A/N: So, tomorrow is my best friend (practically my big sister)'s birthday , and even though we're not exactly friendly towards each other at the moment, i'm still going to give her her birthday present. Happy Birthday Shannen. I love you. I'm sorry.
Disclaimer: I don't own SWAC.
Tick, 1 2 3. Tick 1 2 3. The time goes by oh so slow at times like this. When you wait, it seems to take forever. I was once told not to look at a clock because it would make the time go even slower. So I look away, and turn back after what seems five minutes. The hands haven't moved an inch.
I looked away from the clock and over to my best friend as she lay there, breathing steadily in the uncomfortable hospital bed, on the edge of living.
It was my fault she was here. It's always my fault. Everything. I can't count the amount of times I've apologised. It just seems so unreal. I should be the one in that hospital bed, not her. I was so stupid. I shouldn't of gotten mad at her, I knew I should of just stuck by her, why didn't I just do that? Why do I always have to try and help people, try and make everyone happy. I should've learned by now how impossible that is. It never turns out right. I should've stopped while I was ahead. I'm so stupid.
It's my fault I'm staring at an almost lifeless body right now. I could've stopped her. I should've stayed with her the whole time. Why am I so stupid? I should be laying there. It should be me.
I missed her. The way we held each other when one or both of us were upset. She was practically my sister. I don't know why I got so mad. It just ticked me of somehow. This is why I should keep my thoughts to myself. No one needs to hear them. It's like listening to a fish talk. They can't. Why does it always turn out badly? I started it anyway, thinking she was mad at me. I shouldn't have said anything at all. Maybe if I hadn't things wouldn't be like this.
I'm sorry. I'm so, so, so sorry.
My fingers pushed back her brown locks of her from her eyes, placing them behind her eyes. Gently, I took her hand in mine and held it close to my face. It felt so cold. That should be my hand feeling cold. Dammit, I should be in that hospital bed. She doesn't deserve this. Not at all. She was in so much pain already and I made it worse.
I have to stop thinking of my problems and start helping her. She needed me and I was letting her down. Why must I be so self-ccentered and selfish? What made me this way?
But it's too late now. The beeps on the machine quickened rapidly and a sea of doctors ran into the room ushering me out, it all went so fast. I remember tears running down my face and thinking to myself. Please don't leave me. Please.
I leaned against the wall outside her hospital room and let the tears escape my eyes, with my face buried in my hands.
Eventually a doctor came outside, I looked at the clock. It'd been half an hour. Time suddenly went by so fast. I could tell by the look on his face. No words were needed.
They lost her. So now the world is going to lose me.
Ok, that was more depressing than it was meant to be but i think it gets along the message quite clearly. I love Shannen, you're my big sister and I'm so sorry. I'd die without you.