A/N: A story with no real pairings, only obsession and mentions of torture. If you flame I'll freeze hell over and send you there to cool your flaming buns off. Be warned: Sakura is telling this WAY after the fact of the matter so that is why she may not sound likeherself to you readers.She mentions obsession a lot too hence the title.Also, there are spoilers up to chapter 285-286. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
I never knew what he wanted with me. It was just one day, one normal average day that he came storming into my life, beating it, raping it, and just completely obliterating everything I had ever had. His name was Itachi...and he...was my obsession's older brother.
I was only sixteen at the time and even though it had been three years, I still constantly worried about Sasuke-kun's well being. He meant basically everything to me and even though most only saw it as a schoolgirl's crush, I loved him. I suppose it was something that simple once, back when I was only old enough to know that boys and girls were supposed to like each other, but now... Now it was an obsession.
I don't remember exactly when I stopped thinking of Sasuke as a god and started thinking of him as a human being. It wasn't an abrupt change in thought either. It had been happening for a while, ever since he, Naruto, and I had become a team. Over our possible year together as Team 7, even though neither me, nor Inner Sakura showed it, I realized that Sasuke was human as well. He wasn't perfect. He wasn't brave. And in comparison to Naruto, he wasn't strong either. He was in all actuality, a lost little boy trying to kill the one person who held all of the answers to his misery.
That's not to say I thought of him as a human being. I just... realized it, and it shocked me that Sasuke, MY Sasuke could be so fucking weak.
After he left, after Naruto promised me he'd bring him back and failed, I thought I could get over him. Move on. Live my life as a shinobi of Konohagakure, The Village Hidden in the Leaves, under the teachings of the great Tsunade-hime, the Godaime Hokage.
But that... was not to be.
He left and then Naruto left with Jiraiya as well, leaving me all alone and all I could think about was Sasuke. He invaded my every sense, my every thought, my every word. He invaded everything and left me no room to breathe. No room to live in my own body.
I started to think after about a year or so of this torture that maybe blood, maybe a lot of blood could ease the cluttered feeling of my soul. By the time I had mastered healing minor cuts and scrapes to where they weren't even visible, I was sure of it. At first, I would place a cut or two here and there across my arm, just deep enough to make a few droplets of red blood seep out of the wound and run a tear-streaked trail down my arm. It got worse after that, it always does you know, and soon I was cutting my arms, legs, stomach, and breasts to ribbons every single night.
I kept my hair chopped short and I always wore fairly revealing clothes to keep people's suspicion at bay, but I don't think it worked. People were constantly asking me if I was alright and if I needed to see a doctor because I looked so much paler than usual. I always answered no, saying that I was fine and that I merely needed to get out into the sun more often in a cheery voice that I'm sure they knew was fake. They always just nodded and said something along the lines of get out there and get some sun then or something equally as stupid.
Another six months of torture, this time with a release that was working less and less, and I was recommended into the chuunin exams again by none other than my teacher, Tsunade-sensei. She had me put in a team with Chouji and Ino, since Shikamaru had made it the first time and they were lacking a member to participate while I was lacking two. Oddly enough, with my medical techniques, and above average, though not above Shikamaru's, strategizing abilities, my new team and I were able to make it into the third round quite easily. I showed the passion that I didn't feel and strategized to well past my heart's content so that people would think that I wanted to get on with my life instead of obsessing as I supposedly had been and still was in fact. I made it past the third round too. Ino and Chouji weren't so lucky; they had to take the chuunin exam again along with Kiba and his now overgrown mutt Akamaru.
It was around two months later that Tsunade-sensei caught me on one of my bad days, healing the cuts that I had just given myself. She was pissed to be sure, but more so than that, she was furious when she found out the reason why. She called me a child, weak, and unworthy of her tutelage. She said that he only haunted me because I let him and that if I shut him out, if I actually TRIED to move on, I could.
I stopped mentioning him to myself and I never spoke his name ever. It was made sure that I was far away from anything sharp unless if it was mission related, which it never was, because Tsunade-sensei made it so. Things got... a little better I guess, but nearly every time I had an aching thought, a saddening thought, even a happy thought, my hands shook like crazy and goddamn it I wanted a knife, a kunai, a shuriken, a senbon, anything with an edge sharp enough to cut through my skin.
I was a mess truly.
After another ten months of torture, of not being able to get near anything sharp, I finally quit having the urge to slice through my skin every time I felt something. It was odd to tell you the truth, but... I kind of liked the feeling of not having to waste all my chakra on healing cuts that shouldn't even be there.
And then, Naruto came back. He had said that he would be back in three years and that then we would be able to find Sasuke, my obsession, and save him from becoming Orochimaru's container. Surprisingly to me and the rest of the village, he had come back after only two and a half.
We were sent immediately on a mission with Kakashi-senpai and Pakkun, his little pug-faced dog summon. Temari came with us too, though only because the mission involved her little brothers Kankuro and Gaara. I found out something interesting on the way. I found out that Naruto holds the demon fox within him. He probably thought I would hate him for it, but actually it made me understand why he was always so alone and even though most people would freak out and swear vengeance against him, it made me love him as a friend even more than I already did through our year as Team 7.
On that mission I learned so much more than I ever did at any other given time. I learned that with hope, a strong heart, and one hell of a technique you could kill your own grandson and bring back the dead. I also learned that friends are not merely people you enjoy hanging out with; they're people who you share your heart and life with.
We had another mission... one with an emotionless ANBU operative and a gay little asshole from Roots who didn't even know what emotion WAS. His name was Sai by the way, the fucked up asshole. He aggravated me so much and thing was, he aggravated Naruto even more, which scared me, because though Naruto can get annoyed and pissed off real easily, he NEVER hated anyone besides the Akatsuki with as much passion as he did Sai.
We had to get information from an informant of Akatsuki in Mist Country. I think it's safe to say that the mission was at least semi-successful.
Yet another long period of a couple of months passed and hardly any signs of Sasuke and Orochimaru were found. I was starting to get frantic again with worry that my obsession would be used as some fucking outfit, something that could be thrown away at the slightest whim.
And then he came.
It was a cold, rainy night with not a single star in the sky and not a single sliver of moon to guide those lost in the forests or on missions. I suppose it was always meant to be that way, and it was almost ironic, because people always said that the elder Uchiha's heart was just like a moonless, starless night: stone cold black.
I didn't expect it to be him who truly shook me out of my obsession with his younger brother. I really, really didn't. It didn't happen like I expected either. I had always expected someone to just tell me the truth about it and that it would shake me out of my obsession and I would be able to truly move on, but I realize now that talking to me would never have worked.
He was brutal. He told me that if I went with him, I would be able to get Sasuke back faster and being the obsessed idiot I was, I went with him. He kept me locked up in a stone room with only a single bed and a pot to shit and piss in.
I never liked his attention. It was always negative, always painful. He would slam me into walls and break my bones and then rape me until bled all over the floor. Sometimes, he'd even put me under Tsukiyomi with the worst torture I could possibly imagine: Sasuke becoming Orochimaru's container and killing me over and over saying that I would never be worth anything.
Eventually I stopped being scared of Sasuke betraying everyone and came to resent him with everything I had. That was when Itachi let me go and told me...
...That Sasuke had been saved.
And it wasn't until months later, when I decided to see a doctor in Hidden Cloud that I found out that I was pregnant with Itachi's child.
A/N: I hope you liked it. It's a one-shot and it's a prequel to a story I'm writing about the child mentioned in the last sentence. I had to make up a background story for things that happen so this is what I came up with. Tell me what you think about it!
Mizuki Kurenaida