Project Homunculus
By
Anonymous Author
"At the end of the war things didn't look good for humans and there were dozens of projects trying to come up with the magic bullet to win. Project Freelancer was one of them" – Agent Washington.
Chapter 1: Who are these assholes?
…Jungle Canyon, "Crash Site Bravo"….
Through the scope of a sniper Iron Skin 05 saw three soldiers lined up in front of a mantis class military assault droid. All were wearing Mark V armor, the one on the far left was in a light blue with yellow accents, the middle solider was in what Iron Skin 05 believed was aqua marine and the one with his head down was in maroon. The aqua marine seemed to be talking the blue solider but he could not hear what they were saying. " What exactly are they doing?" Sprit 21 asked with his formal Japanese accent and his extremely formal way of speaking seeped into his second language. Iron Skin 05 would often get a confused or stern look from Sprit 21 for his frequent use of colloquial phrases. In his words ' I speak your native language better then you do'. Iron Skin 05 turned to face Sprit 21. Sprit 21 was wearing snow-white Scanner armor with pine green accents and a gallows visor. " They're just talking mate." Iron Skin 05 responded reveling his very thick Glasgow accent. " What are they talking about?" Sprit 21 inquired. " How the fack should I know? Anno mate how facking boring it is here probably. " Iron Skin 05 snapped back. "Can't you read lips?" Sprit 21 asked to clarify. Iron Skin 05 sarcastically responded, " Oh right because, I can see their lips moving inside their facking helmets". Sprit 21 looked side way and then abruptly looked Iron Skin 05 square in his greystone visor and said "I went to Tokyo University for medical school. Shut Up. " " Yeah you're a doctor. Just because you're a doctor doesn't mean your immune to saying stupid shitte." Iron Skin 05 responded annoyed. " Both of you, lock it up." Hercules 12 said as he emerged from the back of the cliff. The hulking 6'8 Russian towered over Sprit 21 and Iron Skin 05. Hercules 12 was wearing light brown Warrior armor with grey accents and a frost visor. " We could hear what they were saying if you shot the listening device." Hercules 12 reprimanded." Oh right" Iron skin 05 responded embarrassed. Sprit 21 let out an amused huff " You want to say some thing? I will clean your clock egg head." Iron Skin 05 responded aggressively. " No you won't." Hercules 12 sternly ordered. " Yes CO." Iron Skin 05 sighed as he fired the listening deceive on to the ledge of the crappy makeshift base as the blue simulation troopers' CO walked on deck. Iron Skin 05 decided he would just change Sprit 21's wake up ring tone to some nice metal music when Sprit 21 was not looking. Now all Iron Skin 05 to do was decide whether it should be black metal, death metal or Viking metal. Sprit 21 had no taste for metal music; None of Iron Skin 05's teammates did unfortunately. Iron Skin 05 was really wishing he knew how to smoke inside of his helmet, even if it was one of those herbal cigarettes. He really needed a smoke. He needed to make sure to ration the one smoke-able pack he found in that abandon town they passed roughly two weeks ago. This stealth shit really stressed Iron Skin 05 out. First off it was boring as shit, second of all he did not get blow anything up or fight anyone, the favorite parts of his job.
Hercules 12 pulled out the remote to control the change the volume of the listening device and transmit the signal to the team's helmet. "Awaiting mission briefing, " a robotic voice ordered which they all assumed must have been the mantis." Oh right yes umm first order of business is …" their CO seemed to stumble over their words. " Wash psst Wash, Washington, Washington." The CO tried to discreetly signal Washington. " Yes Caboose " Washington responded clearly annoyed but he sounded used to this kind of annoyance. "What is the first order of business? " Caboose asked completely serious. " How the fuck is this guy their CO?" Iron Skin 05 asked legitimately surprised. He was used to COs being stupid. Hell, most of the drill sergeants or COs he had in his entire military and mercenary career were either complete morons or arseholes but, they always at least knew what shittey orders they wanted to give. " I think it is because, the Mantis class military assault droid likes him best." Hercules 12 answered. Iron Skin 05 liked a good fight but even he knew it was stupid to pick a fight with a Mantis. Well maybe if it was out of out of ammo and he had his rocket launcher
"They seem all right for the most part. If they are this lax it show they have not been attacked yet. If we are lucky he did not pick up Washington's distress signal. Finding any clue about where the ship that left here is going to refuel is our first priority. The pilot is in serious danger if those Control people find that ship first. Lets look on the crashed ship, might have the coordinates of this planet's fuel stations and lets look for any supplies we can use as well. Do not take any food supplies, only weapons and ammo. Do not be greedy." Hercules 12 ordered. "Yes Sir" responded Sprit 21 and Iron Skin 05 in unison.
… Crashed Ship, Crash Site Bravo
" So this is the ship that dropped those teleportation grenades we found in the jungle. " Hercules 12 noted as he kept opened a sack and had Sprit 21push an arm full of them into it. " Look sticky detonators" Iron skin 05 exclaimed with glee. " Aww man I love these things. You can set it to explode on contact, a timer or proximity. I broke my first drill sergeant with one of these. So much for an examplar bunkered. Aw good times." Iron Skin 05 let out a satisfied chuckle as he stuffed as much of the ammo as he could in his pocket.
He noticed the 5'4 Sprit 21 was putting as many sticky detonators as possible into a box and glared at the high shelf that he could not reach with contempt. " What's up Doc?" Iron Skin 05 inquired. " I am afraid of Caboose getting a hold of these. He might hurt himself. Could you put these up on that shelf?" Sprit 21 responded with a very concerned tone. " More like hurt others. " Iron Skin 05 said as he carefully pushed the detonators as far back as possible as to humor his teammate. " Next thing you're going to do is ask me to childproof the mines." Iron Skin 05 jested. " Could you?" Sprit 21 asked with uncertainty. " Really mate, you want me to childproof military grade explosive. Not all of those facker can be that stupid." Iron Skin 05 said with disbelief at his teammates request. " Sprit 21 I found computer terminal." Hercules 12 barked across the room 'I need you to push the tiny, fragile, buttons for me with your fragile fingers. We do not want a repeat of last time." Sprit 21 went to the computer terminal and started looking for the coordinates of the closet fuel station. While his teammates were busy with that he started to fill the pouches on his admiral blue solider armor with white accents with some of the vials of nitroglycerine he found on the ground and then started childproofing the mines by adding bright red light to them for shits and giggles. Iron Skin 05 kind of wanted to see what dumb facks could actually be killed by these childproof mines.
" Alright men, fan out and see what you can find. Remember we are hunting the most dangerous prey of them all." the team heard someone say with a very thick American accent. " Man?" another American asked. " What no, giant robot. Man, everything kills man. Mans way down on the list right between koala and retarded koala." Said the first American. The team took this time to hide. Iron Skin 05 was pretty sure he could take on a kola. "Have you ever seen those things in a zoo you stupid Yankee?" Iron Skin 05 angrily said over the radio. "Quite! " Sprit 21 whispered sternly over the radio. Iron Skin 05 continued his thought. " They're like living dolls. All you need to do to defeat one is to David Beckham the little furry fack. Done, Kola defeated. Like to see a kola use a gun or a grenade launcher, especially a retarded koala. Moron."
They were all wearing Mark V armor. There was one purple one, one bright red one and a fat orange one. " You see them? " Hercules 12 asked over the radio. " Aye, I see them. " Iron Skin 05 responded as he peered over the creates he was hiding behind only to see the purple fack with a sticky detonator stuck to his head and the orange dumb fack talking like a toy of some sort of toy. " Oh shit, these dumb facks might actually get killed by childproof mines." Iron Skin 05 thought to himself. " Hmm that purple one's voice sounds familiar. I can't put my finger on why though." Sprit 21 noted. " Alright move out men. We got the coordinates of closest fuel station I am sending you those coordinates right now. Leave as soon as you won't get spotted. Time is of the essence." Hercules 12 said revealing that he was hiding right behind Iron Skin 05. " Jesus Facking Christ" Iron Skin 05 shouted. " Shh Quite, and you know I dislike that curse." Hercules 12 whispered softly. " How the fack did I not notice you there. You're a facking behemoth mate. " Iron Skin 05 said as his heart beat returned to normal speed. " I am really good at hide and seek " Hercules 12 nonchalantly stated. " Now come on. If we waste any more time here we might find the pilot dead."
Hercules 12 switched to the long distance radio. " Golden Eye 070. This is Hercules 12 have you and Poltergeist 16 found crash site alpha?"" Not yet Sir. We are getting close to the site of transmission." Golden Eye 070 responded with his Oxford accent. " Alright we are done with phase 1 moving on to phase 2. Meet us at rendezvous point delta when you guys are done. " Hercules 12 relayed. "Roger that Golden Eye 070 out."