[There stood a chipped, terra cotta dock. Calling the dock "old" would be an understatement. The dock was decrepit; legend says scientists all over the world are still studying the dock, trying to discover the reason it still stands today. Besides the broken down brown dock, in the horizon lay a somewhat aqua lake. The lake wasn't glittering bright, but it wasn't musky green either. It sparkled in just the right light, but pollution was taking it over heavily. A man with jet black hair, hair that made him look like a surfer dude, stumbled onto the dock. The man's hair was positioned in odd angles, stuck everywhere. His eyes were bloodshot and his clothes looked inside-out. In the man's left hand was a bottle of Samuel Adams. He groggily lifted the beer bottle to his face, taking a swift gulp. Finally, the man made it to the camera. He smiled crookedly to the audience, his smile never failing to scare half the children away from the TV.]
Chris: Yo bitchezzz! My name's Chris Mc-FUCKING-clean... and I'm here from Camp FuckYoMama. I'm proud to announce my new reality TV show for all ages to enjoy: TOTAL DRAMA ISLLLLLLLAAAND!
[A few seconds of nothingness pass as a black, built man walks behind Chris with a deadpan expression. Chris holds his arms in the air in a weird pose before finally continuing his little speech]
Chris: Welcome back to Total Drama Island...-
Chef: This is a FanFiction you faggot. No one has left... you don't have to introduce your show repetitively.
Chris: ... oh shit. [another pause] Well whatever. Today we're gonna meet our fucking campers. You bitches better enjoy the show, cause here comes a camper now.
[A white boat with a tainted yellow lining floats by, dropping off the first camper. This camper is a girl with black rimmed glasses and silver braces. She has on a side pony-tail and her outfit is a little weirdly planned out. Her shirt is shamrock green, it was a bit too long as it went below her right hip. Her pants were pink and her tennis shoes were white.]
Beth: Holy shiiit. You've got alcohol! Gimme some! Gimme some! [runs towards Chris with open arms. Chris flinches back a bit, but Beth was held back by Chef. She grunted and struggled in his grip, but eventually gave out.]
Beth: Well... fine. But cha gotta give me some beer at some point in time.
[Another boat passes by, this time with a muscular black teen, he wasn't nearly as fit as Chef is, but he still has lots of muscle. He was wearing a green shirt with white cuffs and a large orange "D" right smack in the middle. He had on short denim jeans and grey sandals.]
DJ: I like animals... I like animals... I like animals... I like animals... I like animals... I like animals... I like...-
Chris:[irritated] No one fucking cares you moron.
[Next, a pale girl with midnight blue and black streaked shoulder-length hair jumped out the boat. Her style consisted of mostly gothic clothes, and she had on plump blue lipstick. Her eyes glanced back at Chris, over at the other campers and out at the camp itself with judgmental eyes. She clutched her bags with a mix of confusion and worry until she finally realized she was scammed.]
Gwen: What the fuck? I have to stay at this piece of shit resort? I didn't sign up for this measly trash- I'M GOING HOME FUCKERS!
Chef: [stealthily zips up behind Gwen and ties her arms together] Sorry, you signed the contract. You aren't going anywhere.
Gwen: [Gasps as her hands get tied] What? SATANDAMMIT! I knew I shouldn't have clicked on that ad for free douches...
[The boat now has a white man with pretty nice abs, he's rocking out to music. He has on a pink trench coat with denim shorts, similar to DJs. He has shirt blond hair and blue eyes. His alice blue eyes peered around at every detail in perplexed amazement.]
Geoff: Whoa man. This place is like man. This is great man. I can't believe this man. Dude, man. Bro man. I like mans.
Chris: I like mans too, man.
Chef: Shut up, faggots...
[A tall girl appears next. She has lavishing long blonde hair and blue eyes, very similar to Geoff. Her boobs are big, and she's wearing a brown crop top with a red undershirt and an orange short skirt. The skirt wraps around her waist. She also has on brown cowgirl-like boots.]
Lindsay: [in Siri sounding voice] Somebody once told me. The world is gonna roll me.
Gwen: What?
Lindsay: I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed.
Chef: ... oh no...
Lindsay: She was looking kinda dumb. With her finger and her thumb. In the shape of an 'L' on her forehead.
Chris: [gurgling drink] W-wh-ats happening?
Lindsay: Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming
Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running
Didn't make sense not to live for fun
Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb
So much to do, so much to see
So what's wrong with taking the back streets?
You'll never know if you don't go
You'll never shine if you don't glow
Geoff: WhatTheFuck'sHappening?
Lindsay: HEY NOW!...-
[Before she could continue, however, Chef kicks her, she falls off the dock, splashing into the water below them. Lindsay begins flailing her arms about, random mechanical sounds are heard, like wires are zapping.]
Lindsay: [still in Siri voice] Someone help. I can't swim. I am robot...- [fades away as she sinks]
[Silence]
Chris: [drunkly] Oooh... she'll be fine...
[The boat drops off another teen girl. She is tall, with long black hair, falling to her butt. Her eyes are grey. She has on green army colored shorts with a nice black belt and a dark red crop top. Her existence in general looks like it hates everything. Her nose is squished up in disgust as she glares at everyone menacingly.]
Heather: You all better watch what you do. If you and I get on the wrong foot, one of us just might die.
Gwen: [snicker]
Heather: What's so funny? Gothic biiiiiiitch.
Gwen: Nothing. Just your ugly-ass face.
Heather: [gapes] IGRWHFIOINBOIFHEWKAHBDIUGUBFHIOEFHUOREIJG0IFPREWHBUG0OIWHEB0IFHBGU9ORIEHBREOIHGREHIO
Beth: Yeeeah boiii! You just got rekt by a Goth! [dabs]
[Chef cringes at the sight of Beth dabbing. He walks over to her and nonchalantly pushes her over the dock as well.]
[Screamio music plays in the background and everyone look over to the boat. The next camper has a green mohawk and pierces all over his skin with icy blue eyes. He has a beard that kind of looks like Hitler's mustache, but it's a beard, and he has a nasty snarl. The teen's shirt is long-sleeved black. It has a white skull in the middle of it. He jumps off the boat, now holding a solemn expression.]
Duncan: What's the point of life? Molecules? Figments of our imagination? Death? It's all filled with lies... filled with sadness and depression. No one's life ends on a happy note. We all... just... dieeeeeeeeeeee.
Chef: Kys.
[The boat drops off another camper. More like, he drops himself off, on account of how he was water skiing, which ending off on a terrible note. His legs began getting wobbling as he water skied for a bit, until he flung off, hopping in and out of the water like a tossed stone until he finally landed his back on the dock. He groaned in displeasure. His brown hair was now wet and his red jacket and matching sweatpants had holes from landing on the dock too quickly.]
Tyler: Ouch my back...
[Lindsay and Beth were back on the dock, also soaking wet. Lindsay noticed Tyler's handsome eyebrows and squatted down to his level.]
Lindsay: [Siri voice] Wow. You have lovely eyebrows. Do you wanna fuck?
Tyler: [jumps back] Whaaat?
[The boat drops off the next camper, a scrawny guy with strange glasses and ginger hair. He has on a blue shirt with a hamburger on the middle of the shirt along with a light red, almost pink colored undershirt. His jeans were green. His outfit was quiet mismatched.]
Harold: Hi-
DJ: [squeals in distress] GINGERS DON'T HAVE SOULS! GINGERS DON'T HAVE SOULS! [falls off the dock]
Harold: [stares inelegantly ahead and then whispers to self] Kill me now...
[Another camper walks up. He has jet black hair, darker than Chris'. It's spiky and short. He's wearing a green shirt with a black imprint of a hand. His jeans are black and his shoes match his shirt. His eyes are a light navy green.]
Trent: [jumps off the boat and sees Gwen's eyeballlllllllzzzzzzzz] WOW! YOUR EYES ARE SO BEAUTIFUL, I THINK I JUST BUSTED A NUT.
Gwen: [flustered from bewilderment and embarrassment]
Chef: That's pretty gross man. [kicks him off the dock]
Chris: [glares angrily at Chef. He points a finger at him and slurs his words unnaturally] Wha tha fua Chefa. Stop kicking paple off the damm dock before I kill you my fucaing self.
Chef: [rolls eyes]
[The boat arrives with another female camper. She has blonde hair pulled up in a pony-tail. She's holding a surfing board and has nice lips with natural colored lipstick. Her eye lashes are long and pretty. She has amber eyes. She's wearing a light blue hoodie, it's a little bit short for her as it shows off a bit of her belly button. She has on nice denim shorts.]
Bridgette: [jumps down from boat, then randomly swings her surf board everywhere like a madman] AHHHHHHHHHH!
Everyone: [screams back, dodges, ducks and runs away from Bridgette swinging the board around]
Chris: What the fuck, bitch?
Bridgette: [gasps, catching breath] Sorry... all these white males are triggering me...
Chef: What? [looks over at Chris with eager eyes]
Chris: [glances at Chef before rolling eyes] Fine...
Chef: [grins, and then happily kicks Bridgette off the dock]
Bridgette: [falls in water] I'M TRIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGEREEEEEED!
[The boat drops off a MALE. Bridgette gets triggered. The teen has brown wavy hair. He holds a bored expression as he walks over to the other campers. He's pretty skinny.]
Noah: [glances down at Bridgette still swimming] Uhm... why is that guy in the water?
Bridgette: OMG! DID YOU JUST ASSUME MY GENDER?!11111!1
Noah: [sighs] Great... SJWs...
Harold: Tell me about it...
Beth: I still want some beer...
Chris: SHUT THE FUCK UP! We got the other camprrrs
[A thiccccc black girl is standing on the boat. She waves at everyone with a excited smile. She has on a shirt with I think peaches or orange apples or clementines or some shit, tbh I never actually figured out what was on her shirt. She has on nice blue jeans.]
LeShawna: Yo yo yo, how ya'll goin'?
Heather: Terrible...
Bridgette: I'm STILL TRIGGERED!
LeShawna: Now since I'm here, which man wanna fuck me?
Duncan: That's how I was born... my parents never wanted me... they straight up told me I was an accident when I was five... they said that they were on a gameshow, like this very one. My mother asked which man wanted to make love to her, and they did. And then she got preggs, with me. There is no point in making love. There is no point in anything. We are all just dust in the wind. Slowly, floating. Floating into nothingness... pure, vacant, empty, nothingness.
[Silence]
LeShawna: ... actually... I think I've changed my mind. I'll have sex with myself! It's more fun.. [pervy smile]
[The boat drops off two females. One girl is tall and tanned and the other is short and fat. They are wearing matching clothing, white and black stripped crop tops and baby pink shorts.]
Kadie: [in the deepest voice you could imagine] Sadie... this place is amazing. [burps]
Sadie: Yes. [burps back]
Chef: WTF
[The boat drops off another camper. This guy has a teal colored beanie with teal colored jeans. He has a a green jacket. His hair covers most of his eyes. He also has on green boots.]
Ezekiel: Hello every-
[Before he could finish his sentence, a shark rose out of the lake, and gobbled Ezekiel right up. Chris and Chef and every teen has a shocked and slightly disgusted facial expression stuck on their face. Chris turns around coyly with a nervous smile, shaking his beer bottle awkwardly.]
Chris: Hehehe... good news teens! Looks like we won't have an elimination round. He was going to get voted off anyway...
[A teen boy walks on dock. He has peach skin with brown hair and blue eyes. His shirt has a red and teal stripe. He has on long blue jeans and moss colored tennis shoes. He has a gap in between his teeth]
Beth: LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL M8 YOU HAVE A GAP IN BETWEEN YOUR TEETH LOL YOU SHOULD JUST KILL YOURSELF.
Duncan: Shouldn't we all just kill ourselves?
Chef: Shut the fuck up, Duncan.
Cody: [starts tearing up] Please don't fun of my appearance... I'm very sensitive...
Heather: [snickers under breath]
Cody: [wipes away tears as he stands as far away as possible from Beth]
Beth: Don't be such a pussy, m8.
[That line causes Cody to cry.]
[A girl with yellow lipstick and yellow eyes interrupts Cody's crying. She looks extremely manly to be a female. She has a unibrow, and surprisingly wears it well. Her attire consists of purple athletic wear.]
Eva: Yo, bitch with braces. Stop being such a bully, ya fucking cunt.
Beth: [surprised by this. Her mouth gapes wide, but she slowly closes it and stares at the dock with a sorrowful expression.]
Cody: [glances up at his savior] T-thanks...
Eva: Dude. You gotta grow a thicker skin man.
Cody: [still smiles, but nods]
[Another teen walks up. He is fat, wearing a white shirt with a blue leaf in the middle. He has on mossy green jeaned shorts and light green tennis shoes. His hair is yellow, and it looks like the guy didn't even bother to brush it.]
Owen: I'm so psyched to be here, man!
[The last three teens get dropped off. The first one is a girl with nice brown hair, a little bit past the shoulders. She has black eyes, a grey shirt, and green skinny jeans.]
Courtney: Hello everyone! [waves] It's so nice to meet you all! [the suitcase she's holding suddenly makes a BUZZING sound. Courtney blushes, automatically knowing what's inside. Everyone else stares at her with apprehensive eyes. She giggles to herself.] S-sorry... let me just... [she opens up her suitcase and pulls out a pink vibrator. Chef's mouth gapes wide in repulsion.]
Chef: Why are all these teens here so messed up?!
LeShawana: [sees the vibrator] OMG GURL! I have one IDENTICAL to that! [rushes up to Courtney's side, exposing the pink vibrator of her own. Courtney laughs loudly, LeShawana does the same. They laugh together in unison, until the next teen interrupts them]
[The next teen is tall, and very very handsome. He was picked for the show based ENTIRELY on his looks. He shot a smile and wink the girl's way, and they cooed in lust. Owen saw the teen as well, and turned gay by the sight of him]
Owen: [runs up to Justin] Wow~ H-h-hi... uh... what's your name?
Justin: [glares weirdly at Owen but answers anyway] Uhhh... Justin...?
Owen:[laughs dorkily] That's a hot name. [realizes what he just said] UH I MEAN not that I think YOU'RE hot... I mean- I WOULD NEVER DATE YOU
Justin: [insulted]
Owen: [realizes his other mistake] I MEAN- if I were a female, YEAH YEAH. I would TOTALLY date you. But I have a dick.
[Pause]
Owen: ... and I'm assuming you have a dick too...
[Another pause]
Bridgette: I'M TRIGGGEREDDD!
[The last girl leaps in between the awkward conversation Justin and Owen seemed to be having. The girl has curly orange hair and is wearing lots of green. She's super pretty, big almond shaped eyes, they were green as well. She was ecstatic, filled to the brim with bubbly energy.]
Izzy: HELLO HELLO HELLO! MY NAME IS IZZY!
Chris: Alright-alright-alright, we've all met gay boy- [points to Owen] and crazy chick. [points to Izzy]
Owen: [blushes] Wha...-?
Justin: [scowls]
Izzy: [giggles sheepishly]
Chris: Ok fuc-kers. Head over to the shhhhhhity campfire so we can separate all you idiots into groups.
[Cuts to everyone sitting on silver and grey stones, circled around the campfire. The campfire wasn't lit; it was still sunny out. Chris and Chef stood next to each other, Chris was leaning on Chef's shoulder just a bit, droll slipped out Chris' mouth and his legs were wobbling despite him hardly moving. The alcohol was getting to him greatly. Beth was eyeing the Samuel Adam's in his hand, like it was her most prized possession. Everyone swatted away flies and fanned themselves from the deathly heat. Eventually, Chris finally found energy to open his slippery mouth.]
Chris: Kay... so... the first team will include:
Beth
Duncan
Heather
Cody
Eva
Owen
Justin
Izzy
Lindsay
Sadie
and Harold.
You all we been called: The Alcoholic Bass.
Beth: HELL YES! [pumps fist in air]
Cody: Uhh... e-excuse me... Mr. Chris, uh- we're not ACTUALLY gonna drink beer... right? J-just wondering because my parents are watching this show, and they'd really hate it if...-
Chris: OF COURSE YOU'LL BE DRINKING. And if you don't consent to it... WE'LL FORCE IT DOWN YOUR THROAT!
Cody: [gulps]
Duncan: [sighs] Well... at least I'll have another way to express my depression aside from cutting...
Chris: And the next team will include:
LeShawna
Courtney
Trent
Gwen
Kadie
Bridgette
Noah
Tyler
Geoff
and DJ
You ten will be known as: The Perverted Gophers!
Courtney and LeShawna: [share a smile] I like that name.
Chris: [sarcastically] Great to hear. Anywho... besides all this fun stuff, there will be confessionals IN THE PORTA-POTTIES! So if there's anything you'd like to share with the world, or get off your chest, you are allowed to speak freely and privately in the porta-potty.
*STATIC*
Cody: [appears in the porta-potty. He looks really uncomfortable and nervous] I-I-I WANNA GO HOOOOOOME!
*STATIC*
Chris: Now Chef, take it away!
Chef: [grabs a microphone from the middle of nowhere, and begins shouting orders loudly.] EVERYONE GO INTO THE LUNCH ROOM- NOW NOW NOW!
[Everyone winces at the loud noise at first, but then hastily hurries over to a small shack, presumably the "lunch room". They all form a line, waiting to get their meals. Chef continues to blare obnoxiously through the microphone as he plops gross slob onto red trays and hands them to the teens. The teens amble away from him both terrified and grossed out.]
Chef: I serve it three times a day, and you'll eat it three times a day! Grab your tray, get chu food, and sit your asses down- NOW!
Noah: [whispers to DJ] Yo, dude, what's our first challenge?
DJ: [shrugs] Not sure man. But it can't be too bad. I mean, this is just our first time. I wouldn't sweat it dude.
Cody: [takes a seat next to them] I-I think my food is moving...
Eva: Yeah. [squishes slob with sliverware. She stands up] Hey, Chef. Yeah, um... what's up with this food? It's all slimy and I think Cody just saw it m-
[A knife flies her way. She ducks just in time, as it stabs into the chipped wooden wall behind her. Eva shrieks in shock, and every teen stares at the knife with frightened facial expressions. Eva nervously laughs]
Eva: Hehe... nevermind... ugh... Great food. [fakes a smile, giving him a thumbs up. Chef knows it's fake.]
Chris: [enters the lunch room, this time he has stopped stumbling a bit. His hair was brushed out and he looked more alive than before. Obviously he took a break from all that beer. Who knew how long that "break" would last.] Alright competitors, get ready for your first challenge!
Courtney: I hope it involves in one of us getting "wet". [winks at LeShawna. LeShawna snickers.]
LeShawna: Oooh... I'd like that very much.~
Chris: Well... you two are luckily kind of right...
[Cuts to them standing on the tip-top of a mountain. The campers are staring down at the bottom, where the vast lake lay.]
Bridgette: WHAT THE FUCKKKKK I AM SOOO TRIGGEREREREEDEDEDEDEDEFDFWERGUHJAHGBIRHQWOIFHUAHSUVJGKIJSFKAYGIUGVUFHKJSH
((I made this as a joke; but I honestly might continue this. Idk. I don't really expect anyone to read- nor enjoy this. However, if there is a small chance you are reading this and want me to continue, I thank you. :)
We'll see where this goes...
and remember there will be no elimination this round. Ezekiel was eaten. Good riddance, lol.
Also, for future reference, Lindsay naturally sounds like Siri, so whenever she speaks, just imagine Siri talking.))