A/N: So, I wrote this for funsies. I'm sure this kind of thing has been done before but whatevs. If you like this, let me know and maybe I'll do some more for other characters. It's a nice break from multiple chapter stories.
September, 22
So, my parents are making me keep a journal now. Not a real one. Obviously, because I'm typing this on my laptop. This is honestly one of the most awkward experiences I've ever had. It's like I'm talking to myself. Itachi says to pretend like I'm talking to a friend or somthing, but that kind of makes it even more weird I think. This is so stupid. Anyway, apparently I don't express myself enough and I'm too "reserved" and "introverted". I don't see how this is a problem, but whatever.
Well, I don't know what else to say here so...goodbye? Is that how you end these stupid things?
September, 28
I forgot I was supposed to update daily. Actually, I forgot about this altogether. My mother asked me during dinner if keeping a journal was helping me at all and I realized I had only made one entry so far. Whatever. This is stupid anyway and I don't see how this is supposed to help.
September, 29
I did a little research on how to properly use a journal. I guess I'm supposed to talk about my feelings... I'm not entirely comfortable with that. But, I guess I could give it a shot. It's not like anyone is ever going to read this. I probably won't even read this. So...what am I feeling? Annoyed. I'm feeling annoyed that I have to talk about how I'm feeling.
September, 30
Itachi hacked his way into my laptop and read my "journal". I'm just relieved I hadn't written anything personal. He spent an hour lecturing me on how I wasn't taking it seriously enough and that my entries were bullshit. He says I'm supposed to talk about my day and share my thoughts and feelings. He wants me to start "giving myself the help I need". Tch. He just wants to make sure the next time he hacks into my laptop he actually has some juicy gossip to spread around the city.
October, 1
I wasn't planning on doing this...I might even erase this later, I don't know. But I actually have something to talk about today. And, Itachi, I swear to FUCKING God if you read this and I find out, you will die the most horrendous death imaginable. I mean it. Anyway, I had pretty much the worst day of school ever. I'm still pissed (which is probably why I'm actually going along with this whole journal thing right now) and I'm contemplating burning the entire city to the ground.
Anyway, I had gym for third period today and this kid, Naruto, got assigned to my team for basketball. I fucking hate that blond idiot but I was willing to deal with him for the sake of my grade. Even if it's just gym class, I refuse to have anything below an A on my report card. Itachi never had anything below an A and I will not allow myself to lose to him. I'm getting off track again. So this Naruto kid thought he'd be hilarious and show off. He wasn't taking the game seriously at all and his team-work was limited to his friend Kiba, and Kiba only. Those two hogged the ball the entire fucking time. I couldn't do anything but run around like a God damn idiot trying to actually play the stupid game but I couldn't because Naruto would only pass to Kiba and Kiba would only pass to Naruto. He made me look like an idiot in front of everyone. And since Naruto wasn't taking it seriously and mostly laughed like an idiot and made weird faces at the opposing team members, we lost the game. That wouldn't have happened if he had let me play!
I excel at athletics. I am a damn good basketball player and he hogged the spotlight the whole time. I never even had a chance! Whatever, I've already decided that next gym class I will show him up. He will never put a shadow over me again. I've already got to compete with Itachi, I don't want to have to compete with this moron too. No one puts Sasuke in the corner.
October, 2
Shisui came over last night and I talked to him about Itachi hacking into my laptop. He promised me he'd make sure he'd never do it again. Itachi looks up to him and even though he's our cousin, Itachi considers him his best friend. I have faith that Itachi will listen to him. So, I guess it's safe to write whatever I want to now.
I don't really have anything to talk about today though.
October, 3
Not a good day. Not good at all. We were allowed to choose partners for a project in English today...I couldn't find a group. Usually, our teacher assigns the groups but Kiba convinced her to give us a chance to prove we could work with our friends. And she agreed. So I ended up looking like a complete loser as I tried to find a group of my own but eventually everyone was already paired up into groups of three...except for Naruto and Kiba...so I got stuck with them as their third member.
They're idiots. Complete idiots. They aren't taking the project seriously at all! And they barely understand the assignment! I tried to tell them how to do it and give suggestions but they wouldn't listen to me. They just kept complaining that they got "stuck" with me. Kiba yelled at me for ruining the one time they could choose their own groups. "What's the point if we still get stuck with you?" Tch. Asshole. He's LUCKY he has me in his group! I'm top of our class! Whatever, I just hope these losers don't fuck up the project because if my grade goes down because of them they'll wish they were never born.
October, 4
Itachi's having a bonfire tonight. He's inviting his weird friends. Oh, joy.
Mother told me I could have friends over too if I wanted. I told her I didn't want to scare them off because of Itachi's strange group of friends. I lied. I just didn't want to admit to my own mother that I actually don't have any friends to invite.
Not having any friends doesn't really bother me. I need to focus on my academics if I want to get into a good college. A social life would just be a distraction. Friends are overrated. I don't need any. Besides, everyone at my school is an idiot anyway. I'm fine by myself.
October, 5
Father lectured me today. He says I need to get out more. "Itachi was always able to balance a social life and his academics." "Itachi was able to be in a relationship and make it into one of the best colleges in the country" "Itachi is a well-rounded individual." "Since Itachi refused to take over the company, it's up to you. It's important to have people skills in this line of work, Sasuke. You need to change your attitude."
I am so sick of being compared to Itachi. I will never live up to the expectations he's set for me.
"An itelligent, handsome young man like yourself should have a girlfriend at this age. It's not healthy to keep yourself locked away in your room."
If my father ever finds out I'm gay, I'll probably be disowned. I'll probably take this secret to the grave. I'll never find a boyfriend anyway, I'll probably just die alone. I've made it this far without anybody, I can get through another fifty years. Just one more thing to add to the list of dissapointments I've given my parents.
October, 5
I really hate Naruto.
October, 6
Our English project is due in two days and Naruto and Kiba will not let me fix their mistakes. I'm going to strangle the both of them. All they do is goof off. If they're not going to take it seriously, I wish they'd at least dump all the work on me. I wouldn't mind that at all because even if I ended up doing all the work, at least we'd get a good grade.
I don't know what Naruto's problem with me is but he's always glaring at me with those ridiculously blue eyes of his. Every time we pass in the hallway he gives me a dirty look and shoulder checks me. I know I'm kind of an asshole to him sometimes but he brings it on himself! If he acts like a moron, I'm going to treat him like one.
And everyone loves him...it's like his personality is magnetic or something...everyone wants to be his friend. What's so great about him anyway? Just because he's tall, muscular, tan, and blond doesn't mean he's cool. Maybe people just like him for his looks. Not that I think he's attractive or anything.
October, 7
So apparently the only reason I'm "popular" is because I'm "rich and hot".
Naruto said this to me after I confronted him about our group project. Granted, I was pretty rude about it and I may or may not have called him a pathetic moron to his face. But, he took it way too far I think. He made it much more personal than it needed to be. What gives him the right? What does he know about me? He told me I was an asshole and that's why no one wanted to be my partner. He said that if it weren't for my looks and my money not even my "fangirls" would bother with me.
I don't know why I let him get to me like this. Why should I care what that idiot thinks of me? He doesn't know anything about me.
And what did he mean by "hot"? Does he think I'm hot? Or is he just quoting my fangirls? It was hard to tell. Not that I care if he thinks I'm hot or not. It doesn't really matter to me. It's just human nature to be curious about those sorts of things.
October, 8
Our Project is due TOMORROW. And it's only half-way done. And the half that is done, is complete trash.
Here's the best part (complete sarcasm by the way): Naruto is coming over tonight to finish it. Since he spent all that time goofing off in class, we have no choice but to work on it as homework. Neither of us is happy about working on it together but apparently Kiba's sister, Hana, is in town so Naruto said he'd "take one for the team" and let him skip out on finishing it.
Naruto Uzumaki is going to be in my bedroom. Just the two of us. Working on a project together. Someone please kill me.
October, 9
Last night was...I don't really...Naruto was...not as horrible as he usually is.
I just don't really know how I'm feeling right now.
This is weird.
Too weird.
When Naruto got here he just gawked at my house and wouldn't shut the hell up about how big it is. At first, he was how he usually is. Annoying and stupid. But then he was actually pretty tolerable. My mom made a fuss over him when she finally came out of her office. Going on about how glad she was that I had a friend over...pretty awkward considering he's not my friend. But she made a big deal about it, hugging Naruto and everything. It was really embarassing. When she left he asked me why she was acting like that and I told him he's the first person I've ever had over. It was true, I've never brought a classmate home before and no one has ever visited me. Not a big deal, really. But after that he was a lot nicer to me.
I'm not too thrilled about being pittied by an idiot like Naruto.
But I'm more concerned with the fact that he actually cared at all. He hates me, right? So why should he care if I don't have friends? He's the one who said I was an asshole and nobody liked me so why the sudden change? I don't understand. He was so...nice. Shouldn't he have just laughed in my face and said "I told you so"? He was right about me so why wasn't he throwing it in my face?
I don't understand.
But then he actually let me take control over the project. He said he owed me for saving his grade. He even laughed at my sarcasm a few times instead of glaring at me. He seemed...different. I know he probably just felt bad for me, which still pisses me off that he would take pity on me, but, still. Why did he feel bad? Why did he decide to be nice all of a sudden?
I'm not sure exactly how I feel about all of this.
Then, today at school, he kind of half smiled at me when we passed in the hallway instead of glaring. When we turned in our project he told Kiba to thank me for saving our grade. Kiba looked surprised, I'm sure I did too, and then Naruto told him that I was more decent than they thought. What the hell is going on?
October, 10
Things got even weirder. I didn't think they could, but they did.
Today is Naruto's birthday and he actually invited me to go to the arcade with him, Kiba, and this Shikamaru kid from our science class. I declined the invitation, of course.
But the fact that I even got the invitation in the first place was kind of...nice.
October, 11
I think Naruto is trying to be my friend.
I don't know how to deal with him. He's hyper and loud. He laughs too much, and he doesn't understand the concept of personal space.
October, 12
Itachi commented on my behavior as of late. He says I seem "less doom and gloom" and more "slightly happy."
I guess it's true I haven't been in such a terrible mood the past few days.
October, 13
Itachi's having another bonfire tomorrow night. Mother asked if I wanted to invite my "new friend".
I guess I could invite Naruto. He invited me to the arcade on his birthday so it's the polite thing to do. He'll probably decline anyway.
October, 14
He didn't decline.
I really thought he would have.
But he didn't and he's going to be here in half an hour.
What if Itachi's friends freak him out? He'll never want to hang out with me again. Well, not that it would be a bad thing or whatever. He's a little much to handle anyway. I wouldn't be bothered by it if he decided not to talk to me anymore. Not a big deal.
October, 15
I think I had fun.
At the bonfire, I mean.
It was...not terrible. Even with Itachi's group of weirdos. Actually, they loved Naruto and he didn't seem bothered by them at all. In fact, Naruto was kind of the life of the party. He's good at stealing the spotlight. He told a lot of interesting stories and I found out quite a bit about Kiba that I could use as blackmail.
He's still an idiot though. Who doesn't bring a hoodie to a bonfire? It gets colder at night. Kind of common sense. I had to let him borrow one of mine. Idiot.
October, 16
Naruto didn't do me the common courtesy of washing my hoodie before returning it.
It smells just like him now.
I need to find out what cologne he uses. Or shampoo.
Whatever it is, it smells amazing.
I'm still mad he didn't wash it though. Idiot.
October, 17
He's sitting with me at lunch now. He convinced his friends to switch over to my table.
It was a little uncomfortable but I'm thankful that they chased the fangirls away. Usually, my table consists of me and five girls who won't stop giggling and asking me pointless questions. And, Naruto did make it less awkward by including me in all the conversations and filling me in on inside jokes and things I didn't understand. He made sure I was included.
I've changed my mind about him. He deserves every bit of the attention he gets.
Even if he is an idiot.
October, 18
Naruto invited me over to his place this weekend. He said Kiba would be out of town and he hated having nothing to do on the weekends. I'm not too sure why he chose me of all people. Why didn't he ask one of his other friends? Like Sai, Neji, Lee, Gaara, Shikamaru, Chouji, or Shino? He has so many other friends and yet he asked me. Just last week he couldn't stand me. This is progressing way too quickly.
On the other hand, maybe that's presicely why he chose me. Maybe he wants to get to know me better?
Or maybe I'm thinking into it too much.
October, 19
I think Naruto might be gay.
Kiba mentioned throwing a Halloween party, promising that he'd invite "all the babes". Naruto must have made a face because Kiba sighed and then promised "plenty of dudes too". I don't think I was supposed to hear this conversation...but I sit right behind Naruto in History so I couldn't help but overhear.
So...maybe I've finally found someone who I could tell my secret to? Someone who would actually understand what it's like.
On second thought, maybe I shouldn't. I still don't know if I can trust him yet. Besides, I could be wrong...maybe they were only joking?
Still, it's an interesting thought.
October, 20
Naruto punched someone in the face for me.
I'm not kidding, this really happened.
There's this kid, Zaku, he's a complete asshole and he hangs out with these two other kids named Dosu and Kin. Basically everyone avoids them because they're always picking fights. So here's what happened, I was trying to get to my locker and Zaku was leaning against it flirting with Kin like always. I asked him to move. He didn't. Instead, he pulled me up by my shirt and told me to fuck off before throwing me to the ground. Now, I may be gay but I'm no weak little damsel in distress, so I stood up and raised a fist to him. Naruto caught it and pushed me aside. Zaku made a comment about me having to have my boyfriend save me and called me a "spoiled rich little fag" and that's when Naruto turned around and punched him in the face.
I couldn't believe it. He defended me. I could have taken care of myself...in fact, I planned on beating the shit out of this guy. So, later, I asked why Naruto would risk getting suspended over me and he said it was because he'd rather it go on his record than mine. He said he knew I wanted to get into a good college and he didn't want me to lose my chance.
I didn't realize people like this really existed. I thought these kind of people were only in books and movies.
He fucking defended me. No one has ever done that before. He was more concerned about me ruining my chances at a good college than his own.
And to think it took me until my senior year of high school to realize that Naruto Uzumaki is probably one of the most selfless people in the world.
I never thought I'd say this...but I'm glad I met Naruto. And, it's really nice to have a friend.
October, 21
Well, today is the day. I'm going to Naruto's place. I thought for sure his parents would change their minds after the call they got from our principal, but Naruto texted me to let me know that our plans were still on. Blondie must have sweet talked them. This guy seriously has some kind of mystical power when he talks to people. It sounds stupid but you'd have to witness it to understand. He's lucky, if it had been me, my parents would have shipped me away to a boarding school. Anyway, I'll make an update later tonight on how things go. I've never gone to a friend's house before and I'll admitt, I'm a little nervous about it.
Update: Well, it turns out his parents weren't mad because he doesn't have any. They died when he was still an infant... He lives with his gaurdian, Jiraiya, but he's gone a lot. He's a writer and he travels for his research and he leaves Naruto by himself rather often. I told Naruto I was sorry but he insisted that this Jiraiya guy is really great and he doesn't mind his absence because he wants the man to be happy and not be burdened by Naruto. He really talked him up like the greatest guy ever, although perverted, and says he's greatful to him. But, I don't know. I think it's kind of sad that Naruto is in that house all alone so often. I'm starting to understand why having a lot of friends is important to him.
I also understand why he gawked at my house like it was a mansion or something. His home is rather small...and could use quite a bit of work. It also seems as though he lives off of ramen...although I can't really tell if it's because that's all he can afford or just because he loves it so damn much.
I learned a lot about him today. He really opened up, I was kind of surprised at how much he shared. Like, he had been bullied pretty badly up until the 7th grade. I vaguely remember seeing him sitting alone at recess but back then I didn't pay much attention to anyone. I was alone too...I wish I would have approached him back then. Maybe things could have been different for both of us if I had. He also told me he used to have a really bad anger problem. Apparently, he used to black out and go into fits of rage. He didn't go into too much detail but he said eventually he "tamed the beast". I guess that means he found a way to deal with his anger. He told me that before he got control of his temper, people were afraid of him and avoided him like the plague. That was why he had no friends. He said for the longest time, Jiraiya was all he had and even he was gone a lot.
Naruto is not the person I thought he was. Not at all.
But our time wasn't spent completely with tragic back stories, we actually had a pretty good time. He forced me into playing this video game called Shinobi of the Leaf, and it was actually pretty cool. He also showed me his manga collection, and although I was skeptical at first, seeing as how comics are pretty childish, they actually looked interesting. He described the stories in detail and had they been regular books I'd have asked to borrow them. I can only imagine what my father would say if he caught me reading what I'm sure he'd refer to as a "picture book".
He invited me to come back over tomorrow and after the day we had together, I couldn't say no.
October, 22
Things will never be the same again.
I kissed him.
I fucking kissed him.
I don't know where it came from...or what I was thinking... well, I wasnt fucking thinking.
We were outside of his house, sitting on the hood of my car and we were talking, having a deep conversation about our pasts again and I don't know why I did it but I leaned in and FUCKING KISSED HIM.
Heat of the moment is what I'm blaming this on.
But, I panicked because he looked shocked and jumped off the car, backing away from me so I just stuttered an apology and left.
I'm contemplating texting him some sort of explanation but I'm not even sure what I would say.
Why did I have to do that? Now everything is ruined. The only fucking friendship I've ever had in my life and I just screwed it up. And I'm sure he's going to tell Kiba and if Kiba finds out about this the entire school will too.
What the hell is wrong with me?
Excuse me while I crawl into a hole and die.
October, 23
I'm not sure who was avoiding the other the most. Me, or Naruto? I couldn't even look at him. I disappeared during lunch to avoid the innevitable return of my fangirls at my empty table. I just hid in the music room and played my violin...I needed a distraction. He didn't talk to me at all, needless to say, and I still haven't gotten a text or anything so I think it's safe to say I scared away the first and only friend I've ever made.
Maybe I'll make use of my supposedly high I.Q to build a time-machine.
October, 24
Itachi is starting to pry into my life again, wondering why my sudden mood uplift has deflated. I told him I was fine but my body betrayed me, making the tears in my eyes a clear indication of my attempt at decieving him. Although I didn't reveal anything to my brother, I did, however, break down in front of him.
I felt so pathetic.
I'm an Uchiha. Uchiha's do not show emotions. Not to say that we don't have them. Because we do, we feel very strongly...but we don't show it.
But, I couldn't control myself this time. I tried to hold it back but I couldn't. Itachi was surprisingly good about it. He comforted me until I calmed down. I asked him not to tell our parents and he nodded an understanding. So, at least my brother knows when to draw the line when it comes to my personal affairs. He stopped asking questions and just left me alone. He asked me to talk to him when I felt ready but I'm not sure how he'd take his brother being a friendless loser AND gay. So maybe I'll just keep this to myself.
October, 25
Something amazing happened today.
Naruto spoke to me. He acted as if the kiss never happened. I guess he decided to put it behind us and stay my friend.
Words could not possibly express the relief that washed over me today.
October, 26
Naruto is acting completely normal.
Too normal.
Did my kiss really mean nothing to him?
What am I talking about? Of course it didn't.
This is for the best anyway. Just put it behind us and move on. There's no need to talk about it. It doesn't matter. The most important thing is that we're friends again. If he needed an explanation, he'd ask for one.
October, 27
Itachi asked me something today that has me kind of worried.
"Blondie mend your broken heart already?"
What is that supposed to mean? Was he joking? I couldn't decide at the time so I just rolled my eyes and told him to shut up.
Besides, he's wrong anyway. I mean, what am I even worried about? It's not like I like Naruto in that kind of way. That kiss was just due to the heat of the moment and nothing more. There was no meaning behind it. Naruto isn't really my type. I don't know what my type actually is, but it's not him.
But has he figured out my sexuality? I haven't really done anything to suggest that I'm gay (that he knows of) so maybe I'm just being paranoid.
October, 28
I don't know what the hell is going on with me.
I was...pleasuring myself tonight...must be these pesky teenage hormones.
But...I moaned Naruto's name during my "release".
I can't be falling for that idiot.
There's no way. That's ridiculous.
October, 29
SO APPARENTLY ITACHI HEARD ME LAST NIGHT.
He confronted me about it.
He was...surprisingly understanding. He said he had his suspicions for a while now.
So much for taking this secret to my grave. My brother knows, and I'm sure even Naruto has pieced it together considering I kissed the idiot.
October, 30
Naruto kissed me back.
HE FUCKING KISSED ME.
My hands are still shaking, it's difficult to type this even.
He pulled me aside after school and led me behind the building. First, he apologized for how he reacted to my kiss and then he went on about how it just freaked him out because he actually liked it. He said he's known he was gay for a couple of years now but had never had a relationship with another boy. He said he found me attractive. I hear that all the time from the girls at my school and it means nothing but hearing it from him...it had me feeling some type of way.
No matter how hard I tried to fight it back, I ended up blushing. Naruto just laughed and grabbed the back of my head, kissing me. And it wasn't like when I kissed him, this time it was much longer and almost...violent. Had we really been supressing our emotions that much?
Well, I guess there's no denying it now. I like Naruto. I like that idiot more than I care to admit. He's the complete opposite of me and at first it annoyed me but now...it's almost as if I'm more complete when he's with me. It sounds cliche and lame but I can't think of another way to describe the feeling.
October, 31
When I first started this journal I hated it. I didn't see the point in expressing myself or sharing my thoughts. I thought it didn't matter. That my thoughts didn't matter. But then the more entries I made, the easier it was to talk about what was on my mind and the better I felt. Not much time has passed since my first entry but this has helped me considerably.
But, although this has helped, I'm not going to be keeping this journal any longer.
Because I've found something better.
I don't need this journal anymore because I've finally found someone who I feel comfortable sharing my thoughts with. Someone I can actually talk to. Someone who will listen and care.
Naruto is all I need.
He has changed me in the best way possible and with him, I don't feel alone anymore.
Well, I'm going to wrap this up because Naruto asked me to go with him to Kiba's Halloween party. I agreed on one condition: this will be our first date. He accepted that condition with the biggest, dorkiest grin I have ever seen.
So, if you don't mind, I've got to pick up my dork of a boyfriend for our first date.