TEARS IN THE RAIN
It was almost 6 pm in the afternoon, the rain poured down on the streets; tiny drops of water until it became so hard. The breeze was cold bringing chills to my bones even though I was wearing a pink jacket at the corner with him at my side. He sheltered me with his umbrella. He stares at me, smiling tenderly. I took a glance and begun to blush and immediately look down at my shoes that are soaking wet by the rain. He took hold of my arm and said "Cagalli, Look at me." he said gently. I scowled at him but I was just pretending. It was a fake. He never reacted even though I gave him that, he's still smiling. The same smile that made me fallen for him for years. "Come, let's go and eat. It's my treat!" he said while he hauled me to walk. "Never mind, I'm still full". I said while taking few steps away from him and back to the corner were we used to stood up a couple of minutes ago and I wrapped my arms around my shoulders "It's cold." I was all washed up, the umbrella was thrown away, and my hair was in tangles. "Let's go I'll bring you home, you're freezing here…" he looked worried and grabbed my hand, tried to pull me another time. "I don't want to! Stop caring about me, ok!" I yelled at him and he just stared at me once again, with that smile. "Ok, if that's what you wanted." He got the umbrella in the rain.
I felt what I did was wrong. I shouldn't shout at him like that. Maybe at this time he's mad at me for doing such thing. I know I was so stubborn at times, one thing that people doesn't like about me and I also hate it but I can't control my temper. I take a quick look at him, he was just standing there. He doesn't talk. I was afraid, I don't know. I never did this to him even before. As I trembled in the corner because I felt so cold he laid his hands through my hair. He brushed my hair with his fine, gentle hands and said "You look stunning today". I look shocked. I mean, what can he see in me? I didn't look attractive enough with my wet pink jacket, tangled and devastated hair-do. "Are you in your right senses?" I exclaimed. He just stared at me and gently touched my left cheek. My face blushed as he was about few inches from my face.
He always do that 'staring thingy' as if a have dirt on my face. "I'm not kidding…" he said gently. He got my hand and embraced me in his arms. It was a quick move, I didn't noticed it until I realized that I started to hear his heartbeat pounding fast right through my ear. "This can't be! Can it?" I thought while he held me around his arms. "No… I didn't want this to happen." I said but what I really feel is contradictory to it. How I long to feel his hug. I need him, I wanted him so much. I wish this time would never last anymore.
As he hugged me, words came out accidentally in my mouth. "I love you" it was just a soft squeaky sound and I don't know if he heard it. "I love you Arthrun" I said it once again…I want him to know how I feel for him, but I can't. I just let my chances slip by. I don't want this to happen again.
From the rain, hundreds of footsteps splashing came nearer. He immediately released me from his tight embrace. I saw him change his position and looked at her. She doesn't see what happened lately so she doesn't know about it. He opened the umbrella and transferred it to hers. I saw him kissed her forehead and held her hand with his. He was so sweet to her. I felt a wrenching sensation inside my chest. I suddenly can't breath at that instance.
"Sorry if I keep you two waiting, I just lost my report. Good thing I have a backup file with me" she smiled at both of us.
"That's Ok, so shall we go now?" He said sweetly to her
"I think I got to go" I said softly, interrupting into their conversation
"Why in a hurry?" she said to me
"Ummm… I'll be meeting with my friends by this time, so I have to get going" I tried to tell them a reason to escape and leave both of them.
"You can't go, it's still raining." He looked at me
"It's just tiny drops of water, it will soon stop. Besides I'm also wet." I laughed even though my heart is crumbling into pieces.
"Take care Cagalli!" he told while he waved his hand up to the air to say goodbye to me.
I left them there together. I remembered his heart was filled. They've been for about a year, it's so stupid of me! As I walked in the slippery streets, on my way back to my apartment I'm not aware that I was crying. My tears were falling down on my cheeks, and gush out from my face without being heard as it drips silently unto the ground. It was just about the rain that made me unconscious about it.
I know I can't fill his heart no more… because it's too late for me… I wanted him so much but what did I have done...?
"You're there but not really. You're mine but not really. I'll never really own you, so I'll never really lose you. I suppose this will always gonna be. I have you, you have me, but still NOT REALLY."