The story of Harry Potter belongs to the wonderful JK, I write my own for fun and make no money from my stories.

Warning: Detailed sex scenes, rape, strong language.

Chapter one

As Harry, Ron and Hermione left the headmistresses office after speaking to the portrait of Professor Dumbledore, telling him that he was putting the elder wand back where it belonged, the three friends headed back towards the great hall.

Harry turned towards his friends. 'Listen, I'm going to go up to the Gryffindor tower and get some sleep, I'm exhausted, you two should as well….but I understand if you want to go back to your family Ron.' Harry put his hand on Ron's shoulder. 'I'm sorry Ron, I'm really sorry about Fred,' tears had started to form in Harry's eyes as he looked at the shattered face of his best mate.

Ron looked up at Harry. 'I still can't believe he's gone, it's going to be hard on the family, especially George…' that was all Ron could say before he broke down and starting crying, Hermione grabbed him and pulled him into her arms, crying silently against him.

Harry stared at his friends, he felt the pain in his chest, and before he could stop he was sobbing as well. He put his arms around his two closest friends and they stood there holding each other while they all cried.

After about ten minutes Ron's sobs slowly eased as he held on to his friends. He looked at Hermione and gave her a small smile, then looked at Harry.

'Thanks mate, you go get some sleep, we'll be there soon, but I need to go and see how the family is doing.

Harry nodded and watched as Ron and Hermione turned and slowly made their way down the corridor. Harry turned and slowly started to walk towards the Gryffindor common room, his chest was really hurting him, but his heart was breaking for his friend and the only family he's ever know, knowing they were all suffering with the loss of one of their own, Fred.

Harry could feel the pounding in his chest, the sorrow he felt for the Weasley family and knowing that there were other family's going through the exact same thing.

The guilt Harry felt was overwhelming, he knew most of those people would blame him and they had every right. The tears streaming down Harry's face was making it hard to see where he was going. He started to walk faster and faster until he was running, trying to run away from the feelings going on inside him.

He found himself in a familiar corridor, not at the portrait of the fat lady, but the wall that led to the room of requirement. He stood there staring at the wall trying to control his breathing and emotions. He started to walk back and forth, and then the door of the room appeared.

Harry ran to the door and yanked it open, flung himself inside, closing the door behind him. He didn't know what he expected to find but when he looked around, he found he was in the Gryffindor common room. He stood there staring around at the familiar room, a room he loved and felt so at home in, with the sofa's and squishy old arm chairs scattered around the room, the portraits on the walls, and the fireplace blazing with a warming fire.

As he looked around he felt the anger rise and before he knew it he had his wand out and was blasting everything he could find, not caring what he hit. He was screaming, but he couldn't tell you what he was screaming only that he could feel and hear the screams coming from his throat. After a while he collapsed in a heap on the floor, he was crying so hard he could hardly breathe.

Harry woke up some time later, still lying on the floor and looked around. The room was a mess but the sofa in front of the fire was still somewhat in tacked. He got up and walked slowly over and dropped heavily onto it, staring into the flames. His eyes were sore and his chest was still hurting with the pain of losing so many people, and he knew it was all his fault. If only he had finished it earlier, done something different, some might have been saved. Fred, Remus, Tonks, Colin, and all the other bodies he had seen.

They were gone, how was he going to face all the families knowing he had caused their pain. The pain in his chest was agonizing, but he knew he deserved it. His parents, Sirius, Dumbledore, Mad-Eye, Hedwig, Dobby, They were all gone, gone because of him.

He took a deep breath to calm himself when the conversation with Dumbledore at King's Cross station came into his mind, he knew he could have just gone on, he knew that was the easy thing to do but it wasn't the right thing to do. He had to come back and finish it and in one way he was glad he did come back. He had finished Voldemort. Tom Riddle could no longer hurt anyone else and cause anymore suffering. But was that cost worth it, when so many had died. Harry looked into the fire and felt an overwhelming heartache for his parents.

'Mum, dad…' he started to cry again. 'I did it, I got Voldemort. He will never do this to any other family. I miss you so much, I wish you were here to tell me what to do. I need you…please…help me… how can I face everyone. How can I face the Weasley's? They have been so good and kind to me, treating me as one of the family, treating me like a son, or brother. Now I have caused them to suffer with the loss of Fred, and Remus and Tonks. Dad I'm so sorry, Moony, he just had a son, and now he will be alone…Teddy. God…how will I be able to do my duty as godfather when I'm the one responsible that he no longer has parents.'

Harry collapsed again, this time on the sofa, he was crying so hard, 'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.' he sobbed then he thought of Ginny. 'Ginny…I love you so much, I was hoping when all this was over we would be able to have a life together, now…I know that's not going to happen, how could she not hate me for what I've done, causing the death of one of her brothers,' the pain of losing Ginny was crushing Harry's chest, and the pain was excruciating.

Harry didn't know how long he stayed there, lying on the couch crying, but he felt angry, tired and drained. He had to get away from here, away from everyone. He need to be alone to come to terms with what he had done. He felt the pain as he realised that he will never see his friends again, see Ginny again. He had to let them all grieve without him around to remind them all that he caused there pain.

Harry sat there thinking of what he was going to do and where he was going to go. He knew he could go to Grimmauld Place, but he also knew that would be the first place his friends would look for him. He knew he would have to go to Gringotts and get some gold out of his vault, but he didn't know how the goblins would feel after his break in. He could offer the pay for the damage that had been done using the Black family vault that Sirius had left him, hopefully the goblins would agree to this and quickly. Right, he thought, that's the first thing he would have to do…then what. Where would he go? He sat there thinking for a while before an idea came to him. Yes, he could go there for now until he could work out what he would do.

As he was thinking, he felt that he still had his invisibility cloak tucked inside a pocket of his jacket, he had his wand, so he knew he could get away before anyone could see him. He just had to make himself get up. He felt drained and also a little hungry, maybe he should try and eat something first while no one knew where he was, that way he would have time to form a plan and work everything out.

He decided to call Kreacher to bring him something to eat. Hopefully that would clear his mind so he could work out what to do.

'Kreacher,' a few seconds later there was a crack as Kreacher appeared before him.

'Master Harry, it's good to see you are ok.'

'Thanks Kreacher, listen, I'm a bit hungry, do you think you could bring me some food and something to drink here in this room?'

'Of course Master, is there anything specific you would like?'

'No, nothing specific, just grab some things and also could you pack some food and drink as well, I'm going to be leaving soon, and I'm not sure how long it will be for me to be able to get more. Just pack a few things and bring them with the food that I'll eat now. And also, if anyone asks, please don't tell anyone where I am or that I'm leaving, I need some time alone, ok?'

'Anything Master wishes, I will pack some food for you to travel with and bring you something to eat now, I'll be gone only a few minutes.'

'Thank you Kreacher, I'll be waiting,' with a bow and a crack, Kreacher was gone.

Harry sat there staring into the fire, knowing he was running away, but he thought it was best for everyone, they will not want him around to remind them of what he have put them through, this way they can grieve without the reminder of what he had brought upon everyone. He deserve to be alone and after everything he'd done, putting everyone's lives in danger, everyone close to him at risk, he will not let anyone else he care about die even if that means never seeing them again, never seeing Ron and Hermione again, never to see Ginny again, never to feel her touch, her caress, her kisses.

Harry felt tears well up in his eyes and start to fall again, he angrily swiped them away. Ginny deserved better. He's an evil person for letting them all fight with him, he should have told them, anyway he could that they couldn't. This was between him and Voldemort, and now people have lost their lives, people Harry care about. Harry stood and started pacing angrily in front of the fire, angry at himself for allowing this to happen, angry for the pain everyone was now going through. He picked up a cushion from the couch and tossed it angrily across the other side of the room, he was about to pick up a small side table when a crack announced Kreacher had returned.

'Master Harry, I have brought you food and pumpkin juice, and I have also packed some food for you as well. Might I ask where you are going when you leave, Kreacher could come with you and look after you.'

'Thanks Kreacher, I really appreciate that you want to accompany me but I need to be alone for a while, I hope you understand. I don't know how long I will be gone, I just need to sort some things out. If you want you can stay here at Hogwarts or go back to Grimmauld Place, the choice is yours.

'Kreacher will return to Master's home then,' the elf made a bow, 'and wait for you to return, if you need anything Master, I will come when you call and do master's bidding.'

'Thank you Kreacher, and I also wanted to thank you for helping during the battle, you really didn't need to do that, but I'm sure Master Regulus would have been very proud of you. I'm really proud of you Kreacher, and I do know that when I've sorted some things out, I will return to Grimmauld Place. Thanks again Kreacher, you can go now if you wish.

Kreacher bowed again to Harry and with a crack he was gone.

Harry looked at the food Kreacher had brought him, there were roast beef sandwiches and a treacle tart, with pumpkin juice. Harry smiled. Kreacher knew what he's likes and dislikes were. He made a good choice. He sat back down in front of the fire and started to eat. He really didn't feel like eating but he knew that he had some difficult things to do and he needed to keep his strength up. He ended up eating two sandwiches and finished off the jug of pumpkins juice.

Harry stood and pulled out the invisibility cloak put his wand in his back pocket and was just about to walk toward the door, when it opened.

Harry stared at the beautiful face of Ginny as she looked around and spotted him. He could see she had been crying, she had smudged over her face and her eyes were red and puffy, but she still took his breath away.

Ginny spotted Harry and a small smile played across her lips, a few tears escaped her eyes but she let them fall. Ginny couldn't help but notice that Harry looked terrible, bruises, cuts and scratches all over him. He was covered in dirt and blood, but she didn't know whether or not it was his. There was a lot of blood on his chest right above his heart, but then she stared at his face and his beautiful green eyes. She had missed him so much. She started to walk toward him when a strange look came over his face. She stopped not knowing what to do.

'Harry?' she said a little uncertain, 'are you alright, you look awful?' Ginny stood there staring at Harry wondering whether or not he was going to answer. She took another couple of steps when Harry finally spoke.

'Ginny, you shouldn't be here, go back to your family,' he was getting angry but not with Ginny, but with himself. He had put her through so much already he didn't want her to be hurt again. Not now, not ever. 'Ginny, you need to stay away from me before I hurt you too, it's in me, I can feel it, and I don't want to hurt anyone else. Ginny leave, please.'

Ginny looked at Harry, her face showed she was first hurt then angry. 'Harry, don't do this, you won't hurt me, I know you won't. I want to be with you, I love you Harry, and now you want to send me away.' she'd started to get angry, 'I have waited for all those months not knowing where you were or even if you were alive. You left without a word. You left me.' her voice was rising with her anger. 'Then when you did come back you ignored me, and then I had to watch as Hagrid carried your body back to us from the forest. Did you know how much that hurt, to think you were dead, I wanted to die too. I didn't want to live anymore, knowing you were gone. I will not let you leave again…'

'Ginny!' Harry shouted, 'you can't understand, please just leave, I don't want to do this anymore. I care too much about you for you to be around me and get hurt…or worse. Please, just leave me alone. Nobody can help me or understand what I've gone through, why I did the things I did. I'm sorry that I hurt you but I can't take the chance of you being killed just because were together, please.' Harry started to cry again, so he turned his back on Ginny so she wouldn't see how much this was hurting him to send her away, but it was for the best.

As he stood there crying softly, Ginny had slowly and quietly walked up behind him. He felt her before she put a hand on his arm, turning him around. He looked into her eyes and saw the tears falling down her face. His heart was breaking knowing that he was already hurting her, but it was the only way to guarantee her safety.

'Harry, you don't have to do this, we will get through this together.' she put both hands on either side of Harry's face and made their eyes meet. She slowly stretched up and kissed him very softly and gently on the lips. When she pulled away, she saw his eyes were bright, but he had a determined look on his face, she knew she hasn't gotten through to him yet, but she had to keep trying. 'Harry, please, you and I are meant to be together, I can feel it. I sensed you here, that was how I was able to find you and come into the room. The love I have for you is so strong that I knew you would come back to me eventually, if I was patient. I was hurting not knowing everything, or where you were but I knew you would come back to me. Please Harry, now you here, let's just sit and talk, even if you don't want to talk, we can just sit and let me hold you. Let me love you Harry.'

Harry was staring into Ginny's chocolate brown eyes seeing all the love she had for him. She loved him, just as much as he loved her. He put his hand on her face and ran his thumb across her lips. Her lips parted at his touch and he felt his heart race. He slowly lowered his hand to her neck, he was watching his hand as it lightly caressed her throat, and he kept watching his hand as if it had a mind of its own. His hand ever so slowly kept caressing her throat then it moved further down, with the back of his hand he very gently moved it between her breasts. Then his hand slowly, ever so slowly and gently touched her breast. He heard Ginny's intake of breath at his touch. He looked up into her eyes and saw she looked shocked. He brought his other hand up and touch her other breast, gently caressing them, running his thumbs over her nipples. After a minute he brought his hands up and cradled her face and he took the last step left between them and lowered his head and kissed her fiercely, passionately. He let go of her face and wrapped his arms around her tightly kissing her, loving her, and he didn't want to stop.

Ginny stood there, at first shocked that Harry had touched her breasts and then the look in his eyes when he look at her and put his hands on each side of her face. The look was wanting, fierce, then he kissed her, a savage kiss. She had never been kissed like this before from Harry, he was always gentle. He was acting like a drowning man, fighting for life, fighting himself as he was drowning in her kisses. She grabbed him as she kissed him back, never wanting to let him go. She felt his hands roam over her body, down her back until he grabbed her backside and pulled her tightly against him.

She could feel his need, his longing, when she felt his arousal growing, she gasped and pulled back from the kiss, looking up into his eyes, searching for the meaning of his actions, it was lust, pure and simple. It shocked her, the look on his face was not like the Harry she knew, there was anger, need, and torment there. She knew she needed to get herself and him back under control. She looked up into his eyes, looking as calmly as she could, though she was anything but calm.

'Harry, listen to me, I love you, I want to be with you, but this is not the time. You need rest, you need Madame Pomfrey to look at you. Your hurt and you need to take the time to heal, not just your wounds but your heart and mind as well. I will stay with if you want me to and then you are coming home with us, back to the Burrow, where you can rest.

Harry looked at her hearing her words and the panic started to take over him. No, he thought to himself, he's not going there, he was going away, to stay away from everyone so they wouldn't get hurt again. But as he looked into Ginny's beautiful eyes and saw the love there, he felt his resolve softening, he wanted to be with her, he wanted her with him forever, but he also wanted to run. He grabbed her hand and led her to the sofa, he needed her, and he needed her now. He couldn't understand what these feelings were but he knew he had to have her.

As Harry sat down he pulled Ginny down on his lap, making her straddle him. He grabbed her fiercely and started kissing her again. He couldn't stop, his hands were all over her, they reached down and started to undo the buttons of her top, she grabbed his hands to try and stop him. She pulled her mouth away to protest, but Harry pulled her head back to him and he continued kissing her, his other hand still at the buttons of her top. Ginny was starting to struggle, trying to push his hand away. All of a sudden a loud angry snarl erupted from Harry and he pulled at her top roughly tearing it open, then did the same to her bra. He pulled away from kissing her and as Ginny tried to cover herself, Harry grabbed her hands and pulled them behind her back and flipped her over onto her back and lay down on top of her but she kept struggling under him. He stared at her exposed breasts as his mouth slowly made their way to one of them.

'Harry please, don't do this, I know your hurting but please, you're not yourself, let me help you, this is not the time, Harry please stop. Don't Harry, stop.' she was begging him, and as she looked up into his eyes she saw that his eyes were black and his face was angry. He didn't seem to have even heard her. If she could just get my hands free, she thought. Just as she thought this, Harry muttered something and she felt her hands get tied and she couldn't move them.

Harry brought his hand out from behind Ginny knowing he didn't need to hold her hands anymore, they were bound. He knew he shouldn't be doing this, but he couldn't stop. Something inside of him was so angry and determined to have her. He could hear her begging for him to stop but the words had no meaning. He looked down at her exposed breasts again lowered his mouth. She was so soft and sweet he couldn't get enough of her, he needed her. He sat up straddling her as he used his wand so her ripped top and bra flew off of her. He then started to undo her jeans. He looked up at her and saw she was crying but he still couldn't stop. He pulled his jumper over his head and then his shirt and threw them to the floor. He heard Ginny gasp, she was looking at his chest. He looked down and saw a bloody gaping wound on his chest. He ignored it, and looked back up, then stood for a few minutes and stripping off the rest of his clothes along with his shoes.

As Ginny was staring at the wound on his chest, she felt scared, there was so much blood and thought he must be hurting. She lifted her eyes and stared at Harry, she had to try to get through to him, so she spoke very softly and lovingly.

'Harry, look at me, look into my eyes, please.' Harry slowly looked at her and then finished stripping. Ginny was starting to panic, she couldn't let him do this, he would hate himself and he wouldn't be able to forgive himself, and she didn't know if she could forgive him if he went through with this. She knew there was something wrong, she just had to get free and try to get through to him. 'Harry, listen to me, if you keep going you are going you will regret it and it will hurt me more than it did when you left, and you said you didn't want to hurt me. Please Harry, hear me, listen to me. You are good and brave and you have people who love you. Please Harry, don't do this. Get the help you need, then when the time comes we can be together. But not like this. Please, please Harry, stop.'

Harry had finished taking all his clothes off and was looking back down at Ginny as she was talking. He didn't understand the words she was saying. All he heard was the thumping of his heart and the ache in his chest. He needed her now and he slowly reached down and pulled Ginny's shoes and jeans off, she only had her knickers left on, she was so beautiful. He was looking at her and he could feel his arousal pulsing, he had to have her now. As he was standing there completely naked, he looked at her eyes and saw she was looking at He's body. He couldn't read the expression she had on her face, but there was a small look of fire in her eyes. He reached down and ripped her knickers off of her and tossed them aside. He knew he could lose her forever if he didn't stop, but something inside of him wouldn't let him stop, like there was something controlling him.

He lay back down on top of her and kissed her again, his hand caressing her body as they moved up and down. He's hands slowly moved to her breasts and started to roll her nipples between his finger and thumb, he felt a gasp escape from Ginny's lips. He looked up and saw that she was enjoying it. He decided to lower his head and moved his mouth over her breast and slowly and very gently grazed his teeth against her nipple. She groaned in pleasure, saying his name over and over again. He smiled and started on her other nipple as his hand slowly made its way down between her legs, and held her, feeling her heat and wetness on his hand. He moaned with pleasure as he slowly moved her legs further apart. He let his fingers fondle and caress the heat and wetness within her. He wanted her now but he also wanted her to enjoy this.

Ginny couldn't believe it, she was groaning in pleasure with the feelings Harry was enticing from her. Then the feel of his mouth and teeth against her breast was driving her over the edge. She felt wonderful and didn't want to stop him anymore. She felt his hand slip between her legs and she gasped, his hand held her and she was writhing with ecstasy. Then she felt his fingers move inside of her and she groaned and writhed beneath his hand. The sensations building within her felt like she was going to explode, she didn't want him to stop. Finally she decided to stop fighting it and enjoy what Harry was doing to her.

'Harry,' she gasped, breathless. 'Harry, that feels wonderful, please, I want you, don't stop, don't stop,' she begged and couldn't believe she wanted this or allowing Harry to do this.

Harry looked up at her and realized he was driving her crazy with pleasure, but he had one more thing he wanted to do to her before he finally made love to her. He slowly kissed and licked his way down her stomach, flicking his tongue along her beautiful body. He could hear her groan with pleasure and it made him more excited. He kept kissing and licking his way down until his mouth closed around her wetness. He heard her gasped and her hips were bucking under his mouth. He was enjoying himself and he knew she was enjoying herself as well. He flicked his tongue against her and she was writhing more and trying to get her arms from around her back, so he muttered a spell and her hands came free. Her hands came from behind her and grasped his head and opened her legs wider.

With each flick of his tongue he could feel the tightening of her stomach muscles under his hands, he flicked his tongue faster and faster until she screamed his name and he knew she was having an orgasm. He kept licking her for a few more minutes while her orgasm was reaching its peak, then he brought himself up and lowered his body in between her legs. He slowly entered her watching her face as her orgasm reached its final peak and he thrust into her and with everything he had. He heard her gasp and stopped moving, then as his movements were building up momentum, she started to move with him, gasping and groaning in pleasure, he knew it wouldn't be long, he wanted it to last forever. After a few minutes of them both groaning in pleasure, he heard her groans growing louder and her thrust were becoming frantic. He thrust harder and faster until he felt it, he was cuming, and so was she. He moaned her name over and over until he finally screamed her name as it finally exploded within him. He heard her yell his name and felt her tighten around him as she came with him. He fell on top of her and was breathing heavily as she reached up and ran her hands on his head. Her breathing slowly receding to normal as his head rested on her chest and his own breathing coming back under control. He kissed her chest very gently and raised his head and looked up at her. She was looking at him with tears in her eyes, he didn't know if he had hurt her or she was happy.

'Ginny are you okay?' he kept looking at her, and finally she started to sob, sobbing harder and harder. 'Ginny, did I hurt you, I'm sorry if I did, I don't know what came over me, I love you, please, talk to me,' he grabbed her and hugged her tight holding her while she cried. 'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry,' and he started to cry. God what had he done.

Ginny lay there, first feeling wonderful, and then she felt embarrassed and ashamed. She knew she enjoyed it but she didn't want it to happen this way the first time and she started crying. Harry was talking to her but she couldn't respond. She felt his arms wrap around her and hold her. Rubbing her back, she felt his tears and knew he was crying as well, she grabbed hold of Harry and hugged him fiercely. As soon as her sobs stopped she felt his stop as well, but she didn't know what to say to him, so she just lay there and they held each other.

After a few minutes Harry lifted his head again and looked into Ginny's eyes. He could see the confusion and hurt in her eyes and also embarrassment. He felt ashamed at what he did because he knew he had raped her, he couldn't believe he could ever do such a thing and didn't know what had come over him. He finally started to realise that everything he had been through was taking its toll on him. He knew he had to explain everything to Ginny or risk losing her forever. He shuddered at the thought, but he knew he had no choice. He couldn't lose her, not now, not ever.