broke off and started again "What if Merlin isn't-"
Hearing a sudden crashing noise just outside in the corridor, Arthur and Gwen both turned towards the door.
They heard Gwaine exclaim with a slight laugh in his voice "You alright Merlin? "
"Fine, fine" Merlin replied in a grumbling voice
Merlin sounded exactly how he always did. Somehow Arthur had expected him to sound different. But he found himself glued to Merlin's voice for some reason.
"I'm not even sure how you managed to bump into that statue all the way in the corner" Gwaine teased.
"It's a gift" said Merlin wryly.
"You look exhausted, Merlin. Why aren't you resting?" Gwaine asked sounding concerned.
"I will soon." Merlin said in a dismissive voice. In an obvious bid to change the subject he asked "Where are you off to ?"
"To help with repairs in the lower town." Gwaine replied.
"Not the tavern tonight?" Merlin said in a teasing voice.
"Sadly not, and I saw what you did there Merlin. Get some rest" Gwaine said in a firm voice as he walked away.
"He's not taking care of himself at all, the idiot." Arthur said letting his worry slip out in spite of himself. The familiar nickname for Merlin had slipped out from force of habit. But it felt off somehow. Calling Merlin an idiot was what he called his best friend. A best friend who kept so much of himself secret. Had he ever really known Merlin?
There was a brief knock at the door, and then Merlin came in carrying a basket of cloths. "Arthur, you had better be grateful for these clean socks. The attack somehow put the laundry in an uproar. I had to dodge three upset laundry maids to get these."
Merlin's familiar babbling was comforting. But it also raised a question- Was it all an act ?
Was the true Merlin the familiar friend he'd thought he had known like the back of his hand ? Or was he some stranger?
After a long moment of silence, Merlin looked up from putting away the laundry. He saw Arthur and Gwen both just staring at him. "What's wrong?" Merlin asked in a concerned voice.
"Nothing's wrong" Gwen said in a restrained voice,"but I think you two need to talk." Arthur shot his head up and gave Gwen a panicked look. He knew he needed to talk to Merlin, but he had no idea where to even start.
Gwen gave Arthur a pointed look clearly telling him that it wouldn't help to wait. With a reassuring smile she headed towards the door. She stopped at Merlin, gave him an intense look that seemed to confuse Merlin.
"Uh, Gwen?" He asked in a confused voice.
With that Gwen gave Merlin a fierce hug that lasted for several moments. Gwen seemed to be trying to communicate as much love and thanks as she could into a hug. Arthur could tell Merlin was baffled by this, but he returned the hug. Gwen gave Merlin a teary look and left the room.
Merlin turned towards Arthur, still looking confused. Arthur studied him, seeing that Merlin had dark circles under his eyes and seemed to have a haze of tiredness about him. There was an exhaustion about Merlin that seemed more than skin deep.
"You should be sleeping." Arthur told Merlin shortly. He was trying not to let Merlin see the worry in his gut that was growing the more he looked at Merlin. He didn't want to worry about Merlin right now. He wanted to demand answers. But it was hard to hold on to that when he saw how exhausted Merlin was, knowing it was a result of saving Camelot.
"I'm fine, just tired like everyone else" Merlin said dismissively. Arthur hoped he wouldn't have believed that yesterday.
There was a long, silent pause where Merlin looked expectantly at Arthur and Arthur desperately tried to figure out what to say. Did he start demanding answers? He wanted to, but didn't know what to ask first. Did he try to thank Merlin for his actions?
Arthur knew deep down that he'd never quite gotten down the knack of saying thank you. So even in normal circumstances, this would have been a difficult task. But how did one thank their best friend for illegally using magic to save their kingdom time after time? Did he just blurt out that he knew Merlin had magic?
Arthur was at a loss, but his deliberations were interrupted when Merlin asked "Arthur, what's wrong?"
When this didn't generate a response, Merlin looked more concerned and asked "Did you and Gwen fight or something?"
Slightly indignant, Arthur protested " Guinevere and I haven't fought. Why would you think that?"
Shrugging, Merlin said " Well, Gwen was acting strangely just now. And I'm often surprised that Gwen doesn't realize more often what a prat you are."
By habit, Arthur replied "You know if you had a girl, she'd be complaining about you night and day."
"At least I can dress myself !" Merlin retorted.
"Shut up Merlin" Arthur said, lightly punching Merlin on the shoulder. Arthur could sense that both he and Merlin were just going through the motions with the banter. Merlin, from tiredness, and Arthur from still trying to process everything. But even so, the familiar banter was reassuring and calming.
Arthur saw Merlin start to sway in place a bit, seemingly ready to start sleeping right where he was standing. Then Merlin shook his head, and seemed to be attempting to stay awake from sheer will power.
"So what's wrong then Arthur?" Merlin asked again, concern blazing in his eyes.
In a flash, Arthur recognized that Merlin truly was concerned about him. It wasn't an act, it couldn't be. Sincerity was radiating out from every part of Merlin. The idiot shouldn't even be awake right now. He was dead on his feet. And instead of taking care of himself, he was trying to take care of Arthur. It was just such a Merlin thing to do. Such a Merlin thing to do...didn't that imply that maybe Arthur did know the true Merlin? That Arthur's best friend wasn't a made-up pretense intended to fool Arthur?
For years, Arthur had trusted Merlin implicitly. And he had done so because he had seen extraordinary loyalty and selflessness in Merlin. Merlin was a better man than Arthur was, though he'd never planned on telling Merlin so. And seeing still that same loyalty and selflessness still in Merlin's eyes brought a rush of relief to Arthur. Even though there was much about Merlin and his magic that Arthur didn't know. He did know Merlin, he knew what kind of man he was. And for the moment that was enough.
"I'm fine" Arthur finally answered and he truly meant it. His best friend & brother wasn't lost to him as he had thought. It was amazing how much that meant. Even though Arthur still needed to find out many things from Merlin, just knowing Merlin was still Merlin seemed to make this not matter so much.
Merlin could obviously read from Arthur's tone that he really was fine because much of his concern faded away. He must have decided that Arthur's odd mood was tension still lingering from the battle. Merlin nodded and reassuringly said "Camelot is safe now."
Arthur nodded, somehow deeply touched, knowing that Merlin had sacrificed so much to make Camelot safe. To make Arthur himself safe. This thought filled Arthur with a determination to try, somehow, to start returning the favor to Merlin. Merlin wasn't the type to take care of himself. Arthur had made attempts to take care of Merlin in the past. But so often he'd let Merlin's excuses or mysterious behavior distracted from himself from forcing Merlin to eat or sleep. But no more, not when he knew how deeply he was in Merlin's debt.
"You're about to fall over" Arthur stated, causing Merlin to roll his eyes. " No more excuses Merlin, go sleep."
"I'm not that tired, besides there's too much to do" Merlin protested, though this was so obviously a lie that Arthur wasn't sure why Merlin bothered.
Funny that Arthur had originally planned on demanding answers from Merlin, but now those answers didn't seem so crucial. He did still very much want to know so much more from Merlin about his magic and what had been going on behind Arthur's back. But it would be selfish of him to demand that now when Merlin was so exhausted, from saving Camelot no less.
"You need to sleep Merlin, there isn't anything that can't wait." Arthur still didn't sense compliance in Merlin's eyes. This was normally where Arthur would have given up in the past. But no more.
"I will, I will soon." Merlin replied
"You need sleep now, not soon Merlin" Arthur said. He took a moment to think, knowing Merlin was likely to wander off and start working again if left to his own devices. So Arthur said " Come, I'll escort you to Gaius' chambers. I need to speak with him right now anyway."
This was not strictly true. Arthur did need to discuss the status of the wounded with Gaius, but he had been planning to wait until tomorrow. But he'd do it now, if it meant he could make sure Merlin actually went to sleep.
The walk to Gaius ' chambers was mostly filled with Merlin's babbling over kings who were used to getting too much sleep versus normal, working people who got regular amounts of sleep. Arthur paid this no mind, as Merlin's continually swaying and slight slurring of his words clearly indicated his need for sleep.
By the time they got to Gaius' chambers, Merlin seemed to have admitted defeat. Or perhaps he was finally too tired to argue. In any case, without saying anything Merlin went up to his room and collapsed on his bed.
Relieved that Merlin was finally sleeping, Arthur looked around and realized that Gaius was away. He sat down at the table, thinking perhaps he would wait a few moments for Gaius. An idea occurred to him when his eyes came across some spare parchment and ink. He couldn't demand answers from Merlin right now, and that was okay.
But Arthur dreaded having to start another conversation with Merlin about this, another conversation where he still wouldn't know what to say or how to start. How Merlin would react even if Arthur just announced that he knew about the magic ?
Perhaps there was another way. Pulling the parchment closer, Arthur started penning a note to Merlin. There were a lot of stops and starts, so it took a while. Finally, he was finished. The note read:
Merlin-
I know. I know you have magic. But don't panic idiot. I'm not going to banish you. I pray you haven't ever believed I'd ever do worse than that to you.
Geoffrey informed me today two things were needed for that shield spell to work. Trust and brotherhood between myself and the sorcerer. You were the only man that fit. Even knowing now about the magic, you are still the only man I consider to be a brother.
I owe you a debt Merlin, a debt that I don't yet realize the depth of. Once you're not wilting like a pansy, I would like some answers. But for now, thank you brother.
Arthur
Looking over the note, Arthur was satisfied. He sneaked into Merlin's room, and saw that Merlin was fast asleep. He placed the note on Merlin's bedside table for him to find when he awoke.
With that, Arthur left and headed back to his own chambers. The thought that he still hadn't spoken to Gaius didn't cross his mind as he walked, though he did take the time to ask a passing serving maid to send a generous breakfast to Merlin & Gaius in the morning. He was going to make sure the idiot had plenty to eat.
Back in his empty chambers, Arthur's mind alternated between remembering past events where Merlin may have used magic and a sense of relief. A relief that Merlin was still his best friend. It was more than that though. It was as if a huge burden had been lift off his back. A burden he hadn't realized was there until it was gone.
Arthur had always known that Merlin was keeping something important from him. Arthur hadn't allowed himself to dwell on that for many reasons. But knowing this had always caused him stress. Stress that he didn't know some important unknown something about his friend and sadness that Merlin didn't trust him with it. Funny that this had been causing him such stress without Arthur being consciously aware of it. But this stress was gone now. And that brought a huge sense of peace.
Arthur still didn't know everything. Whenever Merlin awoke and got the courage to find him, he was going to question Merlin. Arthur knew this discussion would likely be very lengthy. There would probably be many emotions to deal with and discuss as a result... the thought made Arthur shudder.
Even after that, Arthur figured there would still be habits for them both to break. Arthur would have to break the habit of distrusting magic. And Merlin would have to break the habit of keeping secrets. It would be hard for both of them. But they would do it. Because they were brothers, and brothers stuck together.